


Eternal Separation

by drowningintonothing



Category: Boondock Saints (Movies), The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Crossover, M/M, Male Slash, Slash, connaryl - Freeform, walking saints
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-16
Updated: 2014-12-21
Packaged: 2018-02-17 15:26:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 32
Words: 129,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2314394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drowningintonothing/pseuds/drowningintonothing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Terminus. They are trapped. There seems to be no way out. When they are tortured and nearly beaten to death they hear them. Gunshots and prayers. The Saints rescue the group from Terminus and are mildly fascinated by the man that has Murphys face. A Walking Saints Fic!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Like a broken mirror

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Retribution](https://archiveofourown.org/works/785039) by [SunnseanicArts](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunnseanicArts/pseuds/SunnseanicArts). 



> Hi there! I finally started writing this story and can't wait for later chapters. The first ones will introduce the characters and what they have been through before the Outbreak and right at the beginning of it. I will NOT go with the whole TWD plot. In later chapters there will be slash/smut scenes.
> 
> Don't kill me or hate me. Any mistakes I made are due to my lack of english vocabulary and grammar. I am still working on it. It's the first story I write in english.

**Like a broken mirror**

_\- Georgia - Some day in 2009 before the Dead started walking the earth._

It was a tough day, Merle had beaten the crap out of him because he was drugged and couldn't stand the fact that Daryl talked to that blonde girl from across the street. Not that he had wanted to talk to her but that girl was like a lil' puppy every time she saw him she had to come over and say something. She was annoying. His dad had yelled at him because there was no beer left in the fridge and above all he couldn't find a job. He never learned anything because his dad was against it or he showed up with several bruises his dad or brother left on his face when they were high. Everything he ever wanted was to run away from his life. But how can you run away from your blood, your family and the only home you ever knew? It was like something was holding him here and like an invisible tow pulling him somewhere else. Daryl closed his eyes for a second and nipped at his whiskey. He didn't even like that stuff but he needed something harder than beer and something that would make him drunk a little bit faster. Something that would make the pain go away. Merle had punched his jaw which now looked like a blue and red canvas instead of flesh. His upper lip was swollen and bloody. It happened a lot. Merle was getting more and more like his Dad. Drugs, Alcohol and Pain. The Unholy Trinity of his family.   
"Hey Bud, 'nother one?" Daryl looked up to the barkeeper who was offering him a second drink. He nodded. "You look like crap kiddo. Who was it? Merle again?" Daryl wasn't in the mood for that conversation. Even so Bart was always nice to talk to. "That's none of your business." The barkeeper shrugged. "Yeah whatever." And with that he was back at his business. Daryl watched him for a while and then looked up to the little screen they had installed right above the bar. There were news about a brutal murder of some mafiosi in Boston. _"Last night a group of people were killed in a building in Boston. Police states that the attackers came through the window and one through the front door. One survivor was found in a panic room. The victims were found with pennies in their eyes, arms crossed and one was executed with two bullets through the head. Rumours and recently found victims lead to the conclusion that those people were killed by "The Saints" who disappeared for several years after killing several people in the 90s."_ Daryl snorted. Someone is doing the dirty work back there and now they are trying to find killers that kill bad people. This world really is going to shit.   
_"The survivor described those men like this."_ Daryl looked at the picture that was shown on screen. It was just a sketch but it was enough. Why the hell had one of those fuckers HIS face? The mole on the left side over his lip was there, a stubble turning into a goatee, the half-closed eyes. It was like someone had drawn a picture of him. "Hey Dixon, looks like someone stole your face or was it you and you haven't told anybody about your double life?" Daryl looked over to the person who spoke. "Fuck off Harold." The old man in the corner of the pub chuckled. Daryl wasn't in the mood to find such a thing funny. Because sooner or later someone will recognize him. Maybe the police. "My day couldn't get any better..." He swallowed the last bits of his drink, puts money on the desk and left for the woods.  
He had no intention to go home. He rather would go to that little hut he discovered and look up to the stars. He loved the woods and loved to be surrounded by the silence of the night. It was the only place that he could really be himself. Without anybody putting more scars on his body. He was laying in the grass while the full moon colored everything in deep blue shades. It was no cloud at the sky and Daryl smiled. He could see the stars and started asking himself if that guy with his face had a better childhood. Who was he? Were they related somehow? He had read about doppelgänger and look-a-likes but they were always a bit different but from that sketch he knew they weren't. Maybe he should try to find them. He shook his head. "Bullshit", he mumbled and then closed his eyes. The Whiskey was working now.

\---

_Some days later._

 

He was sitting in the living room, drinking moonshine that Merle had stolen from someone. Merle was out with his biker-friends and his dad was working the night shift. So he was all alone in their place and he was watching the news again. He did that a lot the last couple of days, just to get news on those two Saints. He wanted to know who they were. Wanted to know if they were captured. But there was simply nothing and that was frustrating. The longer they were in the open the higher the chance got that anyone would think thats him. he already had to speak to a police officer and convince him that he had never been to Boston and that he most certainly not had murdered people. He was against all violent behaviour. He only used it to defend himself or people he cared about. Or to kill animals. He was a hunter. Daryl looked over to the front door, his crossbow leaning next to it, ready to be used. He smiled. Merle had taught him to shoot it and how to hunt and prepare the food. Merle... Daryl sighed. He was an asshole. But he has a heart and even when he beats him, he knows that Merle loves him. He would defend him whenever he has to and he would be the one guy that Daryl always called if he needed help. At least if Merle wasn't in prison.   
_".....they were caught when the two of them and il duce stormed a house and killed several men. They didn't run. They dropped their weapons as if their work was finally done."_   Daryl looked to the screen again. There they were. The Saints. Daryl swallowed. _"The police stated that the name of the two are "Murphy and Connor MacManus". Il Duce was their father."_ Daryl gave up listening and just watched how the police was trying to get both of them inside a building. The police had to fight their way through a lot of people. He saw the one with his face but what was more frightening was the look on the face of the other twin. His eyes were full of rage, full of anger and still full of...hope? Daryl looked at the tattoo that was shown. A virgin Mary on their neck. His dark blonde hair looked as if he just took a nap. His eyes blue. Somehow Daryl thought "He looks much older than the other one". His face stealer was looking furious and was giving death glares to the camera. His eyes blue like Daryl's. Everything was like looking in a mirror except the hair. That guys hair was a lot darker than his and Daryl had no tattoo that anybody could easily see.   
He watched as long as they were showing those strangers and then turned off the TV. Grabbing the bottle of moonshine and putting it back in the kitchen. He grabbed a bottle of water instead and went outside to sit on the porch. There was a man with his face and a different story. He had a twin brother that didn't even look like him. Daryl's head was exploding with questions which will never be answered. But he couldn't stop thinking.

Why did that guy have his face?   
Why did they kill those people?   
Who would do their work now?   
Why didn't they fight?   
What were they fighting for?   
  
Why did he care?


	2. No Way Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is a short chapter but believe me we are soon going to have much longer chapters. 
> 
> YAY! Meet the Saints. My irish boys! I tried to write the accent as I remembered it from school and from books I read in said accent. Sorry if it is too much.

 

_Georgia - Six month before the outbreak-_

He was hiding ever since those fucking idiots decided to break out of prison. Ever since that they were spying on him too. Merle said that the police was searching for him. So he did what he always did. Run away into the woods. It's been three weeks now and he just sneaked into his house twice to collect some clothes and arrows. Merle was bringing him food once in a while and news on the saints. "It is fucking annoying that that bastard has your face. How is that even possible?"  
"What do I know. A bad joke of nature."  
"Or maybe god."  
"Yeah. Sure. That would fit and who the hell calls himself "Saint"."  
Merle shrugged. "Ya okay lil' brother? Need anythin' else?"  
"No. Thanks bro." Merle gave him a clap on the shoulder and made his way back through the woods. Daryl was alone. Again. He hated it sometimes and now he can't go back just because he wasn't so hot on another interrogation from the police. He had seen the police department often enough. First when their mother burned in their old home and then because he and Merle got into fights. He was always dragged into that stuff when he was with Merle. And now someone else was the reason he was hiding. Annoying. Daryl nipped on the water his brother brought and ate the chocolate bar. He should search those idiots and bring them to a police department just so he could have his freedom back. But somehow he wouldn't want them to be caught again. They did good work. He didn't care that they murdered people. As long as they only murdered the bad ones. Rapists, killers, dealers.   
Secretly he wished there was someone here that would do, what he couldn't. Someone who would save him from the pain. No he wouldn't go so far and think the most horrible thought anyone could have. But in his situation he would like someone to free him.  
From abuse. From fists in his stomach and face. From his Life.

\---

_Same time in Boston.._

They were hiding in an old apartment that Eunice had brought them to. They had a TV, one bed and hot water. It was tiny and after a couple of weeks they were already fighting over little and stupid things like who was in charge of the remote control. "Give it to me ya fucker. It's my turn.", Murphy shouted while trying to steal the controller out of Connors hand who was only laughing. "Nah lil' bro. Ya' always choosing chick movies. Nat gonna watch one of those again." Connor smiled at his brother who was already red in his face and rage building up. Not long and he would punch him. "And I don't watch one more western or action movie with ya'!They were fighting like two kids over their favorite toy. "But those are cool and we can learn stuff from them." Murphy stopped in his action and looked at his brother. Then he started laughing. "Oh good Lord Connor! Will you ever shut the fuck up. Your plans sucked and ya' kno' it. We are not livin' in movies. THIS is reality. I can't believe you still think about that shit."  
"Pf. Leave me alone."  
"I would but we are trapped in that room."  
Both crossed their arms over their chest and looked at each other. "I am sick of this shit. We are goin' outside." Murphy eyed his brother confused. "'r ya' insane? They catch us the minute we step outside that door."  
Connor sighed, threw the controller to Murph and sat down on the bed. Burying his head in his hands. "We should think about hiding somewhere far from Boston. Maybe back to Ireland", Connor thought out loud.  
"As long as you don't want ta' swim across the ocean. 'cause we sure as hell can't fly or buy a ticket for a ship." Murphy sat next to his brother. Neither of them in a mood for a movie. Its been too long that they were out drinking whiskey. Or going to a supermarket or have work. Eunice visited them once a week and sometimes the others were coming too. They had asked them for books, drinks, a card game and newspapers. Just to keep them occupied and keep them from getting mad.   
"Ya' right. No Ireland then. Maybe we should move south and hide in the woods somewhere."  
Connor rubbed his eyes. He was good at planning things but this time he had no idea how they could be free again. They were fucked the moment they started the whole thing. And part of him knew that they would get captured but on the other hand he wanted to go on and fight the bad in the world. Wanted to do good. And now all they could do is hide and wait for a plan to save them. Neither Connor nor Murphy were good at waiting. Murphy hugged Connor and rested his head on Connors shoulder. "At least we are not alone", he whispered.  
"Connor nodded and stroked his brothers hair. "No. Its always been us against the world.  I won't leave ya' lil' brother of mine."  
Murphy hugged him tighter. "And I am not leavin' you either. Never. The moment one of us dies the other one will die too. I love ya' brother."  
Connor turned to hug his little brother properly. "Lov' ya' too Murph'. I promise I will find a way out of this. Gimme some time. Maybe speak to Eunice. That's not it. Can't be. This is not the end. There has to be somethin'."  
Murphy nodded. "Yeah. God will lead us when the time comes. As he always did."  
He looked at Connor and smiled. Both of them automatically grabbed the rosary around their neck. It's been years they heard his call. The moment they knew that they would never have a normal life. They did what had to be done. Now they had to find a new Life, a new purpose.   
"Murph, how about we write a letter to mum? We can't visit her and call her but Eunice would sure send the letter to her." Murphy smiled. "Yah. Good old mum. She probably is worried sick." Connor laughed. "She is not."  
Murph chuckled and stood up to grab the paper and pen from the table. Both of them lay down on their bed and started writing. For them there was nothing more important than family. They had lost their father in their last fight. Their mum was in Ireland and they hadn't seen her in years. Connor looked to Murphy, while Murphy was writing and he sighed. Without his brother he would have given up a long time ago. But his brother needed him and as long as someone needed him he could go through everything. What he never said, and never would allow himself to show was, that he was the one that needed someone at his side because he was the most fragile thing inside and he felt broken ever since they were born. He was only complete with Murphy around. Two bodys, one soul. That's what he always thought and what everyone was telling them. Perfect synchronisation. Perfect balance And yet, something is missing. In both of their Lifes. But will they ever get it? Will they find a new way? Murphy watched his brother watching him. "I can hear you thinking. what's on yeh mind?"  
"Nothin' brother. Nothing." Connor rumpled Murphys hair and smiled. "Nothing. Only planning something in my head." Murphy rolled his eyes and went on writing. Connor did the same even so his head was far away and spinning ideas around in his head.

 


	3. Grab your gun, time to go to hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> I wanna thank everybody that read this story so far and left me comments or messages. Thank you! We are getting to the outbreak of the virus now.   
> I know I am making big jumps in time and this will only change after Chapter 4. I didn't want to go through the whole TWD plot but the characters will mention what happened to them later.
> 
> Yeah..just! Stay tuned ;)

_-The Outbreak-_  
  
"Hurry Murph! We need to get outta 'ere!", Connor screamed at his brother who was grabbing their bags and packing their guns. They always had their stuff in a bag in case they had to run again. Their weapons near their bed and the ammo next to it. Murphy grabbed the ammo and threw it into the bag, went to their kitchen and took every knife he could find. When he was ready he gave Connor a sign who was waiting at the door, his gun in hand looking for ill people. It has been three days since they heard from Eunice. Their last information was that there is a disease spreading which turns living people into walking corpses and that you can be infected by their bite. Connor thought it was some kind of joke but when he saw the news he was already in "Fight-Modus".   
Now they were running down the stairs, both guns in their hand and running across the street. The last show they saw on TV was mentioning a refugee camp at the other end of Boston and that is where they were heading. To get on a boat or whatever the hell they were doing there. "Jaysis they look ugly", Murphy shouted. "Ya' sayin'. Bit like yeh." Connor chuckled and slapped the back of Murphy's head. "Fuck you!", was his twins answer. They were running towards a quieter street. "We should get a car", Murphy suggested. "We are no thieves."   
"Aye but world is goin' to hell. It is surviving or walking like a corpse. And we would be a lot faster."   
"Aye. Smartass. Yeh kno' how to start one without keys?" "Maybe we find one with a key." Connor shook his head and laughed.   
The street they were walking along was kind of quiet. Maybe a bit too quiet. Connor stopped and looked around. There were no walkers and no humans. "What?", Murphy asked. "Don't you think it is too quiet?" Murphy shrugged. "Maybe someone cleared that area." Connor nodded. "Aye. Let's look at the cars then."   
They checked the cars which were standing at the street. They were all deserted. Connor made his way to a driveway where two cars parked. One was an SUV and one an old mustang. He checked the doors of the SUV and it was open. He checked for the keys but there were no keys. Same with the mustang. He checked the house and looked through the window. No one in sight.   
"Hey Murph, how about the SUV? We could look for the keys inside."   
Murphy nodded and gave his brother backup so they could enter the house. They found the keys right in the entry on a hook. The house was silent and Connor suggested to grab some supplies. Just in case they would take longer to the camp than planned. They checked the rooms. Everything was empty and they grabbed some bottles of water and a bit bag full of food. Both felt a bit awkward stealing like this but as it seems they were heading for a dark future.  
A world falling to ashes. demons rising. Some kind of apocalypse. Connor could feel it and if he did his brother did too. They always felt the same things. They always did. They wee soul-mates, twins. That strange connection that no one else understood. It was no wonder he was feeling nervous when he looked at his brother who was sitting next to him in the car. He was chewing on his thump. They hated situations where they were out of control, not knowing what the future might bring. The fear of separation. But one thing was for sure, if the world was ending, and it seemed like it, they would die fighting. Because going to hell after being the hand of god for so long sure as hell wasn't going to happen. They would die fighting.   
Connor started the car and they drove in silence for a while. Suddenly Murphy screamed: "OH MY GOD! LOOK!" Connor stopped the car and looked outside the window and into the direction his twin was pointing to. Zombies. Undead. A whole herd. They were all staggering in the opposite direction as if they were on their way to an unknown place. "Tha' a lot o' them. Should we follow them?" "Yeh mental? O'course not! Lets go to that military camp. See what they are tellin' us." "Yeh kno' I was thinkin'...maybe we shouldn't go there. We are still mass murderers in their eyes and on the run." Murphy snorted. "Well fuck. I think the world has bigger problems than us now. Don't yeh think?" Connor sighed. "Yeah. When did yeh get so annoyingly smart?"   
"Since yeh plans always suck." They smiled at each other. "Fuck yeh."   
"No. Fuck you!" Connor started the car again and brought them back on their way. The camp was just half an hour away now.   
They saw them everywhere, corpses, moving, staggering, some with their bodies smashed, half faces missing, kids without arms. They were very quiet. Unusual for both brothers but they were too shocked. Was this hell? Did the earth turn into purgatory? "What's going on 'ere Conn?", the dark haired twin whispered. "My little brother..I have no idea. Not a clue. It looks like hell broke loose." Murphy nodded and looked at the street ahead of them. They saw it before they crashed into them. Dead people. Another Herd and a whole street with abandoned cars.   
They all wanted to go to that camp which was right behind the next corner. "Fuck", Connor said. He looked around and the only way they could make it was driving back and find another way to that camp. But in his heart he knew, that there was no one left in that camp. Because those freaks in front of their car were wearing uniforms. But he had to try. For Murphy. For Humanity. There was always a way out. "Grab your gun brother of mine. We need to find another way to that camp." "Aye." Murphy loaded his gun and Connor hit the reverse.

 

_Same time in Georgia_

 

"We need to get going Darylena. Those creeps will eat us alive. I managed to bring new arrows for your crossbow, my guns and some stuff. Let's go!"   
Merle was shouting at his brother and dragging him to his motorbike. Daryl was shocked when he was attacked last night by something that looked like it just jumped out of a horror movie. He had to struggle a bit but then stabbed it with a knife he was always carrying around. Only an hour later his brother appeared, shouting and talking as if he was insane. Walking corpses, living dead. He was talking absolutely nonsense, Daryl thought until they saw it at daylight.   
"Fuck", Daryl said while his brother kept pulling and dragging him to his bike. He saw the bag next to it and threw it over his back, together with his crossbow and sat behind Merle.   
"Where do we go? What is this?"   
"To Atlanta. There is a camp for humans. Some sort of military thing."   
"What? Ya can't just go there. Where is Dad?"   
"He is dead. He was one of them", Merle answered and Daryl was shocked. His Dad was dead. Not that it was what he always wanted but it was the coldness of Merle's voice that made him look at his brothers back and frown. Daryl always thought that he would be the one ending his fathers life. He wasn't a murderer and never wanted to be but I swore to himself then when his Dad last time hit him with a belt he would kill him next time he would lay one finger on him.   
Merle was driving fast and after a while the street was full of cars and they had to stop. They killed some of those corpses by shooting them. Daryl shot one in the heart but it just kept walking.   
"Fuck, they are not dying!", he shouted.   
"THE HEAD little brother, try their head!" For once he did what his brother suggested and it worked. Sometimes his brother seemed not so stupid as he always looked. Daryl looked around and then pointed to a little path through the woods. "Think ya can drive there?"   
His older brother nodded. "'Course. I can drive everywhere."   
Daryl shook his head and sighed. At least he wasn't alone when the world seemed to end. But he already knew that his brother was getting him into trouble some day. They drove through the woods until the path was too small to keep driving. They had to walk and Merle was shoving his bike.   
"Did they say where those fuckers came from? Did ya watch the news? Tell me."   
Merle stopped and checked their surroundings. "Here", he offered Daryl a cigarette. "It's three days now and they said there was some sort of virus spreading. Turning living people into walking corpses. A bite is contagious."   
Merle grabbed a package out of the bags on his bike and threw some pills into his mouth. Drugs. Daryl snorted.   
"Really? End of the world and you are taking pills?"   
"Might as well die high", Merle replied with a smile on his face.  
They finished their smoke and then walked on until they reached the main street again. They saw that there were corpses inside and outside the cars. All cars were in one direction. All leading to Atlanta. With a sudden feeling of certainty he knew that they won't find anything in Atlanta. But they had to try.   
"Maybe we should try to get to the other side. The streets are empty." His brother nodded, sweat running down his face from shoving his bike around. They had to kill some of the corpses which was not so hard with a crossbow and both of them were good hunters. They reached the other side of the street. Merle and Daryl looked around.   
"This looks like there is no human left", Merle pointed out. "Yeah." Daryl was feeling uncomfortable more and more. It was never that quiet on a street and it was never so empty. It felt like this world was abandoned. An apocalypse. Maybe he was just dreaming about an old zombie movie. Maybe he was dreaming of hell. The place he will go for all the crap he did in his past. He clapped his brother on the back. "Come on big bro' lets find that camp and then look what is going on." Merle nodded and started driving to Atlanta. Both of them more silent then ever before and even Merle, who was always the noisy and annoying one, fell quiet because there was no way this was just a normal virus. Not at all. He knew. It was Gods punishment.


	4. I'm no hero guilty as charged

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well..it was about time that those people come together. As I said I am not going with the plot and from here on I can finally write about everyone together. So...I guess I do like the idea that our Saints are superheros ;)

_Terminus_

He could feel his mouth go dry from the gag in it. His hands started to get numb behind his back and he couldn't feel his knees anymore. He could see how the others struggled too, how Rick got punched in the face and how Bob tried to convince their punishers that mankind should be together in this. He could see Rick turning his head to face him. A silent promise. A silent "sorry" and yet there was nothing to be sorry about. They would fight together and they would die together. They had come so far. After everything that happened to their group. After nearly two years together he knew that they could rely on each other. That Rick was like a brother to him. Just as Rick had said it some nights ago.  
He tried to catch a glimpse on Carl but couldn't really see how the kid was doing. Daryl was getting angry. Why the hell would humans be so cruel? They saw it in the past month and he never will understand it. He was silently hoping for a miracle that made them get out of this situation. But he knew that there was no god he could pray to or an angel that would save them. There was no such thing as miracles, no superheros and no hope. There would never be a way out when they couldn't talk this group out of whatever they wanted to do to them.

* * *

 

_Two days earlier_  
"Aye Murph, look at this." Connor pointed to the place that calls itself Terminus. They had seen the signs everywhere and they wanted to see if this place was better than Woodbury or if their leader was a selfish, egoistic bastard too. They could see four figures standing in a circle, surrounded by other humans with weapons in their hands. "Were they bitten?", Murphy asked. "I don't know. I can't see any wounds or how they move. But from what I can see I would say those are humans." Both looked a bit more and checked their surroundings. Everywhere around the fence that was built around the area were people with guns. All pointing at those four figures. One of them a women, two men and a kid. "We should check out what is going on here Conn. I don't trust people anymore." Connor looked at his brother. "Aye", he nodded. After two years of fighting humans and corpses. After seeing evil in everything he hardly believed in good things anymore. His rosary felt like a burden and yet something was always pushing him to go further. To try another direction, find people, help them. It was hope that kept him sane and which made him still care for his brother. Which lead them here. Hope to find shelter in a storm. A piece of heaven in hell. Because he was sure this was hell. He was waiting for a miracle. A sign. Just something to hold on to.  
Murphy watched the scene in front of them. They were hiding behind trees and bushes, checking out what this Terminus was. He tried to hear something they were screaming down there but he couldn't understand a single word. He just saw one of the group move. One after one they moved into the direction of a train wagon. The one with the dark clothes and something that looked like angel wings on his back moved his face to the trees and both brothers froze. "Murph?"   
"I know Conn. Did you see his FUCKING FACE?", Murphy nearly screamed. Connor nodded. Still staring at the scenery when all four were already inside the wagon. They needed to be in there. They needed to save them. There was his sign.  
"Do you feel this too?", Connor whispered. "We need to save them", Murphy replied.  
They looked at each other and knew. Suddenly everything made so much more sense. They were already going into the other direction when they saw the Terminus signs and somehow they knew they had to go there even if it felt wrong. Even if the place made both of them feel uncomfortable.   
"Well lil' brother o' mine. Guess it's time for a plan again." Connor smiled and ruffled his brothers hair and they walked back to their hideout. They had found some empty houses and were sleeping in one of the carhouses.   
Murphy looked from his brother to his feet a several times until he finally said: "Why did he have my face?" Connor sighed. "I have not a single clue. Maybe he is our brother? Who knows wha' dad did all those years."  
"He would have told us."  
Connor shook his head and shrugged. He had no idea but they needed to find out.

Back at their hideout they sat and smoked, drank the last booze they had found in one of the houses and looked at each other. For a while they were silent and both thinking of that man with Murphy's face. And somehow Connor felt uncomfortable with the knowledge that there is a guy with his brothers features. With the same smile, the same eyes. He needed to see him again. Maybe they just saw something that wasn't there. Maybe they were both too exhausted and the guy really had another face.  
"So what do we do?", Murphy asked "we can't just walk in there."  
"Listen. That's what we are gonna do." Connor started explaining the whole plan and Murphy just looked at him as if Connor was insane.  
He stood up and started biting on his thumb... "Are you trying to kill us on purpose?"  
Connor laughed. "Have a lil' faith in me bother of mine."  
"Faith? Seriously?" Murphy rolled his eyes and then sighed. "Then lets do it. We are pretty much dead already anyways."

* * *

 

  
_Terminus_

Rick looked at the door in front of them, Daryl looked at Rick to get is attention. They were still gagged and their hands were still tied up. When his friend looked at him he tried to ask him questions by moving his head towards the door. "What is going on?"  
Rick shrugged. "I don't know." The guards that were supposed to look after them ran into the other room. Gunshots.  
They could hear them before they could see them. They heard gunshots and a lot of yelling. Then it was quiet and there were two voices simultaneously screaming prayers and psalms. What on earth was going on now? "And these shall go away into everlasting punishment: but the righteous into life eternal."  
Then it was quiet again and they could hear them speak. And it sounded like a prayer again. Two last gunshots.   
Then the door was opened and two guys came in. Both wearing black pea coats, boots, jeans. Both skinny as hell and with their hair standing in every possible direction. One with their back to them, the other looking in every direction. Both carrying a pair of barrettas with silencers in their hands. Slowly turning from one side to the other to check their surroundings. When they didn't see anyone one of them started to free them while the other watched the doors. When he turned around Daryl looked at him in surprise and then back to the other guy. The Saints. He was hoping for superheros. And all he got was those two religious idiots. He sighed. Great.  
When the one who had a normal face and not one that was stolen was next to him he said: "Well you my friend need to explain where you got that face. Is there a market for pretty faces and ya decided to get my bro's?" He smiled.  
Daryl closed his eyes. Excellent. Irish fuckface. Irish potatoehead. Irish..FUCK!  
Both Irishmen helped them up and then looked around for weapons which were, gladly, in the same room. "Thank you two. Are you alone?" Rick spoke.  
"Aye. Me an' Murph' saw yeh being captured two days ago and figured that this place is bad and ya' needed help. Plus that guy has me brothers face", Connor pointed at Daryl. Which made everyone look at Daryl and at Murphy. Surprise all over their faces.  
"We need to rescue the rest of us", they are still trapped in the train wagons", Rick managed to interrupt the stares.  
"Aye. Grab your weapons and get the fuck outta here. We shot everyone we saw and killed the guards around the fences last night. But wouldn't be surprised if there were others."   
Connor started running outside, well aware of the fact that the others might be slower as him. They were probably tortured for several hours. He shot two guys that were guarding the wagons. Daryl shot the third one. "Nice shot Robin Hood."  
Daryl ignored that freak and ran beside him. After him came Rick, Carl, Bob, Michonne and then the other Irish clown. After him he saw Glenn and Maggie.  
While the Irishmen was opening the first wagon he ran to the second one and everyone else was securing the area. They freed everyone and then made their way out of this place. There was no time to talk or to look at everyone. Connor just needed to get them out of this place first. They made sure they grabbed all weapons and ran into the woods. No one talking at all. Not even the twins. They only looked at each other and smiled. Both of them glad that they made it out alive, again.  
Another impossible mission made possible by pure luck and faith. 


	5. Search and destroy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally I can start the whole real thing. And I just love the characters. I will concentrate on Daryl, Connor, Murphy and Rick most of the time but the others are there as well. 
> 
> Thank you for the comments, messages and kudos!

Rick ran up to Connor. "What's your name?"

  
"Connor. Me brother name's Murphy." Rick nodded. "I am Rick. We need to grab something. Michonne, that's the girl with the Katana and my son Carl buried some weapons out here." "Aye. You lead us." Rick began running to the right and looked for the place they had hidden the weapons. "Conn' tha's the wrong direction", Murphy yelled from behind. Connor turned his head. "Rick needs to get something first. It's okay." Rick stopped and began digging with his hands. Connor who was next to him, helped him. Next was Daryl and Murphy. When Rick pulled the bag out he nodded. "Now where do we go?" He looked at Connor. "We found some houses nearby. Hiding there for some days. We should go there and fix yeh all up", Murphy replied. Daryl watched them all and looked at his friend who nodded already. He seemed to trust those two idiots and somehow he did too. They saved them without knowing them and he had seen enough of them on TV. Even so he really would like to beat that Murphy guy for having his face and making him hide in the woods. But he thought this would probably not be the time. And just when he wanted to say something Rick and Connor started moving again and leading their group to those houses. Where was Beth? She wasn't at Terminus, neither were Tyreese or Carol. Are they still alive? They needed to rest and probably should watch Terminus for some days just in case someone arrives there. Maybe those two idiots were a sign of hope. Again. What was wrong with him and this hope crap? 

 

  
After a couple of minutes they reached some houses and the Irishmen lead their new friends to the house they cleaned out. With so many people they couldn't just live in the garage. Connor entered the house and checked if anything had changed but the house was silent. After a while the house was crowded with a whole group of people. All covered in dirt and blood and looking exhausted. Rick was their leader. Without question. Connor observed him. His hand always laying on his colt, his eyes had something wild and he looked as if he was in pain. When Rick saw Connor watch him he shook his head slightly. Connor nodded. There was something more important. "Connor, Murphy, thank you for leading us here. How the hell did you manage to pull this alone?"  
Murphy and Connor looked at each other. Their eyes lightening up. "Wasn't that difficult. They were all very unorganized and me plans always got us outta everythin', righ'?" Murphy laughed. "Yeh stupid plans nearly got us killed but this time it went good."  
Daryl snorted. "Answer Rick's question."  
Connor looked at him. "Oi. Grumpyhead calm down. We will."  
Daryl was already coming closer when Rick stopped him. He was just too annoyed by those two. With their smiling and joking. "Daryl...not now."  
Daryl looked at Rick and nodded. "Guess you guys should all sit own. We found some food and water bottles and some booze yesterday. You all should try to gather some strength while we talk."  
"Wait 'ere", Murphy added and headed towards the kitchen. He came back with some bottles and a bag full of sweets and cans with fruits, peanut butter and cracker. He dropped it in the middle of the big living room where everyone was sitting on sofas, the floor, a chair and leaning against the wall. Then he went back to grab some spoons and the second bag full with beef jerkys and stuff the had found in some of the other houses. While everyone was sharing the food, Murphy and Connor didn't drink or eat anything. They had eaten before storming Terminus.  
"Conn' it is story time. You start. I kno' yeh like to hear yeh'self talk." Murphy grinned and sat next to his brother opposite of all others. Their backs against the wall. Knees to their chest.  
Connor gave Murphy a clap on his knee. "Alright then. Once upon a time...", he started when Daryl mumbled something that sounded like "Jesus Christ.." but Connor just went on. "..there were two brothers on their way to a place that guaranteed a home for survivors. Nah jokin' ... we watched Terminus two days just to make sure it is safe but we saw that it wasn't. Around the fences were guards with weapons. We saw the four of yeh", he pointed at Daryl, Rick, Michonne and Carl "surrounded by weapons. Even hiding in the bushes were guys with all sort of guns and rifles. And it didn't look all so friendly to me. And when yeh were heading for the trains we saw that face of him" he pointed at Daryl. "which looks exactly like me lil' bro's, we decided to rescue you."  
Yeah. Even so I have no idea why I wanted to save someone tha' looked like me", Murphy throw in which made Connor and Daryl look at him.   
"Watch your mouth, Shithead", Daryl hissed.  
"Stop it you two. We are not in Kindergarten anymore.", Connor interrupted them and then looked at Rick again because he was the only one not staring between Daryl and Murphy as if they could figure out why they look alike by just looking at them. "And then we decided to kill their guards in the night. So that the fences were free. We are pretty quiet and we can be fast and are fast killers too. After we did this we just...yeah well..kinda ran into that place and shot everyone. First we wanted to save the women but when they started shootin' too we had no choice than to bring them down. We were prayin' for them so they might find their peace in death. The rest yeh saw. We were just lucky I guess."  
Connor looked to the group. "Yeh forgot to mention that we executed that guy they called Gareth."  
"Executed?", one guy asked. Asian.  
"Aye. Two bullets through the head. A prayer. He was a bad man", Murph answered.  
The Asian guy looked to Rick. Who just looked at everyone. "We heard you pray. You kinda religious?", Daryl asked even so he knew.  
"We are", Connor answered and felt his rosary on his chest. "So you kill in the name of god."  
"Aye. Tha's how we started. But in this world it is more kill or be killed. We don't like it a bit. We hate it actually. We try to kill only if we have too. In Terminus we stormed in and screamed at them and gave them a choice. To leave or to die. And we pray for those we kill to make sure they get save to the other side. To give their souls to god. We used to cover their eyes with pennies for the ferryman."  
"Aye. And now who are y'all", Murphy asked before they had to talk more about their business.  
Rick nodded. He pointed at the Asian guy and the girl in his arms: "That's Glenn and Maggie, next to them is Abraham, Rosita, Tara, Eugene, Sasha and Bob", then he pointed at the dark skinned and dark haired women who was sitting next to a boy "this is Michonne and my son Carl, the guy with THAT face is Daryl. And I am Rick."  
They all looked at each other. "Nice to meet y'all", Connor said. Unsure what to talk about next. And trying to avoid some questions.  
"Maybe yeh all should care for yeh wounds and get some sleep. Me and Murph' will keep the night watch."  
"Thank you. Both of you. You have done so much already.", the groups leader spoke. They all stood up and Connor and Murphy looked around. "We will be in the garage. If yeh need anythin' just ask or if yeh need help with stitches." All nodded and just when they were about to turn around they heard the redneck say: "No way in hell they are keeping watch over us. We don't know them. One of us should stay awake with them." Connor shook his head. "Yeh stupid. Yeh all were captured, half starved, dehydrated and tortured. Yeh need to sleep. Me brother and I are used to that lifestyle." Daryl snorted. "Sure. Because you are mass-murderers." Everyone looked at Connor. "Yeah. So? We could have left yeh all there. But we didn't."  
Rick shook his head again. "Daryl, Connor is right. As far as I see it they are good guys. And we are a large group. They are only two and their ammo is short if they really killed everyone in Terminus with their guns."  
Connor and Murphy grinned. They had still enough bullets left because they had used a knife and a rope too.  
"I will stay awake too", Daryl said and planted himself in the entry. "Do what you want", Rick replied. Connor and Murphy went through the little door in the back to get to the garage. Noticing that every pair of eyes were piercing through their back. 

They lay down next to each other, their eyes to the ceiling, their weapons next to their bodies. "What do yeh think?" Connor asked his brother.  
"I don't like that guy with me face. The rest of them was quiet but I guess they are good people. I liked that Rick guy. Even if he looked a bit wild."  
Connor sighed. "Aye. We should stay a while with them."  
"Aye." Murphy sat up, his arms around his knees. Connor could feel that his twin had something to say and that something was bothering him. But he knew that his brother needed time. He himself had something to think about. He had to think about this weird feeling that was creeping underneath his skin when he saw that face of the redneck close up whilst freeing him. There was something about him, in his eyes. He looked like Murphy but he clearly was nothing at all like his brother. He was different and yet the same. The feeling. He couldn't describe it. He needed to find out what this was.  
"Did you feel it too?" Connor looked surprised by this question. "What feelin' Murph?"   
"I don't know. I can't describe it." Murphy looked at him. His eyes distant and darker than usual. "Aye. I felt it too."  
"He is one of us. Isn't he?"  
"Wha' do yeh mean?"  
Murphy sighed. "I don't know. It feels as if he..as if.."  
"...he is our brother." Connor knew that wasn't the right description but he wasn't sure either. Hell, he had no idea what was going on. He sat up too and placed himself behind his brother hugging him from behind. Placing his head on Murphy's shoulder. Suddenly afraid to lose him. Suddenly feeling as if something is going to change.  
"No. Not brother. Something more and something less. Jaysis. I have no idea Conn' but we need to find out."  
Murphy grabbed Connors hand and squeezed it. "Agree. We need to." Both sat and enjoyed their company. It was always just them.  
But why felt it so wrong all at once?  
Connor needed to figure this out.  
He needed to know.  
Because his soul was screaming for it.  
In the middle of the night he heard footsteps and voices and Connor decided to look around the house and inside if something is up. His brother was napping and he shook him awake to tell him where he was going. Murphy just nodded, making grumpy noises. Connor went outside and took a stroll around the house using the time to hide behind one of the trees to empty his bladder. Then used some leaves to clean his hands. He would give a hand for fresh water and a shower. He hated this. He always was clean and tried to shower every day before the outbreak. Now he was glad when they found a river or anything they could wash their hands in.

 

He walked to the front door but everything was silent around the house. He went back into the garage and entered the house through the door there. Thinking this might be less dangerous in case that Daryl was still awake. He was more the "shoot first think afterwards"- kinda guy. And Connor really had no intention of being shot by an arrow. He entered the house and saw Daryl standing next to the door. "Yeh okay in 'ere?", Connor asked. "Yeah. We are all okay."  
"I thought I heard voices and checked outside. No one to see or to hear."   
Daryl shifted his weight on his right leg and looked at Connor. "Yeah voices were me an' Bob. He needed to take a piss but I wouldn't let 'em go alone." The rednecks eyes fixed on Connor. "Aye. I could go with them or you and I keep watch." Daryl shook his head. "No. We are all good. I made him piss in an empty bottle." Connor and Daryl chuckled at the same time. "Yeh didn't?", the Irish said. "Sure did." Both looked at each other. For a moment they were at peace but Connor could feel the tension and all the questions both of them had. But he decided to keep this aside. There was no time for this.  
"Yeh can sleep then. Yeh need to be a bit relaxed tomorrow. I don't know our plans but can't do yeh any harm if yeh would get yeh sleep, righ'? I will take yer place. Murph' is keepin' watch too." Connor offered this to Daryl even so he knew the answer already but he wanted to show him that he didn't need to fear them. Knowing that it would take a lot to make that man trust them. "No way I will let you alone with my family. So go the fuck back to your lil' facestealer." Daryl crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Fuck yeh", was the only reply he would get. Connor turned around and went back to Murphy. That redneck was annoying the crap out of him. What did he do to make him so angry and what did happen to them that they didn't trust anyone one bit?  
He suited himself next to Murphy who was watching him all the time. Murphy was not sure what happened in the house but his brother looked as if he was about to kill someone. The younger twin decided to let it go and just brushed his hand over Connors forehead to make his hair, which was getting way too long, a bit more messy than it already was. "I am glad I have you Connor."  
His minutes-older twin looked at him. "Yeh getting sentimental now? But I am glad yeh my brother and not that fuckhead in there."  
Murphy smiled. That happened. The Redneck. "I don't know where this world will end. I don't know what will happen to us Conn' but I will always be there. I love you, yeh know?"   
"I love yeh too lil' brother." Conner nudged his brother and then crossed his arms behind his head. Closing his eyes for a second. What did he care for those people inside the house, when he had his soulmate right next to him. When he had his brother. He didn't need to search for something new in a world that was destroying the easiest things. None of them needed anything. Accept a wonder. A Miracle. An Anti-Virus. Something normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone was wondering where my chapter titles come from: "Search and Destroy" by 30 Seconds to Mars.  
> "Grab your gun, time to go to hell  
> I'm no hero guilty as charged  
> Search and destroy"


	6. We must get this right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I can keep my tempo up. At the moment my writing just flows and I try to give you a new chapter every other day. But I can't promise to keep this up. 
> 
> The chapters are gettin' longer and my characters have their own life now. Every chapter turns out to be different than I planned them but when my characters want to do stuff, they should do stuff. Daryl and Connor are literally sitting next to me, whispering things in my ear. Sometimes they leave me confused.
> 
> Have fun!

 

Connor and Murphy split up their watch time and woke each other every once in a while so one of them could sleep while the other was watching. and while one of them was looking around the house the other would stay awake and listening to sounds and any sign of trouble. Connor avoided going back inside the house. he wasn't so eager to meet Daryl again. Murphy went inside once and just said: "Wow that guy has a stick up his arse." That was one way to see this or he had a massive trust issue. When it was dawning he heard the first voices inside the house and he woke Murphy so they could get ready to enter the house. Connor rubbed his brothers back and shook him slightly. Murphy woke up and looked at him: "Is it morning?" "Yeah. Good Morning Murph."   
"Mornin' Conn."   
"Come on. Lets get inside and look what the group is doing and plan the day." Murphy snorted.   
"As long as you don't plan." Connor shook his head. "No. I will let them plan. I will obey."   
Murphy eyed his brother suspicious. What was going on now? His brother would never obey someone and sure as hell would never let go the opportunity to make plans. "You okay?", he asked worried. Connor stood up and sighed. His hand rubbing his head.   
"No. But I think they need to trust us and I don't know how we can pull that without obeying."   
"Aye", Murphy agreed but was not so convinced that this was right. Both entered the house and found the group already awake. Everyone was looking a bit better then yesterday. Only Daryl looked like crap and was arguing with Rick. "You need to rest Daryl. We are awake now." "No. I need to help ya'." Rick sighed and shook his head. "Will you ever get to your senses?" Rick was turning around leaving Daryl alone.   
He was sitting on the sofa, with Carl next to him. When he saw Connor and Murphy he looked away.   
"Man, does he hate us?", Murphy whispered into his brothers ear. "I have no idea."   
"Good Mornin' yeh all", Murphy said and clapped his hands, smiling as if it was the best day of his life. Connor smiled too because he loved that after all what happened his brother never lost his smile. He had a long time ago. He was tired of all this and he wanted to go back to watching movies and eat unhealthy food, get drunk every evening and working at a meatpacking factory. Connor was sick of fighting. He was getting too old for this shit. But seeing his brother smile made him feel as if everything was good and that everything was going to be okay someday.   
He heard that some of them were greeting them and Rick came around the corner to gave them a handshake.   
"You two could rest a bit?"   
"Aye. Me and Murph alternated with each other to keep watch so the other could sleep a bit. Yeh all okay in 'ere?"   
Rick looked around and nodded. "Yes we are. Thanks to you."   
"No need to thank us", Murphy replied.   
"There is. It's not usual anymore that someone would help another group without even knowing them. This world is too broken for kindness."   
Connor and Murphy looked at each other for a second and then back to Rick and the group. They all looked tired, worn out, ready to give up. There was no hope left. "You know Rick, even before the apocalypse this world was crowded with evil and bad people. We need to find those who are good, to make this world good again. I think it was somehow a chance. It is sad how this world is ending right now but to make is start again we need hope. We need people. I guess me and Murphy never stopped believing in faith and hope. I know how this sounds..Hell..I fuckin' don't know a shit anymore, what I do know is that yeh needed help, we saved yeh and tha's abou' it."   
Connor felt Daryl's eyes on his face and he felt the change his words may cause. He looked at his brother. Murphy nodded. Agreeing. He always agreed.   
Ricks head was hanging loose and he covered and rubbed his eyes with his fingers. "Maybe you are right. There was always good and evil..Hell I was a cop. I should know."   
Connor raised an eyebrow. "And we were killers."   
Daryl frowned, Rick froze and Murphy coughed. What was his brother up to? Get them killed? Daryl was coming closer, looking at Connor and Murphy.   
"Are you insane? You can't just drop this bomb now. You two are really dumbfucks. Killers....when I get that right then...." "Daryl, shut up!", Rick yelled.   
Which left everyone wondering and Daryl looking at his friend and leader with an awkward expression on his face. Then he looked to the twins.   
"Ya' not tellin' me when I have to shut up Rick. I know what those two fuckers did before the world was going to end."   
Rick looked at him. "You knew them? You knew they were killers?" "They are not killers as you may think. Yes, they killed people but they were..." Daryl stopped he couldn't believe what he was doing. Why would he defend those two? Why would he argue with Rick?   
"Go on!", Rick commanded. Connor and Murphy took turns on looking at those two fighting guys. Both wondering what was up with Daryls behaviour. Defending them. "Did you ever hear of "The Saints"?", Daryl went on and side eyed the twins. HE KNEW! Connors head was on fire he knew who they were and he knew that Murphy existed. Murphy and Connor were staring at him and were both shocked. Rick was looking confused. "You mean those guys from Boston killing mafiosi and bad people who broke out of hoag?" Daryl nodded. "Yeah I heard of them...but..."   
He looked at Connor and Murphy. Then back to Daryl.   
"Aye. We were those Saints, to make it short for you two. We killed fucks that were raping our wifes, dealing with drugs, killed innocent people like our friends and who made fun of people. We killed the bad. We were killers ourselves but we were acting on gods behalf. That is why they called us "The Saints"", Connor disclosed. Then his gaze went to Daryl and he nodded. Daryl nodded back. There was something they needed to talk about.    
"I don't know what to say", Rick spoke.    
"Rick, trust me on this, they are good guys. Believe me. I know I never speak much. You know me. I trust them", Daryl said which made Rick look at him again.  The Leader nodded. "Okay. They can stay."   
Then he walked away. Unable to speak to the guys. Then Daryl looked at them.   
"You crazy? Ya' can't just blow that out."   
"Thanks. But I thought being honest would be a good idea", Connor replied.   
Daryl shook his head and looked angry at him. "I wish the two of you were still in Boston."   
"Why?", Connor wanted to know. "I went through hell because of that face."   
Both twins nodded. They could imagine. And they really had to talk about this but this was not the time. Daryl understood their silence and went back to his place on the couch. Tired as hell and even so he trusted them and just saved their asses it didn't mean that he liked them. Especially that Connor guy was freaking him out. With his temper. And Murphy was just a smiling kid. He may be older than Daryl but he looked like a teenager. And yet there was something about them that made him angry and something that made him feel something he never felt before. He couldn't even name it. He felt it the second he had seen them on TV. The second he had seen Connors eyes. The will to fight and die for something and the will to keep hope alive. The will to survive. And they did it in a much nicer way. They were all smiling and caring and open, while Daryl was always too afraid to speak, too afraid to be touched and he thought he wasn't allowed to smile. He did it, sometimes. Some days back, with Beth. He did touch her. Were holding hands. She was still out there. She had to be and he had to find her. Even if it meant going out there on his own. He needed to find her. And Carol. And Judith. And Tyresee. Because after finding Rick and Michonne and the others, he was convinced that the others still might be alive. He had hope. Something he never had. But when he saw Rick and what Rick had done for him and then he found the Saints..Those guys he hated and loved at once. Those guys he wanted to meet back when they were captured. Just to see Murphy. To see if they had another life than him. Maybe they would have helped him with his dad. Daryl was old enough. He could have dealt with it but he was no killer. He had never laid a hand on another human being. He didn't even like punching. Sometimes he did it to get the anger out of his system. Sometimes he punched a tree and broke his own bones. Daryl looked at Connor who was still standing in the hallway. Maybe he would have done better with a brother like Connor. Maybe he was jealous of Murphy. They only just met but Daryl could see how they were with each other. He never had that. Closeness. A real brother. Merle was his brother, yes, he cared sometimes but he also never accepted Daryl as a person. He was continually changing him into himself. Now he had this family and for some strange reason he wanted the twins to be a part of it. Daryl felt awkward since the two saved them. As if there was something more to it. And the way Connor was looking at him now, made him feel insecure. As if he was able to look right into his thoughts.  Daryl closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep. But in reality he was listening to everyone around and avoiding to listen to his own thoughts. Connor watched Daryl look at him and Murphy. As if he was trying to figure something out. Maybe he felt the same thing Murphy and him were feeling. Something was about to change. Something huge.

Murphy suddenly moved towards the kitchen and Connor followed him. Rick, Glenn, Michonne and Maggie were sitting at the table and were talking about getting new supplies and what to do. Connor and Murphy were just listening to them. Or pretending to listen. Connors head was still somewhere else and he was trying to convince himself that it was nothing that he felt but denying a thing only makes it worse. He didn't even realize that everyone was looking at him.   
"Connor?", Glenn said.    
"Hm?"   
"Did you hear what we said?"   
Connor shook his head and sighed. "Sorry I got distracted and I am tired."   
"We asked if you would go out with us to run for supplies, while your brother goes with the others to check on Terminus again", Rick explained.   
Connor looked between them and then to Murphy. Splitting up with his brother? Not going to happen.   
"No. I go where my brother goes. I don't want to be separated."   
"Conn' I can take care of meself. Yeh are mother henning me again." The older twin looked at his brother. The raven-black hair, the smile on his face and he shook his head in resignation.   
"Okay. But yeh be careful. Who is coming with you?"   
"Abraham, Sasha, Michonne and me", Rick replied.    
"Aye. Then let me tell yeh, if my brother comes back injured or worse I will kill you."   
Rick nodded, stood up and looked Connor in the eye.   
"I promise I won't let anything happen to him."   
"Big promise in a world like this"; Murphy stated. Ricks hand was moving up and laying on Connors shoulder, while he watched Murphy. "It is the only thing left, right?" Both twins agreed.   
"Aye. So you just ignore what you just heard of us. This is not some kind of trick to kill us?", Connor wanted to know.   
"No. No. I promise."   
"Good. Who is coming with me?"   
"Glenn, Maggie, Daryl and Bob."  The twins looked at each other. "Wait, who is taking care of the others that stay here?"   
"Carl, Rosita and Tara are able too shoot. Eugene is not good with weapons but he needs to stay alive. At any cost."   
"Why?" "Because we need to get him to Washington. Glenn told me that Eugene knows how to end this virus."   
Murphy and Connor opened their mouth at the same time and both just said: "Fuck what?" Rick nodded and looked at Glenn.   
"Yeah. I met Abraham, Eugene and Rosita on my search for Maggie and the others. And they were heading for Washington. Eugene is some kind of science guy." Connor couldn't believe what he just heard. Did that mean they found their miracle? The sign? His eyes searched his brothers and Murphy was completely astonished. He smiled like he just heard the best thing in the world. And maybe he did.   
"Well, then we need to get him there. We will do everything to help you all. So basically the plan is to gather some new supplies, maybe more than we need here. Find a car or more than one and go to Washington."   
"Basically", the leader replied and moved back to his chair. "We got split up with others of our group and we are hoping that we will find them again. Beth, Carol, Tyresee and my daughter Judith. We don't know if anyone is still alive but we just..you know, have to make sure."   
Connor nodded. Rick looked sad and he could tell that they had lost a lot of people. "Aye. We do that. Maybe we should give them some kind of hint."   
"Oh they will have hints. I left messages in blood, when I was going to Terminus. Messages to Glenn that I would wait there", Maggie commented. The twins smiled. Well this group was something. They would all work well together.   
"Well, then lets get started. We have a lot of work to do"; Murphy suggested.   
"Aye." Connor went to get their stuff from the garage. New ammo, their guns and emptied his backpack. Murphy followed minutes later and grabbed his knife, made sure his guns were loaded and grabbed more ammo. Together they went back into the house. Connor moved towards Daryl.   
"Hey Grumpy, I guess we are having a wonderful day together, heh?" Daryl snorted.   
"Let us see if you come back at the end of the day, or if I need to shoot an arrow through your ugly head." Murphy overheard that and yelled: "Yeh' wouldn't have a chance to do it. Conn' would shoot yeh the second yeh tried. If Conn' comes back with one bruise I will rip your heart out and then put it in your mouth so yeh can chew on it after you turned. and then I will put a fuckin' bullet through your head." Connor laughed and looked at his twin in surprise. "Brother of mine you are such a psychopath sometimes. But I like the idea."   
"You are both crazy", Daryl spit out and moved to the door.   
Everyone went outside while Rick gave last orders to Carl and Rosita.    
Everyone was standing in their groups and Connor suddenly hugged his brother and ruffled his hair. "Yeh come back t'me. yeh listen? Don't yeh dare leave me alone in this forsaken world", he whispered. He didn't like to be away from his brother where he couldn't save him. Where he wasn't able to care for him.   
"And you brother, come back to me or I will follow you into death."    
"God, you two are such pussies", the redneck said. Connor and Murphy let go of each other. Both afraid to loose the other. They were always together. Since their birth and if one would die the other would be dead too. On the inside at least.   
"Shut up. Yeh not even capable of emotions, are yeh? He is my brother. He is everything I have in this fucked up world. It was always him and me. Being separated from him is hard. Even if it is only for some hours but yeh know..In this world yeh can die in every second. And I fucking don't want to live one second with out him", Connor spat and felt how rage and anger were filling his thoughts. Emotions he had buried over the last year. "Alright, alright. No need to get bitchy you pussy.", Daryl tried to calm Connor down. Which didn't go so well when he saw the expression on the Irishman's face. "Nice", he thought. "That will be a great day." And some part of him felt so much more connected to Connor that moment. Losing a brother and someone you have known for so long must be hard. He cried when Merle died and Merle was a sick bastard. Murphy and Connor looked like one person to him. Two bodies, one soul. He had thought about that last night. They were so close. As if the other one couldn't breathe without the other. One part of him wanted to apologize but the other was angry as always and just wanted them to stop.

 

* * *

 

"Hey what do you think about that house?", Glenn pointed to an old farmhouse. Everyone looked in the direction Glenn was pointing to and they nodded. They had checked some houses but they were all clean and all deserted. No supplies. Connor told them to check basements and garages because that's where Murphy and him had found some of the stuff. It was pure luck if they would find something when they were so near Terminus. Someone should think that those bastards already cleared every house.   
Connor stopped walking, shook his head and smiled. "Of Course. Guys stop! We are stupid." Everyone stopped and looked at him with question marks all over their face. "What are ya' talkin' about now? We don't have all day for ya' shit", Daryl spoke.   
"Man, stop it with yeh attitude. Think abou' it. We are near Terminus and if you would run a place like this what would you do with the surrounding houses?" Daryl's face went from annoyed to surprised. "Oh", he whispered. "Aye", Connor nod.   
"I don't get it", Maggie said. "If I would run that place I would clear all houses and grab every food in there to feed me people", the Irish explained.   
"Of Course", Glenn agreed. "Change of plans?", Connor asked. It was Daryl that answered, because for once the idea of that stupid fuckhead seemed to be the right one. "We are going and join the others. They must have some sort of storage there. Lets go." He lead them to Terminus. Connor was last, so he could have their back. Daryl was surprised that Connor was thinking so much about what to get and that he was so helpful. He blindly trusted all of them and he was such an open book. Daryl had watched Connor while he lead everyone to that little town and he was surprised how careful the Irishmen was walking and how he didn't care about his back. He trusted the others to shoot Walkers or he was just not afraid of dying. The Hunter noticed that there was something very strange about Connor. He looked skinny, he looked tired but on the other hand he looked incredibly strong and his mind seemed to be working all the time. Checking out possibilities. Making plans. They could use someone like him. Rick had made a lot of bad choices and wasn't really on his best state right now. Daryl never had the best ideas, he wasn't a plan maker, he was the doer. So they could use Connor. But he wasn't sure about that Murphy guy. Daryl stopped suddenly and gave everyone a sign to hide. He heard voices. While he was listening he recognized the voice and sighed. He smiled and looked at Connor who hadn't recognized that voice yet. So Daryl moved held his crossbow in the direction the voice came from and pointed it at Murphy's face who stopped walking an inch before the crossbow.   
"What the hell man. Get that stupid thing out o' me face, redneck." Daryl chuckled. And then got punched on the back of his head when Connor moved along, hugging his brother. "Sorry", Daryl mumbled "couldn't resist."   
Connor smiled at him. "Yeh warmin' up with us? Don't yeh think I didn't see how yeh were watchin' me ass the whole time?"   
The Hunter snorted and shifted his body and let down the crossbow. Ignoring that comment and yelling inside how stupid he was to think Connor hadn't noticed that he was observing him (not his ass).   
"Lil' brother did yeh find someone?" He looked at the whole group and everyone shook their heads. Rick looked at Connor: "But why are you here?"   
"Did yeh check for supplies down there?" He pointed at the fences that were now in sight.   
"No", the leader answered. Daryl moved towards Rick.   
"Well then we go and do that. Connor figured out that they might have supplies down there."   
Rick nodded. "We should go with you so we can go through it faster." Everyone agreed and so the group made their way back to the old factory property. Connor stayed at Murphy's side.    
"Did everything go fine?", he whispered in gaelic.   
"Aye", his brother replied in the same language.   
"They were really nice. I like that Sheriff."   
"Yeah he is a good man."   
"They all are. I think even that Redneck."   
Both agreed. "How do yeh know that?"   
"The way he looks at you."   
"Wha'?", Connor spoke in english again.   
"I think he trusts or admires you because he is watching you", Murphy explained.   
The older twin looked over his shoulder and caught Daryl watching him even so the hunter tried to look away. He had noticed the hunters eyes on his back the whole day and he saw how he checked him out. As if he was trying to get answers by staring at him or as if he is figuring out if he really could trust them, even so he was the one convincing Rick to let them stay and that they are good. They had to get that right. They had to talk about this weird behaviour. That he knew them and that he had his brothers face. And for some reason Connor liked the way Daryl watched him. Usually he was the one watching someones back. Murphy's back. And for some reason it felt nice that there was someone acting as if he would take care of him, if anything happens. Like an older brother. Even so he guessed that Daryl was younger.    
"Aye. I think he tries to find out how we are related or whatever", Connor finally said.   
They reached the fences and Rick was separating everyone in groups. Glenn and Maggie, Rick and Michonne, Daryl and Bob, Connor and Murphy, Abraham and Sasha. Everyone agreed, except Daryl. "Rick, I want to go with Connor. I don't want them to run out of us, when they are together."   
Every single pair of eyes were now looking on the hunters face who tried to look as serious as possible. The main reason he wanted to be with Connor was to ask him questions. They had a lot to talk about and he didn't want to have everyone listening. Maybe his plan was a bit stupid regarding that everyone was looking at him as if he was mad.   
"Yeh stupid? We wouldn't run and if so what would it matter? Huh?", Murphy asked.   
"Maybe ya' with another group and ya' come back and kill us", Daryl tried to reason with them. Rick sighed.   
"Daryl, you are talkin' nonsense but as you wish. Connor, you agree to go with Daryl or are you two killing each other?"   
"I'm fine", Connor replied. Which made Murphy look confused at his sibling. Connor just looked at him. His eyes telling him "I got this".   
"Murphy you go with Abraham then and Bob and Sasha."  
Everyone bobbed their head yes. They all went in the direction Rick was sending them and while Daryl and Connor were walking in silence towards all the train wagons, they could hear absolutely nothing. This place sounded more haunted than every other empty place. Everywhere were dead people.   
"We should burn them", Connor said.   
"Yeah", Daryl agreed.   
"Maybe we should burn that place down, once we checked every corner."   
Burning. Daryl remembered that place him and Beth burned down before they found that funeral home. But Connor was right. Burning was the only option. "We should do that." They went into the wagons and checked two doors leading into the building but both were locked.   
"I could try to shoot the lock". The hunter choked down his laughter.   
"Nah that would made too much noise and we are not in a movie."   
"Aye but we could pretend we were in one." Connor smiled which made Daryl shake his head. Crazy fucker.   
"Well then lets get back inside.", the redneck suggested. Suddenly not so eager to talk to Connor. Something about him made him nervous. A kind of nervous he never felt before.    
"Why did yeh want to be alone with me?" Daryl sighed. Of Course the idiot had figured that out. So no way back. Gosh some month back he would have only hit that guy. Two years ago he would have shot him. But now he was willing to listen to people. This world was dying and every human being was like a treasure. Daryl knew that. But he really wanted to do something bad to that all-time-smiling Potatoehead.   
"We need to talk."   
"Abou' wha'?" Connor knew exactly about what but he wanted Daryl to say it. He sat down on the steps of one of the train wagons, reaching inside his pocket, fishing for cigarettes. "Want one?" Daryl agreed and so Connor lit both cigarettes and gave one to Daryl. Who looked a bit awkward because Connor had lit it. He shrugged and took it. The Irish had seen the hesitation and smirked. It was a habit to lit two smokes at the same time.    
"Well?", he tried again.   
"You and your brother."   
"Then talk." Daryl closed his eyes for a second. his crossbow hanging over his shoulder. He was never good with words. And he hated being in the spotlight like now. Especially because he wasn't used to Connor. With Rick he could talk, agree and say when something was wrong but Connor was new. He looked at the Irishmen. The hair that was way longer than when he had seen him on TV. He looked a lot older. His blue eyes were looking at him and that idiot was smirking again. Waiting for Daryl to talk.   
He exhaled loudly and then said: "How did you get out of prison?"   
Connors eyebrows rose. "yeh askin' me abou' tha' while we are in the middle of an apocalypse?"   
"Yeah?"   
"Well, we had a lot of friends. Policemen, FBI agents, Church."   
"So yeh sayin' that was all planned and that you planned to go on with ya' killin'?"   
Connor looked down to his feet. "Kind of. We were plannin' to go back to Ireland. Yeh kno' we missed our Ma' an' after Da' died, we wanted to be back. We would have visited her shortly and then go back into hiding. But we couldn't. They would have caught us. And Ma' would have gotten into trouble. So we decided to go south and stop killin'. Yeh kno' hidin', maybe workin' somewhere no one knew us."   
"I thought you had a mission."   
"Aye. We do. But it's been a long time God spoke to us. I guess he has forsaken this world."  
Connor and Daryl looked at each other.   
"I don't believe in god", Daryl stated.   
"Aye. And I am doubting that there still is one." Connor felt that hurting feeling in his chest. This world wasn't right anymore. It was an unholy world. There was nothing good in it. He knew, but he kept that little spark of hope alive. To keep himself alive. Out of habit he grabbed the rosary around his neck, hidden under his shirt. Daryl noticed that Connor grabbed something underneath his shirt but didn't ask Connor what it was.   
"Yeah. Tha' world makes believing harder."   
"Yeah." Blue eyes met blue eyes. The Irishman noticed something in Daryl's voice but couldn't name it. And the more time they spend together the more he relaxed. As if Daryl was able to still his thoughts by his cheer presence.   
"You have any idea why ya' brother has my face?" Connor shook his had.   
"No. You?"   
"No. Because my mum sure as hell didn't have another guy."   
"Aye. And my dad would have told us about you."   
"I read that everyone has seven doppelgänger. Maybe that's it."   
"You read?", Connor said amused.   
"Yeah. I can read fuckhead." Daryl throw his smoke away and looked angry. Even if it was gettin' harder to look angry at his opponent.  Connor smirked and nodded. "Alrigh'. Anythin' else?"   
"No."   
"Then we should find the others. And hope they found something to eat because I am fuckin' starvin'."   
"ya already look as if you are dead."   
"Thank you. Food is rare nowadays." Daryl nodded.   
"Yeah. Fuck I would kill for a donut."   
Connor stood up and walked towards Daryl and clapped his shoulder. "If I will find anything that looks like a donut I will happily give it to you. But I want somethin' in return."   
"What?"   
The Older one chuckled. "Whiskey."   
Daryl sighed. "Yeh Irish run on 20% blood and 80% booze, heh?"   
"Jackpot!"   
That's when they heard the screaming. Both started running immediately, weapons in hand and both man a frightened look on their face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, Cliffhanger! *evil grin*


	7. I'm sick of how it all goes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After leaving you all with that cliffhanger I felt a bit guilty. So have some surprise then!

Connor pulled the door open and Daryl stormed inside. Seconds later Connor followed and saw his brother screaming at someone, weapon in hand and Abraham was pointing at someone else. "No. NO" Don't shoot. Daryl, it is me."  
Murphy lowered his gun and Daryl said: "Everyone stop." He had recognized that voice and he was nearly out of his mind. He thought she was dead. He thought she was long gone. He made his way towards the person and smiled. Carol and Tyresee. "Carol", he whispered. He looked at the women he had spend so much time with and who was one of his closest friends. He nodded at Tyresee. Carol hugged him and buried her head in his neck. "You are alive", she whispered. "Is someone else alive and who is that guy?"  
She let go of Daryl and Daryl pointed to Murphy: "That is Murphy, no one knows why he has my face. That's his brother Connor. Both of them rescued us from Terminus. That is Abraham, a friend of Glenn and new member of our Group. And yes we are nearly all alive. Good to see you two."  
"Three", Tyresee said and turned around. Daryl inhaled sharply. Nearly crying. "LIL' ASSKICKER", he said louder than before. Instantly smiling at their little kid. He looked at the others. "Guys, this is Carol and Tyresee and this little beautiful lady is lil' asskicker. Judith. Ricks daughter."  
Connor suddenly moved forward, standing next to Daryl. "Hi, nice to meet yeh." And then smiled at Judith, who looked at Connor and reached out her hand which Connor grabbed and shook. "Hello young lady, wanna see your daddy?" Judith made a cute sound and Daryl and Connor smiled at each other. "Maybe there is still somethin' to believe in"; he whispered.  
"For once I agree with you Leprechaun."  
Connor was surprised by that Nickname. It was much nicer than fuckhead. Daryl bit his tongue because the word leprechaun sounded way too sweet out of his mouth.  
"Did I hear that right? Rick is alive?", Carol asked.  
"Yes, so are Maggie, Glenn, Bob, Sasha, Carl, Michonne and we have new people."  
"Beth?"  
"She was with me for a while but then someone kidnapped her. She is gone."  
Carol nodded when she saw Daryl's expression she know this was not the time to ask more questions."Come on yeh all. Lets find the others and hope they found some supplies. It is gettin' dark very soon", Connor said.  
And once again Daryl agreed. He couldn't believe it. Was there really hope? Some days ago he thought everyone was dead. He had accepted that he would never see Rick or Judith again. Ha accepted that he would be on his own. And now he found them. Miracles still do happen.  
He walked next to Connor, leading the others out to their meet-point, blocking the view of Carol and Tyresee. When they arrived at the bunch of trees that they made out at meet-point point they saw Bob and Sasha waiting there. "The others not back?", Daryl asked. "Not yet", Bob answered. Then looked past the hunter and smiled. "Oh my god, Carol is that you?"  
"Yes Bob."  
And then he saw Tyresee and just gave Sasha a clap on her arm. "LOOK!"  
Sasha looked past Connor and that is when she saw him. Her brother was still alive! Sasha rushed forward and hugged her brother. "Be careful Sister, on my back is someone important." "Judith", she whispered.  
"I thought you were all dead."  
"We did too." Tyresee stroked his sisters face. "Good to see you."  
Together they were waiting for the others.   
Connor stood with Murphy in silence. Even so the younger one was always looking at his brother. "You okay", he asked in French.  
"Qui."  
"What happen?"  
"He wanted to talk. Ill tell you later." Murphy nodded.  
"You speak French?", Daryl asked.  
Connor looked to his right, where the hunter appeared. "Yeah. You too?"  
"Nah. Hardly can speak english", he smiled.  
"Thought yeh can read. Bet yeh can talk better than yeh pretending."  
"Ya' will never find out."  
Murphy shook his head and snorted."If I wouldn't kno' me bro' I would think yeh flirtin'"  
Two heads simultaneously looked towards Murphy. Connors hand rose and hit Murphy's head. Murphy grabbed his head. "The fuck Conn'."  
"Yeh stop talkin' bullshit Murph' and I will stop punchin' yeh. Flirtin'. Earth to Murph' did yeh recognize he is a dude?"  
Murphy smiled and looked at Daryl. "Yeh I did and he has a pretty face. Don't yeh think."  
Daryl rolled his eyes. "I am not gay you fucker. Maybe yo are", he tried to make Murphy shut up.  
"Nah. I am all into boobs."  
"At least we agree on somethin'", Daryl replied.  
Connor just shook his head and looked at the fences. He thought he was surrounded by teenagers and was some kind of school teacher. His brother and that redneck seriously needed some advice in "How to be an adult".   
"Will yeh two stop now? Murph' really sometimes I wonder how old yeh really are. And you," he looked at Daryl, "are not a teenager either."  
"Fuck ya'."  
"No. Fuck yeh", Murphy said.  
Connor turned around and left. Annoyed of those two look-a-likes. Maybe he was wrong that they had nothing in common. Both were stubborn and acting like kids. He went to the others. Carol was rocking Judith in her arms. A baby. A fuuckin' baby. How did they manage that? Who was the mother?  
When he was next to Carol she smiled. "So you are Connor."  
"Aye."  
"Thanks for saving my family."  
"Ye're welcome. So Rick is your husband?"  
Carol shook her head. "No. Rick's wife Lori died while Judith was born."  
"Fuck."  
"Yeah."  
"Rick will freak out."  
Carol nodded. "You wanna hold her?"  
"Yes. Absolutely." Connor loved kids. They were innocent and knew nothing about this world. Even if it was hard growing up in THIS world right now. Carol reached him Judith. The girl was sleeping and he rocked her and walked around a bit, singing her an Irish lullaby.  
Daryl watched Connor and something made him incredibly happy about the whole picture. The way the Irishman held Judith in his arms, the little song he was singing with a really sweet voice. The little smile on his face. Maybe Connor and Murphy could be family. Maybe they somehow were already. Daryl didn't know why but he felt so connected to those two. As if they were related. He couldn't name that feeling. That burning inside of him. The need to protect both of them. Like he protected his new family.  
"Yeh are staring again", Murphy said.  
"Shut up."  
"He loves kids", the younger twin said.  
"I can see that."  
"Rick is runnin' late. We should check out where they are all at."  
Daryl shook his head yes. "Ya' coming with me?", Daryl asked.  
"'Course. Let us take Conn' too."  
Daryl agreed and went over to Connor. Instead of sayin' something he just gave him a nod and smiled at Judith. Then he whispered. "Ya' comin' with me and Murphy to check on the others? They are late and I don't wanna lead ya' all back in the dark."  
Connor whispered "Aye" and went to carol to gave her the baby. "We'll be back soon. Checkin' on the others. Yeh al wait 'ere. Abraham, take care of them."   
"I will", the redheaded soldier agreed.  
The three of them were walking in silence for a while. Murph chewing on his thumb, Daryl crossbow in hand and Connor grabbing his rosary again. A baby. A fuckin' baby.  
"A baby Murph", he mumbled.  
"Aye. Miracle, huh?"  
"Fuckin' big one."  
"Maybe there is still hope", Murphy pointed out.  
Daryl stopped, looked at them. "I never believed in hope. I never had any hope. But then then I found Rick again, we found Glenn, then you two saved us and now that. That is like a sign."  
The twins stared at Daryl and Daryl felt suddenly awkward that he talked so much to those two. "You believe in fate?", Murphy asked.  
Daryl shook his head. "Never believed in anything."  
"Maybe this had to happen. Yeh feelin' it too. Don't eh? That thing between us?"  
Daryl looked at the younger twin and met his eyes. Eyes that were so much like his own, but lighter. His eyes weren't so worried like his own. He wasn't sure what to say but he knew which feelin' Murphy was talking about.  
"Yes. Like a burning."  
"Inside your heart and soul"; Connor moved on.  
All three looked at each other and slowly one term rushed through Connors head. This can't be. No. "Conn' yeh are thinking so loud I can hear yo scream in my head", Murphy complained.  
"Sorry brother. I just had an idea but we should go now. This is not the time."  
The others agreed and they walked in silence.   
They went through the halls until the found Rick, Michonne, Glenn and Maggie all together in one great hall with two cars. "Rick?", Daryl said to make them aware of them. "Guys. Sorry but we found the cars and some stuff. And weapons. Glenn and Magie found meds and dressing."  
"Great news", Connor said and clapped Murphy on his stomach to give him a sign. Both walked to help load some of the boxes on the truck. "Did yeh' find food?"  
"Uhm. Yeah but we only packed the cans because, uhm, we found something, a gross and disturbing", Glenn answered while rubbing his back.  
Maggie added: "I am still feeling sick."  
"Wha' did yeh find", Murph asked.  
"Seemed like we would have ended as food if you hadn't found us.", Rick answered.  
"You are jokin'! Cannibals?", Daryl wondered.  
"Remember that big grill?"  
"NO!", Daryl yelled knowingly.  
Rick just looked at him and swallowed. "Fuckin' sick bastards", Murphy spit.   
They then packed the 4 left boxes and drove out of there. The fuel would last until they would reach the house. Michonne and Glenn were driving, while the others went back to get the others.  
"We may have a big fuckin' surprise for you", Daryl smiled and looked at his chosen-brother.  
Rick put his hand on Daryl's shoulder. "What is it?"  
"Well, we found something. Or someone."  
Ricks eyes lid up. "Who is it?"  
They were near now and Daryl smirked and started running to Carol and the others. It was the second time he was the one that could present Carol alive. And now he had three persons to present to his brother.  
"Look!"  
Carol, Tyresee and Judith were standing there, smiling at their friend and Rick lost it. Rick started crying and just fell to his knees. His daughter was alive. Connor and Murphy both put their hands on each of ricks shoulders. "It is okay buddy. Stand up and see yer girl."  
But Rick couldn't move. He thought he would never see anyone again. Not Carol. He had sent her away but there she was with the Tyresee. The reason he had sent her away and they saved his baby. Daryl was happy to see his friend like this and he took Judith and kneeled before Rick. "Lil' asskicker sleeps right now but look, she is alive." Rick touched Judith' cheek and smiled. "Come on. We gotta go meet the others at the house", Abraham tried to talk sense into them. It was gettin' too dark.  
Everyone nodded and Daryl gave Judith to Carol. Then the twins helped Rick up and they were all walking fast to get to their destination.  
> 

* * *

 

 

"I am sick of how this world works", Murphy sighed. They had celebrated a bit and talked to the whole group but at one point he needed to be alone with his brother. Too many people always freaked him out. "But today was good", Connor tried to cheer his brother up.   
Murphy crossed his arms behind his head and looked to the ceiling. "Yeah. But Cannibals? Sick fucks like the governor? That sick bastard Merle who punched me like a maniac because he thought I was his brother. We now know he meant Daryl, right?"   
"Yeah." Connor had figured that out as soon as they met Daryl. Oh yes there was a lot to talk about.   
"And I miss sleeping on a mattress, a shower, some real food. I miss sitting on the roof with yeh, I miss beer, Mc Gintys. I miss living."   
Connor shifted his body so that he was able to look at his brother. He knew that feeling and he was sad too. He missed their old life and he missed the carefree smile of his brother. Murphy still was one of the happiest persons around. At least to strangers but Connor knew that in real he was hiding the fact that he was sick of this world. That he was depressed.   
"I miss going to the movies with yeh' fighting' abou' popcorn. Or that little supermarket around the corner of our old Appartement. I miss having a home."   
"I miss you", Murphy said which made Connor look even more concerned.   
"But I am 'ere." Murphy sighed.   
"No Conn' yeh not. Our bond is weakened. I can't explain it. It's because of that Redneck. Somethin' is changing."   
"Abou' that. When he mentioned that feelin'. Yeh feelin' that burnin' too, right?"   
"Yeah?" Murphy watched his older twin and knew Connor finally found their answer.   
"Yeh remember when everyone was tellin' us that we were soulmates? Because we were moving the same way, hearing each other in our thoughts and feel what the other feels? And we always know when somethin' is wrong? We thought it was because we are twins but..."   
"...Daryl is not."   
"Aye. I never told yeh but I went to the library to check that out. When we were back in school. I read about soulmates."   
"'course yeh did. Yeh always wanted to know everythin'"   
Murphy ruffled Connors hair.   
"Yeah. There was that book sayin' that there are different forms of soulmates and that yeh can have more then one."   
"So yeh sayin' that stupid fucker is our soulmate? Can't be."   
Connor sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. "It's the best explanation I have so far."   
"Not one I will accept. Sharing thoughts with that redneck is not goin' to happen."   
Both smiled. Connor yawned and grabbed Murphy's hand who was again chewing his thumb. Connor shook his head. "Don't."  
Murphy shut his eyes closed and exhaled loudly. "We should sleep."   
Connor was lying down on his side and Murphy looked at him for a while, then moved his body so that Connor was spooning him. Wrapping one arm around his little brother and one under his head. They had shared a bed for several years when they were kids. And sometimes, especially since the outbreak, his brother needed the closeness. And he needed it too. Something to hold on to. Someone warm. Connor wished that there was a girl included. He missed kissing, cuddling and sex. But so did Murphy.   
"Yeh thinkin' again."   
"Sorry."   
"Yeh thinkin' about yeh girlfriend in there?"   
"Wha' the fuck are yeh babblin' abou'"   
"Daryl. He seems to like yeh more than me."   
"Yeh jealous?"   
"Nah. Not ever. But there must be a reason."   
"Maybe he can't stand yeh face." Both snickered.   
"G'night Conn'."   
"G'night baby brother."   
Murphy punched his elbow in Connors stomach and snorted. But then grabbed his brothers hand and tangled their fingers together. Stroking the tattoo on his brothers finger. Connor sometimes wondered if his brother was in love with him. Because sometimes his cuddling got so intense. But maybe he was just lonely. Like himself. That was their big secret. Even with all their friends and always havin' their best friend, their soulmate, their twin, they both felt terribly lonely. Maybe this was going to end. Because miracles still do happen. Connor smiled and closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And? Did you like it? Or am I completely writing this for my own pleasure? I want Daryl to be a bit more "easier" than he was before. We don't know how he will be in Season 5 (not yet) but I like to imagine that he is a bit softer around the edges. Because he remembers what Beth taught him.


	8. Of the way that no one knows about nobody else

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!  
> Thank you for your nice comments, reviews and kudos!
> 
> In this chapter we will have some more fluff. Some cute little Connaryl moments and some weird encounters with that "thing" between the twins and Daryl.

"You are coming with me. I need to talk to you", Daryl said to the twins.  
Both glared at him while chewing on a chocolate bar and drinking a bottle of water. "Why?", Murphy asked, smiling because he really liked to annoy Daryl.  
"We need to talk."  
"Again? We talked yesterday", Connor mentioned their little talk at Terminus.  
"Yeah but we were not done. And I need a favor." Daryl had thought about it the whole night. He needed someone to go with him and search for Beth. He didn't want to ask Rick because his friend needed time with Judith and Carl and he everyone else was planning their trip to Washington. Glenn had found an old map and they were planning which way to drive. Avoiding big cities.  
"Okay then let's go", Murph agreed.  
The three walked out of the house and walked to a bench under a tree. Connor and Murphy immediately sat on the backrest. Connor offering everyone a smoke and both agreed. So he lit three cigarettes at once in his mouth. Daryl again looked a bit surprised by this.  
"Talk", Murphy ordered.  
"Yeah. So I was thinking..." Daryl started and looked into the distance. "maybe you two could help me find someone, while the others prepare our departure."  
"Who?", Connor asked.  
"Beth." Daryl felt terribly sorry for losing her. "You will miss me when I am gone" - She was right. He missed her.  
"She yer girl?", the black haired twin asked.  
"No. Not really. She is...i don't know", Daryl answered because he really didn't know. When he thought of Beth he felt a lot of things. He wasn't in love with her but somehow he felt deeply connected with her. Maybe like a brother. He had no idea.  
"We will help you", Connor answered when he saw that puzzled and frowned expression on the hunters face.  
"Yeah?"  
"'Course", Murphy replied.  
For a moment they just looked at each other. "Thanks", Daryl whispered.  
The twins smiled. "Anythin' else?"  
Daryl looked at them and shook his head. He had a lot things on his mind but couldn't find the words to say anything at all. It was Murphy that started talking again.  
"Yer brother, his name was Merle, righ'?"  
Daryl looked at Murphy and tried to find out when he mentioned that name. But he hadn't.  
"Yeah but how do ya' know?"  
"Let us say that your brother thought I was you."  
Daryl swallowed. "What did he do to you?"  
"He punched me. Left a big fuckin' scar on my back because he wouldn't believe me when I told him I wasn't you. And he hit Connor and me half to death. Then Andrea stepped in and told sense into him."  
Daryl closed his eyes. "I am sorry", he mumbled.  
"Not yer fault pal. Yeh kno' what happened to him?", Connor asked.  
Daryl bobbed his head yes. "He is dead. Killed him."  
"We wondered what happened to Woodbury. We went out of there weeks ago. As soon as they started talkin' about attackin' a prison."  
"The Governor is dead. Michonne killed him. Andrea is dead too. So are a lot of others. We were the prison group. That sick bastard killed Merle, just when Merle wanted to save us all. An then let him turn and I..."  
"...you had to finish him", Connor ended the sentence. Feeling sorry when he saw Daryl's face. The hunter only looked at him and nodded.  
"Sorry", Murphy whispered.  
Then there was silence again and Connor stood up, placed himself in front of the hunter and looked into his eyes. Daryl looked back and felt himself calm down while Connor felt suddenly as if he was drowning. Daryl's eyes were much darker than Murphy's. While Murphy was the sky, Daryl was the ocean on a stormy autumn day. Daryl's hands suddenly rose and he was grabbing Connors arms, because he felt like he was burning up inside. Murphy watched both of them until he felt it too. He stood up and grabbed his brother. "Connor!"  
"Stop", Daryl managed to say.  
Connor closed his eyes and Daryl let go of him and when Connor looked at his brother he felt as if he was punched. "What the fuck was that?", Murphy asked.  
"I just wanted to calm him", Connor explained.  
"that burning", Daryl said.  
"It felt a bit like an electric shock. As if we were melting", Connor tried to find words.  
"And I felt like dying."  
"We should try something."  
"And what brother?"  
"I want you to look at Daryl and Daryl you grab his arms. I just want to see something."  
Daryl shook his head. "No. I am not doing this stupid crap again. What the fuck are you two?"  
"We have no idea either. I had an idea but this just can't be", Connor said.  
Before they could speak more, Murphy was standing in front f Daryl and looked into the hunters eyes. He felt something inside of him but not as much as his brother minutes ago. He grabbed Daryl's arms and the hunter didn't even pull back but nothing happened. all three looked at each other.  
"The fuck?", Daryl asked.  
They didn't speak for a while and Connor sighed.  
"I don't want this. I don't want you in our life. I don't fuckin' want anything of this", he spat.  
"Neither do I", Daryl said, suddenly angry and annoyed and afraid.  
Murphy hugged his brother and sighed. "I think you were right about what you told me yesterday.", he whispered into his brothers ears.  
"No. Because..."  
"I know."  
The twins looked at each other. Both looked at Daryl. Daryl snorted. He had no idea what was going on and this whole crap frightened him so he did what he always did. Put up walls. "We nee to go. I want to tell Rick that we are leaving today. Grab your stuff.", he said and walked away. Suddenly not so sure it was a good idea to go with those two. On the other hand he wanted to know what this was. He would never admit it to one of them, but the feeling in his stomach and mind when he grabbed Connors arms was actually amazing. More intense than anything he ever felt.

* * *

 

_3 hours later_

They were walking away from Terminus and in the opposite direction than Daryl and Beth had been before. He had no clue where to search for her but he had to try. The twins were right behind him, talking now and then in different languages. Daryl hated it. Not only were those idiots intelligent enough to speak more than one language, no they had this tone with each other. The sound was a whole lot different then when they spoke to others. Gentle and lovingly, sometimes amused and joking but still you could hear how much they loved each other. Something he never had. He wished someone would talk to him like this. Someday, when the world was back to normal again. If that was ever going to happen. He wanted someone by his side, telling him stories, inside jokes, nice words. And he wanted one person he could open up to. Daryl knew that he had open up to Beth but still it was different. Now he knew that he hadn't lost everyone. With Beth he thought he had still someone to protect. A family. A sister. Now they were such a large group again and he felt unimportant and insecure. He never was good in large groups. So this little search party was something he really needed. Being outside for a short time. After they had been tortured and bruised, he hadn't slept because he was too afraid that he might wake up and they were all gone again.  
"Daryl", Connor interrupted his thoughts.  
"Hm?"  
"You have any idea what we are lookin' for?"  
Daryl stopped and turned around, his eyes concentrating on his feet. He shook his head. "No. Not really. Just a car. With a white cross painted on the backwindow."  
Connor and Murphy looked at each other. "Not much", Murphy stated.  
"I know. I just need to try." He looked both of them in the eye.  
Connor was taking a step forward. "Listen, we will help you. Sure thing. Tell us about Beth. You are.." Connor didn't speak any further.  
"What?", Daryl wanted to know.  
"...too silent", Murphy answered.  
"I don't wanna talk."  
Daryl turned around and walked away. The two Irishmen following him.  
He could hear them talk and tried his best not to listen but he couldn't help it. These words weren't for him but he needed to pretend that they were. He just listened to them  
"Yeh think of Rocco sometimes?", Murphy asked.  
Connor sighed. "Aye. An' Doc, an' Romeo, Smecker. Imagine Rocco would still be alive. He would fucking love this shit."  
Murphy chuckled. "Yeah. Crazy fucker he was. I miss him."  
"Me too. Remember that cat?"  
"Oh God yes. I still can't believe that fuckin' happened."  
Connor and Murphy laughed. Which made Daryl smirk for some strange reason. The laugh of those two were somehow catching. He could totally imagine those two before all that. Drinking beer, laughing and shooting people on a regular basis. Nice serial killers. Daryl shook his head.  
"What are you shakin' yer head abou'?"  
Connor of course.  
"You two. Can't you ever shut up?"  
"No."  
"So what happened to that cat?"  
Both brothers laughed again. Murphy and Connor got closer to Daryl, taking him in the middle. Murphy started explaining. "Rocco, he was our friend, accidentally shot the cat of his girlfriend. She was scattered all over the wall."  
"How do you accidentally shoot a cat?", Daryl asked.  
"The recipe is a lot of booze, a lot of drugs, Rocco and a weapon that wasn't secured laying on the table. Then knock said table and the weapon goes off", Connor replied.  
"No. Fuckin'. Way.", Daryl said amused.  
"Hell yeah. We all thought we were under attack and jumped through the room. It was hilarious", Murphy voiced.  
Daryl shook his head. "How did you two even survive for this long?"  
"Wha' is tha' supposed to mean?"  
"Ya' always gettin' into trouble as it seems and ya' havin' more luck than is good for ya'. And by the way can you hunt?" Daryl wasn't so sure where this was going but it was nice to talk for once. even so he hated talking. But as long as he had not to listen to that sweet conversations of them he would do anything.  
"Luck and God always was on our side", Murphy explained.  
"We can't hunt. We tried", Connor expressed.  
"I could teach ya'." Daryl looked at Connor who was looking at him too. "Aye. Tha' be good. Yer the only hunter in tha' group?"  
"Yeah."  
"Yer feeding all these people alone? Yer really need someone te' help yeh. Murph' and me will help yeh, if yeh teach us how to hunt."  
Connor clapped Daryl's back, his hand resting on the mans shoulder for a second. Daryl didn't even make an attempt to get rid of the hand. He flinched for a second but then just accepted it. "Good. I will teach ya' every day a bit. Not today though."  
"Good. No hurry." Connor took his hand from the rednecks shoulder and they walked in silence again. Somehow this was an awkward situation and an awkward silence. Murphy was chewing on his thumb again. They were slowly coming closer to a place they had seen on the card that Glenn had. There were some houses and Daryl thought maybe that's where they took Beth.  
Daryl looked at Connor and Murphy. Murphy, who had such a similar face. They only met two days ago but he felt as if he had known them for years. The same thing had crossed his mind when he saw them on the news. Since earlier it was even worse. What ever happened this morning wasn't normal. As if there was something connecting them. As if there was an invisible bond. For a split second he thought of soulmates. But your soulmate is supposed to be the person you fall in love with. And none of them was a girl. So that was unlikely. Can't be that. And yet, the feeling wasn't going away. And he felt closer to Connor than Murphy.  
"Wha' are yeh thinkin' abou'?", the older twin asked.  
Daryl looked at him. "Earlier."  
"Yeah. We talked abou' tha' earlier. Murph' and I."  
"Was it what you are talkin' about in that other language?"  
"Aye. Gaelic."  
"Where did you learn all the languages?"  
"School. Ma' made us", Murphy answered before Connor.  
"What do you think happened?"Daryl bit his lip and his hand grabbing the strip of his bow harder. He didn't like to talk about it but they should. He was not so stupid to think they could just forget about that.  
Connor stopped walking, looked to the sky, one hand rubbing his eyes, the other one grabbing his rosary. "Seriously? We have no idea."  
"Actually Connor had an idea but this can't be", Murphy added.  
"What exactly?"  
Connor moaned, shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest. "I thought about..maybe..you are.." He looked at Murphy, who nodded in agreement. "Maybe you are our soulmate."  
Daryl slapped himself in mind and was screaming "fuck no" inside but he just looked surprised at Connor. Could it be that two minds had the same thought?  
"But soulmates.. I thought that you are supposed to fall in love with your soulmate and I am not gay, so...", he tried to argue.  
Connor again shook his head. "See, there is the problem. I thought the exact same thing when they told Murphy and me we were soulmates. When we were kids they told us we were so much alike that we had to be soulmates. I read a lot abou' it and there are actually different kinds of soulmates. But none of them make any sense with us. You just can't be and we don't want you to be." Connor was annoyed. He was angry. He didn't want anything or anyone between him and his brother. even so he already knew that the Redneck was exactly that. Ever since the morning he was sure of it. But he would not let this happen. Murphy and Connor would go with the group but if there would be any sign that Daryl was gettin' inbetween of them they would leave.  
He started walking and didn't look back at Daryl or his brother. He heard Murphy say: "Don't. He needs to calm. Let me talk to him."  
Connor felt his brother coming closer and felt his hand on his shoulder. When he looked at his brothers face, the face he loved so much. The face that had made him smile, cry and behave like a big brother. Sometimes he forgot that he wasn't really older. Just some seconds. His brother was smiling at him now and Connor sighed. "It can't be", he whispered.  
"Yeh kno' tha' we can't do anythin' against it if it is gods will, righ'? What if we need him? A new mission?", Murphy tried to make sense of this mess.  
"Maybe."

* * *

 

They reached the houses and took their weapons out. Daryl was going first and shot two walkers that were walking into their direction. They looked around for a car, but couldn't find it. They entered the first house, everyone checking another room and found nothing. They did that with three more houses and then went into a barn. Inside were four walkers, which were easily destroyed. Connor shot one and killed the other one with his knife. Daryl shot one with an arrow and Murphy was stabbing the other one. The Unter was looking around the place to find any sign of Beth but couldn't find anything.  
He sat down on the porch and sighed. He knew it wouldn't be that easy but still he was disappointed. Where should they search? Where go next? The next town was too far to go there today. And even now it was already too late to go anywhere. They had needed longer than he thought and it just looked as if they had two options: Stay here without food or walk back in the dark.  
"What now", Murphy wanted to know.  
"We are stayin'. Its not safe to go back. It is gettin' dark", Daryl answered.  
"Aye. Let's find us a house then."  
Murphy walked over to his brother who was keeping his distance to Daryl. Something was going on in his head but he wouldn't talk to Murphy. Daryl was looking at one of the houses. That one would be the best choice. There was no back entry, no garage and they could sleep in the front room. It had curtains and was good enough for one night.  
"We are taking this one", he yelled over to Murphy and his brother.  
"Aye", the younger one answered.  
Daryl leaned his crossbow against the wall and searched the kitchen for something to eat. All he could find was one jar of selfmade jelly and a can of fruits. He opened both and went back to the living room. Reaching the twins the food and spoons. The twins were sitting on the wrecked sofa and Daryl sat on the opposite site. "Wow, Conn' taste this. It's the best fuckin' food I ever had." Murphy was eating a spoon of Jelly and smiling as if he just ate a steak.  
"Yeah sure bro." Connor wasn't in the mood for silly games.  
Murphy stopped smiling and stopped eating, reaching Daryl the jelly. Connor wasn't eating anything. Daryl held the fruits in front of Connors face. "Eat."  
"Not hungry." Connor looked angry.  
Daryl shrugged and started eating the fruit. He changed looks with Murphy who just sighed and ignored his brother.  
"Have I done something?", Daryl asked.  
Murphy shook his head. Pointed at Connors head and then swirled his fingers. "He is crazy in thoughts", he mumbled.  
"I can hear you, yeh kno'?" Connor threw an angry look at his twin.  
"Good. I thought you are drifting into dreamland. What's on yer mind?"  
"Nothing."  
Daryl snorted. "As if."  
"What the fuck d'yeh kno'?"  
Connor stood up and walked into the kitchen, closing the door behind him. He had no intention to stay in the same room as those two. He just couldn't. Everything felt so weird and he was absolutely confused. Daryl. Murphy. Him. What was happening?  
He wasn't angry at them - he was angry at this world and this whole thing. Even if he had no idea what the thing was.  
The craziest thing was that he started to like Daryl. The way he protected everyone and that he was trying to talk to them even so he wasn't that much of a talker. He seemed to be a very quiet and observing person. Connor wanted to find out about his past. His brother was just a jerk and it left him wondering why Daryl was so different. Why he flinched at every touch. Connor thought it was kind of strange that they only knew each other for two days. It feels like they have known each other for much longer.  
When he went back into the other room, his brother was sleeping on the couch. His right arm tucked under his head, the other one spread across his stomach. He had made himself a pillow with his pea coat and he was smiling. Connor watched his brother and gently stroke his forehead, placed a little kiss on his hair and whispered: "Good night brother." Murphy smiled and mumbled: "Good Night Conn'."  
Daryl had watched Connor while he was kissing his brother and wishing him a good night. And he had never felt so lonely. Not once in his life someone had said good night in such a voice. never had anybody kiss his forehead. not even his mom. His mom only patted his head and then he had to go and dress him self and went to bed. Merle never had done it either and his dad sure as hell never knew what it took to be gentle.  
Connor was smiling down on his brother and Daryl looked away until Connor spoke: "You can sleep too. I will keep watch."  
"No I'm good. Can't sleep anyway"; Daryl answered in all honesty. Because there were too much things on his mind.  
"Me neither. Lucky Murph' he never has problems with sleeping." Connor smiled and sat down next to Daryl. His arms resting on his knees and his head buried in his palms. He tried to calm himself a bit before speaking to Daryl again.  
"Wha' are yeh thinkin' righ' now?"  
Daryl sighed. He could either tell the truth or come up with something weird. But Connor would probably know when he was lying. "That I never had someone say "Good Night" to me like you just did with Murphy."  
Daryl watched Murphy sleep. He seemed so innocent and young. Smiling as if nothing bad ever happened.  
Connor swallowed, a knot that was building itself inside his throat. Never? What about his parents? Carefully he faced Daryl. The hunter always had this glowering expression on his face. He had seen him smirk and laugh a bit but it never seemed to reach his eyes. Connor wanted to make him smile. Connor wanted him to be better. Somehow Connor wanted him to be like Murphy. Maybe a bit.  
"Never?", Connor whispered and Daryl surveyed Connors face. It was friendly and open, not judgemental or joking. His voice was so soft that Daryl just shook his head. Unable to find words.  
"That is sad. Sorry lad."  
Connor smiled and sat down cross-legged and so he could face Daryl from his side. Daryl nodded. "It's okay. I live."  
"But, did yeh mum or dad never say "Good Night" or hugged and kissed you before yeh went to sleep? Merle?"  
Daryl shook his head. He couldn't believe he was opening up to that guy next to him. Maybe he had changed. Maybe Beth had gotten to his weak spot. Maybe...no there was no maybe. He sure as hell felt as if Connor was a brother, a friend. Something else.  
"No. My dad wasn't so much of a nice person, my mum was always drunk and Merle was away most of the time and didn't care that much. Because he thought it was gay."  
Connor sniffed. "Did that look gay to you?"  
"No. It looked like two brothers that love and protect each other."  
"Aye. I love him. A lot. I would stop living if he was ever taken from me."  
Daryl moved and sat down on the couch the same way Connor was sitting. Facing him and said with all honesty: "I promise you I will take care of you two. I will throw myself in the line." He meant it.  
"Why?", Connors voice broke.  
"I don't know. Maybe because this world needs people like you. People who are able to love and believe in good and have faith. I am just a tool. you are the survivors." Connor shook his head and stopped smiling. Did Daryl really think so bad of himself?  
"Promise me, that you are not going to kill me or punch me for what I am doing now."  
Daryl looked confused but agreed.  
The older one approached and gently stroked Daryl's forehead. Daryl froze and looked at Connor, who smiled assuringly. "I won't do anything, okay. Just relax", the Irish whispered and Daryl relaxed a bit and was smiling inside because that voice of Connor was so full of care that he just let him go further. Connor had never done this to another guy. When he kissed Rocco or other friends he always had a hand between his lips and the other part. But now he knew Daryl needed this. He had to show him that Daryl was able to have this things and to do them. Maybe this will take a while but Connor was sure that Daryl was able to love. He already loved the group.  
He slowly pressed his lips against his friends forehead, his hand resting on both sides of his head, gently stroking the hunters cheeks. When he stopped kissing, he let his hands where they were and looked at Daryl. Daryl had closed his eyes, his hands now moving towards Connors wrists. Just holding them. Not taking them away. Connor thought he would earn a punch for this but much to his surprise Daryl opened his eyes and for the first time, Connor saw something else in this eyes. Trust. They sat there for a while and the burning inside of them was getting calmer and calmer and while Daryl held Connors wrists, the saint was still touching his cheeck. Daryl moved closer into the touch, closing his eyes again. he sighed and leaned forward to hug Connor. He pulled him closer and closer and whispered: "Thank you. Thanks for saving us. Me. God sent you. Even is he sent you years too late."  
Connor sat still, embraced Daryl and pet the back of the man. One of his hands playing with the long hair. He didn't mind that he was holding a man. A friend. He just wanted to safe him. Even from himself. He wanted to show Daryl that he is good and loved. And for fucks sake, yes, Connor was falling in love with that stupid redneck. And he wasn't even into guys.  
"I wish we would have been there for you. One day you are goin' to tell me what happened to you."  
Daryl sniffed and hugged Connor even closer and for the first time in his life he could feel safe and he could feel himself growing. He could feel so many things and one thing was more confusing then the other feelings that were struggling inside his body, he never wanted to let go of Connor. He wanted to hold on to him. Maybe forever.  
"Oh, Leprechaun", he whispered and put a kiss on Connors ear.  
They sat like this for a long while until Daryl's leg was getting numb. But both of them knew, something had changed.


	9. I'm sick, completely fucked in my head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter! I'm sorry it is so fluffy but I swear it will get bloody and horrible soon. Very soon! 
> 
> It is so much fun writing this and I am already writing chapter 16. So there will be a lot more coming for you all. 
> 
> Thanks for the nice feedback. I really appreciate it. I never thought that writing in another language would make fun after a while but it really does. And I am actually learning something.
> 
> Enough said. Have fun!

Connor woke up to the sound of his brother talking to Daryl. Connor was too tired to know what they were talking about. He tried to wake up properly and wondered where he fell asleep. The last thing he remembered was that he had talked to Daryl after hugging him and that he had closed his eyes for a minute. He slowly lifted his head up and opened his eyes. He looked around and realized that he had slept on Daryl's shoulder. His eyes widened and he looked at Murphy who was looking amused, while Daryl ignored him.  
"G'mornin' sleepyhead", his brother said.  
"Mornin'", Connor mumbled.  
"Did you dream somethin' nice?" Murphy asked and started to chuckle. Connor realized his brothers gaze and looked down on himself. Morning wood.  
"Shut up!"  
Daryl then looked at Connor and raised an eyebrow.  
"Don't you dare start", Connor insisted.  
"Can I have my arm back now fuckhead? You already left bruises on it."  
Connor looked down at his hand and saw that he was grabbing Daryl's arm so hard that he had left scratches and bruises. He couldn't remember what he dreamt but that had to be some violent stuff.  
"Sorry. Why didn't you wake me up?"  
"Because you needed to sleep", the hunter answered.  
"Aye. Thanks."  
Daryl smiled and stood up. "We should go back to the group now."  
"Aye", Murphy agreed.  
Daryl walked out of the house and Murphy looked worried at Connor. "You okay brother?"  
"Yeah. O'course."  
"You look like shite."  
Connor shrugged and followed Daryl outside. He looked at him and Daryl returned it. Something had definitely changed between them. When Murphy walked out the door he rested a hand on Connors shoulder and Daryl started walking. "What were you two staring at each other?"  
"Nothing."  
"Didn't look like nothing." Murphy followed Daryl, leaving his brother standing in front of the house. Connor sighed. He was screwed. He had to keep secrets from Murphy, had to stop staring at Daryl and had to sort all those weird thoughts in his head. Especially that dream he had. He knew Daryl was in it but couldn't quiet remember what it was about. Last night really was some sort of life changing thing.  
He slowly followed the other two, seeing them talk to each other. Daryl seemed to relax around Murphy a bit more then yesterday and at least they weren't yelling at each other. Connor thought it was somehow as if he had two brothers now, that looked like twins. It bothered him a bit, that Daryl looked so much more like Murphy's twin than he did. And it bothered him, that he cared for him as much as he did for his brother. This was ridiculous. They only just met and he had his brother for over 35 years.  
"Yer so quiet", Murphy stated and waited for Connor to approach him.  
"Thinkin'."  
"Abou'?"  
Connor just pointed at Daryl who was walking in front of them. Murphy sighed and asked in french: "Wha' did he do?"  
The Older brother sighed and replied: "We talked a bit. And I think. I don't know Murph' but somehow I like him."  
Murphy nodded. "Aye. Me too."  
"Yeah?"  
"Yeah. He seems like a decent guy. He doesn't like touching a lot but I think he cares about you. He told me that you fell asleep on his shoulders hours ago and he didn't want to move because you needed sleep."  
"Wha'?"  
"Yes."  
Connor looked at Daryl's back. Was it possible that Daryl indeed was their soulmate?  
"Wha' were yeh talkin' abou' earlier?", Connor asked.  
"Abou' you. Told him yeh needed time to think and that yeh will talk when yeh done. He was worried that he had upset yeh."  
"Jaysis. I am not fragile."  
Murphy laughed. And answered in english: "No, you have balls of steel Conn'."  
"Fuck yeh."  
"No! Fuck yeh."  
Daryl turned around. "Fuck both of you."  
Which made the twins look at him and chuckle. "Fuck yeh, yeh lil' redneck", Murphy teased Daryl.  
"No seriously you both need to shut up. I want to hunt while we are on our way back. Bring food for our people."  
"Aye."  
"Connor, can I talk to ya' for a second?"  
Both men stared at each other and the older one nodded. "Walk a bit behind us brother", and added in gaelic: "I will tell yeh later."  
Murphy agreed and let both of them walk away. He followed them not too close, knowing that the hunter was probably going to talk about something private and he didn't want to upset him or his brother. He had seen the way Daryl was looking at his sleeping brother. Daryl hadn't noticed that he was already awake and watching him. Daryl had smiled at the sleeping person on his shoulder and he even stroke one strain of hair out of his face. Murphy had thought it looked like him and Connor. Only that Daryl was playing big brother. This was something good. He could feel it in his bones. Daryl wasn't a bad sign. He was the one good sign they were searching for. And of course the little string of events that were attached to him. Eugene who knew something about that virus, the group with all those good people and a baby. As if this was the family that had to survive to restart this world. Turn this now ugly place into a new paradise. Maybe this was gods will and deep in his chest Murphy knew that Daryl was indeed their soulmate. That was the reason they were behaving like they were, right?  
Daryl smirked at Connor.. "Abou' last night. Can we not tell that to the group? I know you will tell Murphy but please just don't tell the group."  
"I won't."  
"Thank you."  
"No. Thank yeh for let me sleep on your shoulder." Daryl nodded and smiled. "I kinda liked it. Made me feel like a big brother for once."  
Connor couldn't help it and slung his arm around Daryl's waist. For a second he saw him flinch but than he just walked on. "Yeh actin' like a brother already. Murphy starts really likein' yeh."  
"Yeah. He is pure energy, isn't he?"  
"Hell. Yeh have no idea. He is stronger than any battery that was ever invented. I love him for that."  
Daryl cracked a smile. "He is so completely different to me." Daryl's smile broke because how could Connor like him then, when he was nothing like Murphy. Was he the brother with the bad behaviour and the bad attitude then? Could Connor like him like a brother? Daryl wanted Connor to like him. He NEEDED him to like him.  
"He is. But tha' is not a bad thing. Yeh really awesome, too. Yeh full of power but different power. Yeh can concentrate on yeh tasks, yeh can hunt, yeh are a survivor. Yeh would possibly survive an apocalypse." Connor smiled and Daryl shook his head. "Beth once said that I would be the last man standing."  
"Maybe she was right", Connor agreed.  
"Yeah." Daryl sighed and looked into the distance. Connor took his arm away and whispered: "We will find her."  
Daryl nodded and Connor knew it was time now to let Daryl lead them and walk in Silence.  
He grabbed his brothers hand and squeezed it for a second and then let go. Murphy nodded. This was their sign for "Later."

* * *

 

**one hour later**

They were getting close to the hide-out and Daryl made Connor and Murphy stop and hide behind some trees and sat down. "We need to be quiet and wait. Maybe we are lucky and some deer or squirrels cross our way."  
"Aye. Wha' do we do then?", Murphy asked.  
"Sit down and just wait."  
Murphy looked at his brother. Murphy didn't like to sit down. He was too twitchy for that.  
"C'mere brother. We'll share my last smoke, heh?"  
Murphy snorted but did as he was told. Connor gave Daryl an apologizing look because he really had only one smoke left. Daryl smirked and nodded.  
He watched the brothers smoke and couldn't help himself but think that he had never seen someone looking so good smoking. Especially Connor.  
"So we just sit here and don't even talk?"  
"That's the plan. You don't want to scare all the animals away with your annoying mouth", Daryl joked.  
Connor hid his smile behind his fist and Murphy mumbled something like: "says the guy with the same lips."  
The Hunter and the older twin looked at each other while Murphy was poking holes in the ground with a stick. Connor shrugged. Daryl wished he could sit next to Connor. Already missing the touch. He didn't even know what to make of this. He was not gay and he never had the urge to touch someone like he had it with Connor and Murphy. Murphy...it was foreign to him that he felt like a big brother to this two, but with Murphy that feeling was even stronger. Because he seemed so young and so wild. Reckless, open and innocent. He was much more fragile and as Daryl imagined he was hiding it behind a smile. That's why Connor said he loves that about Murphy. Daryl was never good at getting people so fast or understand what they want but this was different with these two.  
Daryl said: "We can talk but silent. And as soon as I hear something and give you a sign you will shut up."  
"Aye", Murphy agreed.  
"So then, talk."  
"What was your life before all this?", Murphy asked.  
"Pretty much the same. Hunting, sometimes working at different low-budget-jobs and getting into trouble with Merle."  
Murphy nodded. "Aye. Thought so."  
"What does that mean? Ya' think I wouldn't be able to have a normal life?"  
Murphy shook his head and looked at Connor for help. "No it's just that you seem so uncomfortable with people. Couldn't imagine you working at a shop or something."  
"I indeed worked at a shop once. Night-shifts."  
"Yeh took drugs like Merle?"  
Daryl shook his head. "No. I hated him for doin' drugs. Something else?" Daryl was annoyed talking about his past so much, when he really didn't want to go back there for just a second. His Dad was finally dead, even so he missed that stupid fucker. He had raped him more than once, had hit him with sticks, belts and his most favorite weapon were bottles. Daryl got so used to it that he sometimes liked to be punched and have bruises. As kid he sometimes poked his own bruises to feel the pain again. To check if he was still alive. And yet he missed his family. Blood is blood.  
Murphy noticed the tone in Daryl spoke to him and gave up. "No. Sorry", he tried to apologize for being so nosy.  
"Noted and accepted."  
Connor looked at his brother and slapped his knee. "Yer really a pain in the ass baby brother."  
"Fuck yeh. He knows a lot more abou' us. Just wanted to get to kno' our soulmate."  
He widened his eyes and looked to both men. He didn't want to say it out loud. But Connor just smiled widely, showing his teeth and his eyes getting brighter. "So yeh think he is tha'."  
"Yeah?"  
"Well glad yeh say it because I think Daryl is like a brother."  
Daryl watched them with fascination and something in him just felt warm and glowing and it made him feel happy and afraid at the same time. He was not really sure what to make of all this. How to handle that? What was he supposed to do or say?  
Better he just kept quiet for a while.  
"Wha' d'yeh think?", Connor asked him.  
Daryl just shrugged and said nothing.  
"Yeh don't feel it?", Connor asked a bit less enthusiastically.  
"I don't know, okay? I don't want..." Daryl tried to explain but then noticed a movement and stood up and gave the both of them a sign to shut up.  
He raised his crossbow and looked at the direction he had seen the movement. And he smiled when he saw that familiar reddish brown fur, the white spots and the big black eyes. He never liked killing deer but in these times they needed the food. With one precise arrow he shot the deer and throw the crossbow on his back. "Come on. I just shot us some deer. Ya' going to help me bring it to our family."  
He started walking into the direction the deer fell on the ground, followed by Connor and Murphy. When they arrived Connor said: "Wow, great shot. Right in the heart."  
"Yeh really have a lot of practice."  
"Yeah. I didn't like to shoot Bambi but we need the flesh."  
"Aye."  
Daryl checked if the deer was dead and then pulled out his arrow. Cleaning it at his rag, he was always carrying around. "And I shoot the heart because I don't want them to suffer."  
Both Irishmen nod and then Murphy suggested to carry the Deer on his back and then reach it to Connor so they could share the weight a bit and Daryl leading them and shooting with his crossbow. They all agreed and walked back to their group.  
Daryl only had to shoot one walker and shot two bunnies on their way.  
The closer they got to their family the more he felt glad to have the two brothers with him. For some strange reason he couldn't imagine being back to Rick and the others without having them there. Maybe they made everything complete. Or he wanted them for another reason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can someone explain to me, why sometimes the chapters look so horrible and sometimes when I post them they look fine? I am using the same program and don't change anything. (Now I had to change every second line because suddenly there were spaces where there should be none and no space where there should be)


	10. Completely sucked out, dry, half dead inside, we'll never see (again)

When they arrived they saw Rick, Michonne and Carl outside on the porch. Carl was holding his sister and they looked like a happy family. Daryl smirked. The others seemed to be inside.  
"Rick", Daryl called his friend.  
"Finally", the sheriff said and stood up to greet them. "We were already worried."  
"Yeah. Way took longer than I thought. Didn't find her."  
Rick put his hands on Daryl's shoulder. "We will find her."  
"Aye. Just wha' I said. Look we brought food", Connor said.  
Rick walked over to both twins and greeted them with a nod. "Thanks you three. We are all hungry. This will help a lot." He then turned around. "Michonne. Go get the others."  
"Where do we put the deer?", Murphy asked.  
The hunter looked around and so did Rick. "We should do the bloody work outside and then maybe put it into the basement. Ya' guys know how to skin a deer?"  
"Yeh funny. We worked at a meat packing factory."  
"So is this a yes?", Daryl spit.  
"Yeah. I worked at a butcher too. So fuck we help yeh", Connor answered.  
The others came out and greeted them back. Everyone was excited and glad about the food and Carol told Maggie and the other girls to search for something to add to the flesh. Maybe they had some canned stuff left that was good enough. And they had found some tomatoes and stuff at Terminus.  
Rick looked at Daryl and the hunter returned his gaze. "Need to talk to you for a second", the sheriff said.  
"Conn' and Murph' ya can already go over to the bunch of trees at the backside. I'll follow." Connor nodded and smiled when he heard that Daryl had already gone over to call them with their shortcuts. Connor and Murphy were just around the corner, when Rick grabbed Daryl's arm. "Why were you gone so long?"  
"I already told you." Daryl was confused. Why was Rick behaving like this?  
"Never do that again. You said you will be back by nightfall. I stayed up all night waiting."  
Rick was halfway yelling and halfway holding back his anger. His voice was only a rasp. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make ya' worry. Nothing happened and both of them are good shooters."  
Rick nodded. "I don't wanna lose you - again! I need you by my side. You know why."  
Daryl nodded. Yeah he could imagine. After seeing Rick how he ripped someones throat out with his bare teeth he knew his friend needed a break. They all had to work on their soul. While Daryl felt as if he needed to get softer, Rick had to become hard. They had gone through so much change that he barely recognized Rick. Rick looked more and more like a wild animal. "I know Rick." Daryl patted his friends shoulder.  
The sheriff nodded again. "How did you deal with the two?"  
Daryl smirked. "They are good people, Rick. Nothing to worry about. You should try to get to know them. I think you would like them."  
"Maybe we should all have a little break this evening. With food and booze."  
Both men smiled and agreed to it. "Great. I will help those two now before we don't have any food left."  
"You do that. I will sent Glenn and Bob to get some fire wood."  
Daryl nodded, clapped Ricks shoulder again and then went over to catch up with his two soulmates.  
Connor and Murphy had already bound the deer to the tree and Connor had slit its throat. And Murphy had made a hole in the ground to catch the blood. So they could cover it with dirt and leaves afterwards. Daryl looked at the hole and smiled. Good idea. "Who did have the idea with the hole?"  
"Was my idea. Thought we didn't want to have the smell here and attract walkers or bugs", Murphy explained.  
Daryl grinned. "Ya' brain isn't as stupid as I thought."  
For that Murphy slapped his arm and then tried to get him into a choke-hold to rub Daryl's head. He would have succeeded if not Connor would have interrupted him. "Murph' stop it."  
Daryl huffed. "Get your hands off me."  
"Okay. Okay. Yer all no fun."  
After that they worked in Silence. Skinning the deer and getting rid of the insides. "Murphy, go get some spices from the kitchen. Ask Carol if they found some herbs in the boxes from yesterday", Daryl ordered.  
"Aye." Murphy ran off to the house and Daryl sighed. He liked that guy. He could follow orders but would probably hit the shit out of everyone that was talking shit. Or if he wouldn't agree with something he would probably shoot around. Connor watched Murphy run to the house and was glad he had a minute alone with Daryl. "You okay?", Connor asked him.  
"Yeah. Why ask?"  
Connor was leaning against the tree and Daryl was standing in front of him, meeting his blue eyes. "Because we are back here. You are with your family."  
"yeah, so?" Daryl had no idea where Connors thoughts were.  
"You and Rick...what did he say?"  
Daryl sighed. "He was only worried. We have been through a lot together and he was afraid of losing me. Which is quiet a new feeling for me", Daryl admitted. His eyes never leaving Connors. He could see Connor thinking and he could see how that man felt with him. As if he could feel what he feels. "I agree with him. Losing you would be a big loss for the group." - And for us, Connor added in thoughts.  
"Thanks", Daryl whispered and broke the eye contact. He had to stop getting closer to the brothers. Getting too attached to someone in times like these would just make it worse when something happened to them.  
He was glad that Murphy interrupted them. "Here", he reached Daryl what Carol had given him in the kitchen. "Yeah. Those will do."  
They poked the deer on a stick and all three started rubbing the herbs and the spices into the flesh of the deer. When they were done Daryl and Connor carried it over to the fireplace that Glenn and Bob had arranged. They had found some dry hay and some wood. Connor sat down and lit the hay with his lighter. "This will take a while", Connor said.  
"Aye."  
"Murphy what do you think? Let us go back to that little lake and clean up a bit", Connor suggested to get a bit alone time with his brother, to talk to him.  
"Sounds great."  
Daryl followed the conversation and looked around. He saw the others near by so he just looked at Connor.  
The Latter whispered: "I need some time with him. Don't want the others to hear."  
"Agree. I will tell them I sent you to check out the area."  
"Thanks." Connor held himself back from touching Daryl. Not sure if the hunter was so eager to let others see how fast he got so close with them.  
Daryl watched the brothers entering the garage to grab some of their stuff and then leave. He was sitting in front of the fire, when Carl joined him. "Hi Daryl."  
"Hi Buddy."  
"You didn't find Beth?"  
"No. I'm sorry." Carl nodded.  
"It's not your fault. I miss her. She was nice." Daryl felt a knot in his throat.  
"She was very nice. We are going to find her."  
"I hope so. Can I help?"  
"Buddy, you can help your dad. He needs you and Judith needs you. But as soon as I need help I will ask you, okay?" Carl smiled and then stood up and walked over to Maggie who was holding Judith in her arms. Daryl watched everyone. Rick was talking to Michonne, Carol and Tara seemed to be inside, probably preparing something to eat. Glenn and Bob just came back with more wood and Abraham was lying underneath one of the cars. Maybe checking if they were good enough for the ride to Washington. Eugene was talking to him and Rosita was sitting against a tree watching them. His thoughts wandered to the two guys missing at the scenery. Murphy and Connor were bathing in the river now. Talking about last night. I wondered what Murphy would say. He would never admit it but he was already missing them. Perhaps more than he missed Beth.  
Fuck. Daryl poked a stick into the fire and snorted. What the fuck was wrong with him? Since when was he such a pussy? Hugging, kissing a mans ear, let a man sleep on his shoulder. Missing someone. He was about to go insane. That's it. Or those Irish fuckers had given him drugs or some Irish witchcraft. Stupid leprechauns.  
"Careful. You are hurting the fire", a soft and amused voice said next to him. He didn't need to look up to know it was Carol.  
"What do you want?", he said angrier than intended.  
"You know what I want." Daryl looked up to her and frowned. She was smiling all over her face.  
"Stop it. With your flirting."  
"Pookie. you are a charmer. Okay, joke aside. I just wanted to check on you. We haven't really spoken and I missed you a lot when Rick sent me away."  
Daryl shook his head in agreement. "I missed you too. Where were you?"  
She sighed and sat down next to him. "First I was driving in the other direction. Wanted to go to Washington or New York. But then I turned around and stayed near the prison and then I saw that you were under attack. I was already late and saw the bus leaving, saw you run away and saw Tyresee alone with three kids. So I went after him."  
"I am glad you did."  
He smiled at her and squeezed her hand. Carol was surprised by the touch and flinched a bit. She watched her friend carefully. She knew he could snap easily. His moods changed faster than someone could blink. Much to her surprise he didn't flinch and it was as if he had always touched her without hesitation. What had happened to him?  
"And Beth?", she asked.  
Daryl took his hand away, poking the fire again. "We went out together. Ran for days. Found shelter in a funeral home. Got attacked. Told her to wait outside for me and when I ran after her she was kidnapped. I ran the whole night. Trying to find her. Couldn't. Then gave up."  
"You will find her. You will. This time you will succeed." They looked at each other. Knowing that she was speaking of Sofia. The one time Daryl failed. He couldn't find that girl. "I hope so", he whispered.  
"You changed."  
"What do you mean?", his voice rough again.  
"You seem softer."  
"I am not. I am just tired."  
Carol looked at him again and then decided to leave him alone. His mood was changing and when she knew one thing about Daryl Dixon, then to leave him alone until he is able to talk about it. He needed his time with things and she didn't want to push him. She was glad to have him back. Even so she knew that they would never be a couple. But sometimes she wished she had met him earlier. Before Ed.  
She stood up and walked inside the house again. Daryl watched her leave. He had changed. The question was if that change was good or not.

* * *

**_Same time at the lake_ **

The brothers had stripped off their clothes, weapons on the edge of the lake, and their rosary's next to them. They were swimming a bit and Connor was glad to get the dirt out of his hair and from his skin. At least a bit. The water was ice cold and he knew they couldn't stay in there forever but he was enjoying the wetness. Murphy was smiling and diving his head under water, running his fingers through his black hair. Connor watched him a while and swam back to the land, lifting him up with one move and shaking himself like a dog, to get some of the water off his body. He put on his boxers and then sat down to let the water dry a bit. Even so it was nearly too cold to do so. When Murphy came out of the water he too shook his whole body and put on his briefs. Then sat next to Connor. Connor looked at Murphy's back. He had scars on it from Merle's attack and his arm had this ugly wound from where he got shot during their first mission as the saints. And of course it was ugly because they head cauterised it with an iron. He knew there were little scars all over his brothers body from several injuries they had but every time he saw him naked it made him angry and sad. "So, you wanted to talk", Murphy broke the silence.  
"Yeah. Abou' last night."  
"Aye."  
"Yeh kno' after I kissed yeh g'night Daryl looked so sad. I asked him why. And he said tha' not once someone had wished him g'night like tha'. Not even his mom."  
"Oh", Murphy sighed.  
"He told me tha' he wished we would have met earlier to save him. He didn't say much but his mum always drank, his dad was an asshole and Merle...yeah we know Merle. I believe Daryl was abused as a kid", Connor finished and looked at his brother.  
"Tha' explains why he flinches when I touch him. Yeh kno' how I am. I just wanted to clap his shoulder and he retreted."  
"Aye. But...", the older twin held his breath and then said: "I may have done something."  
"Wha'?" Murphy watched his brother as he turned his head to look into the distance. "I wanted to make him feel better. Like I always do with you. I don't kno' why I did it. I kissed his forehead. I would have even accepted a punch or a death thread but instead he let it happen. As if he needed it more than anything else. God..Murph'..Daryl thinks he is not good enough to be loved and tha' he is not worth to survive."  
Murphy shook his head. "Tha' is so messed up. Yer not supposed to have these feelings for him. He is not yer brother. I am. I agree that he needs someone. And I agree that he maybe needs someone to open up to. He chose you and you are the best person I kno'...I just... Don't let it get to yeh. I kno' yer always tryin' to save everybody. But some can not be saved. We should make him believe in himself. Nothing more." Murphy stopped. He was too angry and too jealous for this. He doesn't want to share his brother. Not with someone looking like him.  
"Murph' yeh sound jealous. I swear yer always my first choice. I would always choose you over other people. Hell, if I am ever goin' to meet the love of my life I would gladly leave her for yeh. But yeh said so yerself. Daryl feels already like family. And yeh know I do everythin' for family." Connor buried his head in his palms and let out a noise of frustration. Murphy watched his brother and snorted. This was a mess.  
"I don't know Conn'. It all went too fast, too soon, too much at once. We should try to slow this whole thing down. Whatever this thing is."  
"So yer tellin' me if he needs help I am not helpin'?"  
"Yeah?" The twins looked at each other. And Connor nodded.  
"Aye. Then I will do tha'. You kno' I would never do somethin' to upset yeh. I hope Daryl will understand. Murph' you should have seen him. He is so broken and when he hugged me I could feel him relax. He will be a pain in the ass if we ignore him. But tha's wha' we will have to do then."  
Connor knew he would have a hard time ignoring Daryl. And he knew this wasn't going to end well. But he also was sure that Murphy was jealous and that it was pretty much obvious that he didn't want Daryl so close. Maybe because he couldn't feel that intense burning or maybe just because he knew that it would change everything. Connor was always at Murphy's side. But with two brothers he would have to decide every time. He would always chose his twin but his twin didn't seem to believe that.  
Murphy felt horrible. He didn't want Daryl to suffer but his fear of losing Connor to someone else was just too big. What if Connor would stop sleeping next to him? Stop being so close? Stop being his brother? Who would be there when Murphy's nightmares start again? Who would help him with his bullet wounds? His injuries? He had spent his whole life alongside his brother and he was not going to lose that. On the other side he was hurting someone else. Murphy sighed. This was so fucked up. He didn't want to hurt anybody. "Conn'?"  
"Hm?"  
"Are you mad at me?"  
Connor shook his head. "O'Course not. I understand you. Even so I wish you would think different abou' it." Connor ruffled his brothers hair and smiled. Then he stood up and put his clothes on. Murphy watched him for a second. Then decided to get dressed too.  
It was time to meet the group and talk to them. Avoiding Daryl. Connor sighed. How does someone ignore someone that is already in someone's heart?

* * *

Back at the house they saw Daryl sitting next to the fire and turning the deer around. They went past him, into the garage, putting their stuff there and then entered the house. Connor went over to Carol, to see if he could help and Murphy was sitting next to Carl on the couch. Playing with Judith. That made Connor smile. His little brother loved kids. Just like himself.  
"Hi Carol", he said.  
"Ah. Hello Connor."  
"Yeh need any help?" The women shook her head.  
"No I'm good. Maggie and Tara helped me. And now we are only waiting for the flesh to get ready. So we can serve everything the same time."  
"That sounds so good. Murph' and me haven't had flesh in month."  
"Yeah. It's nice that Daryl went hunting."  
"Aye. Good hunter tha' guy."  
Carol nodded and put some fruits into a bowl. Dessert.  
"He is a good guy. He seems to like you and your brother."  
Connor nodded and felt a unknown pain in his chest. "How do you know?"  
Carol turned around, leaning her back against the counter of the kitchen, looking at Connor who was standing next to her. "Let me tell you about Daryl. He never trusted anybody when I first met him. He was hard, always yelling, always angry and was always punching and shooting before speaking. Everyone thought he was like his brother Merle. A violent asshole."  
"Yeah we met that one."  
Carol raised an eyebrow. "Where?"  
"Back at Woodbury. He beat the crap out of us because he thought Murph' was Daryl. Murph's whole back is covered in scars from him. We got out of that fucked up place as soon as we heard they were goin' to attack a prison."  
"Does Daryl know about Murphy and Merle?"  
"Yes. Murphy told him."  
"Good. Yeah, where was I..ah yeah. And then he started searching for my little girl. She got lost in the woods and he kept on searching for days. He nearly got killed twice. That's when we first saw the kindness in him. After we found her...dead, he wanted to be alone. Was angrier then ever before. I come from an abused relationship and went up there one day and he nearly beat me but stopped himself. Daryl has had a hard life. And it needed an apocalypse to show him that he is needed. But he doesn't see it. He thinks he is worthless. Daryl is the most fragile and the strongest person in here. And him making friends with you two so fast does mean something. Maybe he saw something in you." Carol looked at Connor with a smirk. Then tapped his shoulder and added: "If you hurt him or anyone in this group I make sure you will regret it."  
Connor raised his hands. "Wait. Stop. We don't want to hurt anybody. Thank you for telling me all this about Daryl. I think I should go now. And uhm..I am sorry about your girl."  
Carol shrugged and Connor made his way back to the garage. He leaned against the wall. Fuck. FUCK! He needed to get drunk. Very soon and very fast.  
He heard the door open but wasn't looking at whoever came in. He guessed it was Murphy. The person was now standing in front of him. He felt the person coming closer and he opened his eyes. Daryl. What on earth was he doing in here?  
"How did it go?", Daryl whispered.  
He was so close that Connor could smell him and feel his breath on his cheek. "I told him."  
"And?"  
"Everythin' is good." Connor was lying but how could he tell the truth. He would hurt Daryl.  
Daryl came even closer and kissed Connors cheek. Which made Connor close his eyes and sigh. He grabbed Daryl and pulled him into a hug. Then he whispered. "I am sorry."  
"For what?"  
"Everything."  
Daryl tried to get away from Connor but Connor was holding on to him. Not giving him one inch to move. Daryl snapped. "You are sorry? About last night?"  
Connors breath was heavy, his voice broke when he said: "Yes. I shouldn't have done it. You are nobody. Not my brother. I barely know you." It was so wrong. So fuckin' wrong. But he had to. He had to make sure Murphy was happy. He had to get rid of Daryl. Maybe he could make Daryl hate him. Punch him. Beat him up. Maybe this wouldn't hurt so much as the thing inside his chest and soul. Connor was hurting a good person. He shouldn't call himself a saint anymore. He was evil. Just because he wanted his brother to relax.  
Daryl tried to get away from him but when he couldn't he raised his fist and punched Connors jaw. Connor let go of Daryl and grabbed his jaw. "Fuck yeh tha' hurt." He looked at Daryl, his eyes were black, cold and every emotion blocked behind a wall. Connor had hurt im in the most horrible way.  
"I hate you", Daryl said and tried to get out the door but Connor grabbed his wrist. "I am sorry", he said and got another punch for that. He was so angry that he started hitting Daryl too. Soon he could feel his eye hurt, his jaw, his stomach and none of them had noticed Murphy who was yelling at them. "STOP IT! Yer killin' each other."  
Murphy tried to get a hold of Connor and pull him away from Daryl who was lying on the ground. He had stopped to struggle and just let Connor beat him. He had no idea what happened but seeing Connor in rage and saying that he had made a mistake was too much. It was all that he thought. He wasn't good enough for them. He would never be their soulmate, their brother. He wouldn't mind to die. He saw that Murphy was struggling his brother now and he slowly stood up and went outside. Murphy giving him an apologizing stare. Murphy then looked at Connor. "Wha' was tha' all abou'?"  
Connor didn't answer. He went over to his backpack and pulled out a rag to clean himself up. He had blood everywhere but it didn't matter. Blood was better than the feeling of blankness inside of him. He just had beaten someone he liked. He had beaten someone that got abused as a kid. He had...he had beaten a brother half to death. He felt tears in his eyes and felt his brother hugging him. This was not good. This was bad. This was a mess. He felt dead inside. Empty. The burning was gone. Everything just went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so so sorry. Uhm...actually no I am not. My stories wouldn't be my stories if there wouldn't be any drama. I want to warn you guys the next chapters will be awfully dramatic and there will be triggerwarnings!


	11. I'm sick of other people's faces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG! You guys! Thanks for all the comments so far and I try to upload as soon as I can. I have written a lot of chapters already but have to edit them all. And just to warn you....It gets nasty now..And it gets horrible. BUT I am a sucker for little lovely moments.. So have fun with some "brotherly" love... *hehehehe**evil grin*

 

 

"Connor", Murphy shouted and punched his face. Connor could hear him and feel the punches but he didn't want to open his eyes. He had been unconscious for several minutes but now he refuses to ever open his eyes again. Connor didn't want to see anyone or anything. Not ever again. He had to get away. Next time Murphy tried to hit him he caught the hand in the air and opened his eyes, looked at his twin and said: "Punch me one more time and I will kill you." Murphy shrieked at the sound in his brothers voice. The coldness in his eyes. Something was horribly wrong and he had never seen his brother...broken. What happened? "Conn' wha' yer doin'?"  
"Get away Murph'. I will pack my things now and leave. I don't want you to follow. Stay with this group. Yeh hear me?" Connor had to get out. The group sure didn't want him here after what he had done and he didn't want Murphy at his side. He just wanted to be alone. Connor had had a lot of fights and he had beaten and killed a lot of men but with every punch he throw at Daryl he had felt something break inside his own body. Felt his heart and soul break. He saw Daryl's reaction. The way he gave up and the way he just let it happen after a while. Connor hit him just like his father did and that made him not better. It made him worse. And he had to get away from all the good people. From Murphy.   
"Wha' do yeh mean? I come with yeh." Murphy was confused. was Connor gone mad or did Daryl hit his head so hard that he had lost it?   
"No. Yeh don't. I don't want yeh. I don't want yeh to come anywhere near me." Connor pushed his brother off his body and started packing his things, checked for ammo and put on his pea coat. Before stepping out the door he looked one last time at his brother. He had to remember the sad look on his brothers face, the blue eyes that were filling up with tears, the way he bit his lip, his hair, his figure. He had to remember. Because he would never see him again. Connor had to safe him. And saving meant leaving him behind. The moment he stepped outside he could see the others sitting around the fire. He walked past them. Ignoring the people that called him. Ignored that Rick was yelling his name. He even ignored that Murphy ran after him and yelled his name. "CONN'!" He ignored it. "PLEASE DON'T!" Murphy had stopped coming after him. Either someone had hold him back or he had just given up. He could hear him scream and cry. One single tear was rolling down his own cheek. He never was good at hiding his feelings when Murphy was crying and screaming. He was ripping Murphy's chest open. But his twin was tough and he would get over him. He had a group that would care for him. He kept on walking. Connor didn't know for how long he walked. It was the middle of the night and he had passed the houses they had stayed some hours ago. He kept walking until he felt every bone hurt in his body and he found a little cabin in the woods. There were no walkers and no human being in sight. He entered the cabin and sat down behind the closed doors. He grabbed the rosary around his neck and ripped it off. He didn't want to throw it away. so he pushed it into his backpack. But it wasn't right to wear it anymore.  
  


**Back at the camp**

 

Murphy ran after Connor and yelled after him. He didn't understand why Connor was doing it. He had no idea why his brother, his twin would leave his side. That never had happened before. His brother was the one that always was eager to keep him close to protect him and now he just left him behind with a group of strangers. "CONN', Murphy yelled. Two arms were gripping him and holding him back. He tried to struggle and get rid of the arms. He didn't even know who was holding him back until he heard someone say: "Murphy you need to stay calm. You are attracting all the walkers." It was Rick.   
"PLEASE. DON'T", Murphy tried again. Knowing that it was senseless. His brother was gone. He couldn't even see him anymore. He fell to the ground. His knees knocking hard on the ground and he started crying. The one guy that wasn't supposed to leave him just left him. How was he going to survive without his brother? His soulmate? Why was he punished? What had he done? He felt Rick sitting next to him and the others were talking to him. Someone asked him questions but he just shut down. He wanted to die. Right here. Right fucking now. He felt like he was crying for hours. At some point they had left him alone and he was lying next to the fire now. He guessed it was Abraham who had carried him here. He stared into the flames. Why did Connor beat Daryl? Why did Daryl punch Connor and why the fuck did he leave? His sadness and confusion slowly turning into anger and when Connor was gone he had only one option left. Daryl. He looked around but couldn't see the hunter. He got up, wiped his face with his sleeve and drank a bit from the water someone had left next to him. Then stepped inside. Most were sleeping. Only Rick was awake. He couldn't see Daryl.   
"Where is Daryl?" Rick looked at him considering if he should say something.   
"I don't know. He came out of the house, grabbed his crossbow, all covered in blood and headed off. What happened?"   
"I have no fuckin' idea. I stopped them from killin' each other. I swear this morning they were just fine."   
"Yeah, well, seems like somethin' happened." Rick stood up and looked at Murphy.   
"They will come back. If not, you can always stay with us."   
"Conn' is not comin' back", Murphy whispered.    
"Why?" "You didn't see his eyes. I've never seen it before. He looked as if...as if he didn't care anymore." Murphy felt the tears coming back. He decided he had to do something.    
"I think probably they cared too much. Listen I know Daryl. He can be cold like a stone but I have never seen him open up so fast to someone. It was like he trusted you from the off. I guess that it just got intense and he snapped."   
"Maybe", or something was very wrong. Murphy remembered the talk he had with his brother. Soulmates. Murphy snorted. "I have to go. I will find Daryl. I think I know where he is."   
"Where?" Rick looked concerned and he sure as hell wanted Daryl back.   
"The place we stayed last night. I will be back in some hours." Without waiting for a response Murphy ran to the garage, grabbing his gun and started running as soon as he was outside. He ran for a while suddenly full of rage filled energy.   
He wasn't sure if he really would find Daryl there but he had to try. He know Connor was too smart to stay that near but he knew that Daryl was just pissed and would want to go back to his group. So he would stay near them. Murphy entered the house they had slept in.   
"Daryl?" No answer.   
"Daryl, are you in here?" He checked the kitchen and then went to the couches. And he saw him. He was lying there, still covered in blood. His eyes covered by his armpit and the other hand grabbing the crossbow next to him. Murphy looked down on him. He was shaking. Murphy got down on his knees as soon as he realized that Daryl was crying. He grabbed the hand that was holding the weapon, took the weapon away and the arm went straight to the hunters stomach. He was shielding himself.   
"Daryl?", Murphy tried calmer.   
"Go away", Daryl mumbled.   
"Please, look at me", Murphy tried.   
"Fuck off. Go and annoy your brother."   
"I can't. Connor is gone." Daryl stilled and he took his arm from his face and tried to open his eyes. One was too swollen to do so.   
"What do ya mean gone?"   
"He left."   
"Without you?" Murphy just nodded again. Tears filling his eyes again. Daryl looked at his look-a-like and grabbed Murphy's wrist.   
"What happened?"   
"He ran off after you two nearly killed each other."   
"Why?"   
"I don't fuckin' know. I came after you because I knew you would stick near to the group. Tell me what the fuck happened." Murphy was up to his feet and walking up and down the room. Daryl tried to stand up but he couldn't. His stomach hurt and he felt a little dizzy.   
"He told me that he regretted everything."   
"Wha'?" Murphy stopped moving and looked at Daryl. Part of him feeling really sorry for what his brother did to that face.   
"He regretted letting me in. Holding me. He told you what happened here last night."   
"Aye. But why would he regret that?"   
"You tell me." Murphy suddenly sat opposite of Daryl. He tried to remember the conversation and it hit him like a train. HE was the reason Connor was acting like that. Of Course. He had told him to get away from Daryl. To slow it down. Not letting him in. Murphy was jealous. Too jealous to see.   
"I'm sorry", he whispered.   
"For wha'?"   
"I think this was my fault. I told him to stay away from you. I was...jealous. I didn't want you to get the same attention as me. Didn't want to share Conn." Daryl sighed. So this was it? Connor did this to make Murphy happy? No. There had to be something else. "I never would try to get between you and Connor."   
"I know."   
"No Murphy. You don't. Fuck." Daryl held his stomach and felt the pain everywhere.   
"Then make me understand because I just fuckin' want my brother back." Daryl stood up and walked over to Murphy. As angry as he was he couldn't bare to see Murphy like this. Because he just couldn't switch the feelings off even so he had tried it while Connor was beating him. "Did he tell you about my past?" Murphy nodded.   
"Yeah that your dad was a douchebag and you felt unloved and that you got hit."   
"I never let people come too close to me. But you two. I felt..I felt save with you. I...I don't know. And I needed Connor last night. I needed that little touch of his. I never had those things. And when I saw you two I was jealous. I never had a brother look after me. At least not in this way. Maybe I just wanted that. I never meant to hurt you." Daryl touched Murphy's arm. The twins eyes following the movement and then meeting his eyes.   
"I am sorry."   
"Don't." Daryl then moved back to the other couch, laying down because he had too much pain to sit up. Murphy looked at him and then went to the kitchen to find some sort of towel and he found a bottle of water in one cupboard. He knelt before Daryl who was looking at him. And then Murphy started to clean Daryl up. Daryl was flinching and hissing in pain but didn't hold him back.   
"You look horrible", Murphy said.   
"Yeah well thank you. Maybe I should punch you so we look the same."   
"Not funny."  He had cleaned up Daryl's face and then grabbed his hands and cleaned his knuckles.   
"Let me see your stomach.", Murphy said.   
"Fuck off. I am not taking off my shirt. "Daryl. Don't be stubborn. Let me see."   
"No way."   
"Fine. But don't complain when you have blood drying on your whole stomach and in your chest hair."   
Daryl eyed him for a while. "God kid, you are annoying. Fine. Here." Daryl moved his shirt up, without pulling it off and Murphy looked at the hunters stomach.   
"fuck", he said. Not only were there big fat bruises that were dark black, no at one point an old wound was ripped open. Murphy cleaned Daryl's stomach and chest. Ignoring all the old wounds and then he said: "I could cauterize that or try to find a needle"   
"No way. You are not."   
"As you wish. But the minute I see this gets worse I will." Daryl put his shirt back where it belongs and then said "Thanks".   
"Aye." Murphy just knelt there and looked at Daryl. Why was this so awkward? Instead of being angry and sad he now was glad to have him near. This situation clearly was fucked up.  "What do I do now?" The dark haired looked at the hunter.    
"What do you want to do?"   
"Find Connor."   
"Then we do that."   
"We?"   
"Well yeah. I won't let you go on your own." For a while they sat in silence and Murphy suddenly felt the need to hug Daryl and he just did. He didn't care that Daryl was in pain or that he didn't like to be touched. After a second he felt Daryl's arms pressing him closer and actually pulling him onto the couch. Daryl flinched in pain when he felt Murphy's weight on him. But for some strange reason he thought he had to protect him. like Connor would have done. he had to comfort him as if this was HIS little brother. Not a friend. A brother. As if somehow this was his job. Murphy was behaving so much younger than he actually was. Daryl had to play the older one. So he didn't mind that the man was lying on top of him, burying his head in his neck and his arms under Daryl's body. Murphy relaxed on top of Daryl and was grateful that the hunter was there. He didn't know what to make of this but he just closed his eyes and tried to imagine that Daryl was Connor. Because it felt like it. The only thing that surprised him was when Daryl kissed his ear and then whispered: "It all will be okay. We will find him." Murphy moved his head up and looked at Daryl. The hunter was smiling at him, which made Murphy smile too. He put one feet back to the ground and stated himself on his arms. Hovering over Daryl's face. He put a kiss to the mans forehead.   
"Thank you, brother." They looked at each other again and nodded. Daryl couldn't believe that he wasn't beating that kid to death for touching him. He couldn't believe that this was his life now. What he could think was that he felt nothing but a growing love inside of him. For his two brothers. Yes, they had to find Connor. Murphy was so close now that Daryl had to chuckle. If this wasn't a man he would totally think that Murphy was about to kiss him.   
"Why are you laughing?"   
"Because this is the gayest shit." Murphy chuckled.   
"Yeah. Now that you mention it..." And Murphy moved is head even closer to Daryl's face, aiming for his lips but before touching the other mans lips he put his hand between it.    
"Jesus. Murphy." Murphy laughed and got off Daryl. They both watched each other.   
"We alrigh'? Yer not mad at me for being jealous?"   
"No. Because I am jealous of ya too."   
"Now rest. We should go back to the group in the morning and then search for Conn."   
"Yeah. Good Night Murph'." Daryl squeezed Murphy's hand. Murphy bowed down, gave Daryl another kiss on the forehead and whispered: "G'night lil' brother." Murphy stroked Daryl's head and smiled when he saw Daryl's face. It was clear that this men never had any idea what it felt like to be loved and cared of. Connor was right. Daryl needed this and he was willing to give it to his new brother. For some reason he was mad at himself that he made Connor chose. This wasn't right because Connors heart was big enough for the both of them. Because his own heart clearly was able to care for two brothers and a whole group of people. What Daryl didn't realize? That his heart actually was as big as the Empire State building. It was only surrounded by fucking high walls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I know. But I couldn't resist to put a bit Darphy in it. I want them to get along well. Because who can't love Murphy or Daryl, hm? Yeah no one. ;)


	12. Of their marks and traces and of all they leave behind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi lovelies! Thank you for all your comments!  
> Have fun. Or not. ;)

It was in the early morning before sunrise when Murphy woke Daryl so they could move back to the group. Murphy had watched Daryl sleep and thought about where Connor would go. Maybe he was heading to Washington.   
Daryl woke up and his hand rose to his face. He probably looked like crap. Everything felt swollen. Under normal circumstances he would have waited one day longer to go after Connor. But he knew that Murphy wouldn't wait and to be honest he was eager to find Connor too.  
They walked as fast as Daryl could. Murphy sometimes running in front of him and then waiting till he caught up. He never complained but every time he turned around Murphy looked more worried. "Tell me something about you and Connor. I bet you have a lot of stories." Daryl tried to distract Murphy, so he would stop worrying so much.  
"Aye. But this is not the time."  
"We will walk for a while. So just talk. I know you love talking."  
Murphy smirked. "Once Connor got in a fight with Ma' because he stole booze and we were so drunk that we let all the sheep from our neighbours out of the barn. Hell, we had to catch every single one of them the next day. It took us about 16 hours. Because one of these stupid sheep got stuck in a fence. And one was hiding in a horse stable."  
Daryl smiled. "Sounds like you had a lot of fun." Daryl had never had fun with his brother. At least not with their punching other people activities or watching Merle drugged and fucking girls. Merle had always made sure that Daryl was in the house when he brought a girl home. Just to mock him afterwards. One day Daryl had thought about joining them just to shock his brother but then decided not to give in.  
"Aye. We did. Connor always makes people laugh. He and his stupid plans. Yeh know half the stuff he plans is from movies. We used to go to the theatre every Wednesday. Sharing popcorn and watching action movies. Conn' loves western movies or movies with car races."  
"I never saw much movies."  
"When this world works again we will have movie sessions. We will share all the moments with you." Murphy smiled. He totally could imagine Connor in the middle of them both explaining them every little move of a movie.   
"That would be nice."  
"Don't you worry. WE are family now. What about you and the group? Rick is like a brother for you, isn't he?"  
"Yeah. We are all family. Would be nice to live in one town after we found a cure." Another thing Daryl had thought about the last days. He trusted those people and it would really be great having them near by.  
"We can do that."  
Both smiled. Murphy then said: "Tell me something about you Daryl Dixon."  
"Not much to tell."  
"You had a girlfriend before this?"  
"No. You?"  
"Nah. Never had the time or the will for it. Yeh kno' with the killin' and prison stuff. We had some ladies now and then but never one tha' we kept."  
"You never wanted a family?"  
Murphy sighed. "I did. I wanted a wife, kids, a nice home. Maybe in Ireland. I liked Ireland. Connor always wanted fun. He loved kids but never wanted his own. And you?"  
"I thought about it once. I like kids but I don't think I want one. And I'm not exactly good with women."  
Murphy stopped walking. "Stop that. Tha's Bullshit. Yer a good person. Yeh will find a wife."  
Daryl didn't respond. He was not sure if Murphy was right. He didn't feel it. He couldn't see himself with a woman.   
"You too. After this is over. you don't have to be a saint again."  
"Aye. We are gettin' too old for tha' shit anyway."

They reached the camp and Rick was running towards them as soon as he saw Murphy stepping out of the woods. He pulled Daryl into a hug and Murphy watched Daryl's face while the sheriff hugged him. It looked a whole lot different than when he touched Daryl.  
"Are you alright?"  
"Yeah. Some punches don't kill me. Murphy took care of the wounds. But we are only here to grab some stuff. We go after Connor."  
Rick froze. "No you don't."  
"Yes we are. Murphy, grab some stuff."  
"No. I don't leave your side." Murphy wanted to make sure that Rick wasn't going to hit Daryl and hurt him even more.  
Rick looked between them and Daryl looked to Murphy. That was something new. "You can't just run off again with your wounds and Connor clearly did want to go."  
"Rick. I will follow him and I can't let Murphy go alone. You told me that we are brothers, remember?"  
Rick nodded.   
"Well, Connor and Murphy are my brothers too. I don't let any family member run off because of a stupid fight. As much as I love this group Rick, I just can't leave Connor on his own."  
Rick watched his friend closely and then decided to agree. There was something different around Daryl. Daryl never bonded with anyone so fast. "Okay. But please come back to us. We are moving tomorrow. I will give you a copy where we want to go so we can meet somewhere on our way. We need to get to Washington. I know Beth is still missing but we can't wait forever. Take care. Go grab some stuff. I will tell Carol to pack some water and food for you. There is a lot left from the deer yesterday."  
Daryl smirked. "Sorry we missed the party."  
"Well it was a really tearful one."  
He looked to Murphy who's cheeks went red by that and he whispered. "I'm sorry."  
"Don't be sorry. You were worried about your twin." Rick smiled. He turned around and went into the house. Daryl went after him while Murphy grabbed his whole stuff from the garage. Then entered the house too. Daryl was talking to Carl and Murphy went over to them. "You leave?", Carl asked.  
"Yes buddy. I will search for Connor and Beth."  
"You shouldn't go."  
"I have to."  
"Come back."  
"I will." Daryl huffed the boy and then said goodbye to everyone. Murphy just said goodbye to everyone in the room waving his hands awkwardly and then went to the kitchen. Carol was packing some stuff for them. Looking judgemental at Murphy. Rick was rocking Judith in his arms. "Bye lil' asskicker", Murphy whispered.  
"Hey, that's my nickname", Daryl appeared next to him. Both man staring down at the Baby. "Didn't now you had a patent on it. Then I will call her lil' princess."  
"How about Judith?", Rick suggested.  
"Nah. You can call her that. We are weird uncles. We give nicknames", Murphy explained. Which made Daryl chuckle. "Can I hold her?", Daryl asked.  
"Of Course." Rick gave his daughter to his friend and watched the scene in front of him in confusion. Daryl was holding Judith, like he often had at the prison. Murphy was standing right behind them. One hand on Daryl's shoulder and the other hand tickling Judith stomach which made her giggle.  
Carol and Rick gave each other a strange look. They had seen their friend with Judith but something was different.  
"Dar' I think she loves yeh. Look she is smilin' at yeh."  
"She is smiling because you are tickling her you idiot."  
"Nah. Stop swearing in front of the ladies. Where are your manners lil' bro."  
Daryl gave Murphy a strange look and then smiled. "You know, I love her, too. She is still so innocent. And now there is hope that she will grow up in a better world. So come on big bro' lets go find our lost leprechaun and maybe Beth." Daryl handed Rick Judith and then looked at Carol. "You have something for us?"  
She nodded and handed him a bag. Daryl opened his backpack and put the food inside.   
"Daryl", she whispered and kissed his cheek.  
Daryl hugged her. Man someday he would get tired of this hugging thing. When did he become a hugger?  
"Don't worry Ma'am I will come back. Alongside this fucker", he pointed to Murphy "and the other fuckhead."  
"Language Daryl", Murphy teased.  
Daryl let go off Carol and slapped Murphy's head but smiled while doing so. Why was he smiling all the time?  
"So we are out now. Give me the list with the places so we can catch up with you." Rick walked over to the next room and gave Daryl a list with the places they had marked. They even had made plans how many days they would need to get to every town.  
"Take care of ourself and come back. You know we need you. All of you." He looked at Murphy. "Whatever this is between you. Whatever made Connor run away. Tell him that we still need him. Because I know Daryl wouldn't go after him if he wasn't worth it."  
"Aye. Thank you Rick. For everything. I am sorry that we are ripping this group apart again."  
"You can't rip something apart what is connected with heart and soul."  
Murphy nodded. Connected with heart and soul. Ironic that he felt this way with Daryl and Connor.  
Daryl then grabbed his arm. "Come on now. We have work to do. And I am not as fast as I want to be."

* * *

  
**Cabin in the woods**

Connor got up from the ground when the first sunbeams reached the cabin. He was tired and hungry. His face still felt like crap and he could feel the dried blood everywhere. He got up but had to grab the chair in front of him because he could see stars dancing in front of his face. He slowly moved around the place, searching for a bit water or something to eat. All he could find was a can of coke and a can of ravioli. He opened it and ate it cold. It tasted like shit but he needed something in his stomach.   
Connor went outside, still eating and sat down on a rock in front of the cabin. Where should he go? Maybe to Washington. He would meet the group there. He knew that but where else should he go?  
His eyes followed the direction he came from. His brother was there. Alone. For the first time they were apart from each other without knowing when they will see each other again or never at all.  
After he was done eating the cold pasta he walked back in and threw the can in a trash bin. He put the cola in his backpack and went back on his way.   
With every step further he felt a longing to go back. Turn around and run to his brother. Run back to Daryl. Apologize and explain. Instead of making him feel better he had made Daryl feel worse. How could he do that to him? Just less than 24 hours ago they had had that little moment. The moment where Connor thought he was starting to love Daryl as a brother. He felt so deeply connected to him, just as with his twin. Connor wish he knew why he felt like this.   
He walked on for some hours, killed some geeks on his way. Nothing serious. He could take them out with his knife easily. His face began to get itchy from the drying blood and he was rubbing the blood out of his stubble. He had to find a lake or something to get at least his face clean.   
When he could see the end of the woods, he hid behind a tree and checked out the area for humans and Walkers. But couldn't see anyone. So he pulled his gun out and moved around the 3 houses. They seemed to be clear and empty. So he entered one and checked every room. The one room that made him a bit confused was the kitchen. There was a whole stock of food. As if someone had gathered supplies here. He looked around, still no one around. Then he took some of those supplies and throw them in his pack as fast es he could and then left the house. He checked the other two and one looked as if someone had been sleeping there some hours ago and the other one looked like someone had fought some geeks or other humans here. He had found a lot of blood. Something about this place made him feel uncomfortable. It reminded him too much of the room back at Woodbury that Merle used to torture people. Connor ran back into the woods. He knew he had to go further and run away because he knew that Murphy would probably search for him. But on the other hand he needed to check what was going on here. What if someone was killing people here? Connor decided to stay and watch the scene until it was getting dark. If nothing was happening until then he would walk away.  
It felt like hours that he was watching the houses and he was already ready to walk away, when he saw a car pulling into the driveway. It was already getting dark so he couldn't see who those people were but what he saw was that white cross on the back window. Beth. Fuck. Now he really had to see what these people do and he nearly started sweating when he thought about all the blood. As far as he can see the two people entering the first house now were a woman and a man that looked more like a towser than a human being. Connor wasn't sure what to do. If those were the people that had captured Beth, where was she then? Connor shut his eyes close. Idiot! You didn't check for basements or attics. What if they held her hostage there?  
Connor didn't think any further and ran back to the house where he had seen the blood. His Gun in one hand and his knife in the other hand. He searched for a door he had probably missed the first time and found it behind a coat wrack. He pulled it open and looked into darkness. Connor cursed. He needed light but he had no time to think so he tried his best to get down and halfway through he could hear some muffled sounds. "Beth?", he whispered. He heard a louder sound and he knew he had found her. He nearly jumped down the rest of the stairs, stumbling when he landed on the last step and then tried to look around. he could only see dark blue and black shades. He asked again "Beth?" The girl was making sounds now so he tried to get into that direction. He nearly fell over her before recognizing blonde hair. The first thing he did was check if she was gagged and when he found the knot he ripped the rope out of her mouth. "Beth?"  
The girl gasped for air and whispered: "Yes."  
"It's okay. I'm friends with Daryl. I will get you out."  
"Hurry. They'll be back."  
Connor freed Beth from her ties and helped her stand up. One hand around her waist he got her to the stairs. He gave her the knife. "Use this. I will get you out." When they reached the middle of the stairs they heard voices.  
"Did you leave the fuckin' door open? I told ya to close it!", the mans voice shouted.  
"I fuckin' closed it. She must have gotten out." They heard feet and Connor knew they had only seconds to get away or hide. But without seeing anything they couldn't go back. So he whispered. "When I scream "Run" you go as fast as you can. Run back to Terminus. Daryl and some others are near there. I will catch up with you as soon as I can."  
Beth gripped the rim of his pea coat. "What's your name?"  
"Connor." And then Connor ran up the stairs crashing into the person that was just about to enter the basement. They were falling down. He saw the second person trying to get into the cellar. It was the women. He landed on top of the man and knocked his face, then turned, shot the woman and screamed. "RUUUUUN!"  
He saw Beth coming out of the basement and she ran outside. Doing as she was told.  
Connor felt a hand grabbing his cleavage and a fist meeting his left cheek. He couldn't really move and tried to get his gun into the mans face but the man was now grabbing his arm and Connor lost control over the gun. It fell to the ground. Connor struggled the grip of the man but he had no chance against hulk. "Ya bastard killed my wife."  
"Yer bastard tortured a girl. What were yer goin' to do to her?"  
The man laughed. "I had my fun with her and tried to get her to talk where her group is."  
"There is no group. Only her and me."  
"Not sure. She was always screaming several names when we tortured her."  
Connor felt his anger and rage growing and he struggled even more to get up. "Yeh bastard", he spat and tried to punch. But the man was holding his wrists and was now moving forward. Pushing Connor off him and then let go of one wrist, just to hit Connor so hard against his temple that he lost his consciousness. His last thought was that he was going to die here. Without seeing Murphy ever again. Without seeing Daryl again. "Murph'! Daryl!" He screamed in his head.

* * *

 

"Look", Murphy pointed to the little cabin that was surrounded by a bunch of trees. Murphy started running and opened the door. "Connor?", he asked but didn't get an answer. He looked around the room but couldn't find a hint that Connor was there. He moved over to the kitchen and opened the cupboards but didn't find anything. Daryl entered the cabin and was humbling and holding his stomach. He went over to Murphy and looked at him. "Anything?"  
"No." Murphy looked disappointed. Daryl had found some footprints on their way but no sign of Connor. He looked into the trash bin and grabbed the Can that was in it. "Look. It's still wet. Someone ate this at least some hours ago."  
"Maybe Connor."  
"Maybe."  
It was already too dark to go on for any longer. Daryl knew that with every resting hour Connor would go further away from them.   
"We should stay here", Murphy said.  
"Yeah. Just thought the same thing."  
"Yeh need to rest."  
Daryl nodded and suited himself on the floor. Using his backpack as pillow. He held his stomach and flinched. Everything hurt and he was completely exhausted. Murphy hunkered down and took one of the water bottles out of his backpack and a towel he had grabbed from the bathroom before they had left the group. Daryl looked at him. "Don't say you brought that for me"  
Murphy nodded. "I have some salve too." Daryl sighed. Now he felt like a little brother.   
His look-a-like looked at him for a while and the hunter patted his knee. "You okay?"  
"I don't know. I feel weird without him. And yet I am glad that I am with you", the older one answered and smiled down to Daryl. Murphy opened the water bottle and made the towel wet. Then he started to clean Daryl's face. Daryl watched every move in Murphy's face. They really looked so much like twins. Murphy's hair was a lot darker and shorter than his. He had the mole on the same spot, right over his upper lip. He even had a goatee and it was nice to see that just like his, the beard head three colors. Murphy's eyes were a bit bluer than his own. Lighter, happier. The older one stopped cleaning his face and looked at him. "Why are you watching me?"  
"It still surprises me how much you look like me."  
"Aye. It's nearly as if you are my twin brother."  
"Yeah."  
"Stomach", Murphy demanded.  
"Again?"  
The older one nodded and Daryl closed his eyes for a moment and then decided to take off his vest and shirt. Then lay back down as fast as possible so Murphy wouldn't see his back. Murphy noticed the behaviour of the man beneath him but didn't say anything. He cleaned his stomach, treated every wound with salve and then sat back watching Daryl putting his shirt back on after a while and closing his eyes. After minutes he heard a snoring and the hunters face relaxed. Murphy closed his eyes and grabbed his rosary.  
He had pushed that feeling away that was getting hold of him. Panic. He had felt it some minutes ago. He knew that it meant that Connor was near and that he was probably fighting or running. Murphy started to pray when he suddenly felt something else. "Connor!", he screamed. His brother was in danger. He could feel it. He could feel the pain and the panic. They had to go on but Daryl wouldn't be able to move as fast as they needed and he couldn't leave him behind. Every inch of his body was drawing him to his brother but he had to stay calm.  
"Murphy? Why did you scream?"  
"Connor. He is in trouble. I can feel it. We need..we need to hurry."  
Daryl was on his feet as fast es he could.  
"Then come on."  
"No. You are too tired."  
"Shut up. I can handle it. We need to find him."  
Murphy jumped up, grabbed the backpack and they both started jogging as soon as they felt the grass under their feet. Murphy just had one thought: They would be too late.  
Daryl just had another one: He was not ready to loose another brother.  
They ran. Until they heard someone coming in their direction. Both hid behind a tree in completely smooth movements. It sounded like a Walker that was staggering and getting slower. Daryl gave Murphy a sign to be quiet and looked around the tree. The moment he looked he let go of his crossbow and looked at Murphy in total shock. When Murphy looked for himself what had Daryl shocked he saw a girl kneeling on the ground, covered in blood, her blonde hair shimmering silverish in the moonlight and she was sobbing and when her face met his, she looked shocked too. "Daryl", she whispered and passed out.


	13. I'm sick and I'm screaming out loud

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there. So after the last chapter I got messages that told me I am cruel and horrible, which lead me to the conclusion you all want to read on. So here we go. I am giving you some more. 
> 
> This is the chapter before the one that will have a Trigger-Warning. You all can imagine what will happen and I am not sorry. Not one tiny bit. 
> 
> And as I said before, we will have hints, like a lot of them, what exactly is going on between the three "brothers" ;)
> 
> I am soooooooo glad you all give me reviews and send me messages. Thanks!
> 
> (It is quiet short this time, sorry!)

Both men scooted forwards, falling on their knees next to the girl and Murphy watched Daryl closely. "Beth", he whispered. He moved the girl into his arms. She was still unconscious and Daryl looked over to Murphy. What were they supposed to do? Split up?  
Murphy looked flabbergasted at the knife in Beth hand and then looked back to Daryl. Murphy shut his eyes close. "Connor", he whispered with a broken voice. Daryl tried to wake up Beth but looked at Murphy worried. "Murph'?"  
"The knife."  
Daryl looked at the knife and let out his breath. "Well. Fuck. He can't be far."  
"Yeah but we can't leave her here. You should go back to the cabin with her. I will go and get Conn'", Murphy suggested.  
"No. This is too dangerous. What if there are a bunch of weirdos?"  
"She made it out."  
"But look how hurt she is. And who the hell knows what Connor did."  
Murphy shook his head. "You are right. But I can't..."  
Daryl felt a movement in his arms and looked down to Beth. She opened her eyes. "Daryl", she said.  
"Shhh. It's okay. You are save now."  
"Connor", she whispered.  
"What is with Connor?", Murphy asked.  
"Still there. One guy. Hulk." She tried to sit up.   
"I need to go", Murphy said.  
Beth grabbed his arm, confused that he saw Daryl twice. "No Daryl, you can't."  
"Beth, I'm Daryl", the hunter said "this is Murphy. Conn's twin."  
Beth looked confused but thought she is just too tired. "Hurry. He will kill him."  
"Daryl", Murphy mumbled.  
"I can't lose you both." It was selfish but he didn't care. He rather would keep one brother than none.  
"Leave me behind", Beth whispered. "I will wait here."   
"No. NO! I am not leaving you alone anymore. I did that once", Daryl argued.  
"Daryl. I am still alive. But after what Connor did that man will torture him, probably rape him and kill him."  
Rape. RAPE! Daryl looked at Murphy who had the same fearful expression on his face. Daryl looked down to Beth.. "Did they..did...you?"  
She shook her head. "No. His wife always held him back. But Connor shot her."  
Both men nodded. What were they supposed to do?  
Murphy massaged the bridge of his nose and let out a frustrated noise. "This is what we do. We will stay here. Going back coasts too much time. We will clear her wounds and fix her up. You both will sleep and then we will go and rescue my asshole brother." Murphy was angry. Why did Connor run into that alone? They did those things when they were together, not apart. Idiot. Getting himself killed with his stupid plans all the time.  
"I know how hard this is", Daryl whispered. Beth was crawling towards the next tree, leaning against it. And Daryl went over to Murphy who looked suddenly 20 years older. Daryl placed himself in front of his friend and put one hand on his cheek. "He will be alive. We will rescue him. Believe. Come on." He pulled Murphy in a hug and he felt the body of Murphy shaking. The man was crying. He wrapped his arms even closer around his newly acquired brother and ran one hand through his hair. He was never good at comforting people but he had watched enough interactions in the group to know this will probably help. "Connor", Murphy whined.  
"Shhh. Conn' is a tough fucker. He will survive. He is probably annoying the guy with some irish swearing."  
Murphy chuckled and cried at the same time. Daryl smiled but at the same time he felt the same thing that Murphy was feeling. Something was so horribly wrong. Daryl let go of the Irishman and nodded once before going back to Beth. He took her hand in his. "What happened?", he asked.  
"They caught me the second I stepped out of the funeral home. Tortured me. Wanted to know where my group is. Told them I was alone." Daryl let his eyes slide over her face. She looked exhausted and she had one scar over her eyebrow. Her clothes were wet and dirty.  
"I'm so sorry."  
"Don't be. Not your fault."  
"It was."  
"Daryl Dixon, don't be so stupid. You are not. But now tell me what happened to you. I see you found new people."  
"They kind of found me." Daryl smirked and looked to Murphy, who was touching his rosary. Murphy was praying.  
"Tell me", Beth commanded.  
"I searched for you and ran into a really awful group. They were bad. But I was staying with them and they were following a guy that killed one of them. I was walking away when it dawned on me. The guy they were following was Rick. I went back. Just in time. They nearly raped Carl and killed Rick and Michonne."  
"They are alive?"  
"Yes. You were right all the time."  
"See Dixon. Listen to me."  
"Yeah." He squeezed her hand and then went on. "We four went to Terminus where we were not treated so well. They trapped us in a train wagon and there we found Glenn, Sasha, Bob and Maggie."  
Daryl watched the girls face. Her blue eyes lighting up her lips forming a smile. "My sister is alive?"  
"Yeah."  
Murphy was watching them and couldn't help but smirk. The situation wasn't at all happy but he could imagine how Beth must feel to know her family is alive.  
"Two days later they had gagged and tied us. Rick, Michonne, Bob, Carl and me. And we thought we were going to die there. But then we heard gunshots and prayers. And Conn' and Murph' saved us. They were outnumbered but managed to kill everybody. They got us out."  
"Wow." Beth looked over to Murphy. "He has your face."  
Both men chuckled. "Yeah. We were shocked too."  
"So the group is waiting for you three?"  
"No. They start moving in some hours. They are going to Washington. Our group is a bit bigger now. Glenn found people while searching for Maggie. And one of them knows a cure."  
"Wow. Cure. Great. Anyone else alive?"  
"Yeah. Carol, Tyresee, Judith."  
Beth looked surprised and smiled. "See! Our family is still alive. I told you. Will you now have faith?"  
"Yes girl. Thank you for showing me that I should believe in things."  
He looked over to Murphy and their eyes locked for a while. Daryl could feel how anxious Murphy was and how upset. "You know Beth, I believe now. Because Murphy and Connor were a sign from god. You will see what I am talking about when you see them together." Daryl squeezed her hand again and she nodded. "Can you fix me up now and then I will try to sleep."  
"Aye." Murphy grabbed the stuff from his backpack and sat next to them. He held the stuff to Daryl. "Yer gonna do it or should I?"  
"Think its better ya do it. I'm not exactly gentle."  
"Beth yer okay if I fix yeh up?"  
"Yes. When Daryl Dixon trusts you, I will trust you as much." Murphy thought she was brave and he was slightly nervous to see her naked. He wasn't used to treat girls. But he knew Daryl couldn't do it because he was giving himself a hard time right now.   
"Aye. Do yeh have injuries on yer body?"  
"Yeah." She pulled off her shirt and stood up to strip off her jeans. Both men gasped. Her body was a battlefield. She had several bruises, streams of a belt and cuts on her body. Some were already closing, some were bloody and some looked like they had been opened every day. Daryl stood up and walked away. He couldn't see this. He leaned against a tree, his back turned to his friends. This was his fault. Everything was his fault.  
Murphy washed Beth body and the girl didn't even jerk away."I'm sorry this happened to you", he whispered.  
He looked at her and saw that she had started crying and biting her lip. Poor girl. Murphy put the water bottle and towel away and held her head in her hands. "Are yeh okay? Did I hurt yeh?"  
She shook her head. "No. Thanks."  
"Yeh need help dressing?"  
She shook her head.  
Murphy smirked and then went to see after Daryl and leave Beth a bit time to put her clothes back on. He saw him leaning against a tree.  
"You okay Dar'?"  
Head shaking.  
"Wanna talk?"  
More head shaking.  
"I fixed her up."  
Nodding.  
Murphy was now close enough to grab Daryl's wrist. "Stop now. This was not your fault."  
"It's just..her scars...I know.."  
Murphy saw the pain in his friends face and his throat was feeling as if he got choked. Of Course. Daryl knew.  
He pulled Daryl closer, then grabbed his face. "Daryl, I will personally put a bullet through that guys head. After you punched the shit out of him. She is strong. She will survive but she needs time to heal."  
"Are you afraid what they will do to Connor now?", Daryl spit.  
Murphy frowned. "Yes." He was beyond afraid. He was screaming inside.  
Daryl started crying. "Oh god", he whined and felt as if his knees were giving up their work. It was too much. As soon as he heard the word rape he was trying hard time not to fall apart. He just found them and he knew what rape could do to a person. He knew how it changed someone but he didn't want Connor to change.   
"Shhh. Daryl, we have to be strong for her now and for Conn'." Murphy swallowed hard when he thought about what was probably happening to his brother right now.   
"But what if he gets raped that...I can't...just because we had that fight."  
"Daryl, again, not your fault. It is mine. I shouldn't have told him to treat you like shit. I know this must be hard for you."  
Daryl's face jerked up and his face unreadable.  
"What do you mean?" He started struggling against Murphy.   
Murphy still held the hunters face and now stroked his thumbs over Daryl's jaw. "Conn' told me that you were abused. And we just assumed that yer asshole dad you know..raped you."  
Daryl's face was frozen and he wasn't able to move. His eyes fixed on Murphy's face. Slowly he nodded. Admitting it for the very first time. "It all started when I was a kid. Maybe 8. Went on until I finally had enough strength to push him off of me." Murphy felt as if something had ripped his heart out. They should have been there with Daryl. He remembered something else but this would stay his secret. As long as he had to keep it a secret. And he hoped that Connor would never figure it out. Maybe he already had.  
"I'm sorry. You never have to go through this again. I will protect you."  
Daryl wrapped his arms around his brother. "And I will protect you. Let us hope it is not too late for Connor." Both of them felt like crying and screaming. Their stomachs were hurting and Murphy felt so sick. This world was horrible. Everyday something bad happened to good people. Sometimes he even dared to think that god had given up. That god knew that all the good in the world never could overweight the bad. And yet he was holding something good in his arms. Something that was broken and was healing while the world was falling to pieces. Murphy pulled Daryl closer and he knew he would never leave his side. This was his task. His new mission. Whatever the future would bring, he would protect Daryl. Even without Connor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah. I know. I will get a lot of hate for this. But believe me, after the next chapter you will all stop reading and hate me or love me even more :-PPP


	14. That there must be a way out, cause it can't go on like this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a Trigger Warning. Everyone that doesn't want to read it, should go on after "Trigger end". This chapter for the first time, explains the "speed" of it all. Why things are the way they are. Why Connor and Daryl feel this burning. 
> 
> I read a lot on the topic of souls. I am aware that I am not using the right terms but I will leave a link for you that are interested in more. See notes at the end of this chapter! There will be further hints and explanations in upcoming chapters. 
> 
> I know I put you all through immense pain and tears but I swear I will make it better. Somehow.

Connor woke up and he was freezing. His arms and legs were spread and tied up. He felt rope inside his mouth, the material was ripping his tongue open. The worst thing was that he was naked. Only wearing his boxers. He tried to move his head to see if he had any injuries but he couldn't see anything. Not even what was next to him. Connor closed his eyes and he felt so alone and so broken. He was exhausted and cold, he knew he would die. The man would torture him a bit and then kill him. Probably faster than Beth. They must have had her for about two weeks. Connor knew he would only survive one day, maybe two. Beth would need at least one day to reach the camp and it would take nearly another to get them here. If she finds them. There was no chance he would make it out.  
He started praying in his head, ignoring that this freak came down the stairs and was talking to him. When he ended his prayer he looked to the man who was holding a flashlight in his hands. "You know, I thought you wouldn't wake up. I didn't want to start without you." Sick bastard, Connor thought. He could hear something - metal screeching over the table. The man grabbed Connors face and pressed his fingers into the Irish's jaw. "Now, ready to start?" Connor gave him a death glare. He would not give in. He would not break in front of that bastard.  
Connor felt the knife cutting open his skin right underneath his heart. Then paused and he felt another cut across his whole stomach. They were not deep. Only enough to make them bleed. The guy was smiling and made the same move from under the right side of Connor's chest. Then the middle. Connor was putting the cuts together and he recognized that this probably looked like a weird arrow pointing to his lower half. And before thinking about it any further the guy cut the fabric of his shorts in half. Connor was now completely naked. He closed his eyes for a second. There are two things he was afraid of. First being raped. But one thing was even worse. Being castrated. And at the moment it just seemed like his opponent had exactly the same thought. "Ya' know you are already so skinny and look like a girl. Why not make you one?"  
Connor felt the knife near his manhood and started struggling.  
That monster started laughing. "Oh. You don't like that?" He took the knife away and then held it to Connor's throat. The dark brown eyes of his punisher looked black in the little light of the flashlight and he gave him an angry look. The knife drew a little blood from his throat and then it cut open his right cheek. His punisher smirked and went on. Connor closed his eyes and thought about Murphy, their mum, Ireland and movies. He thought about the days before the apocalypse. the days when they were the saints. There was no god anymore. He wouldn't let this happen to good people. Would he? Where was his sign? Why lead them to Terminus and the group and then let Connor die. Daryl. Connor thought. Because of Daryl. Daryl was his sign. The man with his brothers face, the man with the angel wings on his vest. That man that needed to be loved and cared of. Daryl. Connor had to hold his tears back when he felt the pain in his heart and soul. He missed Murphy. But he missed Daryl too. At least he had saved Beth. At least he had done something right before he would die.  
His opponent was untying him and Connor opened his eyes. He had to try to get away. As soon as his hand was free he started to punch the guy. He felt his middle finger break. His knuckles split open but he punched on and the freak just laughed. "You want to stroke and pat me. Cute."  
Connor felt the pranks close around his wrist and then the guy walked over to the other side. Connor tried to free his hand but didn't succeed. The man was now freeing one leg. Then another hand and Connor again punched him and struggled but couldn't get rid of the guy. He couldn't knock him out. The guy grabbed him around his waist and holding him while cutting the rope on Connors last ankle. Then he turned Connor around, bending him over. Feet to the ground, hand behind his back. The guy started binding Connor's hands together. Connor struggled because he knew what was coming. His face was pressed to the table and he felt the knife driving along his tattoo. "Bet your god left the building. He can't save you now, can he?" Then the knife was gone and Connor heard the man opening his belt. Connor breathed in and out and then shut his eyes close. He flinched when the metal of the belt met his flesh. Leaving big bruises and streams on his skin. He stopped counting after 15 hits. His whole back felt like it was on fire. He heard the man laugh and giggle and telling him how much blood he was seeing and that he would be too tired to struggle soon. Connors mind was grabbing itself onto every positive moment he ever had. All the time with his brother, Ireland, Boston, Rocco, Daryl, movies, hell he was thinking about whiskey, beer and pizza.

**TRIGGER**

Connor had to get out of there. He tried to push the man behind him away be jerking his back up but that made the man put a hand on his back, pressing him deeper onto the table. "Behave or I will hurt you even more."  
Connor heard something falling to the ground and he tried to look over his shoulder but couldn't see anything. "Hmm. I hope you are as tight as I think you are. Let me have some fun with you before I finish you off."  
Connor struggled again but when he knew he couldn't get any inch of space to move, he shut his eyes close again, tried to blend out what was happening to him and tried to relax because he knew it wouldn't hurt so much if he just relaxed. It was happening anyway. He breathed out and just waited for it to happen. Tears were filling in his eyes because he was scared and tired. His body felt like it was no longer his and when the man pushed into him he screamed and for the first time in his life he was not screaming for Murphy. No he didn't want Murphy here. He was screaming for Daryl. Glad that he was gagged and the name didn't leave his mouth. Tears were streaming down his face when he felt the man move behind him. His inside was too dry, too sensitive and he could feel something tearing up inside of him. The guy's hip always touching his butt. "Fuck ya' tigh' boy. Ya' never had a dick in ya' ass I bet. Come on, scream for me." But Connor didn't scream, he didn't struggle anymore. Connor gave up. After a while he heard him moan and talking but Connor tried to think of better things. Better days.

**TRIGGER END**

He thought of dying. Because that would be better than this. And he thought of Daryl. He had gone through this a several times if Connor was right. Daryl..he wished that man would save him. He wished he would have saved Daryl. Something in his chest was hurting way more than what was happening to him. He knew. Connor had known from the start. Daryl wasn't just anybody to him. He was is soulmate. His twin flame.  
He had read about it. All the phases they would go through. Recognizing. Running. Denying. Accepting. Love. It sometimes happened that souls decide to be the same gender. He had read it. Connor was denying already from the second he had seen him. He had recognized him, he had touched him and felt it. Now he was running and denying. All he wanted to do is accept it. Connor was not gay. Connor just found his other half. That one person he was longing for his whole life. The one he always felt but never found. It hurt that he would never be able to see him again. Fall in Love with him. Tell him. Connor tried to remember Daryl. They only met days ago but it was as if he knew him since always. His tears stopped and he felt empty. He was in pain. On the outside but his inside hurt even more.  
Connor didn't know how long this all went at one point he had closed his eyes and passed out. Welcoming the blackness like a relief. When he woke up again he was on the ground and the guy was kneeling next to him, his belt in hand. "Well I guess I will keep ya' alive for a while until ya' beg me to kill ya'. Maybe I can find some new ways to torture ya'." He was turned to his side and he felt the knife on his tights again, then the belt and Connor felt himself falling back into the blackness.

* * *

 

Murphy woke Beth and Daryl as soon as he could see his hand in front of his eyes. He had to go find Connor. He had felt incredible pain in his body. He had felt dizzy and pictures of Ireland and Pizza had crossed his mind. He knew those weren't his own feelings. It was a projection of Connors thoughts. Daryl had snapped his eyes open one time when Murphy was whimpering in pain. But had closed them when he saw that Murphy was okay.   
Now the hunters eyes opened and he just nodded. Beth woke up on Daryl's shoulder and smirked. They didn't speak because Murphy was already moving.   
"It isn't far anymore. It is right at the end of the woods", Beth said.  
"Listen, you will take my crossbow and wait behind a tree for us. I don't want you in there." Daryl explained.  
"Okay. I will shoot everything coming near the houses. You have to go to the third one. There is a front door and a back-door. Better take the back-door. And there is a door hidden behind a coat wrack. That's where they held me hostage."  
Daryl nodded. "Thank you. You need to take care of you. Ya' still know how to shoot girl?"  
"Yes Mr. Dixon." Murphy was chewing on his thumb. He was getting really nervous. Something was wrong.  
"Okay lass, listen, we'll hurry. When we come runnin' towards yeh, yeh have to shoot if someone follows." Beth nodded and they reached the end of the woods. Daryl took the gun from his backpack and a knife in the other hand. Murphy grabbed the rosary and pulled it out of his shirt. He kissed it and let it hang on his chest. Then grabbed both his guns, checked the magazines. His face suddenly hard and more like the hunters. Daryl watched Murphy and was fascinated about his little ritual. "Yer ready to free our brother, lil' bro?"  
Murphy locked eyes with Daryl who just nodded. They both seemed to have grown. Beth watched them walk away. Side by side. They looked like men that knew what they wanted. Bold and brave. Like brothers in arms. She wondered what had happened to Daryl.  
They stopped walking when they reached the backside of the house.   
Both grabbing for the doorknob and pulling the door open. They could hear someone in there and Murphy yelled. "Show yourself", both weapons in front of him.  
Nothing happened. Murphy rushed forward and Daryl followed. They moved through the rooms but didn't see anyone. Daryl gave his friend a sign that he was going upstairs. Murphy waited and tried to figure out where the sounds came from. He thought he heard something from underneath his feet. "Hold on Conn", he whispered.   
"Nothing", he heard Daryl say. When the hunter was close enough Murphy moved to the door that Beth mentioned. Daryl pulled it open and Murphy ran downstairs as fast as possible. He looked around and saw a flashlight pointing at him and then saw the guy holding it. Murphy shot the second he saw him. His bullets hitting each shoulder. Then each foot. Daryl stepped behind him gasping. Because he didn't concentrate on the side Murphy was shooting at but the other side where he saw Connor. Lying on the floor, naked, blood everywhere, curled up into himself. Tied up and gagged. "DAR'"; Murphy yelled. Daryl looked at Murphy and both ran to the freak and while Daryl was hitting the shit out of that monster, losing all his anger that was bottled up for so many years, Murphy started to pray.

_"And Shepherds we shall be For thee, my Lord, for thee. Power hath descended forth from Thy hand Our feet may swiftly carry out Thy commands."_

He was pulling Daryl off the guy. jerking him up. He placed himself behind the guy and gave Daryl a sign to take the other spot.

_"So we shall flow a river forth to Thee And teeming with souls shall it ever be. In Nomeni Patri Et Fili Spiritus Sancti."_

Both men fired their weapon and Murphy crossed the arms in front of the guy. Then they ran over to Connor and this was the first time Murphy saw him. Murphy froze. "No," he croaked.  
Daryl was cutting the rope and looked at the skinny figure in front of him. The white liquid on his back. The streams of a belt, the little stars someone through the eyes of Connor's Jesus tattoo. As if someone wanted god to see. Daryl shook his head he needed to focus and hide Connor's back. His eyes trying to find this friends clothes. He saw Conn's jeans and moved Connor gently. The man was unconscious. Daryl sucked the air in and held his breath. Connors whole chest was cut open with little cuts. He even had cuts on his tights, between his legs and around his manhood. Daryl's eyes were filled with tears now and he heard Murphy breathing heavy. "Is...is..he alive?"  
"Yeah." Barely, Daryl thought. His eyes checked his friends body again. His face was swollen and one cheek was cut open. Connors lips were bloody and even his tongue seemed to be bloody but only a bit. This would heal fast.   
Daryl tried to dress Connor as good as possible. His Shirt was cut in two. So he just striped over the pea coat. "Murphy. Little help. We need to get him to the group."  
Murphy did as Daryl told him, following every order. His eyes never leaving Connors face. Both looked at each other when they had dressed their brother. "His rosary. I need to find his rosary. Connor never leaves it alone. He needs it when he wakes up. he..." "Shh. Look for it. I will carry him upstairs." Murphy nodded and Daryl ignored his own pain when he lifted Connor up. He was carrying him upstairs and waited for Murphy to join them. The older one was behind them after a minute. "Found it. And all his stuff." He striped the rosary over Connors head. The cross now resting on Connor's bare chest.   
They left without wasting more time, running to the woods. Beth was already waiting for them and she said: "Is he alive?"  
"yes but we need to hurry. The others wanted to start driving today. I have a list where they wanted to go. I remember the first roads they wanted to take. We have to use these roads and hope they will find us."  
Hope. Daryl snorted. This was too much. He looked down on the lifeless body in his ams. Connor wasn't heavy but Daryl felt as if he was carrying the whole world in his arms. Murphy looked incredibly frightened. When Daryl started walking both followed. Daryl just had to believe that there was still a way to survive this. He would never admit this but those two twins felt more like family than Merle ever did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the Link I mentioned above: http://theeternalbliss.wordpress.com/2011/10/01/phases-of-a-twinflame-relationship/ - it is really just a really easy summery of twin flames. I have read a lot of different things about it because I don't believe in numbers (age) - I only believe in souls. Soulmates. Actually I have my own theory about it all but I try to keep it out of stories (mostly). But with Murphy's and Connor's connection it was just too easy to write Daryl into it. So..yeah..Let us just wait what comes next, huh? ;)


	15. A million little pieces we've broken into

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!  
> So after I tortured our precious Connor, I will now torture everyone with this. Sometimes we do things, when we are exhausted and tired and can't think straight, that are completely silly and are not to excuse with any kind of words. But sometimes we do things we really want to do, sometimes we see things clearer. Like when you are drunk and you suddenly tell the truth or cry because you were strong for too long. Same goes with being in incredible pain. Not that I can compare that, but after an accident in 2009 and several hours of incredible pain I was clingy, completely out of my own behaviour and were acting as if I am going to die tomorrow. Speeding things up. This is what I do here, plus, when you are afraid to lose someone, you act like a different person, too. Sometimes kicking down your walls just for the sake of it. So, here we go then.

"I'm sorry, I have to stop for a while", Daryl apologized when he stopped walking. They had reached the first road and he had stopped and put Connor on the ground. He had carried him all the time and his arms were numb and his wounds were hurting.  
"It's okay Dar'." Murphy knelt next to his brother and opened his backpack. Starting to clean his brothers face and chest. "Connor?", he asked softly. But got no response. He would like to wake up from this nightmare. Connor looked so horrible. Was this what Connor had been through when he got tortured and what made him jump from a rooftop once?  
Daryl was lying on the ground too, holding his stomach. Murphy got up, pulled Daryl's shirt up, cleaned the wound and smeared salve over it. Then looked at Daryl who was hiding his eyes. "Dar'?"  
"Why him? Why didn't I go there?"  
Murphy shook his head. "Yer mental?"  
"Not HIM! You both are too good for this." Daryl looked at Murphy, tears in his eyes. He had held that feeling back all the time he was carrying Connor but now he had to let go of it. He was crying because this too, was his fault and he had seen something that Murphy hadn't seen. That's why he was so eager to get Connor dressed. He had seen the traces of sperm on Connors back. Murphy slapped Daryl hard. "Yeh listen to me asshole. Connor would kill yer for thinkin' that. It was his choice to go in there on his own. We always lived dangerous like this and it is not the first time he got tortured. We broke our own hands once to get rid of handcuffs. He jumped down a rooftop to save me. We got shot, cut open and we always survived. Connor will survive this but he needs us. Now stop that fuckin' cryin'. Stop sayin' it should be yeh because I wouldn't fuckin' want yeh to look like this either. Fuck", Murphy yelled and gasped for breath.  
Daryl stood up, reached a hand to Murphy and pulled him up. Beth watched the scene and knew what had changed. Daryl was in love. But she couldn't see with who of the two. Somehow they seemed like three pieces of a whole. Murphy was now looking at her. "Come on lass, yer wounds next."  
She nodded and Murphy started taking care of her wounds too. He felt like a freaking doctor. And it wasn't Daryl's fault. It was all his fault. When he was done he looked back at his twin.  
"I can carry him", Murphy said.  
"No. I will carry him. Let me drink something first and maybe eat. We haven't eaten since yesterday and Beth needs something too." Murphy nodded and Daryl grabbed the stuff that Carol had given him from his backpack. They shared food and a bottle of water and then went on walking. They walked side by side. Daryl always looking down on his friends body. He wanted to put him into a bed, care for him, make him better. And much to his own surprise he wanted to hold him, kiss every wound and hold his hand. Because he would have wanted someone to do this after every night his dad came to him.  
He was looking at Connors face. His frowned brows, his lips bloody, dark shadows under his eyes, pale skin. Blood in his stubble. Daryl thought he had never seen something so fragile and strong. He had never seen a man like Connor. He never met his soulmate. He wanted to kiss Connor. He wanted to be with him. Daryl was totally confused by his feelings for Connor. Last night he hadn't really slept. His only thoughts were with him - the Irishman in his arms. He was so in his own thoughts that he didn't recognize the movement at first but then he felt a hand grabbing his arm and Connors eyes opened, looking at him, his voice broken when he whimpered: "Daryl." They stopped walking immediately. Daryl looked into Connors blue eyes. They weren't blue any longer. Grey like a rainy day. Sad and empty. There was no smile in them. "It's okay. You are safe now."  
Connor closed his eyes again, His hand grabbing Daryl's arm harder and then he opened his eyes again. "Water."  
"Aye". Murphy replied, already searching for water while Daryl sat Connor to the ground. Not moving any inch away from him. Instead sitting behind him so his friend could lean against him. The hunter wrapped one arm around the other mans waist. He could feel Connor leaning back, one hand grabbing Daryl's hand and tangled their fingers together. Daryl closed his eyes and kissed Connors hair. Murphy was helping his brother and stroke Connor's cheek. "Yeh fucker. I think I lost yeh."  
Connor stopped drinking. "Nah. Balls of steel, remember?"  
Connor tried to smile. He couldn't believe he was still alive. He had given up the second that bastard had raped him. It was too much to take. he had passed out several times and that monster had tortured him more and more and then went on raping him. But now he was trying to hold it together. For Murphy. He was thankful that Daryl was holding him. Daryl was his last thought every time he had passed out. Daryl was his guardian now. His saviour.  
"Beth", he whispered. The girl approached and smiled. "Hi."  
Connor nodded and then turned his head. Trying to look at Daryl. "Daryl?", he asked.  
"I'm here Leprechaun", his voice gentle.  
"Yeh saved me?"  
"Of course fuckhead. Did ya think we wouldn't come after ya stupid ass?"  
"Thought maybe yeh were angry with me for punching yeh." he said between coughs.  
"I was confused. Murph' explained. It's fine. Glad ya are alive."  
Connor squeezed his hand and tried to turn around. Daryl helped him and when Connor was facing him the smile was back in his face but his eyes stayed sad. Daryl hugged him and Connor buried his head in Daryl's neck. He was sitting on the hunters lap but he didn't care. He needed Daryl now. His big brother.   
"Cernunnos", he whispered and Daryl opened his eyes and looked to Murphy. "Wha' did yeh just say?", the twin asked.  
"Cernunnos", Connor repeated.  
"What is that?", Daryl wanted to know.  
"The celtic god for hunting and fertility"; Murphy explained with an unreadable expression on his face. It wasn't the first time Connor used this name.  
"And why does he say that?"  
"Because you are my Cernunnos", Connor answered. Daryl thought Connor was gone mad. Connor let go of him but grabbed his face and without an hesitation he kissed Daryl and the hunter froze.  
It was a short and innocent kiss. Connor leaned his forehead against Daryl and whispered. "I was praying for you to save me." Daryl shook his head.   
"Connor, now is not the time. We should move on. We can talk as soon as we are with the group again. Okay?", Daryl tried to end this awkward situation. Connor nodded and didn't say anything when Daryl ordered Murphy to help him getting Connor on his back. He was giving his friend a piggyback ride Because facing him now would be hell of a distraction. Connor crossed his legs around Daryl's waist and his arms around the hunters chest. His head buried in Daryl's neck. "Is this okay or does it hurt?", Daryl made sure.  
"Everything hurts but this is good. No pressure on my back."  
Murphy looked at Connor and Daryl. He wasn't jealous. he was confused. What exactly did he witness? Was Connor gay now? He wasn't even able to speak. He was glad they started walking again, because this was too weird. even so he had an idea what this was. But once again, no, better not think about it.  
He was just glad his brother was alive and that he gained his conciousness back.   
Daryl was holding Connors legs and he could feel Connor breathing against his neck, kissing it now and then. He was glad that no one could see this because this all was getting really weird. That kiss. Daryl could only think of tangled fingers and that kiss. Cernunnos. Daryl was no god. Connor really was in some kind of shock. This was the only explanation. But hell, the last days were all weird.   
Connor was now kissing his neck, right underneath his ear and then slowly kissed his way up until he reached the middle of his ear. Daryl was going insane. He was keeping a straight face. Holding back a smile and the urge to bite Connors hand. Connor suddenly breathed: "Should I stop?"  
Daryl considered this but then shook his head a bit. It was not unpleasant. Somehow he liked the attention. And he guessed that Connor just needed to distract himself from his own mind and the things that had happened this night. Daryl used to talk to his squirrel plushie when he was younger and hugged it and pressed it against his chest. Now he was a big walking Daryl plushie for Connor. He moved his head to look at Murphy who was looking back at him. Smirking and shooting a short look at his brother. "My brother seems to be a monkey now", he said amused.  
"Shut up Murph'."  
"Oy. Listen. He can speak and swear", Murphy teased.  
"Just wait until I can walk again. I will kick yer sorry lil' ass."  
Daryl felt Connor smiling against his neck. "I bet yeh will. I am just glad we found yeh. Yeh stupid asshole. Running off because of some stupid fight leaving me with strangers."  
"I'm sorry Murph'. I just thought yeh kno' tha' Dar' would be mad at me and then Rick would be mad and the whole group. So I left and found Beth."  
Murphy sighed. "I kno'. They're not mad. Want yeh to come back. They need us. And now we only need to find them and bring Beth back to her family and Dar' needs to be at Rick's side."  
"Aye. Sorry Murph' but talkin' hurts a lot."  
"Aye. Aye. Sorry bro'. Yeh should try to sleep on Daryl's back."  
"Will try."  
They walked on a while and Connor grabbed Daryl's chest a bit harder and whispered into his ear. "I will never close my eyes again", his voice was shaking ans rasp. Like it was torn apart in little pieces. Just like Daryl's heart when he heard it. Broken into a million pieces. He knew what Connor meant and he knew what Connor would go through for the next time and Daryl would be there. He would be at his side. Never leaving him.  
Daryl moved his head a little so he could see Connor and whispered. "I'm here." "Aye", Connor whispered and put a kiss to his friends cheek.  
Connor closed his eyes for a second. Haunted by the pictures of last night and by the pain. He still could feel the pain on his body, inside his butt, even his tongue hurt and he could feel something drying on his back. He knew Daryl would understand. He just hoped that Murphy didn't see anything of this.   
He couldn't stop kissing and touching Daryl. Last night he had thought about Daryl a lot. That he wanted to make him feel loved and cared for and that he wanted to be the person. That he had promised it when he had kissed Daryl's forehead that one night. That he had made it his task. He knew Daryl would never respond his love. Connor knew they were soulmates but his friend had been through so much and would never accept his love for a guy. Connor was okay with it. He just took everything Daryl was willing to give. and Connor was giving him whatever he had left to give. He regretted to have pushed him away because it was so wrong. "I'm sorry", he mumbled.  
As answer Daryl stroked his leg with his thumb. "How long until we stop walking?"  
"I don't know."  
Then Daryl looked at the other two. "We should rest soon. Connor is tired. We all are. We should stay near the road."  
"Aye. Agree."  
"Look, there are these cars. Maybe we could hide their", Beth suggested.  
"Yeah. Murph, Beth you two should check the area for Walkers. Conn' and me are coming after ya."  
"Aye." Murphy started jogging and looked over his shoulder before running faster. Beth still had Daryl's crossbow and was running after Murphy or at least limping after him. Daryl stopped walking and said: "Able to stand on your own feet for a second?"  
"I guess."  
Connor uncrossed his legs and was holding on to Daryl's chest with his arms. When he felt the earth underneath his boots, he was easening his grip. And Daryl turned around, facing him. Their hips were touching and Daryl grabbed Connors face, stroking his cheeks. "There is nothing you have to be sorry about."  
"I didn't want to push you away."  
"I know. Murph' told me."  
"Daryl, who dressed me?" Connors eyes were piercing through Daryl's skin. Daryl looked away for a second.  
"Me."  
Connor sighed. Tears filling his eyes. "Did he see?"  
Daryl shook his head. "No. As soon as I realized I turned you around and started putting your jeans on."  
"It was.." his voice broke. He was shaking and Daryl wrapped his arms around him. "I know. Shhh. I will help you. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I wish it would have be me."  
Connor shook his head. "No. Don't say that. I was punished for hurting you."  
"Biggest bullshit I ever heard. What did I get punished for as a kid, heh?"  
"Sorry."  
"Come on. I will bring you to your brother."  
"Aye. Daryl?"  
"Hm?"  
"Promise me you will not tell him."  
"Promise. This is between us now. I'm there if you need me."  
"Don't be mad at me. But I need to sleep and can you keep watch. I need Murphy at my side." At least Connor thought he needed his brother.   
Daryl smiled and grabbed Connor and lifted him up. Connor threw his arms around the hunters neck. "I can't be mad at you. Not with you looking like this."  
"I look hot, with my bare chest, huh?"  
Daryl snorted. "Stop it."  
Connor smiled when he saw Daryl's lips curling into a smirk. Even so none of them felt like smiling at all.

* * *

 

Murphy and Connor cuddled each other on the back of a truck. Murphy was pressing Connor against his chest and was putting a kiss against his head. "G'night Conn'."  
"Good Night my little brother."  
Daryl smiled and looked at Beth who was watching the twins in awe. "Good Night Dar'. Night Beth", Connor whispered and Daryl whispered. "Good Night Leprechaun" and then slapped Murphy's head. "Night facestealer."  
"Shut up fucker."  
Both chuckled and Beth and Daryl made their way to the next car and sat on the hood. They talked about what had happened to them and Daryl was glad that Beth wasn't raped. "Daryl. Can I ask you something?"  
"Yeah."  
"Connor and you. What is happening?"  
"If I ever find out I will tell you. I have no idea. You know I knew them from before the outbreak. Had seen them on TV. They are serial killers."  
Beth laughed. "You are joking."  
"No. They were called "The Saints" and killed rapists, murderers, mobsters."  
Beth turned around. "So good killers, huh?"  
"Yeah. Well, as you might have recognized Murph' has my face. And I would have gone after them one day but then the Outbreak came. And it was as if we were hit by a truck. We were all shocked. Because from the very first second we were like brothers. You know I don't trust people but these two..." Daryl shook his head. That sounded too weird.  
"They felt like you belong to them."  
"Yeah."  
Beth smiled and tangled their fingers together. "I think Connor is in love with you. He calls you after a god, which is kind of cute."  
"Shh. Stop that. He is not in love. Look at him and his brother. He just thinks I am his big brother. Even so he is older. But you will see when Leprechaun is back on his feet he will treat Murphy like a lil' bro and he loves touching. He touches everyone."  
"So, it is just coincidence, that you call Connor Leprechaun and Murphy facestealer?"  
Daryl looked a bit irritated. "Uhm, yeah?"  
He looked straight to the road, avoiding any more eye contact. Did he really make differences between the twins? Connor...love...Nah! None of them was gay. It was just brotherly love. Yes. That was it.  
"Hmm. For a second I thought you were in love with me. You were so mysterious back at the funeral home."  
"Yeah. Well. I thought so too."  
Daryl shrugged and then looked at Beth. She was smiling and looking at him with these big blue eyes. She was sweet but he couldn't imagine kissing her or whatever.  
"Listen Beth, I really thought so. You just kicked down some of my walls and I thought you were the only one left alive. I really love you. But not like this. You are like a little sister to me, a best friend. I'm sorry if I made the wrong impression. I was confused. I needed you. You gave me hope."  
"Good Lord, I am so glad you say this. Because Daryl I really like you but I am not in love with you. You are like my big brother. And now look at you, you can speak more than one word without feeling awkward."  
Both of them breathed out and chuckled. "Yeah. You are a good teacher, girl."  
Then they kept watch and sat in silence for the rest of the night. And just when Daryl decided to wake up Connor and Murphy he saw a truck coming closer and another car but it was too far away to see if this were really their group. He nudged Beth. She looked int he same direction. She ducked, behind the car, crossbow pointing at the street. Daryl ran to Murphy and Connor. "MURPH! CONNOR! Wake up. There are trucks coming."  
Murphy was awake and shook Connor who had his eyes open already. Never finding sleep. Both got up, Connor nearly falling to his knees. Daryl grabbed him and hid him behind a Car. Daryl and Murphy ducked and when they saw the cars they smiled. "Rick", Murphy mumbled.  
"Yeah."  
Daryl jumped up and ran towards the trucks. He saw them slow down and saw a door opening. Abraham was driving the big truck. "Daryl. You made it."  
"Where is Rick?"  
"Other car." Then he saw that the car had stopped too and that Rick was getting out of it and everyone else also was coming out of the cars. First he went over to Rick and saw that Murphy was coming closer.  
"Daryl. Man..seems like you didn't find him."  
"Oh. We found more than him", Murphy smiled.  
And that's when Beth stood up, smiling and Daryl could see the confusion on His friends face. Maggie and Glenn started running, hugging her sister and sister in law.  
Murphy was jogging back to the trucks and Daryl followed. He lifted Connor up again. "We are save now. Everything will be okay Leprechaun." Connor smiled.  
When Rick saw Connors bare chest he gasped for air. "What happened?"  
"He rescued Beth, got caught and tortured. His whole body is covered like this."  
Rick shook his head and said to Connor. "Buddy you will be okay.", Then looked at Abraham. Make room so Connor can lie down. Beth do you need to lie down?"  
"No. I'm not as bad as him."  
"I don't need to lie down. I can sit upright." Connor was embarrassed by the attention.  
"No discussion." Ricks words were final. After a while they were all in the cars, huddling together and Daryl started feeling claustrophobic. Too many people in one car. But he was sitting behind Connor, while Murphy sat next to him. Then came Beth, Maggie, Glenn, Tara, Eugene and Bob and Sasha. Abraham was driving and Rosita was next to him. Rick was driving the other car. Michonne next to him, Carol, Judith Carl and Tyresee in the back. They really needed another car.  
Connor never closed his eyes and looked around him. He was silent most of the time. Just once he asked for water and then wanted to sit up. Murphy and Daryl helped him sit and he whispered: "I'm cold."   
Daryl slapped himself. Of Course. He was still wearing only his peacoat. Daryl opened his backpack and grabbed a black shirt that he never wore anyway. While Murphy was stripping Connors Jacket of, Daryl sat in front of Connor and helped him putting on the black shirt. "Thanks."  
They drove on until nightfall and only made two little breaks.

* * *

 

The place they made a break at had six houses and a chapel. They went through the houses but couldn't find any walkers. Daryl thought it was strange that they never found walkers. The whole ride long they only saw one herd. Something was really wrong about it.  
They decided to split up into the houses after they had talked a bit and ate something. Murphy was feeding Connor who was struggling against him because he was sure he could eat alone.   
"Rick, can I talk to you?", Daryl said. He needed Murphy to have a task for a while. He needed to be alone with Connor to care for the wounds Murphy hadn't seen yet.  
"Sure."  
"Alone." Rick eyed him suspicious but then walked with him away. Daryl looked around.  
"Listen, you need to get Murphy away for one or two hours. I need to be alone with Connor. I can't tell you why. There are just things Connor doesn't want Murphy to see."  
Rick nodded. "Will he be alright?"  
Daryl sighed. "Truth to be told. I don't know. He is playing normal but you should have seen him. He was...naked. Completely. He even has cuts around his manhood." Rick held his breath.   
Daryl shook his head. "Don't ask any questions. The answer will always be yes. Don't. He doesn't want anybody to know. Not even Murphy."  
Rick nodded and clapped Daryl's head. "I will set him on watch with me so I can keep him distracted for the night."  
"Thanks."  
"Always. And Daryl?"  
"yeah?"  
"I will be there for you. I will be here. You can talk to me. You were always there for me. Let me return that favour."  
"Thank you, brother." Daryl smiled and Rick returned that smile.  
They walked back to the group and sat down for a bit more. Connor looked at Daryl. "I'm tired. Can yeh help me up?"  
"Pah. You can walk on your own."  
"Fucker."  
Daryl was already lifting him up and Murphy followed. "Murphy", Rick voiced.  
"Yes Sheriff?"  
"Can you keep watch with me? Daryl said you slept last night?"  
"Uhm yeah? Wait."  
He walked up to Connor. "Is it okay when I keep watch? Daryl will be there."  
"Aye. Do your work baby brother. Daryl will keep me company just fine."  
"Okay. Good night Conn'." Murphy ruffled through his brothers hair, kissed him and then went back to Rick.  
When Daryl entered the house he had made sure that no one else was sleeping in it. He carried Connor upstairs and lay him down on the big bed in the bedroom.   
Connor looked at him and chuckled. "This is awkward."  
"You don't say. I just carried you over the threshold into a bedroom. Like a fucking honeymoon."  
"Mr. MacManus."  
"Shut up now or I will leave you alone."  
"Sorry, Dar'."  
Daryl rolled his eyes. "Will be back in a second. I will just grab our stuff and get something to clean you up."  
"No worries. I am not going anywhere, Darling."  
Connor smiled but as soon as Daryl was gone his smile died and his eyes went to the ceiling. It just fuckin' hurt. And Now he had to be naked in front of Daryl. He would see it. Would see all the scars and bruises and Daryl would see how broken he was. At least they could be broken together. Connor had imagined how victims felt after something like that but he never imagined it like this. He felt so incomplete. Tears were filling his eyes now but he gave up. He could cry now. Murphy was not seeing it and Daryl would understand. How did Daryl survive this as a kid?   
When Daryl came back into the room, Connor was looking at the ceiling, crying and Daryl froze. Something was too special, too close in this moment. "I know you are there", Connor whispered and looked to Daryl.  
"Sorry."  
"It's okay. Come." Connor reached out a hand and Daryl got closer and refused to grab it but sat next to Connor on the bed.   
"Let me fix you up, okay." Connor nodded. Daryl started with his friends face, then pulling off the shirt, treating his chest and making him sit up to treat his back. Then he stripped the shirt back on.  
Connor was already opening his jeans, his hands were shaking and his face unreadable. Daryl took Connors hands. "Let me help you." Connor nodded and looked at the ceiling. He raised his butt when Daryl had to pull his jeans off and then just lay there. Trying to blend out that his friend was cleaning him so near his private parts. Daryl did the same thing. He focused on the wounds and not on the other mans dick. When he was done with the front he stopped and sat next to Connor. Connor looked at him, biting his lip, holding back tears. He looked embarrassed.  
Daryl bowed down and rested his forehead against Connors. "I need to turn you around now. This will hurt. A lot more than this. I promise I will try to be careful. I know this is embarrassing but I need to clean this and look if anything is infected. Did the guy..did he..inside you?" Daryl couldn't form the sentence properly.  
"No. He pulled out before", Connor replied.  
Daryl looked into his friends eyes and did something he had never done before. But something he really wanted to do now. He was not gay. At least that's what he thought. Now he wasn't so sure. He only knew that he wanted to do this. He slowly put his lips to Connors lips, stroking Connors cheek and jar with his thumb. Feeling the stubble underneath it. He could feel a hand into his hair, pressing him closer. Daryl smirked and started to put little kisses on Connors mouth, biting his lip one time. Then he looked closely at his friend and latter just looked back, his hand still playing with Daryl's long hair. "What was that for?", he asked.  
"Comfort." Of Course. Daryl did this to make him feel better, not because he loved him. Still Connor was hoping that Daryl would someday be able to love him. He could live without sex or stuff but he needed Daryl.  
Connor turned around, buried his face in the pillow, his arms crossed under his head. Daryl started with Connors legs. Giving him time to relax. Then went on. When he reached his friends bottom he whispered: "You okay?"  
"Go on."  
Daryl started rubbing the sperm from Connors butt. Not able to oversee how well formed it was. And slapping himself for that thought. Could this get any more gay?  
Daryl sighed - yes it could.  
"I need to spread your legs a bit."  
Connor nodded and Daryl went on, cleaning his friend and smearing salve everywhere he could reach. He knew Connor was in pain. He knew he will have problems walking. When Daryl was done he looked at Connors back for a while. He could see the bruises where the man had grabbed Connor. Right on his hip. Daryl couldn't help it. He didn't even know what he was doing anymore but he gently stroked over those two bruises. Leaving bruises like this should happen during sex with someone you love. When both parts agree on rough sex. Not like this. And for some reason he would like to make Connor feel better. But he couldn't. Daryl Dixon wasn't made to make things better.   
Daryl helped Connor putting new pants and a new pair of Jeans on and then sat down on the edge of the bed, unsure what to do next.   
"You can sleep now. I will be here", he said.  
Connor shook his head. "Can't sleep. Can we just lay down. Maybe talk?"  
"You and your talking." It was getting dark already and Daryl could see how Connor looked at him and then agreed. Remembering how he felt when he was little. The wish that someone was there for him. Maybe hug him. He took off his boots and his vest, his crossbow leaning next to him on the wall. Connor was already shifting him, so they could lie next to each other. Their arms and legs touching. Both heads sideways to look at each other.  
Connor had no idea what was going on with him but he was completely sure that he had fallen in love with a man. Which was really messed up, regarding the fact that he was religious and homosexuality wasn't allowed in his belief. On the other hand he was sure that Daryl was his soulmate, his other half. It was fucked up that he believed in god AND in soulmates and rebirth.  
They were both broken and bruised now. It was as if something was forcing him to do what he was doing. He moved himself up again, looking at Daryl. "Move to the middle", he whispered.   
Daryl did as he was told. Unsure what Connor was up to. When Connor was placing his body on top of Daryl he smiled. Connor wanted to cuddle. Just like Murphy. "You know. Your brother is one hell of a cuddler. He was so out of it when you ran away that he searched for me and we cuddled a bit. Told him we will find you."  
"Aye. Me brother is a cuddler. I am worse."  
"Oh no." Daryl smiled when he felt Connors arms underneath his shoulders, coming together again behind his back and stroking both cheeks. Daryl lifted his arms, wrapped them around Connor, tangled their legs together and started running his fingers through Connors hair. The latter peered at the hunter and slowly closed the distance between them. Kissing his lips and Daryl, much to his own surprise, kissed back. At first it was harmless and soft but Connor needed to feel more, so he opened his mouth a bit, sliding his tongue over the other mans lips. He could feel Daryl stiffen, could literally hear him thinking and then he suddenly relaxed. Daryl opened his mouth, tipping his tongue against Connors. He always thought it would feel awkward to kiss a man. Feeling stubble against his own. He was wrong. Something felt much better than kissing a girl. And Connor tasted a whole lot better than anything he ever had in his mouth and better than any girl he kissed. The kiss got intense when Connor grabbed into Daryl's hair and when Daryl was grabbing the other mans face, holding him in place. They stopped when Connor started moaning and gasping for air. Daryl couldn't see much, but what he saw was and he punched himself in his mind for that thought, incredible. The moonlight that was breaking through the window made Connors eyes glow bluer and his cheeks were darkened. Probably red and heated like his own. The wound on his cheek was darker and was a big contrast to the rest of his friends skin. Connors mouth was still opened a little bit and he was looking at Daryl with a look he had never seen before. And before he could think anything else, Connor crashed their mouths together again. Daryl soon felt himself get hard because Connor was moving on top of him and the kissing was too passionate to be anything else than arousing. One part of Daryl was angry at his body for betraying him. The other part enjoyed it.  
Daryl stopped kissing Connor. "Leprechaun, stop."  
His friend looked at him and smiled. "Why? Yeh think I didn't notice?" Hell, could this be more embarrassing?  
"No. But we really should talk now. Don't you think?"   
"Fuck talking. I just need you. Need to feel something. Anything. Something else than..than.." The smile was gone, the blue was gone. Daryl observed his friends face and he knew what Connor meant. Something else than broken. Connor was using him and for some reason Daryl wanted to be used by him. Maybe because he wanted to be loved by the man on top of him. Just maybe, Daryl felt something inside his chest, that he never felt before.  
He pulled Connor into an embrace until he felt him relax. Connors head lying on Daryl's chest. Listening to his heartbeat.  
"Leprechaun?"  
"Yeah?"  
Daryl breathed in and out. "What was your last thought before he did it? I always thought about the forest and running and being a bird flying away. About escape."  
Connor swallowed. "I thought about you. I screamed your name when he first...did it. I passed out several times. But I thought about you and that I needed to see you. Make you feel loved and cared for. I thought about dying and that I will never see my brothers again."  
Daryl nodded. "I was afraid I would find you dead." And this was the truth. He was even more afraid than when he was when Merle died.  
"I'm alive." Daryl knew he should say something. He knew he had to explain some things. And maybe he had to let his guards down.  
"You already make me feel loved and cared for. From the first second I saw you. I think this soulmate crap is true. I am so different with you and Murph'. Hell, I love your lil brother. He is a great kid. But with you..I am talking, hell, I am cuddling and i just kissed you.."  
Connor placed a hand above Daryl's mouth. Smirking and feeling totally flattered by what he had heard. There was a slight chance that Daryl might love him too and Connor was eager to find it out. No matter how long it would take. He didn't know why he wanted to be honest and wanted him to know, maybe he was just too tired to think straight but he had to say it.  
"Shut up. Yer talkin' too much. I don't know Daryl. I have no idea. I am exhausted. I can't think straight but I know that it was you I was thinking of. All the time. Not Murphy. Not my twin. My soulmate. I was thinking of you. And hell, this is wrong. So fuckin' wrong. I am a man of god. I can't be gay. But I think I fuckin' am. Only for you of course. But fuck Daryl.. Maybe I won't remember this tomorrow, maybe I am drugged but for fucks sake, just right now. In this second...I think I love you. Yes, I think I do. I never believed in love at first sight. I didn't believe in all this stupid chick flick movie stuff. But I do believe in fortune. I believe in the truth. Just like my tattoo says. And in this moment the truth is: I don't know where this is going. I don't know if it will last but right now, I love you." Connor looked at his friend, confusion on his face, smiling and when he opened his mouth to smile even bigger, Connor thought Daryl would laugh and push him away. But to both mens surprise Daryl said: "And I think I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah i am awful right? and it is silly and stupid and too fast and too soon. yep. i know that. like i said. sometimes you do stupid things when you are exhausted or when you fall in love.


	16. A million little pieces I've stolen from you

"You do?", Connor asked just to make sure he hadn't imagined it.  
"Yeah", Daryl whispered and stroked Connors hair. "I don't know what it is with you. Maybe some apocalyptic trauma or some virus that makes me gay but ever   
since we met I have this feeling inside of me. It is a different feeling with your brother. I have never felt that. Never even wanted it. But last night,   
when we found Beth, I knew. I was worried sick. Murphy had to calm ME down." Daryl's heart was beating way too fast right now. He had never said something   
like this and he was so afraid but Connor had said it first. Connor loved him. Maybe not forever but Daryl was happy with today. Maybe tomorrow. This world   
can end any second. Why not enjoy the last bits we have?  
"Weird huh? None of us was into guys before. Maybe it's the soulmate thing." It was clearly the soulmate thing. Connor was smiling inside. Could this really   
be happening?  
Daryl nodded. He felt save with Connor and he liked it. The situation was awkward and he could hear his dead brother moving inside his grave. He could hear   
all the names his family would give him. But he didn't give a fuck because he knew that his new family would accept it. He was in love with Connor. He was   
from the very first second on. Not the second in Terminus, no the second he had seen him on TV. Back then he hadn't realized it. But now he does. He feels   
this amazing thing in his chest. That burning was turning into a glowing. Into something strong. Daryl kissed Connors hair. Connors head rose a bit and   
pressed his lips on Daryl's. "It was so horrible", the Irishman whispered.  
Daryl held him close and rested one of his hands on his friends face, stroking the place right underneath his eye. "I can imagine", he replied.  
"I thought he would kill me. That sick bastard even said he would make me a girl", Connors voice broke and he was shaking his head to get rid of the   
pictures. Daryl felt the tears running over his friends face. Connor was trying to get up and Daryl helped him. The Twin turned around so that Daryl wouldn't   
see his face. Suddenly feeling ashamed and stupid. But Daryl pulled him back again, his chest pressed against Connors back. His arms embracing him and   
tangling their fingers together. "I'm here", Daryl breathed. Unable to say more. There were no words for this situation. Connor leaned his head against   
Daryl's shoulder and pressed the mans hands. "Turn around", Daryl whispered. "Let me see you." Wow. Hello chick flick movie.  
"Aye." The Older one turned around, facing his friend now. His head hanging lose on his shoulders. Facing his own hand which were lying between his legs.   
Suddenly there were other hands, grabbing his own. Connor looked up into Daryl's eyes. Finding nothing but understanding and care. Connor closed the distance   
between them and Daryl moved in the space between Connors legs, wrapping his arms around his friend. Connors head was now resting on Daryl's shoulder. "Thank   
you", he mumbled.  
Instead of an answer Daryl took his friends face in his hands and looked at him. "Listen to me, I will be here for you. Whenever you need me. You can talk to   
me. Connor, I never had someone like you. I will make mistakes. I'm not made for love and caring. But I know how it is to be alone with such a thing and I   
will not let this happen to you. I am here."  
Connor nodded and crossed his hands behind Daryl's neck. Daryl scooted forwards and kissed Connors tears away. He was acting intuitive. Doing what he thought   
would help. He had never done something like this before. Hoping he wouldn't make mistakes. Not now. His friend did seem to enjoy it and Daryl was ending his   
kissing on Connors lips. Only putting a gentle kiss on the edge of the other ones mouth. Connor looked at Daryl's face and touched the light blue eye and the   
swollen cheek. Traces of his fists. "Does it hurt much?"  
"No. Had worse." Daryl smiled.   
"I'm sorry I did this to you. so sorry that I ran."  
"Ya better are. Believe me if you wouldn't look so horrible right now I would punch your face. Bet ya would look great with a black eye." Connor chuckled. "I   
would love to get beaten by you if it would make this feeling go away."  
"Which feeling?" Connor looked to the window, his face fully covered in moonlight. Again Daryl thought, this was beautiful. "The feeling of being broken.   
Incomplete. The wish to die." Connor closed his eyes for a second and Daryl froze. He wanted to die. He knew that feeling. He was praying for god to end his   
life a several times. When he never answered he stopped believing in god. But hearing his friend say this hurt him. How could he make Connor better? He had   
to work on this from now on. Had to make Connor feel alive again. Complete. It will take a while and some parts will forever be broken but Daryl knew that   
life could get better. He had made it. He had found Connor.  
"Don't say that. I wouldn't want you to die", he whispered. "It is selfish but I need you. Don't leave me."  
Connor shook his head. "Never would do it. Not yeh and not me baby brother."  
"Can I..Can I do something to make it easier?"  
Daryl scratched his beard and leaned back.  
"Yes."  
"What?" He would do anything. Really.  
"Yer are already doing it."  
Connor turned his head back to Daryl and then placed himself next to him. Laying down on his side. Daryl understood and placed himself behind Connor and   
pressed his whole body against his friends body, Connors head lying on his arm. Connor grabbed the other hand, intertwined their fingers and kissed the back   
of Daryl's hand. He snuggled even closer and wished he could hide himself inside this embrace. "Ya' want to sleep?", Daryl asked.  
"No."  
"Okay."  
"Just hold me. Don't go away please. Don't leave me alone tonight." Connor was never the one to ask something like this. He was not weak but he was too   
afraid to be alone. He was still not sure if this was a dream or reality.  
"I'm not going anywhere."  
Connor kissed his hand again, now entwining there hands and starting to kiss the hunters wrist, his palm, every finger and Daryl closed his eyes, enjoying   
the attention. He moved a bit up and started kissing Connors earlobe. They both needed this attention for different reasons and both were willing to go on   
with this for the whole night. Daryl was glad his friend was alive and that he was here with him. Connor was thankful for having a whole night with Daryl. He   
couldn't think of Murphy right now. He had to shut all the horrible thoughts out. Otherwise his twin would feel too much. Now he was probably only thinking   
of the streams on Connors body but if Connor would start to think of everything, Murphy would know. So he enjoyed Daryl's kisses and shy touches. The little   
pieces Daryl gave him to fill the holes of last night. Putting him together again. He enjoyed that this was new for Daryl, too. That they could make this   
experience together. For a slight second he thought that his world was standing still. For a slight second he felt something he had never felt before. He had   
found the love of his life in the arms of another man. And he was willing to give up his soul for it.

\---  
Same time outside

Murphy and Rick were sitting on a bench together. Both men looking to the little window they knew Daryl and Connor were resting. "You are worried", Rick   
disclosed.  
"Aye." Murphy looked at Rick.  
"Daryl will take care of him."  
"Aye. That's what I am so worried about."  
"Why?"  
Murphy sighed. He was still thinking about Connor's behaviour. "When he woke up he called Daryl after a Celtic god. And kissed him."  
Rick looked surprised. "Oh."  
"Yeah. Yeh kno' me an' me bro' are not gay. We are Catholics. If he fell for Daryl he will be doomed. Banned from the holy land. We would be separated for   
eternity." In all honesty Murphy knew they would go to hell. It wasn't the real reason he was so afraid.  
Rick placed a hand on Murphy's shoulder. "But what do you think about it? Would you love your brother less? Like Daryl less?"  
Murphy shook his head. "'Course not. I love them. I would want them to be happy. Even together. I would never not be on their side. Hell, I would do   
somethin' to go to hell with them."  
Rick chuckled. "See. Maybe you are reading too much into it. Connor was in a very bad state. Probably confused."  
"Aye. Maybe."  
"Wanna check on them?"  
Murphy nodded. "Aye. Is tha' alrigh'? Will be back in some minutes. Just check on Conn'. Don't like to be apart from him."   
"Sure. Go and check on them."  
Rick clapped the other mans shoulder again and smiled. Murphy returned the smile. "Thanks. Sheriff."  
"You are welcome."  
Murphy was already moving, when Rick said: "You can always talk to me."  
"Thanks again. Yer a good person Rick. Yer probably a better man than yeh think yeh are."   
Rick nodded and wondered why Murphy would say something like that. Maybe that guy had some senses normal people didn't. He followed Murphy with his eyes and   
then looked up to the window again. He hoped that Daryl had dealt with whatever Connor had been through. Daryl had never spoken about what had happened to   
him as a kid. But now Rick knew and for one more time he thought that Daryl was the strongest of them all.

Murphy entered the house as silent as possible in case his brothers were sleeping. He went upstairs and entered the bedroom. He could see them both lying on   
their side. Daryl pressed to Connors back. Murphy smiled. It looked like him and Connor. He entered the room and approached the bed. When he did so, Daryl   
moved his head and smiled. "Conn', look."  
Connor moved his head. "Hey Murph', yeh missin' me?"  
"Aye", came the reply and Murphy walked around the bed to see Connor. He crouched down in front of his twin and stroked his brothers hair. "How yer doin'?"  
"Can't sleep. Daryl is keeping me company."  
Murphy looked at Daryl and nodded. "Aye. Yer making him a cuddler?"  
Connor smirked and whispered: "I'll tell yeh a secret. I think he likes it."  
Murphy agreed and breathed: "I think so too."  
Daryl winked at him and Murphy smiled. He looked at their tangled fingers and smiled even more. He put a hand on top of his brothers hands. Daryl was their   
brother. Through and through. No matter if by blood or by choice.   
Connor observed his brothers face. He looked worried and happy at the same time. Which looked like a really weird thing on his twins face. "I am so glad we   
found yeh." Murphy said and his expression went back to sad and worried.  
"I'm glad too. Thanks for following me."  
"I will follow you everywhere Conn'. Even to hell. I can't live without yeh. Yeh kno' tha'."  
Connor nodded and let go of Daryl's hand and opened his arms. "C'mere Murph'."  
Murphy huddled up to his brother and was lying his face to Connor. He kissed his brothers forehead and cheeks and then buried his head at Connors neck. "I   
missed yeh"; he whispered.  
"I missed yeh too."  
Connor kissed his brothers ear. Daryl's hand was resting on Connors hip and he looked at the two brothers and smiled. How did he manage to get so many   
brothers in such a short time? He felt a hand grabbing his and saw that it was Murphy's. "Yeh take care of him, aye?"  
"Of Course I will", Daryl promised.  
"Gotta go and help Rick again. Yeh two should sleep."  
Connor gave Murphy a kiss on his forehead and then Murphy stood up, walked around the bed, stopped at Daryl's side, knelt on top of the bed and when Daryl   
moved his head to see what Murphy was doing, Murphy kissed Daryl's forehead. They both smiled at each other and Daryl turned around completely and stood up   
with Murphy. "Will be back in a second Leprechaun. Just gonna talk to Murph'."  
"Aye." Connor was smiling and for the first time this evening he really felt the smile. Because he loved the way Murphy had accepted Daryl now. This was more   
than he could hope for. He didn't have to chose anymore.  
Murphy and Daryl walked down the corridor until they reached the stairs and Daryl hugged Murphy tight. Latter grabbed Daryl really hard and pressed him   
close. "I'm glad we have found yeh. Yer a good brother to us. I don't know what is happenin' and I don't kno' wha' tha' thing is between yeh and Conn' but I   
want yeh to kno' tha' I'm okay with it. I kno' yeh two can't do anythin' against it. It's yer souls. Some years ago I would've beaten yeh dead for makin' him   
gay. Now I just want everybody to be happy in this broken world. He needs yeh more than me now. Go back and hold him as if there is no tomorrow. And I know   
there is somethin' yer not tellin' me. It's okay. He will tell me when time is come. but please go slow." Murphy let go of Daryl, then nodded and before   
Daryl could say anything Murphy was already outside and running towards Rick. Murphy was close to tears but for a very different reason.   
Daryl shook his head. That kid was really something different. He had a mind on his own.  
He went back to Connor, who was lying in the middle of the bed, buried under the blanket. Daryl moved closer and looked at Connor. His eyes were closed and   
one side of his mouth curled up to a smile. "Yeh comin' or are yeh standing there the whole night?"  
"Man, ya' see everything?"  
Connor opened his eyes. "I wish I could see more." Daryl rolled his eyes. Typical. That guy just went though pure horror and was already joking again. Daryl   
snuggled under the blanket and touched Connors chest and froze. What the hell. "Eh Leprechaun? Where is your shirt?"  
Connor chuckled. "On the floor, why?"  
"Don't you think you should put that back on? I'm not sure what you are doing."  
"Uhm. I always sleep naked. Don't want to sweat so much. Do you sleep with all clothes on?"  
Daryl raised an eyebrow. Naked. He lifted the blanked. Good god, at least he had left his jeans on. "I do. Ya' know in case there are walkers. I'm faster   
when I am dressed."  
"Yeah. True. But tonight you are going to take that shirt off."  
"No." Daryl frowned. He never takes his shirt off.  
"Why?"  
"No."  
"Can you only say "No"?  
"No?"  
Daryl chuckled and Connor slapped his head. "Yeh stupid. Wha' is so bad about a naked chest?"  
"I never..I.." Daryl sighed and nodded, taking off his shirt. Because it was senseless. Connor had been through a lot and he had scars. Daryl was just   
thankful for the little light. Connor was looking at his back and traced the tattoo with his finger. Demons. Funny. Daryl had demons everywhere and he had   
religious signs. This was a relationship made in hell. Connors finger left goosebumps on Daryl's body and he closed his eyes when Connor let his finger slide   
over one scar. Connor was moving now, suddenly sitting behind him and kissing his back. Daryl gasped for air and felt one hand grabbing his holding it   
pressed to his stomach, while Connor continued. "Yeh kno' yer scars are beautiful, righ'? I kno' they remind yeh of somethin' bad. But they show me how   
strong yeh really are." Daryl's cheek got red and he leaned against Connor's lips when he started kissing his neck. "Why are you doing this?" Daryl wondered   
why Connor was giving him so much attention when he should be the one after that horrible night and day.  
"Because I want to."  
"Conn' ya' just been through hell and back and you should rest and heal."  
"THIS heals me. It's distraction. Because my mind is a horrible place right now. I need this", Connor nearly begged. Daryl sighed and turned around,   
pressing Connor back to the mattress, placing himself over his friend. The blanket was only covering their legs now and Connor looked up to Daryl, while   
Daryl watched Connors chest rise and fall for some time. Then he leaned down and kissed the scar on Connors throat and wandered down to the one under his   
heart. The hunter kissed every single wound on Connor's chest and stomach, his friends hand grabbing his hair and breathing heavy. "You know, when my scars   
are pretty than yours are too." His friend pulled him back up and crashed his mouth against Daryl's. They were losing themselves in that kiss. Daryl playing   
with Connor's stubble and Connor grabbing Daryl's hair hard. It hurt sometimes but Daryl didn't say anything. After some minutes Connor whispered: "yer hard   
again."  
"I noticed", Daryl said ashamed.  
Connor smiled. "Yeh want me to take care of this?" He was just teasing him because he knew they wouldn't do that anytime soon.  
Daryl snorted and said: "You my friend will do nothing." Connor let go of Daryl and nodded. Why did it feel so painful when he was only teasing?  
"Leprechaun?" Connor shook his head. Maybe Daryl really was just here for comfort.   
"It's okay."  
Daryl smirked, hovered over Connor's ear and said: "If we are ever going this far with that thing, I want you to be healed and I want you to be able to enjoy   
it. I want you to feel it. Want you to be able to have one hell of the night. Because..hey...lets be true..here..none of us was with a guy before. and our   
first time should be better than this. Okay?...And I swear to god if you wouldn't look like this and you wouldn't be bruised and stuff I would fuckin' let ya   
do whatever the fuck you want." Daryl himself was not so sure if this would ever happen but it was really not good for Connor to do those things now. He   
shouldn't even think about it. Daryl had no idea why Connor was doing it. Distraction? Or is he denying what just happened to him? 


	17. Sold my soul, from heaven into hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!  
> Thank you for all your reviews and kudos!
> 
> That chapter explains itself. ;)

 

 

During the night while they were talking, Daryl had fallen asleep and Connor was watching him. He was tired himself but was too afraid to close his eyes. He was afraid that he was still trapped and beaten and this was just his way to cope with it. A perfect hallucination. Because in real life he would never admit that he liked Daryl and Daryl sure as hell would never say that he loved him too. He was just imagining this but this image was so wonderful that he didn't want to close his eyes again. Never. Afraid that the nightmare continues. So he kept on looking at Daryl's sleeping figure. Daryl was covered in dirt but Connor didn't care. None of them was clean. He watched his chest rise and fall, watched him breathe. He looked so much more like Murphy when he slept. He had tucked one arm under his head, the one with the demon tattoo on the inside. Connor tried not to touch him. He didn't want to wake him up. The hunter needed sleep after carrying him the whole day. The sun was already rising and was painting Daryl's face in an orange and red color. For some reason Connor thought, that his face was made for the night. Daryl looked awesome in the moonlight. Not that he didn't look good in sunlight too but there was just something about the darkness that fit so well to his friend.  
After a while Connor couldn't help himself and snuggled closer to Daryl, his head on his friends chest. He immediately felt two arms around his body. Daryl was absently stroking his back and Connor ignored that it hurt when the hunter touched the wounds. If this was a dream, he wanted to last it as long as possible. If this wasn't a dream, well he wanted it to last forever.   
He started playing with Daryl's chest hair and slid his finger over his scars. Daryl was getting goosebumps and Connor put a kiss on his friends stomach, right above his navel. "Mornin' Leprechaun", a raspy voice said, which made Connor look up. Daryl was opening his eyes, rubbing them with his hands and then smiled at Connor. "Sorry I fell asleep."  
"Don't be. Yeh needed it."  
"Yah."  
"G'mornin'", Connor whispered and kissed Daryl. The younger one pulled Connor on top of him. "How are you?", he asked concerned.  
"I was just thinking if this is a dream or if this is reality and if I am really here or still in that basement", the Irishman answered honestly.  
"You are really here." Daryl was suddenly well aware what he had done last night and in the morning this whole thing looked even more weird. When he fell asleep he had dreamt of the man on top of him. They were happy, kissing and everything seemed so easy in his dreams. And he had thought about Merle and how he was able to say goodbye to his old life. He didn't want his old Life back. Beth had kicked down some of the walls. She made him realize that it was okay to have dreams, even in the most horrible time. Daryl had remembered some of his dreams. The running, the escape and living in a normal family. Having a caring brother and someone to talk to. When he was younger he had always wished for warmness, smiles and accepting. All he got were coldness, punches and even more punches when he wanted to do things he liked. Like watching movies or going to the library. His past has made him hard, and grumpy and sad. And most of all he thought he couldn't love and was not good enough to be loved by anybody. Now that he felt the smallest feelings inside his chest and the smallest love coming from two men he didn't want to let go of it. He NEEDED it.   
Daryl examined Connors face. Those wonderful blue eyes which were looking at him. The wrinkles around them, those lips that were still a bit swollen from the gag, the stubble on his chin and the brown hair that was a bit too long. Daryl let his thumb slide over the virgin Mary tattoo on his friends neck and Connor closed his eyes. Daryl was well aware that he was exploring the man's skin and body. But he didn't want to stop touching his face, his chest and he even slid his thumbs over the very attractive "V", leading to the private parts. His hands were now sliding up his friends sides and he moved his torso up and kissed Connor.  
The Irishman responded promptly and enjoyed that Daryl was touching him, nearly exploring him. Some of his touches were arousing but Connor was too tired and too concentrated to get hard. And he was glad that Daryl wasn't hard either. Connor opened his mouth and Daryl's tongue shyly entered. Connor thought it was nearly sweet how caring Daryl was. He actually had thought Daryl would be the rough one, the one who was kissing and fucking like an animal. Maybe he was wrong or maybe Daryl just held himself back.  
After a while Daryl broke the kiss, when he heard Connors stomach growling.  
"We should get up and get something to eat."  
Connor shook his head. "I don't want to. Let us just stay here. Let them go alone. We three can live a happy life here." Connor wasn't willing to move any inch out of this bed. Even so he knew he had to.  
"Happy Life...I will be happy if we get rid of all those stinking geeks."  
"Aye. But we can at least steal some more moments righ'?"  
Daryl nodded and moved his head up to meet Connors lips and they started kissing again. Daryl's tongue begging for an entrance and Connor opened his mouth willingly. Daryl was spreading his legs, so that Connor was lying in between his legs. Their hips touching, while Connor was holding his weight on his right arm, his left arm playing with Daryl's chest hair, sliding over his nipple, which made Daryl breathe heavy. Connor liked to tease Daryl and he liked that he had such an effect on the hunter. It was nearly as if he was able to do anything with him. He really wanted to go further than this. And to be honest he would really like to go further right now. He knew they couldn't sleep together but they could touch each other still. But this was too new. Daryl was now running his hands through Connors hair and held him close, not wanting to break the kiss. Not ever again. He was nearly agreeing to Connors wish to stay where they were.

 

* * *

 

Murphy went to Carol and Tara who were working in the kitchen and putting some food in bowls and serve them to everyone. "Hey Carol, can you give me two bowls for Connor and Daryl. And something to drink?"  
The women smiled at him. "Of Course." She searched the kitchen for something and found a tray. She put two bowls on it and looked around until no one was watching and put two cans of soda on it too and two chocolate bars. She winked at Murphy who was smirking and nodding. Murphy liked Carol. She had something motherly about her and she was nice to look at. He had noticed the way she watched Daryl and he would bet his right hand on it if she wasn't in love with the hunter.   
Murphy headed out to surprise his two sleeping brothers. He went upstairs and froze in the doorframe. He wasn't expecting this. Connor was sitting on Daryl's lap and they were kissing. Not brotherly. Not even harmless. They were making out. Why did this hurt him so much? Murphy coughed slightly but both of them were so caught in their kissing and touching each other that they didn't hear it. So Murphy coughed louder. Connor looked up, a slight second guilt was written all over his face and then he smirked. "Mornin' Murph'."  
Daryl looked a lot more guilty and embarrassed than Connor and just stared at Murphy.  
"G'Mornin' yeh two", Murphy tried to calm his voice.   
"Wha' do yeh have there?"  
"Breakfast for yeh two." He walked over and placed it on the nightstand. "Aw, look Dar', our brother brought us breakfast at bed."   
"Shut it", Daryl said harsh. This was seriously not okay. Murphy shouldn't have seen this.  
"Oi. Suddenly he is all badass again."  
"Conn' would yeh shut the fuck up. Wha' are yeh doin'? Yesterday yeh kissed him and I thought yeh were out of it. Then I said to Daryl tha' i would be okay with whatever was going on between yeh but I thought yeh would wait until yeh healed. Now yeh makin' out with each other and yeh already half naked. And yeh all smiling and joking but I know how yeh feel. Don't yeh dare forget our connection. I was gettin' sick of all the emotions yeh were sending me or blocking out. I am..I am angry with yeh Conn'. So shut the fuck up." Murphy punched the door hard which made Connor wince and Daryl snorted. He moved Connor, so he was sitting next to him, stood up, grabbed Murphys arm and glared at him. "Ya' goin' insane now? Ya' told me that you were okay with it. Not that we need your consent but now ya' goin' too far. We were only kissing. Not fuckin' ya' fuckhead."  
Murphy shoved Daryl away and yelled: "Wha' d'yeh kno'? He's me brother an' he got nearly beaten to death. Look at him. Yeh couldn't have waited? Yeh all over him now? Yeh two are acting like sick love monkeys."  
Daryl watched Murphy and then just pulled him into an embrace. A sudden thought what was causing this breakdown. Either he was jealous or still sick from worrying about his twin. Murphy tried to struggle Daryl but the hunter was a lot stronger than him and so he gave in. Connor was standing up and pressing his chest to his twins back. Kissing his hair and neck and wrapping his arm around him. Connor looked at Daryl and formed a loudless "Thank you", with his lips and Daryl smiled. The Hunter kissed Murphy's forehead. "Ya' calm now?"  
"Aye."  
"Fine. Now listen yeh fuckhead. Your brother needed this. He had been through a lot and needed distraction. I didn't do anything he didn't want. I would never force him to anything. Man, we have no idea what is going on between us. You have no need to be jealous or whatever you are angry about."  
Connor nodded and bit Murphy's neck. "Murph' I'll explain it to yeh when we are alone. Everythin' I think yeh had some weird things in yer head while I was...", Connors voice broke. "...tortured. I will explain it. Gimme some time, okay? And next night I will stay with yeh. Promise." Connors eyes met Daryl's who smirked and nodded. He knew he had to share Connor with Murphy. He knew he was taking something away from the younger twin but he was willing to give something back in return. He would spent time with Murphy. Teach him stuff. Make him a bit harder. He would never abandon one of them.  
Murphy looked up to Daryl and everything he saw was love. "Ya' my brother now too, remember?" Murphy smiled and nodded. "Aye. Lil' bro. But if yer hurtin' me twin I will kill yeh."  
"Noted. I'm not trying to hurt him." Then Daryl got close to Murphy's ears and covered Connors ears with his hands, then whispered: "I think I am in love with him."  
The Irishman smirked. This was too weird. When they had seen Daryl for the first time they had thought he would be a badass with no heart. Seems that man had a real big heart and he was loving his brother. Murphy never wished for Connor to be into guys but he was okay with it. With Daryl. Of course be was. He turned around, facing his brother. "I'm just worried abou' yeh."  
"I kno' baby brother. Don't be."  
They hugged each other once again and then Murphy let go of Connor, smiling and waving, running out of the house. He needed time to let this sink in. Murphy went into the other house, grabbed his own bowl with something that looked as if someone had eaten it already and walked over to some trees that were standing on the side of the houses. He leaned against one of it and started eating. Daryl and Connor. Connor and Daryl. Two guys. His brothers. Hell that was all a rollercaoster ride. Yesterday they were brothers now they were what exactly? Lovers, which would make Murphy Daryl's brother in law? Or what? Murphy snorted. Life was easier when they were killing mobsters but somehow he felt happier, because there was something changing Connor. Something he was waiting for to see and he didn't care that the reason was Daryl. Maybe Daryl could finally fill that hole in Connor's chest. The one he was denying. The one he was hiding for so many years. Murphy knew it the whole time, even so Connor tried to hide it underneath jokes, smiling and caring for him. Murphy always knew because at night their connection was the strongest but Connor never found out. Maybe he had to talk to his brother about his nightmares.

 

* * *

 

 

They were driving towards Washington again and Daryl had agreed that it would be better if Connor was next to Murphy. Daryl was sitting next to Abraham in the front of the truck.   
"We should search another car", Abraham said.  
"Yeah. Thought about that. It's really too tiny in the back. And we need something to store some food."  
"Yeah. Should probably check for cars on the road."  
"Plan." None of them were much into talking. Which Daryl really appreciated right now. He was done talking and touching. He had enjoyed last night but it all was too new and really hard to handle all at once. He never was into changes and now everything was changing at once and for the first time in his life he would leave Georgia. Which made him a bit sad. Why had the world to be like this before he could go and leave his family? Had he known earlier what life could bring him, he would have searched for Connor and Murphy years ago. Maybe he should have visited them in prison. Daryl's thoughts were spinning. Had he really fallen in love with Connor? How could this happen when he never was into guys or was je just not into guys because his dad and Merle were always making jokes about homosexuality? Were his one-night-stands that horrible because he was not into girls? Daryl was getting a headache from all the thinking but on the other hand he felt that warm and nice feeling in his chest and when he thought about kissing Connor he felt his stomach flip and getting nervous and he knew he was smiling more. Everything felt so right when they were with each other and it made him calm to know that Connor was right behind him sitting in the car. Cuddling with Murphy who fell asleep some minutes ago.   
"You know usually we could drive to Washington in one day. It's only about seven hours from here. But Rick wants to make another break before we get too close to the city. What do you think?", Abraham asked.  
"I think he is right. The Cities are usually overrun and there will be a lot more walkers. It would be good if everyone is fit before fighting. We have to go through the city to reach the military camp you were talking about."  
Abraham nodded. "I just don't want to waste any more time."  
"Yeah and we don't want to lose people."  
Abraham agreed and drove on until they reached Fort Washington. They already saw much more walkers on the side of the road and a lot of deserted cars. They wanted to rest near Piscataway Creek and Daryl thought this might be a good idea. Walkers can't come through water so they only had to cover three sides. They had to stop a several times and kill some walkers. Abraham was a killing machine and they had such a routine in killing that no one had to say anything. Daryl was glad that Connor and Murphy stayed in the car and Rick too was waiting in the car. They reached their destination at nightfall and found a place to sleep. This time they weren't sleeping in houses but in the truck or on the ground. Daryl had the first watch together with Carol and they were sitting next to each other on a blanket while everyone else was trying to sleep. Connor and Murphy were in the car and Daryl looked at it for a while, hoping his friend could find some rest in his brothers arms. He had to be honest to himself. He missed Connor already.  
"What are you thinking about?", Carol asked.  
"Nothing." Daryl looked at her.   
"Daryl you are a bad liar. You are worried about Connor?"  
Daryl nodded. "Yeah. He looks like crap."  
"You know I talked to him earlier. He seemed okay."  
"Yeah. He is good in making everyone believe this. But believe me he is not."  
Daryl looked back to the truck and then shrugged. There was nothing he could do now. "So he is like you then?"  
"What does that even mean?" The Hunter gave Carol a weird look.  
"You always pretend you are okay when you are not."  
"Don't we all?"  
Carol smiled. "Sometimes."  
He nudged her and for she was one of his closest friends he asked: "What do you think of them?"  
"I didn't really had much time with them but I think they are good people. And they make you smile. That's everything I need to know."  
"You noticed that?", Daryl sighed and smirked.  
Carol clapped his shoulder. "I did. You seem happy and this morning..well.."  
"Hm?"  
"You looked like you are glowing. Why did you never tell me you were into guys?"  
"Because I am not." Carol looked at him confused, raising her eyebrows and smirking.  
"Or at least I wasn't.", Daryl tried again.  
"Well. Connor is hot. Murphy is hot too."  
Daryl laughed. "He looks like me. No wonder Murphy is hot."  
"True."  
"Stop it. Girl ya' know I like ya' but I never...you know."  
Carol nodded. "I know. I am glad for you."  
"Maybe you and Murphy?"  
"Nah. That would be awkward."  
Daryl laughed and shook his head. "More awkward than me falling in love with a freaking religious Leprechaun?"  
"Love, heh?"  
"Shut up." They sat in Silence for a while, when Daryl noticed a movement on the side of the car. He stood up, pointing his crossbow at the direction and put it down the second he saw what caused the cover to move. "What in hell do you think you are doing? Go back in there or I will shoot."  
"Aye. Yeh do tha' and I think me brother will kill yeh, smartass"  
Connor smiled and tried to walk as normal as possible in the direction of his friend. He had tried to sleep but he couldn't and he missed Daryl. He knew the hunter was keeping watch, so he made sure Murphy was asleep and climbed out the car. His wounds were hurting and itching and he didn't want to wake Murphy to take care, so he had to ask Daryl for it. Especially the streams on his back.  
"So, what do you want?", Daryl wanted Connor to be save, not to run around out here.  
Connor was now standing in front of them. "Hello Carol."  
"How are you?", she asked.  
"Not that good. That's why I am here." He looked at Daryl.  
"I wouldn't ask but you know I can't ask him. Can you..uhm..maybe put some more salve on my back. It starts hurting again."  
Daryl nodded. He had forgotten about that. "Sure. Wanna do it here?"  
"Is this okay for you Carol? You should watch away. I look probably like a wandering punchball."  
"Don't worry. I stitched Daryl together and saw his scars and my own aren't nice either."  
"Why do you have scars?", Connor asked. Forgetting that Carol had told him already.  
"My husband."  
Connors face went from angry to knowing and to completely hurt in a matter of second.  
"Sorry."  
"He is long gone."  
"Aye."   
Daryl had grabbed the salve out of his backpack and waved with it to his friend who was already taking off his pea coat and trying to strip off his shirt but it hurt so much that Daryl had to help him. Connor got down on his knees and Daryl sat behind him looking at the wounds in the moonlight. They were closed but seemed to be a bit too red. He looked at Carol who was looking at Connors back too. "They look like they are healing. Are they itching?", she wanted to know.  
"Yeah. Like hell."  
Daryl started spreading the salve on Connors back, trying not to hurt him. Now and then Connor was flinching. Daryl let his finger linger a bit longer than needed at his friends neck and massaged him a bit. Then when he remembered where they were he said: "Done. Chest too?"  
"No. Can do that alone. Gimme the stuff and I will go to those trees and care for my other wounds." He turned around and looked at Daryl. The Hunter nodded and looked at Carol. She was staring down at Connors back and she looked like she was remembering things. Daryl touched her arm and she finally looked at him. Her eyes were wet and Daryl knew exactly what she had been thinking about. When Connor was standing up, he was putting salve on his chest and Daryl helped him put his shirt back on. After that Connor looked at him and smiled a bit. Daryl wanted to kiss him but he tried not to do this in front of Carol, so he just rested his hand under Connors chin and pressed his thumb against the other mans cheek. Connors hand raised and grabbed Daryl's kissing its palm. Then turned around and walked to the trees. Daryl looked after him and was worried that something might happen while his friend was busy caring for his wounds. "You should go after him", Carol said.  
"No. He can take care of himself. He has his guns."  
"He needs you Daryl. Didn't you see how he looked. His back, his chest. Does his whole body look like this?"  
Daryl nodded. "Every inch of his body looks like this."  
"Go help him. I will keep watch."  
"You sure?"  
"I am. We both know how it is to take care of wounds on your own and how we wished for someone to help. Go or I will." Daryl hugged her briefly and ran after Connor. He found Connor his pants down behind the tree and when he came closer he saw him crying while smearing salve around his private parts. He looked up when Daryl got closer and looked away as soon as he realized what Daryl was looking at. "Go. I can do it alone."  
But Daryl already grabbed the tube from his friends hand and brushed over his fingers. Then knelt before him and covered his bruises and wounds. When he was done he looked up. His friend was still crying and it broke Daryl's heart but he had to focus on his wounds first. "Turn around", he whispered and Connor did, his arm against the tree and his face hiding. When Daryl was done with this side too, he put Connors pants up and closed the jeans. His arms wrapped around his friends waist. "Talk to me", he breathed. Connor shook his head.  
"You ashamed now?"  
Connor shook his head again and Daryl could hear him breathe awkwardly. He placed himself next to Connor, grabbed his friend arm and turned him around, so that they were facing each other. "Tell me. I don't know what to do." Daryl felt so helpless and all he wanted to do was hold Connor and help him. Connor closed his eyes and started crying even more. Reality had hit him very hard. He could distract himself as much as he wanted, Those wounds would become scars. Just like his soul wasn't clean anymore. Someone had taken something from him. Daryl grabbed Connor and kissed his tears away. "Leave me alone", Connor hissed. Daryl let go of him immediately. Not sure what was happening.  
"Did I do something wrong?"  
Connor shook his head. "I want to be alone." He started walking back to the camp and Daryl watched him go. Not certain what he should do. When he ran after him he grabbed his friends hand, turned him around and crashed his mouth against his. "I love you Leprechaun and please don't shut me out." Daryl knew this was harsh but he was getting anxious. Connor was pushing him away. He didn't want to loose him.   
Connor struggled against Daryl, looked at him with nothing but hate in his eyes and said: "Leave me alone or I will kill you. I don't love you. I never will." Then Connor turned around, climbing inside the truck. He placed himself next to Murphy and started crying again. He couldn't be with Daryl. Daryl earned someone that was better than him. Someone without battlescars. With an intact soul. Someone complete and not someone like him. Connor pressed himself against Murphy and cried. He went from heaven to hell and back again and now he doomed himself to be hated by the one person that he loved. Yes he was in love with Daryl but he doesn't want him to go to hell with him. He had sat him free. Did he? Connor was confused. He was not sure what to do. He didn't want to live without the hunter. He remembered last night and sighed. The hell did he just do? Connor was angry with himself so he climbed out of the truck again and looked for Daryl who was sitting next to Carol. His face was stonecold. Connor moved closer, still crying and he got down on his knees in front of Daryl. The hunter looked at him. His eyes sad and confused. Connor moved forward and kissed him. "I'm sorry..I don't know..I...."Connor started but Daryl put his hand on Connors mouth. "You don't need to explain it. It's okay. I get why you can't be with me. But don't make this any harder." Connor shook his head. "No. But you don't understand. I want to be with you but I don't know how..Not after..not..I can't give you anything. I can't...I am too broken."  
Now Daryl shook his head. "Leprechaun", he whispered. "I am broken too. Probably more than you think. What you have been through the last 48 hours? I have been through that for almost 30 years. Look at Carol, she has been through this over 20 years. We are all a little bit broken Conn'. And I still have these feelings for you. But you need to let me help you. I am not perfect. I will hurt you. I always hurt people. Don't push me away. You can't just come into my life, make me fall for you and then step back when something happens. I know you are in pain. I know how you feel. Talk to me." Daryl knew he sounded like a girl. He was begging and holding on to the one thing that made him happy. That had ever made him feel something like happiness.  
Daryl kissed Connor again and hugged him close. Connor cried on Daryl's shoulder and he didn't care that Carol was there. He just didn't care for anything but the man in his arms. "I'm sorry that I said I hate you. I love you. I fuckin' love you Daryl. I need time. I need to heal. I need to..."  
"Shut up. I know that. You will have all the time in the world. But Conn' you need to sleep. You are totally exhausted. You are not thinking straight anymore. And you know what? We are finding that cure and then we will go to Ireland, hm? And you can show me your country. We will live somewhere away from all trouble. You and me and Murph'."  
"Aye. Promise me."  
"Promise. I will go wherever you go. I will follow you. And now Leprechaun, go and lay down. Heal! Rest and I will wake you in the morning." Connor nodded and kissed Daryl one more time. When he got up he looked at Carol and whispered: "Sorry."  
She just waved her hand and Connor went back to sleep.  
"You know you can't save him from himself and his own punishment for what happened", Carol said.  
"No. But I can try to make his world better than ours ever was." They looked at each other and Carol said: "He will heal faster because he has you. I always told you that you are a good man, Daryl Dixon."


	18. Sick as my secrets, but never gonna tell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there,
> 
> I still can't believe that I am already posting chapter 18! Jesus, how did that even happen? When I first planned the story it only had 15 chapters. I am currently writing chapter 23. The others still need editing. And I started a new Job and have not the same amoutn of time then the last weeks. But I will try to post new chapters as soon as I can. (hopefully every second/third day)
> 
> And I am thankful for all the messages I got! Thanks a lot to everyone.
> 
> *sigh* I know some of you want some more Connaryl alone-time. You will have that and you will have a little...yeah..more ;) And I bet there are some having questions in your head like: "Why do they do that?" "Why is that happening?" "Where are the Walkers?".... I will get there. And believe me, there will come a point you all either stop reading or send me hate messages. But yeah, that is the way I love it. Torture, blood and drama. Ah and by the way..I hate happy endings.

Murphy woke up when Connor started pressing his hand so hard into his stomach that Murphy thought his brother was trying to kill him. But Connor had fallen asleep and was dreaming and when Murphy turned around his brother was sweaty, his face distorted in pain. Murphy shook Connor to wake him up and it needed a while until his brother opened his eyes. They were bloody red and he had big bags under his eyes. He looked nearly like one of those Walkers. Murphy stroked Connors face. "Bad dream?"  
Connor nodded and snuggled closer to Murphy. "Sorry I woke yeh", he apologized.  
"Was awake and yeh were pressing me so hard to yer chest that I thought yeh killin' me. Did yeh dream about the other night?" Murphy ran his finger through Connor's hair.  
"Yeah."  
"Wanna talk abou' it?"  
Connor shook his head. "Can't exactly tell yeh. I thought I was dying there. Thought I might never see yeh and Dar' again. It fuckin' hurt."  
"Aye. But yer here with me and Dar'. Yeh made it. I wish I could heal yer wounds."  
Connor kissed his brothers neck. "I know."  
"But there is somethin' yer not tellin' me an' I can't help yeh if yeh don't. I am goin' crazy with the whole mixed feelings."  
Connor nodded and loosened his embrace with his twin. He looked at him and said: "Lets go for a walk."  
He didn't want to talk about it but he knew he had to. But he should leave some parts out. Connor climbed out of the truck first and tried to stretch but it hurt too much and he sighed. He looked over to Daryl who was talking to Carol. The others were still asleep even so it was already early in the morning. The air was a bit foggy and everything was still grey and there was dew on the grass. Connor breathed in and out and closed his eyes for a while. In his head he could pretend he was standing in Ireland. When he opened his eyes again Murphy was standing next to him, stretching and sucking in air and closing his eyes, just like Connor before.   
The older one started walking towards Daryl, to greet him. Still a bit ashamed of what happened some hours ago. When he approached Carol smiled and said: "Good Morning you two. You are up early."  
"Yeah. Conn' was halfway killin' me. Bet I have bruises on me stomach from his grip". Murphy replied and added: "But good morning to you too." And then grinned. He then looked at Daryl and hugged his look-a-like. "Good Mornin' lil' bro. How was the night?"  
"Mornin' fucker. It was really quiet. Too quiet." Daryl pressed Murphy once again and then let go. Connor was just standing there, unsure what to do but Daryl came already closer. "Mornin' Leprechaun. How are ya'?", he asked and held his arms open. Connor smirked and closed the space between them, hugging Daryl. "Mornin' Cenunnos. I'm better. Me and Murph' wanna go for a short walk. Need to talk to him. Alone. Yeh know."  
"Ya' goin' alone? Take your weapons. Be careful. Both of you!" He looked at Murphy who was nodding and biting his thumb again. "Dar' can I ask yeh somethin'?", the younger one said.  
"Yeah. 'Course you can." Daryl was a bit confused.  
"I kno' we have to go into the city today but Conn' is not fit enough and he can't fight and I bet Beth is still too weak to. Wouldn't it be better to...yeh kno'...Wait?" Murphy was worried about the whole thing. Something about going to town didn't feel right.  
"Funny you mention that. Carol and me were talking about that."  
Carol nodded. "We should speak with Rick. We don't know what the town looks like. The big cities were all overrun. And we can't take Judith in there too."  
"Aye", Murphy agreed.  
"You two go and take a walk. I will talk to the others. Okay?", Daryl suggested.  
"Aye. Thanks lil' bro." Murphy smiled and looked at Daryl who smiled back at him. Connor was still resting his head on Daryl's shoulder and Daryl was still crawling his head. Murphy thought this looked so right. And it felt right. In a sudden feeling of happiness he throw his arms around Connor and Daryl, wo both looked a bit surprised but Murphy just smiled like a little kid and kissed both men on their cheeks. "I love you", he said and the other two men just looked at each other shook their head and smiled. Daryl was the first one to say: "Fucker, I love you too." One arm now around Murphy's waist. Carol started chuckling. "Well guys, you look like a happy family."  
"Aye. We are a family.", Connor agreed. Then kissed his brother on his temple and moved an arm around his brother. Murphy then chuckled and let go of them both and whispered into Connors ear: "I'm okay with you and him. I think it is right. I was just..surprised to see it." Or something else, he thought.  
"Well. Sorry Baby Brother but you better get used to it." And with that Connor pressed his lips against Daryl's. Daryl was a bit startled by this but didn't shrink back. Carol and Murphy looked at each other. They were standing close enough to whisper. "They look happy", Carol breathed.  
"Aye. Aye, I can tell yeh they are. I can feel it. I'm happy too."  
"You don't think it is weird that Daryl looks like you?"  
Murphy shook his head. "Nah. It was for a day or two but I think it was meant to be."  
"But you are religious. Isn't it a sin?"  
Murphy chuckled. "Aye but yeh kno'...Killing is too. And Conn' and me are serial killers. We are goin' to hell anyway. Even so we killed in gods mission. If he is the god I am prayin' to he will be okay with them. With their love. If he is not, well then I rather go to hell. I know we are doomed and this world's is breaking apart. All we have left id hope and love." Murphy looked at Carol, his face now serious. Carol thought he looked a lot more like Daryl now and she nodded. They watched Connor and Daryl kiss again and touching and both smirked.   
Daryl wanted to be alone with Connor and he was well aware what Murphy and Carol were talking about. He was feeling their eyes upon his skin but he didn't care. Connor needed this and he couldn't help himself. He finally had something worth living for, worth dying for. Daryl knew he was in love for the first time in his life. For the first time he didn't care about others and what they say or do. He wanted to be with Connor.   
"Hey you two love monkeys, can yeh stop? I'm gettin' all jealous. Not everyone has someone to kiss and screw around with."  
Connor opened his eyes and looked at Murphy. "Yeh should find someone then. I am not stopping because yer jealous." Then he kissed Daryl again. "No serious Conn' we wanted to go for a walk."  
"Baby Brother yer not fun at all", Connor sighed and stroked Daryl's beard. "See yeh later." Daryl nodded and let go of Connor. "Take care." Both twins nodded and Murphy waved and both started walking towards the woods.  
Daryl looked worried. Does Connor tell the whole thing or not?  
He looked at Carol and his face was getting a bit red because he just kissed Connor. Carol just smiled and shook her head. "You know, you are allowed to be happy Daryl. Take everything you get and want because none of us knows when it is over. We can be eaten any second. Enjoy this as long as you can."  
Daryl grabbed the string of his crossbow. "I know. But it is all so weird."  
"Not at all. You love him."  
"Yeah", Daryl admitted and watched Carol for a while. Yeah he was in love and he knew it was fuckin' confusing. All this mixed up feelings in his body. He felt like a 15 year old boy discovering sex and love for the first time. And for a sudden moment he wanted to be 15 and he wanted to have a lifetime with his new brothers, with his Leprechaun.

* * *

 

Murphy and Connor walked a bit along the river and when they were far enough away they sat down on a bench and Connor automatically took Murphy's hand in his. "What d'yeh wanna kno'?"  
"Everythin'."  
Connor shook his head, his eyes fixed on a point on the water. "It was just horrible. A lot of beatin', cuttin' and death threads. He hit me with his belt, his knife cutting my skin like butter and my whole body is looking like my chest and back. Yeh saw me there."  
"Aye." Murphy was holding back his tears.   
"First I told myself I wouldn't scream or break but after I passed out several times I gave in and screamed."  
Murphy pressed his brothers hand. "It's okay. Yeh were in pain and yeh kno' yer allowed to be weak Conn'."  
The older twin shook his head. Trying not to think of the rest. He stood up, his hands on his hips and his head bowed down. "I thought I am goin' to die."  
"Did he do anythin' else?"  
Connor hold his breath and then looked at his brother who was kneading his hands and looking up to meet his eyes. Connor shook his head but he knew his brother knew he was lying. Connor started cryin'. He didn't want Murphy to know. He was afraid his brother would think bad of him or would start being the one caring for him. Trying to be the older brother and Connor didn't want any change in their relationship. He felt arms around his waist and rested his head on his brothers shoulders. Murphy was too calm, Connor thought. Murphy was holding his tears back, when he asked: "What happened?", his voice lower.  
"He..it hurt so much", Connor tried. He couldn't say it. He just couldn't do it.   
"Did he rape you?", Murphy tried again and his voice was shaking.  
Connor pressed himself closer to his brother and nodded. Unable to speak. Murphy was holding him and kissing him and whispered: "I should have shove something up his ass before I shot him and I should have castrated him and rip his guts out and..." Murphy was angry and hugged his brother. No one was doing this to his family. Connor just gripped him tighter and Murphy could hear him cry and sob and gasping for air. He felt as if his brother was falling apart in his arms. Breaking once more. "We are not going with the group. NO way. We will search a place where we can stay. I don't want you near any danger", Murphy explained. Connor shook his head. "Daryl", he whispered.  
"He will stay with us. He loves you too much to leave you." Connor shook his head again.  
"Rick", he said.  
"Rick is a friend. A brother. You are much more to him. Conn' look at me."  
Connor sighed, tried to calm himself and looked at his baby brother. As soon as Connors eyes met Murphy's he went on: "I can't take this away. I can't turn back time. I can't...I can't do anything but keep yeh safe. With or without Daryl. I don't want yeh in this town. They will understand that and yeh heard Daryl he wanted to talk to Rick anyway. Oh Conn", his last words were only whispers and he kissed his big brother on his forehead. His hands resting on Connors face. It was unbelievable how angry and sad he was. He wanted to rip something apart. Wanted to punch someone. Why did this happen to his brother? To a good man? To one of the best people he knew? To his fuckin' twin! Murphy felt an enormous pain in his soul and his guts. Connor was just standing there. Looking at him and Murphy new that some of this pain was his brothers. As much as he tried not to cry, he couldn't hold it back. His brother went through so much pain and they always shared it. "It's okay Conn'. Let it go. Okay? Don't block it. I am willing to take some of the pain." Connor shook his head.  
"No Murph'. This pain is stuck with me. I don't want yeh to feel everything. Just a bit."  
"Why didn't yeh tell me yesterday? Or the day we found yeh? Does Daryl know?"  
Connor shrugged. "Yeah. He saw it. When yeh found me."   
"He saw? WHAT?"  
"Yeh know...the sperm."  
Murphy shook his head. Daryl was so eager to dress Connor that day and he had thought it was to get out of there but now Murphy knew. He didn't want him to see. They both wanted to keep him away from this. Murphy let go of Connor and turned around.  
"I am not a child anymore Conn'. Why did yeh fuckin' exclude me? Why did yeh think I can't bear that? I am yer fuckin' brother and I have a right to know. It fuckin' hurts to kno' wha' happened to yeh but it is..." Murphy gave up and kicked a stone on the ground. "Fuck!"  
Connor watched Murphy's burst of temper with a smirk. His brother was like a pitbull sometimes. "I did it to protect yeh and because speaking about it brings all the images back. All the pain. All the... I couldn't tell yeh. I didn't speak about it at all. Daryl just knew and understood."  
Murphy turned around again and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah. It is okay tha' he knows. I am not angry abou' that. I am just...angry at the world."  
Connor walked back to the bench and sat down. He was angry and sad and felt empty and lost and yet he felt incredible happy that he had a brother like Murphy and a friend like Daryl. He knew that without those two he would kill himself. Right now. He didn't want to live like this. Murphy sat back next to him, grabbing his hand again. "Please promise me, tha' yeh wake me when yer havin' a bad dream. Wake me when yeh cry. Talk to me, give me signs. Lemme help yeh. I am here for yeh. I always were There."  
"C'mere." Connor said and pulled Murphy to his chest. "Love yeh baby bro'. And I promise."  
Murphy nodded. "And you and Daryl? What is this? I am confused. Are you in love with him?" Murphy wasn't at all confused.  
Connor shook his head in agreement. "I think I am."  
Murphy smiled. "Is it weird that I don't think that this is weird at all? Aren't we supposed to be super religious about tha'? But somehow yeh two...I don't know..That connection we felt..well maybe he is YOUR soulmate. Your true love...I don't know and I think he loves you." Murphy kissed Connors temple and smiled. Murphy thought maybe Connor would tell him. Would finally tell him what kept him awake when they were younger. Murphy never pushed his brother and he never told him that he felt every pain he felt. It started when they were 12 or 13. After that Connor cared even more for him and acted even more like a big brother. Murphy had figured out why.  
"Yeah. It all is confusing but Murph' I really do want him in my life. Our life. I want to fuckin' kiss him and hug him and everythin'. I have no idea if this is goin' somewhere but I want it. Daryl was on my mind the whole time I've been tortured. You too. But different. Are you okay with this?" Connor was afraid that Murphy wouldn't be so happy about it but his younger brother was smiling and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah I am. Just want yeh to be happy." This has been the truth since their childhood. He let Connor care for him because Connor needed it. He followed Connor to Boston because he was afraid to leave him alone. Afraid Connor might get himself into more trouble than when he was there. Murphy was playing the little brother. Yeah he liked it but he never needed it. There were times when he was sleeping at a friends house just to annoy Connor. Just to make him see that he is okay on his own but Murphy always went back home, afraid Connor might have those dreams again. They never knew where they came from. Murphy had nightmares, too. Sometimes they dreamed the same things but this was different. Hopefully Connor would tell him soon because Murphy knew it wasn't him he was dreaming about. Not his pain his brother was feeling. It was Daryl's. It all made perfect sense and yet, it didn't.  
"Thank you", Connor whispered.  
"Ready to go back? I'm hungry."  
"Yer always hungry. Yeah lets go back."  
Murphy walked behind his brother, watching his back and his eyes observed every move his brother made. Connor was in pain because he walked slower as usual, his moves were less forceful and Murphy thought that maybe he wasn't only bruised on the outside. Someone had taken something from Connor and that made Murphy even more angry. That bastard had taken something out of Connors eyes. Bruised his perfect soul. Something Murphy couldn't handle but he had to be brave now, strong. For Connor.

* * *

 

Daryl had already spoken to Carol and to Abraham about his new plan and both agreed with it. He only had to convince Rick now. The sheriff was holding his daughter and feeding her, while Carl and Michonne were sharing their breakfast together. "Good morning Rick. Morning little asskicker." Daryl tickled Judith and then looked at his friend. "Good Morning Daryl."  
"Can we talk?"  
"Yeah of course."  
Rick smiled down at his little girl and listened to Daryl. "Well, I know we have to go to the city as fast as possible. I know Eugene has to be there but I have my doubts that it would be wise to go with all of us."  
Rick now looked at Daryl. "We are not splitting up."  
"Yeah but Rick. First of all you want to take Judith into the city when we don't know what is going on? Remember Atlanta?"  
Rick nodded. "Yeah."  
"I thought maybe two or three of us drive to the border today to see what is going on there and then maybe go back tomorrow with everyone if the way is free. We don't know what awaits us there. Don't want to run into walkers with two injured and two kids."  
Daryl was really proud of himself that he finally had enough courage to speak to Rick like this. Maybe his complete world changed when Rick said he was his brother. They were family.  
"You have a point there", Rick agreed. "Who do you think should go?"  
"I already spoke to Abraham and he is willing to go. Carol, too. And I think I will go too."  
Rick shook his head. "No you are not."  
"Why?"  
"First of all you have been awake nearly 24 hours and because the twins need you. I saw you this morning." Rick smiled and clapped his friends shoulder. Daryl was a bit ashamed and smirked. "Uhm. Yeah."  
"I'm glad for you."  
"Yeah?"  
"Daryl, you are like a brother to me. I want you to be happy. You know how rare this is."  
Daryl nodded and smiled. He played with Judiths hand that she was reaching him and Rick handed her over to Daryl. "Thank you, Rick. For everything. I will take care of Judith and everything while you are gone. You should tell everyone now."  
"I will." Rick walked over to Glenn and Maggie and to Michonne. And was gathering them together. Daryl was rocking Judith in his arms and walked over to the truck and leaned against it. Waiting for everyone to join him. He looked over to the river and saw Connor and Murphy coming back. Connor looked sad and Murphy like he was going to rip someones throat out. Both came straight to him and Connor smiled when he saw Daryl with Judith in his arms. Connor nudged his friend and then tickled Judith. "She is so sweet. I wish we could go to a playground and play hide and seek and all the kids stuff." Daryl watched his friend and leaned closer to whisper: "How did it go?"  
"He knows", Connor voiced. Murphy was standing on the other side of Daryl, playing with Judiths hand. "Lil'' bro yeh lookin' good with a kid", he stated.  
"Shut up." Murphy crossed his hands on Daryl's shoulder and then rested his head on it, whispering: "How do you deal with the pain?"  
Daryl looked at him and answered: "I will help you. Later." Both nodded and Murphy watched Connor as he was leaning against the truck, his hip touching Daryl's. He was glad they were three now.   
When Rick approached them, he clapped both twins on the shoulder and smiled at Daryl with his daughter in arms. Daryl wanted to reach Judith back but the girl was refusing to let go of his hair and Rick chuckled. "Hold her for a while. She missed her godfather."  
Daryl froze. "What?"  
Rick rose an eyebrow, smirking.  
"Yeah of course. As soon as we can I want you to be her godfather. Your her crazy uncle."  
Daryl smiled and was totally surprised. "Thank you." Actually he was blushing.  
"Brothers, remember?"  
Daryl nodded and looked down at the little human being in his arms. His godchild. He was an uncle now. And his family was getting bigger and bigger. Connor and Murphy chuckled. "Uncle Daryyyyyyyyyyyl", Murphy joked.  
"Will ya' stop." But Daryl felt incredible. This was his life now. Happy Daryl Dixon.  
When everyone was there Rick started to explain their new plan and everyone agreed. Glenn said he wanted to go with them. And in the end they were five people going to see what was going on in the city.  
"While I am gone Daryl will make the call. If anything happens, he will take care of everything. He knows what to do. And Murphy?"  
"Aye?"  
"You will help him as good as you can. Connor, Beth and Carl, you will stay back from any trouble and take care of Judith."  
"Man, relax. We can handle that. We are a lot of people. Nothing will happen"; Daryl expressed.  
"Yeah. Sorry. Okay then, everyone knows what to do." Rick ended his speech and turned around to kiss his girl. "Take good care of her", he breathed.  
"We will", Connor said and clapped Ricks shoulder. Rick watched the three men and shook his head. "This is so awkward. You three look as if you know each other since ever. Just as if you belong to each other. I might get jealous. You are stealing my new brother away from me." He chuckled and looked at Daryl.  
Who was smiling and shaking his head. "Nah. Don't be jealous. We are all family." Daryl looked around the camp and Rick agreed. "Yeah. We are."  
Then Connor did something neither Daryl nor Rick was expecting. He suited himself in front of Rick, his hands on the mans shoulders and he was looking at him with a serious face. "I know its been some days only but believe me, we are not tearing you apart and we are glad that you accepted us. We are not taking Daryl away from you or your family. We just...you know. Want to be a part of it. Whatever you want us to do, we do it. Whatever you need, we will get it. Murph' and me can do a lot of stuff. We will do everything you want. I know I made mistakes and I am sorry that I punched Daryl the other day. But I promise we will proof to you that we are good."  
Rick smirked and patted Connors shoulder and then replied: "You don't have to. It is proof enough that Daryl loves you two. And you my friend should heal first before you do anything."  
Connor nodded. "Aye." He let go of Rick and both man smirked and while Connor went back to Daryl, Rick went to grab his things.  
"What on earth was that?", Daryl asked.  
"Rick is afraid to loose you, Cenunnos. You are more family to him than the others. And he just made you an uncle."  
"Which makes you an uncle, too", Murphy commented which made Daryl and Connor stare confused at the younger twin. Then both looked at each other and shrugged. Connor moved closer and gave Daryl a kiss. "Oi. Stop it. Not again", Murphy complained.  
"Yeh want one too?"  
"Ewww. No." Murphy shook his head and walked away. Leaving Daryl and Connor alone.  
Daryl looked around if anybody could see them but they were all busy. "Conn' I know you want to kiss me and I fuckin' want to kiss you too but I don't..."  
"...want everyone to know. It's okay."  
"Thanks. By the way Carol and Rick know."  
"Yeah. They seem to be okay."  
"Yeah. And if they were not I wouldn't mind." Then Daryl whispered. "I love you, Leprechaun."  
"I love you, too. Even if it is really quick and weird."  
"You don't say." Both smiled and then Daryl looked down at Judith who fell asleep.  
"I think I will bring lil' asskicker back to Carl and Michonne now."  
"Aye. I will lie down. Can I use your blanket?" Connor pointed his head to the direction where Daryl's bag was suited.  
"Of Course."  
Connor moved over to Daryl's backpack and was laying down on the blanket that was lying on the ground. It was a bit wet from the dew but Connor didn't want to lie in the truck all day but standing and sitting was hurting too much and he hoped that Daryl was going to spend some time with him. Maybe take care of his wounds again. He searched for Murphy and found him standing by Beth. Probably making sure she was okay. Connor sighed. He wished he would be fit because he would be going with the group, killing walkers and check the city. He hated to be sick like this. He hated to be wounded and looking fragile. Connor was sick of this. Some part of him wished they would have never gone to Terminus. But a bigger part of him was very thankful that they did. His eyes met Daryl's who was coming closer. The best thing that ever happened to him was walking straight into his direction. The man with the dark clothes, the angel vest, the dark long hair and the strong arms. Arms in which Connor wanted to be buried in right now. Daryl was sitting next to him now, watching him. For a moment Connor thought, the world was standing still again. Because he was drowning in Daryl's eyes.   
Daryl moved and was now lying down next to him. Facing Connor and he looked around once more and then grabbed Connors hand, kissed his palm and breathed: "How about we sleep some more and then we go for a walk?" Daryl smirked. He wanted to be alone with Connor.  
"Aye. Anythin' to finally be alone with you."  
Daryl nodded and closed his eyes. Connor watched Daryl sleep for some minutes and then snuggled himself closer but not as close as he wanted to and closed his eyes too. Maybe everything was going to be okay.

* * *

 

Daryl and Connor walked along the river and looked at the old buildings surrounding them. When they thought they were far enough gone to be out of sight but still close enough to hear when the others scream in case of danger, they sat down, leaning against a wall. They hadn't spoken the whole way, just enjoyed each others company. As soon as they were sitting, Connor leaned closer to Daryl and rested his head on the hunters shoulder. Daryl wrapped one arm around him. "What are you thinking right now?", he asked silently.  
Connors eyes were fixed on the water and the boats they still could see on the other side of the river. Connor thought this place looked beautiful. "I wish this was another time, another day. Another world. I would like to sit here, drink a beer with you and Murph' maybe. Enjoy Life and not be afraid of Walkers, losing people and all the things that are so wrong", Connor explained. Daryl rubbed his hand over Connors arm. "Yeah. I think when this is over and we have a cure I will sleep for a month."  
"Aye." They sat in silence for a while and Daryl put little kisses on Connors head. "Sorry but I need to lie down. Sitting still hurts."  
Connor was moving his body into a lying position and Daryl watched him for a while. Connor was so brave, he thought. He was holding it all together somehow and he asked himself how that man does it. Was he that strong or so weak? Daryl had no idea. Connor was a miracle.  
The Irishman crossed his arms behind his head and his face flinched a bit because of the pain that was shooting across his back. He closed his eyes and tried to relax, think of the water next to him, the man sitting beside him and his brother that was currently watching the camp. He was proud of Murphy. Murphy seemed so much older now and he was watching peoples back. Connor was always the one looking after him and care for everything. Make all the plans but for now Connor just wanted to be himself for once and do what he wanted to do.  
Connor felt Daryl lying down next to him, one hand gently stroking his stomach. When Connor opened his eyes, Daryl was lying on his side, his head resting on his elbow and he was watching Connor. Connor felt little butterflies in his stomach because Daryl was looking gorgeous right now. His eyes were blue and relaxing. His long hair was falling in his face and his lips were curved into a little smile. Daryl watched Connor open his eyes and loved the way he was responding his gaze. Connor had so beautiful blue eyes. He could feel the goosebumps building on Connors stomach through the fabric of his black shirt. Daryl moved his hand under the shirt and stroked his friends stomach, up to his chest and he played with the rosary underneath it. Connor just watched him, his breath a bit faster than before. He was moving one of his arms to the side and whispered. "C'mere." Daryl took the opportunity and rested his head on Connors arm, snuggling closer to his friend, never leaving the other ones eyes. Weeks back he would have looked away after a second but something in Connors eyes made him look closer. Made him stare and he could feel the glowing inside his chest again. The butterflies in his stomach. He had never thought about another guy as beautiful but there was just no other word that would describe what he thought about Connor. Latter played with Daryl's hair and Daryl gently played with Connors rosary until his friend smiled and that made Daryl smile too and he looked at Connors lips. He needed to kiss him. Connor pulled Daryl closer when the hunter finally decided to put his lips on his. Daryl moved and was now on top of Connor, holding his weight on his elbows, so he wouldn't hurt his friend.  
They kissed for a while and when Daryl needed air he whispered: "Fuck I wanted to do that the whole morning."  
"Yeah me too. Seeing you with Judith was just..." Connor just shook his head because it was ridiculous. When he had seen a kid in the hunters arms he thought it looked hot and that he wanted exactly this. A family. With Daryl. Connor never even wanted kids and certainly not with another man but something had moved inside of him, when he had seen him with the kid this morning. The way Daryl was smiling and how happy and relaxed he looked.   
Connor was stroking Daryl's beard and smirked. He kissed him again, his hands now exploring Daryl's back, until he reached the end of his shirt and then slid his hands under it, pulling it up. Daryl looked at him for a while but then pulled his shirt and vest off. Connor instantly touched Daryl wherever he could. Sliding his hands up and down the hunters back and feeling the scars there, then moved on to touch his sides up to his armpits and then moving one thumb over the hunters nipples, which made his friend moan into their kiss. Connor loved to feel Daryl's skin under his fingers. Daryl was already hard and Connor moved his hip a bit so he could feel it better. Daryl stopped kissing him again and looked at Connor but Connor just moved on with his touching and just used one hand to let his thumb move over Daryl's face especially his lips and Daryl closed his eyes. Daryl had never felt this before. Every touch was like someone was sending electric shocks right through his body into his dick. He knew it was wrong to be so hard and wanting Connor so badly because his friend wasn't able to have any of this right now but Daryl wanted it. He was surprised by it himself. He had never thought that this was so easy for him. Three days ago he wasn't even thinking about kissing a guy and now he wanted to fuck Connor. He wanted to LOVE Connor.  
Daryl opened his eyes again and the other man was still smiling. Daryl leaned against the hand in his face and the other one stroked his cheek. "Daryl...", Connor whispered. "I want you." Connor knew this was too fast. Too soon. But he just needed to feel more of him. He was going crazy because fuck, Daryl was attractive.  
Daryl held his breath and looked down at his friend, putting a kiss on Connors mouth. "I want you too, but we can't."  
Connor shook his head and closed his eyes. The tension between them was overwhelming. He went on sliding his hands over Daryl's body and Daryl was kissing his neck and when he was kissing his earlobe he whispered: "You know we should stop."  
"I don't want to stop."  
They looked at each other and Connor crushed his lips against Daryl's. He wanted to feel him, wanted to touch and kiss and make this special. He moved underneath Daryl, grinding his middle against the hunter. He ignored the pain in his body. Connor was getting hard. Daryl was startled by this and moved away from Connor, positioning him next to his friend, trying to calm down. Connor couldn't mean this but Connor was moving and now straddling him. Their eyes met again and Connor looked so certain about this. The Irishman was taking his peacoat off and started pulling up his shirt and didn't need help this time. Only his rosary was dangling in front of his chest. Daryl moved his hands over the tattoo on Connors arm. A big cross. Then gently stroked Connors wounds on his throat and chest, softly moving to his back and his friend was closing his eyes. Daryl mirrored the touching that Connor had done minutes before. Gliding up and down the Irish's sides and back. When he came to his hips he slowly moved his hands over the bruises the monster had left there. Connor moaned a bit and moved closer to Daryl, putting his lips on his mouth. "How do you want to do this?", Daryl whispered. Not sure what to do without hurting Connor. And sure as hell not even sure if HE wanted this. Hell, he wasn't that experienced. He had sex with some chicks Merle had brought home. But this was a man. And they only just met. But something told him that he wanted this and needed this. Daryl was angry and bitter for so long and he had changed in the last two years and he had changed after the prison fell. When he thought everything was lost he was reminded that there is hope. And Daryl wanted to live. He fuckin' wanted to be happy. He deserved it after so many years. When he was little he dreamed of all the happy things in the world. Before his world turned darker and darker with every punch, with every night that passed. And right now he wanted to make Connor happy. Daryl was nervous and afraid but he bit his lip and shyly looked at Connor.   
Connor smirked and started kissing Daryl's neck and then moved down slowly, kissing his chest, his navel and the waistband of his pants. Connor was not sure what he was doing, he just wanted to go on. He wanted to hear his friend moan and make him feel pleasure. Connor started opening Daryl's cargos and watched him closely. Daryl was nervously biting his lip but when Connor was sliding the pants down he moved his hips so it would be easier to pull them off. Connor thought it was amazing. This feeling. He kissed his way back up, moving his hand over the little snake tattoo on Daryl's tights. He moved back up and Daryl wrapped his arms around him, kissing him passionate. Daryl was naked underneath him and Connor thought it was incredible how much Daryl trusted him. Daryl himself was surprised that he allowed Connor to undress him like this. But one part of him didn't care at all that this was a bad moment, a bad place and that they were in the middle of an apocalypse. He wanted to enjoy every moment with Connor but his heart was going to explode. He was afraid. This felt so different. And Connor seemed so confident. Which made him really attractive. Well, hello again, chick flick movie.  
"Leprechaun", he mumbled.  
"It's okay", Connor whispered and placed himself next to Daryl, his hand sliding down the hunters chest until he reached his private parts. He slowly moved forward, watching the respond in Daryl's eyes and when the older one touched Daryl's balls he was rewarded with a moan. Daryl couldn't believe Connor was doing this but had also no idea what he was supposed to do. Should he strip Connor too? Touch him? Daryl had no idea and he just let Connor lead him. The Irishman was now closing his fingers around Daryl's dick, his thumb sliding over the tip of it, feeling the precome and Connor smiled. Daryl's breath got faster and he grabbed into Connors hair, the other hand was lying on his stomach. Connor started moving his hand up and down and Daryl opened his eyes again and he thought he was going to explode right away. It just had been too long and this was all new. He knew that he wouldn't take long. Connor moved in a slow pace and loved every bit of doing it. He loved how Daryl started to move into his hand and he loved the way Daryl looked at him and grabbed his hair. The way his face was red now and looking so wonderful. Connor felt himself getting harder in his pants because hearing his friend moan and see him move like this turned him on. He crashed his lips to Daryl's and moved his hip against his friends middle. Daryl moved and tried to open his friends pants with one hand but failed. Connor stopped his handiwork for a moment and stripped off his pants, then moved closer to Daryl and they both kissed each other. Daryl's hand was moving towards Connors middle, shyly touching the other man. Connor smiled into their kiss. Daryl was so careful not to hurt him and he was forever thankful for this. Both were now touching the other and they rested their foreheads against each other. Half sitting, half lying on the ground and they looked at each other. Both wanking the other one off and both moaning. Connor thought this felt so much better than anything he felt before and Daryl was somewhere on cloud 9. He looked into his friends blue eyes and all he wanted to do is freeze this moment. It didn't take them long to come and when they did, they nearly simultaneously moaned each others names. Both were heavy breathing and still looking at each other, their lips touching after they climaxed and both smiling. Connor let go of his friends manhood and Daryl did too. For a second Connor wanted to clean his hand on the grass but he decided that he wanted to do something crazy. Connor started licking his fingers and Daryl looked a bit confused by this but somehow he really needed to look away because else he would be hard in no matter of time again. He looked at his own hand and shrugged and started licking Connors cum from his hand. Even so this was the weirdest thing he could imagine right now. It didn't tasted at all as he imagined it. Connor smirked and kissed Daryl after he was finished. "I love you Daryl."  
Daryl smiled and took Connors face into his hands. "I never thought that this would happen to me. I never thought I would find someone that could love me and most surprisingly that I can love. But I do. And gosh man, you are beautiful and what you....what we just did...I want more of this. More of you. I love you. I really do."  
Connor nodded and kissed Daryl. "There will be a lot more. We have the rest of our lives now. As long as you want me."  
Daryl chuckled. "Or as long as you want me."  
"Aye."  
They kissed again and then started dressing again and when they walked back, they were holding hands, stopping now and then, kissing each other. Even when they reached the camp they didn't let go of their hands and smiled, because it didn't matter anymore what anyone would think, as long as they had each other. The Irishman was glad that he had Daryl. Helping him to cope with this thing. He was still hurt, of course, he was still having this awful pain in his chest, the feeling of being broken. He knew it would never go away but he couldn't hide his smile. Connor was smiling for one more reason. Because finally this all made sense. So much more sense. There was always this hole in his chest and he thought he could never fill it, but he did. He remembered the dreams when he was younger. The nightmares about Murphy being in danger. Ever since then he felt so incomplete. And now finally someone was filling this hole.


	19. Kill all the pain

Murphy was the first one that saw his two brothers walking towards the camp, holding hands and it made his face light up. He was talking to Tara and Rosita, slowly Murphy got to know each of the group. The others all looked in his direction and started smiling and some looked a bit surprised when Daryl and Connor stopped walking and Connor took Daryl's face in his hands and kissed him. Murphy watched the whole scene and was glad that no one seemed to care about a gay couple in their middle. They only looked surprised. Most of them knew Daryl for so long that it was probably awkward for them. Murphy walked over to his twin and the hunter who where still kissing but stopped when they felt Murphy coming closer. Without saying anything He placed a kiss on Connors and Daryl's temple. Murphy was happy. Or at least he tried to be happy. He still was shocked by the things Connor had been through. And now only 48 hours later he was kissing and smiling. Murphy thought when Connor was this brave, he had to be brave too. But he knew it wasn't just that easy. There was so much more going on.

Daryl looked at him. "Anything happened?"

"No. It was all quiet. Probably too quiet Haven't seen a walker since that one herd on the road."

"Yeah. It feels wrong. As if something is up. Maybe the others come back with news."

"Aye." Connor kissed Daryl again and then explained that he was going to grab something to eat. "see yeh later darling", he whispered and winked. Leaving Murphy and Daryl alone.

"Listen Murph' before you start again, I didn't hurt him."

"Oi. I wasn't goin' to say anythin'. So yeh wanna tell me now how to deal with this whole situation? Because I feel like I want to punch somethin'."

Daryl nodded and stroke Murphy's shoulder. "Come, let us try somethin'."

Daryl grabbed his crossbow and went over to his backpack to grab another knife and then went over to a bunch of trees. Murphy following him unsure what the hunter was up to. Daryl was carving circles into one tree and a face in the other one and Murphy chuckled. "Yer not an artist. Tha's for sure."

"Shut up fuckhead. Yeh wanna learn somethin'?"

"Aye."

"First yeh will throw the knife and try to hit the middle circle. You do that until you feel the rage eating you up. Then I will teach you something else."

Murph wasn't so sure what Daryl was doing but he trusted him so he started throwing the knife but it never landed where it should. Daryl smiled. The knife he had given his big brother wasn't made to be thrown and is was damaged and wouldn't fly a straight line even if you were a fuckin' genius with knifes. But Murphy tried and soon he threw his jacket to the ground, and he looked more and more furious and was now swearing like a troll. 

"Okay, I think you are angry now, right?"

"Fuckin' am. Tha' knife can't fly straight."

Murphy threw it one last time and then looked at Daryl. "Okay Murph' now come over here." Daryl was standing a bit further away facing the other tree. He held is crossbow to reach it Murphy. "I never shot a crossbow."

"I'll teach you. You are still fucking angry and you still want to punch something. But shooting a crossbow needs concentration. At least when you are hunting. So I want you to think that face is a walker. And you have to be calm in a matter of second. Try it. Hold the crossbow like this.." Daryl showed him how to hold the crossbow and Murphy was shaking. He was too twitchy for this. "I'm too angry", he whispered.

"Okay. Is there anything that calms you? Maybe the thought of Ireland? Or a good memory? A dream?"

Murphy nodded. "A dream."

"Okay I want you to close your eyes for a second, imagine this dream. And then open your eyes and shoot."

Murphy did as he was told and shot. He missed. They did this a several times and Murphy was getting angry again but Daryl always calmed him down. But Daryl knew he was horrible right now. He wanted Murphy to be too angry to do anything. And he was getting there.

The younger twin looked at his friend and was furious. He gave him his crossbow and punched the tree with his bare hands. Daryl didn't see that coming and grabbed Murphy and pulled him away. Murphy was struggling in his arms and started punching Daryl. The hunter made Murphy go down to his knees and pressed his arms to his sides. Murph was yelling now and Daryl let him. "Yer not helpin'"

"I am. Because the pain you feel has to be felt you dumbass. Closing it up like Connor does will make you even more angry and someday it is going to burst out of you. But you need to be brave for him now. I am angry too fucker. If I had known back there what that monster did to Conn' I would have gutted him." Murphy was crying in his arms and Daryl pressed his chest closer to the other mans back. "Shh Murph' it is okay. Cry. Let go." Murphy turned around and hid his face in Daryl's lap. "How..can..I help...him?"

"You can't. None of us can. He told you because you asked him. But he still is denying it. The whole thing. He tries not to sleep and close his eyes. He is blocking it out. He needs time and we need to be ready when it breaks out of him."

Daryl stroked Murphy's head. "I'm glad yer here. Conn' is good in hiding stuff and blocking it. He always was."

"We do this together, okay?"

"Aye." Murphy tried to calm himself and then stood up and put his jacket back on. He wiped his face and smiled at Daryl. Both walked back to the camp and Murph whispered: "Yer lucky to have me brother. Take care of him."

"You don't have to tell me. And I care for you too fucker."

They laughed and approached to the others. Connor was leaning against a tree, talking to Beth while Daryl checked on everyone. Making sure everyone was fine and then went over to his man. His man. Did he really just think that? He looked at Connor who was starring back at him, Conn's eyes were still a bit sad but his lips were curved into a smile. "Hey Darling", he murmured.  
Daryl smiled and slung one arm around the other mans waist and then looked at Beth. "How are you?"

"I'm fine. Thanks. Maggie just took care of the little cuts. But Connor had it worse."

"Yeah he did. Maggie is everything alright? How is Judith doing?"

"She is sleeping. We fed her and Beth sang a little song for her."

"Yeh she has a nice voice. Yeh ever hear her sing?", Connor asked.

Beth smiled at Daryl and he smiled back. "Yeah. Before we got separated. She sang for me."

Connor looked at Daryl and Beth and for a second he saw something between them. "Yeh made her sing for yeh? Did she sing a lullaby for yeh? Do I need to do tha' too?" Everyone chuckled and Beth shook her head. "No I was singing and he creeped up on me and then placed himself in a coffin to sleep there."

Which made Connor chuckle. "In a coffin? Yer jokin'."

"Nah. She's not. It was the most comfortable thing since years." Daryl grinned at Connor and Connor leaned forward to kiss him. "Yer crazy, Dar'."

"I'm in good company then", Daryl replied which made Connor slap his arm.

"Jaysis. Yeh two love-monkeys can't stay away from one another, huh?", Murphy came closer and smirked.

Beth leaned closer to Daryl. "Murphy is a bit jealous. Don't let him get to you. You deserve that."

"Yeah he just needs a bit lovin' too." 

"Wha' are you whispering there?", the younger Macmanus wanted to know.

"Tha' yer annoyin' baby brother", Connor stated without knowing what the others were whispering.

When Murphy placed himself next to Connor he started chewing an apple that he had found in the truck. "Are you eating again?", Connor asked.

"Yeah. Daryl wore me out", Murphy said with a serious face and then started chuckling when he saw his brothers face. Connor slapped his head for this. Daryl just snorted.

"I haven't even made you bleed kid. Could make you beg for mercy." Everyone was now laughing and Murphy snorted and bit down into the apple as if his life was depending on it. 

"You three sound like brothers", Beth declared.

"But I can't find out who the older one is", Maggie added.

"I'm the oldest", Conner said.

"Fuck yeh, we don't kno' tha' for sure. Ma' never told us. Yer just behavin' like me fuckin' big brother."  
"And yeh like it." Connor ruffled Murphy's hair.  
Daryl shook his head. "I'm younger by age but I think I might be the older brother to both of them. Just look, they are fightin' like lil' kids. Ya need a ruler guys?"

The MacManus twins looked at each other and then to Daryl and started laughing. "Yeh kno' Ma once told us tha' the one with the bigger dick is the oldest. So if we are very much a like yeh can try to find out yerself who is the oldest", Murphy said and walked away leaving the other ones with a puzzled face. Connor was blushing and Daryl just had some pictures from earlier in his head. When they looked at the girls they were smiling brightly and giggling. Daryl rolled his eyes and kissed Connors temple and then walked away with a "I have to piss".   
Just when Daryl came back from emptying his bladder he saw two cars coming back. One was definitely theirs but the other one was a new one. When they stopped the motors he walked towards the first car and saw Abraham an Rosita in it. In the back was Glen. The other car was driven by Rick, Carol next to him. Abraham was the first that stepped out of the car. "Found us another car, just like you suggested."

"Great. Thanks."

"I thought you might like a pick up."

Daryl nodded and waited for Rick and Carol to join them. Rick handed Daryl the keys. "For you and your two other brothers."

"Thanks bro'." Daryl was well aware that Rick was a bit jealous. Or afraid. Daryl couldn't say what was bothering Rick that he stresses "brothers" so different. Daryl had to make sure Rick knew how much he meant to him. He touched Ricks arm. "You all okay?"

"Yeah but we need to talk but first we need to drink something. Maybe you can take lead for a while. We will stay here for the night and we need some more food. Maybe you can try to hunt. Someone should search firewood We have to figure out what to do."

"Sure. I make sure everyone is busy. And before you all hear it from someone else.." Daryl stopped looked around and knew his face was getting red like a tomato. "Yeah?" Rick said assuringly.

"I hope none of you mind that..."

"Daryl, its okay, just say it. We don't judge", Carol said and pressed his hand gently. Daryl nodded and sighed. It was the first time speaking it out loud. "Me and Conn' aren't just brothers. Or friends. Actually I think we are something like a couple." Daryl frowned. Well that sounded weird but he wanted it out and he needed to share it with Carol and Rick. Even so Rick had already seen them.

"Man, I am glad for you. As long as it makes you happy I am fine with it."

"So none of you thinks its awkward?"

"No. Being gay isn't wrong Pookie", Carol replied.

"Good. Good Lord. Its just so weird for me."

Rick chuckled. "Falling in love is always weird. No matter if its with a guy or a girl. Believe me. We have all been there." Then Ricks eyes were sad for a while and Daryl touched his shoulder to make sure he appreciated what his friend just said and that he knows the memories hurt. When Daryl turned around Abraham and Rosita were holding hands and smiled at him.   
They walked to the others and Daryl gave everyone orders what to do. And went to see Murphy and Connor at last. Both of them were sitting apart from the group, talking. He slowly approached because he didn't want to disturb them but both smiled when they saw him coming "Aye. The others are back", Murphy stated.

"Yeah. We stay the night here. I need to go huntin'. Wanna come along?", he asked the younger twin.

"Aye. If yeh let me come along."

"'O'Course. Can teach you a bit more shooting with me crossbow. But grab your knife just in case." Daryl sat down next to Connor and stroked his friends back. "You should rest a bit. The others prepare some fruits and stuff. We won't be gone long I hope. Just relax a bit." Connor shook his head. "Can't I come along? I am so bored and pissed because everyone is fussing abou' me."  
"Yer sick and hurt and yeh have to rest and if yeh come along I will kill yeh myself. But yeh could do somethin' else. Yeh only have the clothes yer waring. The others are in a bag in the trunk. Maybe yeh can wash for us."  
"I'm no fuckin' girl tha' washes yer clothes. But fine if yeh two want to go alone." Connor was brooding. He wanted to do something and he wanted to be with Daryl. Latter was caressing his neck and Connor leaned into the touch, closing his eyes. Daryl approached a bit and ran his fingers through Connors hair. "Murph' is right. Don't want you in the woods. You need to heal first."

Connor now met his eyes and he looked hurt and sad but Daryl wouldn't give in. "Please take care of yourself. Don*t wanna lose one of you", he whispered and his eyes were getting wet. 

"Hey, we come back. We promise. Don't you worry Baby." Daryl raised an eyebrow at himself. Had he just called Connor Baby? What was wrong with him?

Connor smiled a bit and kissed Daryl. It was a short and gentle kiss. Murphy was already standing up, moving towards the woods. "I will leave you alone for a second."

The older twin watched his brother walk away and smiled. He was thankful that Murphy gave him the privacy. Daryl grabbed Connors hand and kissed the other mans neck. He started biting a bit and while one hand was holding Connors, the other was exploring his friends chest. "Wha' are yeh doin? Everyone can see."

"I know. They are okay with us. And don' t worry I won't start taking your clothes off."

"But when yeh go on like this I might want yeh to."

Daryl stopped touching Connor immediately. "Sorry."

Connor chuckled and turned his head to see Daryl again. "Don't be. I would like to continue tha' but yeh should go huntin' Darling before it is too dark. And the sooner yer back the sooner I can sleep in yer arms." Connor hated to admit it but he needed Daryl next to him tonight.  Daryl's stomach flipped when he heard that and he kissed Connor, actually pulling him onto his lap. "I am lookin' forward to it", he whispered an slid his tongue in the older ones mouth. Connor tasted so good and he loved the wetness and hotness of their kisses. It was fuckin' hilarious that this was their first real day as a couple. It was weird that they fell for each other so hard, in such a short time and it was slightly amazing. Daryl was high on feelings and he wanted this so much. He wanted Connor so much. Connor was his lifesaver. The Irishman grabbed his hair and bit down on Daryl's lip. "Stop! I fuckin' want yeh. But I can't have yeh righ' now. This is torture." Connor snorted and stood up. His face frowning. Daryl thought Connor looked cute like that and smiled. "I got carried away because you are so..." Daryl swallowed the word cute and said "kissable" instead.  
Connor shook his head and one side of his lip was turning up. "I love to kiss yeh too."  
Daryl stood up too and hugged Connor, nestled his head in the other mans neck and whispered "I hope you don't just do that because you want to overtone the pain. Don't use me Conn'."  
Connor shook his head. "No. Don't yeh dare think I am using yeh. Maybe tha' thing just speeded eveythin' up. I probably wouldn't have gone so far, so soon. I admit tha' but part of me knew that I was fallin' for yeh before I could even admit it. I knew when yeh hugged me and called me "Leprechaun" but I would have never admit it. The reason I ran wasn't only because Murph' was jealous. Part of me ran because I wanted to get away from yeh. From having feelings for yeh. Feelings tha' are weird and confusing. Yer a man after all. But I am not using yeh, Daryl Dixon. I fuckin' love yeh. And don't yeh dare tell me tha' it is fuckin' fast and fuckin' soon. I know tha' but I need yeh and tha' feeling inside of me turned from burnin' into glowin'. I don't want tha' to stop."  
Connor was pressing him so close to his body that Daryl could feel his heart beating and Daryl's eyes were wet. Of course he knew that there was more to the story than only Murphy's jealousy. But Connor had loved him right from the off. No one ever loved Daryl Dixon right from the start. No one had ever said this to him. Daryl kissed Connors ear and nibbled on his earlobe. "Thank you", he mumbled.

"Geez. I tell yeh' I love yeh and stuff and yeh say "thank yeh"?"

"Yeah? Because ya love me at all. And loved me so soon. So fast. No one ever fell in love with me like this. And I never fell in love like that. I don't even know if I am glowing on the inside or if I was turned into a lightbulp."

Connor chuckled. "Darling yer shining for me like a christmas tree."

Daryl snorted and let go of Connor. "You are gettin' cheesy."

Both kissed and then Daryl finally went after Murphy. He was smiling all the time because Connor really loved him. And he loved Connor.

 

* * *

 

Murphy of course had seen his brother and Daryl and he was actually crying and hid himself behind one of the trees. He could feel the joy rushing through his brothers body and he felt incredibly happy that his brother was able to have this. After what had happened to him two nights back it was a miracle but both his brothers seemed to need it. Of Course it was weird to see it and of course it was weird to share Connor but he liked Daryl and Daryl was teaching him stuff and treating him like a brother. They were family now and that's what made him cry. He wanted to share all the feelings with someone. Murphy had never admit it to his brother but he felt lonely from time to time. Cuddling with Connor was nice but he wanted someone to hold, someone HE could take care of. Murphy was jealous, not because he didn't want them to be happy, no, because he was so desperate to have something like this. A deep bond, kissing, caring and this glowing. But how can he find this when the person he loves, loves someone else? Doesn't even see him like this. Murphy knew he would die alone. What if his soulmate would never even realize it? What if... 

His thoughts got interrupted by Daryl who stood next to him and looked worried when he saw Murphy's eyes. "You alright? What happened?"

"Nothing. Just my thoughts."

Daryl stroke his arm and gently asked: "Were you thinking about Conn'?"

Murphy shook his head. "No. But its okay. Lets hunt."

Daryl knew it wasn't okay but he didn't want to dig deeper. Murphy was someone who would talk when the time was right. In that case he was a lot like himself.

They went further into the woods. This wasn't really a place for hunting but with some luck they found some bunnies or squirrels. When Daryl thought it would be a good place to stop, he gave Murphy his crossbow and said: "I told you how to use it. Now keep watch and when you see something, shoot."

"Aye." Murphy held the crossbow exactly as Daryl had told him to and Daryl was surprised that Murphy seemed to know what he was doing. It looked as if he was made for a crossbow. Daryl smiled, it was weird to see how he looks with a crossbow. Did he really look like this, when he was hunting? Jesus. 

Murphy tried to be silent and patient because for some strange reason he wanted to make Daryl proud. Because he knew that it would make Connor happy when both of them are helping each other out. And when he learned hunting he could help Daryl with it. So his little brother didn't have to do it all on his own. Murphy turned around a bit and bit his lip when he stepped on a twig. "Sorry", he mumbled.

"It's okay. Didn't teach you how to be silent, yet. I can teach you some day."

Murphy shook his head in agreement. When he heard something he turned around and yelled "FUCK!", which made Daryl look at the direction Murphy was looking at and saw walkers coming their way. Daryl ran forward and stabbed the first walker in the head. "Shoot Moron!" Murphy shot and missed the first walker. He reloaded the crossbow and shot a second time and the arrow found his new home in one of the geeks heads. Murphy smiled and reloaded the crossbow, while Daryl was stabbing two walkers in the head and yet there were some more coming and Murphy shot and failed. He was swearing and ran towards Daryl because he was out of Arrows. He grabbed his knife and started stabbing. He kept on and on and lost count of how many walkers he killed and when he heard something behind him he turned around and immediately hit his target but what he saw wasn't at all what he wanted to see. "OH MY GOD", he screamed and looked around. All walkers were dead and he had accidentally hurt Daryl. "You idiot! Didn't you hear that I talked to you?"

Daryl held his shoulder and Murphy just looked at him. "I'm so sorry lil' bro! I thought yeh were one of them freaks."

"Yeah. Asshole." Daryl tried to move his shoulder but it fucking hurt. Blood was streaming through his fingers. 

Murphy grabbed Daryl's arrows and his crossbow and swung it over his shoulder and then said: "Come on. Lets go and get yeh to the camp. I can hunt on me own later. Taking someone else with me."

"Fuck you do. Today we have to eat what is left. With those walkers here the food is long gone."

"Aye." Murphy carried all their stuff and they were talking to each other and didn't hear that they weren't alone. Both of them stopped walking when they heard a gunshot and Murphy looked shocked when Daryl got down on his knees. His face full of pain and holding his stomach. Daryl felt an incredible pain in his stomach and he sank down to his knees. Murphy was getting down, throwing the crossbow to the ground, his hands grabbed the familiar guns in his peacoat and he aimed at the direction the shot was fired. They were too far from the camp as that the others could have heard them and Murphy gave Daryl a sign to move against the tree and be silent. He hid behind another tree and as soon as he heard someone coming closer he looked around the tree. It was a man with a 9mm. He looked like a freaking maniac. "Who are yeh and why did yeh shoot at us?"

The man laughed. "You are one of them. I saw you. Your friend got bit."

"Yer mental? He didn't."

"We are all goin' to die." Murphy looked at Daryl and rolled his eyes. When Murphy stepped forward he looked at the man and without hesitation raised his gun. "Let go of your gun or I will shoot." His words were confident, the childish look on his face gone and Daryl thought that Murphy looked like a serial killer. Yeah well, basically he was that but he looked evil. The moment the man was rising his hand to shoot, Murphy shot his hand and the guy let go of his gun. Murphy had to be fast and so he just left the prayer out and shot. One clear headshot. As soon as the man was falling, Murphy grabbed Daryl's stuff and asked if he can walk. Daryl shook his head. "No. I think he missed my organs but the bullet is stuck in me."

"I will carry yeh."

"No. Just go and get someone."

"No."

And with that Murphy shoved one arm under Daryl's knees and Daryl put his arms around his big brothers neck and mumbled "sorry".

"Yeh shut up. Not yeh fault but mine and that bastards. Hurtin' me brother was enough to be shot without a prayer."

Daryl smirked and he felt dizzy but tried to stay awake. Murphy tried to go as fast as he could and was glad when he could step out of the woods. Daryl was losing his conciousness. "Daryl. Stay with me. Don't yeh dare lose it now. Come on. Talk to me. I can see the camp already."

"I'm so tired", Daryl whispered and added "Want to see Conn'."

"I can see Conn' already." It wasn't true but he could see some of their group and he yelled. "HELP!" He wasn't sure if anybody heard him but he tried because he was getting slower and Daryl closed his eyes over and over again. He was relieved to see that someone came running towards him. It was Carl. "What happened?"

"He got shot. Go and get yeh Dad lad. I can't carry him any longer."

Murphy nearly sank to his knees but he stumbled forward. It wasn't so far anymore and Carl was already yelling at Rick, who came running as fast as possible. "Give him to me." Rick was carrying Daryl now and Murphy sank to his knees, his arms in front of him. He was trying to hold it all together but it was just too much. Connor was hurt, Daryl was hurt and part of it was his fault. Everything was his fault. Connor wouldn't have run if not for him. Daryl wouldn't have gotten hurt if he hadn't talked to him and distracted him. Murphy started crying and it didn't surprise him that no one was looking after him. But what hurt the most was the image of Daryl falling to his knees. The sight of him in his arms. Just like Daryl had carried Connor before. Why did everything hurt so much? Why did it hurt him to see Daryl like this? He heard everyone moving and they were talking to Daryl and he heard Connor yell. Connor would be so angry with him but then he heard Connor yell "Murph'? Where the fuck is me brother?"

Then he heard footsteps and Connor was getting down on his knees. "Yeh alrigh'? Wha' happened?"

"I...I am sorry", Murphy spit out.

"Why?"

"This is my fault. I stabbed him and then he got shot by some maniac. But I took care of that freak. Shot him. This is my fault because I distracted him. And it is my fault yeh are hurt and everythin' is always my fuckin' fault."

Connor just grabbed his brothers face and put a kiss on his forehead. Tears running over his face. "Nothin' of tha' is yer fault. Listen? Only the stabbing, maybe but wha' happened to me wasn't yer fault and tha' maniac shooting Dar' wasn't either. Now come on. He needs us. And I want to be there for him."

"Aye", Murphy agreed but wasn't so sure tha' Daryl would like to see him. 

They had carried Daryl to the fireplace and he was not moving. Carol, Maggie and Beth were hovering over him, ripping his clothes off of him. Connor slowly moved forward, while Murphy leaned against the truck and looked from a distance. When Daryl died he would never forgive himself. Because he would take Connors happiness away. He would break his brother. Murphy was yelling at himself inside his head. And he would deeply miss Daryl. Yeah, that was the secret, that hunter was growing on Murphy. If Daryl would die, Connor wouldn't be the only one feeling the loss.  
Connor looked down on Daryl. He didn't move and it hurt him that everyone could see his scars now. He knew Daryl wouldn't want this. Connor moved again and knelt down to put Daryl's head in his lap. Carol nodded and Beth put a hand on his knee to make sure that they care for Daryl. Connor concentrated on Daryl's face. He stroke the hair out of his face and gently let his thumb fondling Daryl's jaw. The older one was crying, but he didn't care. He just wanted Daryl to wake up. He started praying, grabbed his rosary and took it off. He kissed it once and then put it around Daryl's neck, letting it rest on his chest. With closed eyes he prayed and prayed and prayed. Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up. Murphy was kneeling next to him. His rosary dangling in front of him and he grabbed his brothers hand and replaced the missing hand on Daryl's face with his own and he looked at Connor and then both of them started praying. Like they had done in their past life.   
They stopped when they both felt a movement under their hands and they opened their eyes to see Daryl's eyelids flatter. Connor bowed down. "Daryl, we are here. Don't move." Carol was trying to get the bullet out of Daryl and the pain must have woken him up. She stopped her movements and everyone was steading Daryl now, afraid that when he moved they would hurt an organ.  
"Angel, please don't move. Look at me." Daryl opened his eyes and looked right into Connors eyes, which were hovering over him. "Leprechaun", he whispered. His eyes already closing again. "I'm here."

Daryl opened his eyes again and Connor gently stroked his jaw. "Yeh need to be calm. Don't move an inch. Carol will go on now. She needs to get tha' bullet out. Concentrate on me. Yeah?"

"Yeah", the hunter's voice was shaking. 

"And don't you dare give up fightin' moron. If yeh die, Murph' and me will follow yeh and kick yer fuckin' ass."

"Aye. Listen to Conn'. I'm sorry Dar'. Should have taken more care of yeh."

Daryl smirked and Connor shook his head. That fucker was smiling as if he was saying "yeah yeah you talk. its just a scratch."

Connor bowed down some more and kissed Daryl's forehead. Ignoring his own pain. His knees were hurting and the position was not exactly comfortable for his back but Daryl needed him now. Daryl was just staring into Connors eyes. He knew he shouldn't move but he wanted to touch Connor and make him smile again. He wasn't supposed to cry. Daryl didn't like to see him cry. Daryl didn't like the way Murphy was crying too. And in general Daryl didn't like to be taken care of like this. He was well aware of the fact that he was bare chested. He concentrated on his mans face, his eyes, his voice. Just as he had told him. He wanted to be alone with Connor. everything was good when they were alone. Yes. And he wanted a kiss. Now. He opened his mouth and whispered. "Kiss?"

"Are yeh high or somethin'? Murphy joked.

But Connor was leaning down and pressing his lips to Daryl's. It was awkward from this position but he was willing to do everything that Daryl wanted. Just like he had done 2 days ago.

Connor went on putting little kisses to the hunters face and was rewarded with a little smirk and glowing blue eyes.  Connor took off his peacoat and rested it under Daryl's head, then he lay down, his head to the side of Daryl's face, making sure he wouldn't be in the way of the others. He was kissing Daryl's ear and whispered: "Love yeh me little hunter. When I said I can't wait to sleep in yer arms I didn't mean to share a sickbed with yeh. But no, yeh had to run into the woods and come back injured."

"Sorry", Daryl mumbled.

"Nah. Yer not. Yeh like to be in danger. Yer my little Robin Hood, remember?"

"Shut....uuup", Daryl spit. His stomach fuckin' hurts and they weren't making it better.

"Should I leave yeh alone with the ladies?" Connor hovered  over Daryl's face and raised an eyebrow.

"Leprechaun, no."

Murphy started laughing. "Yeh sound like Conn' is yer dog and yer tellin' him to not chase after the bunnies."

Connor chuckled. "Yeh think, maybe I am the bunny and Daryl is the dog."

Daryl closed his eyes. He had a hard time not to laugh. Despite the pain he loved that moment. Murphy and Connor were just two fuckin' fuckheads and he fuckin' loved to hear them talk.

Murphy was standing up and said "I'll be back. I'll tell them that he is awake."

"Aye."

"It's out", Carol finally said.

"Yeh hear tha'. Now they patch yeh up and yeh as good as new." Connor mildly put a kiss on Daryl's lips and the hunter opened his eyes and smiled a bit. He concentrated on Connor's face. His little Irish mojo. 

"We have to move him up so I can bandage him", Maggie said. 

"Aye." Connor embraced his friend to steady him and Daryl tried to shift his weight on his own arms. He didn't even flinch when the others touched him because he was blocking the others out. There was only Connor and him. No one else was there. He felt strong arms around his body, Connors head resting on his head and one hand was playing with his beard. When Maggie was done she said: "We will leave you two alone for a second. We should carry him into the truck. He needs to rest."

"We will go and search Murphy", Carol added.

When they all were gone, Connor let go of Daryl's head and rested him back on his jacket then he placed himself next to the hunter and they looked at each other. "How d'yeh feel?"

"I'll live."

"Yeh better! Not goin' to lose yeh asshole." The Irishs rosary was still around his friends neck and he positioned it right now. It was now right above the wound. "Can you bring me a new shirt?"

"Aye. Gimme a second." Connor ran over to Daryl's bag and searched for a new shirt, when he found one he hurried back. He forgot that he was still hurt and shouldn't be running at all. When he came back he helped Daryl put on his shirt, while doing so his hands explored a bit of his friends skin but not too much. Connor started looking for his twin but instead he saw Rick coming closer. The ex-sheriff knelt next to Connor. "Daryl, do you think you can stay awake a little longer and listen to what we found out?" Daryl nodded. "Yeah. Sure. Just let me sit somewhere."

Rick and Connor helped Daryl stand up and support him while they walked to the truck, so Daryl could lean against it. But Connor shook his head and placed himself behind Daryl, his hand searching Daryl's and the hunter interlaced their fingers. His head was resting against Connors shoulder and Rick was smiling down at them. When he knelt down in front of Daryl, he patted his knee and then his cheek. "You really have a thing for bullets."

Daryl tried not to chuckle and failed. "People seem to like to shoot me."

"I will bring you some cola, hm? I spared it but I think you need it today. You two can share. And of course you are both out of business for the next days."

"Nah. I am fit again. I will help yeh. I can do the stuff Daryl did before."

"No. You are not. You take care of him." Rick smiled and Connor met his eyes and smiled too. He was glad that Rick  supported them. 

"I can do tha'. It's a pleasure actually. Righ' Darling?"

"Can ya stop callin' me that?"

"What? Darling? Sure can honey."

Daryl rolled his eyes and smirked. Rick shook his head. "Young love. How wonderful."

"Aye. Are those love-monkeys in action again?", Murphy said from around the corner and came closer.

"In Action? I wouldn't say they are in action", Rick answered.

"Better. Don't wanna see them stick their tongues into each other."

Connor shook his head. "Will yeh ever grow up yeh fucker?"

"Nah. Growing up is highly overrated."

Slowly the others were filling the place and they all sat down on the ground. Daryl closed his eyes for a while until Connor whispered into his ear: "I can't wait to cuddle tonight." Daryl pressed Connors hand in response. He knew he would fall asleep as soon as they would be alone but he was looking forward to some hugging and kissing.

When Rick started to speak he opened his eyes. 

"We went to town today. And it looks more deserted than any other city we have ever seen. It looks like there have never been any walkers. There are no cars, no bodies, no nothing. I want to go back there and drive a bit further into the city. I think we should maybe drive to another border tomorrow. Something is very odd there."

"I agree. Eugene, Rosita and me went through different cities and every city was full of walkers. It was kind of scary that there wasn't one. Maybe we should drive around the border for a while to check. Maybe enter some building first before we drive to the university. Thats where the military camp is", the redheaded soldier explained.

"If it is still there", Carol added.

"It would be great to go in two groups. Daryl and Connor are out. They stay in the camp, they need to heal. Carl, you will watch your sister. So now, who wants to go?"

"I'm goin'", Murphy replied and watched Connor who looked a bit startled by this. He knew his brother tried to find a place in the group. Proof them what he was capable of but Connor was afraid that he might lose him.

After a while there were three groups. Murphy and Rick,  Carol, Tyresee, Abraham and Glenn, Michonne and Bob. Connor looked around and he knew that he wouldn't stay in the truck tomorrow because the only real fighters that were left behind were Rosita and him. The others could probably shoot but they were all just girls and a kid. There should always be a man protecting them.

"Aye. I'll keep watch with Rosita while yer gone."

"No. You are not", Rick commanded.

"Aye. And who will keep watch? Maggie and Carl should look after the baby. Beth is injured, Tara seems not to be a big fighter. Sasha can shoot. But I think there should be a man involved somewhere. And sorry but me and Murph' are the best gun shooters in this camp. Except Abraham."

"If I say no you would do it anyways, right?" Connor nodded and smiled.

"Yeah. I'm already bored with the whole resting and healing thing."

"Okay. It's your life. Okay. Now we don't have any meat today. We all eat the rest of the stuff we have. Tomorrow we should check out if we can find new supplies."

Then everyone walked away and Rick and Murphy carried Daryl into the truck. Connor thought it was funny that they put Daryl on the right side so that there was enough space for him on the left. Rick said goodnight and Murphy was staying, looking at them. When Connor was lying down, Murphy mumbled: "I'm sorry."

"Yeh don't have to be Murph'. I kno' yeh wanna help the group. But come back in one piece."

"Not wha' I'm talkin' about. I mean Dar'."

"Fucker didn't do anything", Daryl explained.

"Yeh not angry with me?"

Murphy thought he earned a proper punch or yelling or angry comments. He had stabbed his little brother and he felt so guilty about everything. He needed to go with the group because he hoped that he got injured. He always had so much luck because Connor watched after him. Connor was always the one that had more bruises, more cuts, more gun wounds, more pain. Murphy knew it was his fault. When Connor was a lucky charme, he was probably the opposite. 

"I'm not angry with you. Come here." Daryl opened his arms and Murphy shook his head. He didn't want to hurt Daryl.

"Will you come now you bullhead." Murphy slowly placed himself over his little brother, Making sure, that he wasn't touching his stomach. Daryl put his arms around him and stroked his head. "Thanks for carrying me all the way back. Thanks for shooting that fucker because without you he would have finished me right there. I am not mad at you. I'm glad I have you."

Murphy started crying and rested his head on Daryl's chest. He felt another arm around his waist and saw that Connor was looking at him with tears in his eyes. "Yeh kno' baby brother, it was a hard day. There was a lot information for yeh and a lot of pain. It's okay to be tha' confused. Hell, I'm too. But yeh not guilty. I can feel how yeh struggling. Please don't do tha'. Dar' and me love yeh. Yeh wanna sleep here tonight?"

"Yeh kiddin' me? I don't want to be near yeh two lovesick fuckbunnies. I promised Rick to keep him company tonight. I like to be on watch with him. Yeh can really talk with him."

"Aye. Do yer work then. And yeh really not guilty of anythin'. Reason I ran wasn't only because yeh were jealous of Dar'. I ran because I was fallin' for him."

Murphy's head moved from one man to the other. When Connor nodded he smirked. "Yeh tellin' me this was some sort of love-at-first-sight thing?" Murphy knew the answer already.

Daryl ruffled his hair. "You are nosy. Now off with you, I wanna sleep."

Daryl was getting tired and he really wanted a bit more time with Connor before he closed his eyes. Murphy just nodded, pressed his lips on his forehead and did the same with Connor and then climbed out of the truck. Not ten minutes later Beth climbed in and looked at them. Connor was snuggling in Daryl's armpit and Beth smiled. "Don't want to interrupt for long. I just thought you two want the blanket. Its very soft and I had it the last nights." She was unfolding it and threw it over them. Daryl smiled at her. "And Rick asked me to give you this." She handed Connor a can of cola and some apple slices and some berries. Then she looked at them somehow nervous. She knelt in front of them. "I never...I never thanked you Connor. You didn't know me but saved me and you got hurt. Thank you!"  
Connor rose up and touched her hand. "No need to thank me. It was and still is me job to slay the wicked and evil. To cleanse this world from mobsters. I would do it again, without even thinkin' abou' it. Yeh are important to Daryl. And so I had to save yeh anyways. Yeh kno' I hadn't anythin' to loose and I was tortured with the thought tha' I would die there. But still I would do it again. So don't thank me. Just stay alive."  
Daryl was shielding his eyes with his hand because he didn't want them to see his tears. Connor was much like him. He would have died to save her. Beth was crying too and she whispered: "You are much like him." She pointed her head to Daryl. Both looked at the hand in front of the hunters face.

"Yeh I thin' we are much alike. And yet we are completely different."

She nodded and wished them goodnight. When she was gone, Connor took Daryl's hand from his eyes. "Why yeh cryin'? Yeh in pain?"

"No. Ya' said ya' hadn't anything to loose but you had Murphy and me." Connor sighed and stroked Daryl's cheek. "I thought I lost yeh. And Murph' is a tough fucker underneath all the childish behaviour. He would have lived on without me."

Daryl shook his head. "No."

"Can we not talk? Can we drink and eat and then try to sleep?"

Daryl agreed and so they shared the food and the coke. Connor started feeding Daryl which the hunter didn't like at all but he let him. Connor's thoughts were somewhere else. He couldn't concentrate on Daryl right now because he was thinking about what he just said. Would he really do it again? Is he really insane enough to go through things like that again? Something in him had changed and he wanted to be selfish because right down in that basement he thought he was dying without having experienced love and without knowing how it is to be happy. In that basement he thought of all the things he wanted to do but never did because of their life. He thought of all the things he could have done without Murphy. Because to be honest taking care of his Baby Brother had held him back. It was always Murphy first. God second. But when was it Connor first? He felt Daryl grabbing his hand and stroking his finger and he looked down on the other mans face. No, he wouldn't do it again because now he had something to lose. Something great. Someone special. His someone, his man.   
No, Connor wouldn't go through hell again to save anybody. Except his two soulmates. He kissed Daryl passionate and the hunter responded this kiss. Connor sighed and whispered: "Now I have something worth livin' for. Yeh the only thing tha' keeps me alive. I love yeh, Daryl Dixon."  
Daryl didn't answer with words he just kissed Connor and held the other mans hand and pressed it gently. He shifted his body to the side and Connor was snuggling closer to him. Daryl nestled his head in Connors neck and embraced him from behind. Connor was trying not to touch Daryl's stomach with his back, but Daryl was coming closer and whispered: "G'night lil' irish fighter." Daryl thought Connor was the strongest person he knew. Connor was also the most beautiful guy he knew and he was his. 

"G'night my lil' hunter. See yeh in yer dreams."

That's how they fell asleep. Back to chest, head to neck, their fingers entangled on Connors chest and their knees intertwined. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not sorry!


	20. I'm insane, leave my dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> I will give you another chapter. The next ones will take a while because I have a 
> 
> writers block. I have the chapters planned out and I know what is going to happen 
> 
> but the words just don't want to flow.
> 
> Sorry for that!

  
_Connor woke up in the middle of the night his heart was beating too fast and he immediately grabbed his chest, trying to touch the rosary. It wasn't there. He remembered that he had given it to Daryl. Connor looked around and couldn't see the other man next to him. Was Daryl outside? He wasn't supposed to walk with his wounds. Why didn't he wake him up? Connor looked around again, he was lying in a bed and there was a window. Where was he? What had happened? He stood up, searched the room and found another bed at the other wall. He stumbled forward and saw it was his brother. But his brother was younger. He was a kid. Connor took another look around. Crap, he was at home, in Ireland in their old room. Why the fuck? He looked at his body. He was wearing a Superman shirt and shorts and he was a child. But this couldn't be. This...he was...What the fuck happened? Connor woke Murphy up. He was rubbing his eyes. "Conn' why d'yeh wake me? Is already time for school?"_   
_Connor flinched at the sound of the childish voice. "No. No. Just go back to sleep. I just had a bad dream."_   
_He stumbled over to his own bed and Murphy turned around to look at him. His hair was dark blonde and falling into his face. His eyes much bluer than the adult ones. "Yeh okay? Wha' d'yeh dream?"_   
_"We were adults and we were fightin' monsters."_   
_"Aye. Yeh mean zombies? Again? Yeh have those dreams since days. And yeh always callin' for me and cernunnos. Yer insane now?"_   
_Connor shook his head. This couldn't be. He WAS an adult and he WAS next to Daryl but why did he dream of his past life? His younger self?_   
_"Murphy, how old are we?"_   
_Murphy chuckled. "Conn' yeh hit yer head? We are 12 yeh moron."_   
_Connor nodded. 12. That's when his dreams started. "Did I tell yeh abou' the dreams of yeh? The one yeh were in danger?"_   
_"Aye. Yeh had tha' yesterday. But yeh said I was younger and different. Yeh really okay Conn'? Yeh look sick. Should I get Ma'?"_   
_Connor shook his head and swallowed. "No. I will try to sleep some more."_   
_"Aye. Yeh wake me again if yeh not feelin' good or yeh need to cuddle." His younger brother smiled and closed his eyes again. Connor did the same thing and was praying to wake up as his adult self again. Wondering why he would have those dreams._

* * *

 

Daryl woke up when Connor kicked him in his sleep and he was mumbling words Daryl couldn't put together into sentences but he was obviously dreaming about Murphy. He gently stroked Connors hair and shook him a bit, to wake him up. His friend was already covered in cold sweat and he was pressing his other hand so hard that Daryl thought he would break his fingers. Connor was shaking and Daryl again, tried to wake him up. Connor suddenly moved and rose and looked around. "Fuck. Good to see yeh", he said absently. "You okay?"  
"I just had a real weird dream. Really weird."  
"Yeah. You were mumbling and shaking and you are covered in sweat. Wanna talk about it?"  
Connor considered this but he just shook his head and cuddled himself closer to Daryl. "No, I need to talk to Murphy first." Hell this was confusing. There were only two possibilities why he had that dream. A) He was mad. B) This was the whole explanation for his nightmares about his brother. It was never his brother. It was always Daryl. And latter would be the more frightening, more scary and more horrible explanation. Because this would mean that his dreams weren't dreams at all. They were projections of Daryl's thoughts.  
No. Connor was obviously gone mad. Then he looked at Daryl, looked into his eyes which were observing him worried. Connor swallowed hard. He had known it. Those feelings, of course, somehow this stupid thing made even more sense. Soulmates. Daryl had tried to reach out to him, when he was a kid. He was screaming for help. His soul had screamed for him. Connor felt sick and he shut his eyes close and shook his head to get the images and feelings out of his system. This was too much.   
"I gotta go", he just said and headed out the truck. His eyes wandered over the camp and he found Murphy sitting at their fireplace, sharing water with Rick. The Sheriff saw him first and pointed his head to Murphy who turned around and when he saw him he looked somewhat shocked? Murphy immediately came closer and took Connor's face in his hands. "Conn'? Wha's up?"  
Connor placed his hands on Murphy's waist, afraid to lose balance. He was a bit dizzy from his dream. "D'yeh remember my nightmares from back when we were kids?" Murphy nodded. Connor had it figured out. "Yeah. Why?"  
"Did I ever wake yeh up and ask yeh how old we were?"  
Murphy cocked his eyebrows. He closed his eyes and tried to remember. "Yeah. Yeah you did. Yeh were wearing yer Superman PJs and yeh were lookin' like crap. Why?"  
Connor felt sick again and closed every distance between him and his brother and rested his head in the crook of Murphy's neck. Murphy knew but he needed Connor to say it because Murphy wasn't supposed to know it. "I just had that dream. I woke up and my rosary was gone and I remembered that I gave it to Daryl but Daryl wasn't next to me and when I stood up there was just yeh. And we were kids and we were at home and I was so confused. And I asked yeh how old we were."  
"Does tha' mean yer dream back then.." Murphy didn't end the sentence because he suddenly was too surprised to speak. Connor was foreshadowing. He dreamed of Zombies when he was 12. Or did his older self warn the younger self but they weren't able to see it back then?  
Murphy grabbed Connor's hair and whispered: "Jesus, Conn'."  
"Those dreams. It was never you, wasn't it?"  
Murphy closed his eyes and sighed, he slowly shook his head. "No."  
Connor moved his head up and met his brothers eyes. "I had those dreams every second night and sometimes every night and sometimes they stopped and they were always....violent, dark, painful. I didn't wake yeh up every time. I think. OH man...I just...NO!" Connor shook his head. Pictures of those dreams flashing before his eyes. The dark man that hurt his brother. Not Murphy. Daryl. This was Daryl. Connor again shook his head. But the pictures didn't stop.  
"I know. Because I woke up every time yeh had them. I felt yer pain. I felt yeh runnin' and I felt yeh pressin' me closer to yeh. Tha' was the time yeh started wet-nursing me an' it was the moment I let yeh. Yeh remember the times when I tried to get away from yeh? Those were the times I wanted yeh to realize tha' this wasn't me. But yeh never understood and someday I saw how those dreams made yeh sad, how they were takin' something out of yeh. I noticed it all and tha' why I let yeh do it. I knew yeh needed it. Yeh needed to save tha' person in yer dreams. But it was never me Conn'. It was him. It was Daryl. I figured it out way before yeh did. Yeh were send here to finally save him. He was yer task and yeh are mine. I always knew. I am the one keepin' yeh sane and safe. And yeh kno' it." The older twin touched his brothers face and Murphy couldn't bare to see his twin like this. The realisation that he had dreams of Daryl for over 15 years had hit him hard. Someday they had stopped, probably because Daryl had put up walls around his heart and soul and got harder on the inside. "Why did I find him only now?", Connor whispered and was searching for an answer in his brothers eyes.   
"Because yeh weren't ready earlier. Imagine yeh would have met him when yeh didn't kno' how to shoot, to kill and how yeh can survive. Yeh wouldn't have survived one day in his presence and most likely he wouldn't have let yeh in at all. With Merle and his dad around. Yeh have heard Merle. Always sayin' bad things abou' Dar'. Merle would have killed yeh." Connor nodded that made sense. At least a bit.  
"Wha' do I do? Tell him?"  
"Tell him when yeh think it is the righ' time. When he opens up to yeh."  
Connor smirked. When did his brother get so smart? Then he stopped smirking. It wasn't Murphy that held him back, he was holding Murphy back. His whole life he was saving Murphy but he clearly didn't need it. He would have been harder and much more independent. "I'm so sorry Murph'."  
"Shut up. I love yeh baby brother."  
Connor raised an eyebrow. "Aye but I am still the older one."  
"Nah. Yer not. Ma' told me. I am indeed the older one. She had to tell me because I found our birth certification."  
"Wha'? And yeh tellin' me tha' now?"  
Murphy chuckled. "Yeh because I knew how yeh love to be me big bro'."  
"True." Connor felt a bit better now and he put his head back on Murphy's shoulder. "I am glad I have yeh. I am glad yeh watch over me. But I am sorry I never realized it. Murph' those dreams...Poor Daryl."  
Murphy kissed Connor's head. "Yeh kno' he told me before we saved yeh. Think he never spoke abou' it. He was 8 when it started. When he told me I knew the connection between yeh and him is much deeper than yeh kno'."  
"God. yer sometimes so smart I want to smack yer head." Connor kissed Murphy's shoulder.  
"Yeh should go back to Dar'. He probably misses yeh already."  
"Aye", Connor voiced and pressed his brother closer and then went back to the truck. Before he climbed in he looked back. Murphy was still standing there, watching after him. Connor shook his head. His whole Life was a lie. Murphy had watched over him, not physically but he had made sure Connor was still sane.  
Murphy waited until Connor was back into the truck and then turned around. It was abou' time Conn' figured it out. Why did it feel so wrong then?   
When he suited himself next to Rick, he felt a hand on his back. "You look sad. Is Connor alright?"  
"Yes. I think he finally is."  
Murphy grabbed a stick and poked around in the fire. "Do you need someone to talk?"  
"Thank yeh but this is between Connor, Daryl and me. Yeh wouldn't understand."  
Rick cocked an eyebrow. "Try me."  
Murphy shook his head. "Yeh believe in soulmates?"  
Rick smiled. "You mean like "two bodies, one soul"? Then yeah."  
Murphy nodded and so he explained it to Rick. He could see the confusion on Rick's face and the realisation. He could see all sorts of emotions and when Murphy was done, he could see one final expression. Happiness.  
"You know Murphy, I love Daryl like a brother. Once you know him he is the best man you could think of. Behind all these walls. And when you two showed up...Well he was acting way out of his normal character. He was different. That explains it all and it makes me incredible happy that you two showed up at all. To be honest, seeing a smile on Daryl Dixon's face is like winning the lottery big time. He earned it. And Connor did too. But what about you? You say you watch over Connor but did you never dream about your soulmate?"  
Murphy looked surprised and smiled after a second. Yes he had dreamt about his soulmate. A lot of times. But he would never tell anybody about his soulmate.   
"I did. But never came across my other part." Which was a lie.  
"Maybe someday." Rick clapped his shoulder.  
"Yeah, maybe." Murphy looked into the fire. He would burn forever, like the flame in front of him and his soul would go straight to hell. He had met his other half already. But his other half was in love with someone else. Because Murphy had it all figured out. Hell, he had known for a while now.

* * *

 

When Connor sat next to Daryl the hunter opened his eyes and was holding his arm open, so Connor could rest on it. The Irishman placed his head on Daryl's arm and the hunter instantly pressed him closer and started stroking his back and neck. Connor placed one of his knees over Daryl's and rested one arm across his chest, his hand gently stroking his side. Daryl's eyes were fixed on the ceiling of the truck, waiting for Connor to talk but when the other man didn't say anything, he tilted his head a bit to look at him. Something was bothering him and it had to do with his dreams but Daryl was sure Connor just needed time. He placed a kiss on his friends forehead and took the hand that was caressing his side into his, lifted it up and kissed the palm of his hand, the wrist, arm and then nibbled on Connors wrist again. His man was kissing his ear and neck now, biting now and then. Daryl felt little shocks inside his body again and butterflies in his stomach. He turned his head and pressed his lips onto Connors.   
Connor started moving himself over Daryl, to have better access to his friends body. He made sure that he didn't touch the wounds and made sure that his lips were still pressed to Daryl's. Daryl smiled a bit when he felt Connor on top of him. If they don't stop this will end up into another make-out session. "Why are yeh smiling?"  
"Nothing", he mumbled because Connor's lips were still pressed onto his.  
"I don't believe yeh." The older one stopped kissing him and looked at him suspicious.  
Daryl led his hands slide over his friends sides. "I thought about us. And that we should probably stop teasing each other."  
"Yeah we should. Probably." Connor raised his torso and was now sitting on Daryl's middle. He put on his sad face and watched his friends face. He was playing. Because nothing made him sad anymore. He had his task, he had his answers and he most certainly found his other half. Ever since he was younger he had searched something and he never knew what but now he found it. Daryl's eyes locked with his own and the hunter started to smirk. "You look like a sick puppy. You tell me why you are pulling such a face?"  
"Because I can't play with yeh", Connor tried to answer in all honesty. Which made his friend chuckle. "I never said can't. I said shouldn't. And most certainly I didn't say that I don't want." And with that he started playing with Connor's nipples, just to see him close his eyes, his mouth slightly parted. Daryl loved that view, although it was still dark and again he could only see shadows and shades of blue and silver. He was now digging his fingernails lightly into Connor's side, his thumbs still playing with the other ones nipples. Slowly he let his hands run down until he reached the rim of Connors shirt. His hands moved under the fabric and the fingers explored the wounds which were healing and scrabbed-over. His fingers traced every line, every muscle. Connor didn't move he was enjoying Daryl's attention and he concentrated on not getting hard because Daryl was teasing him a lot. When he touched the place his rosary was placed when it was around his neck, Connor grabbed the rim of his shirt and pulled it over his head. He leaned forward, shifting his whole bodyweight onto his arms, waiting for Daryl to go on with his touching. The hunter raised his torso a bit, kissing Connor once and then laying back down because his stomach hurt too much. His shoulder hurt too but he didn't care so much. Daryl's hands were touching his friends back now, again tracing every wound. When he reached Connor's waistband he glided both hands gently back up over his friends spine which made him shiver and his whole back was covered hin goosebumps. A little moan escaped his lips and he opened his eyes. Daryl was getting hard again. He just couldn't help it. And he couldn't help but grind his hip against Connor, who started moving on top of him and smirked, before kissing Daryl and tangling their tongues together. Daryl was wounded but he really had the need to move underneath Connor and started grinding against Connor's butt without thinking about it. Connor tried to ignore it but he couldn't - every time Daryl touched his bottom he wanted to scream. Not in pain but he remembered. He remembered what had happened. Connor stopped kissing Daryl and closed his eyes. The hunter stopped as soon as he realized what he was doing and slapped himself in mind. He fucked up hard way. "Oh God, Conn' I didn't think. I am sorry."  
Connor shook his head and tried to stay calm, but his hands were already clenched into a fist and there was this rage and pain piling up inside his stomach. He could hear the groans and moans and swearing of that bastard. He could feel hands on his hips. Daryl was quiet and didn't move an inch. His eyes fixed on Connors face. What was he supposed to do?   
When his friend opened his eyes he could swear he saw tears, so he raised his hand, but Connor bashed it away. Connor was moving away from Daryl and curled himself into a tiny little ball next to him. He tried to get rid of those images, the feeling, the rage. His tears were now streaming down his face and his heartbeat was out of control. He felt sad, exhausted, hurt, angry and he didn't want to feel anything at all. Just a minute ago he had been happy with Daryl but now he felt broken all over again.   
"You want me to go?", Daryl whispered.  
Connor shook his head.  
"You need Murph'?"  
Connor shook his head again. And Daryl was not able to think of something else.  
"Can I do something?"  
Connor looked at Daryl and nodded. It was too much for him and he didn't even know what to do or how to deal with the pain inside of him. How could he ever get over this? He closed the distance between him and Daryl, his head hidden in his friends armpit, his arms crossed in front of his own chest his knees still tucked up. Daryl saw the love of his life fall to pieces right beside him. He knew those feelings and he knew how Connor felt right now. He changed his position and was now lying on his side, Connor's face hidden in between his arm and his chest and Daryl grabbed the blanket and wrapped Connor into it, hiding his whole body. He placed his free hand between them, so Connor could grab it if he wanted.   
He knew that too many touching could freak him out and he knew that too less would make him lonely. So he waited until Connor moved. Daryl felt a tear running from his eyes as he remembered how once he was the one that needed this and he was always alone. He thought of all the things he would have liked to hear and carefully whispered: "I'm here for you. I love you, Leprechaun. I know how hard this is. But I am here. You are not alone." Daryl moved his hand slowly towards Connors chin and gently stroked it and then put his hand back where it was before. Connor was sobbing and when he heard Daryl's voice he started crying even more because HE WAS NOT THERE WHEN THIS THING HAPPENED TO LITTLE DARYL. This made him so angry and now here he was sobbing like a little baby because it had happened ONE fucking time and Daryl was taking care of him. And he fucking didn't earn that. Connor's rage was trying to shove Daryl away while his love and need for a touch wanted him near. When Daryl touched his chin he grabbed the hand that was back between them and snuggled closer to his friend. And as soon as he moved Daryl pressed his whole body against him, kissed his temple and put one hand on his head. Connor grabbed the hand again and tangled their fingers together, tugging both hands under his head. He opened his eyes, just to see that Daryl's expression was sad and hurt, which made Connor instantly move his arm underneath Daryl's body and pulled him into a close hug. "I should have been there all these years ago. I heard yeh and saw yeh inside my head. Every time. I know how yeh felt. Yer whole soul was screaming for help and I couldn't respond because I thought yeh were Murph'. But now I can really feel this pain. And I just...how did yeh do tha' alone? How did yeh survive? I can't..." Connor knew this wasn't the right time. There would never be a right time.  
Daryl held his breath when Connor spoke. What did he mean, he saw him and felt his pain?  
"How?", was the only thing Daryl could say.   
"Soulmates."  
"You...you saw me?!" Daryl was suddenly frightened by this connection. What did Connor see or feel?  
"In my dreams. At night and sometimes at day. I could...I could see a man that was hurting yeh. Saw yeh runnin' away and could feel yer pain. Like I can with Murph'. Someday it stopped. Someday I assumed I had saved Murphy. Only now Murph' and me figured out that it never was him. It has always been yeh."  
"Daryl was confused. "So you knew me? You dreamt of me? Is this..is this why this all went so fast?"  
"Yeah."  
"I'm sorry." Connor frowned and looked at Daryl.  
"Why would yeh say tha'? Bullshit. Don't yeh dare be sorry. I am sorry tha' I wasn't there when yeh needed me the most. But now I am here. I understand now. I just..."   
Daryl kissed his forehead. "I am here for you! I am sorry I didn't think earlier."  
Connor was calming down now and he touched Daryl's face. "It's okay. I just need a bit more time. And don't you think I don't want yeh." This was true. He wanted to feel Daryl inside of him but just not yet. One reason was that it had only been days and second reason was that they both were injured. Connor put a kiss on his friends lips and then closed his eyes again. It was already dawning and he wanted to spend the little time they had left cuddling. Daryl was running his fingers through Connors hair, still thinking about what he just heard. It was frightening and exciting. Maybe Connor was the reason he was still alive. That thought made him smile and he whispered: "Is this connection still there?"  
"Yeah. I guess. Why?"  
"Just asking." Daryl smirked, closed his eyes and tried to think of something beautiful that had held him alive as a kid. It was a dream he had when he was little and it was his happy place when he was alone. He was sitting on a hill, around him green grass and he was leaning at a tree, watching a wonderful landscape. He could hear his mum talking to him, telling him his brother would be home soon and that they would be allowed to play hide and seek in the barn. He loved the barn because they had pigs and he loved to search his brother between them. They always were dirty and Daryl smiled because he had a family in this dream that loved him. But his brother never looked like Merle. His brother had light blonde hair, blue eyes and looked like he had bathed in sunlight. Daryl thought about it and when he opened his eyes again, Connor was smiling.  
"Yeh kno' me and Murph' lived on a hill in Ireland, with a barn full of pigs and I loved to play hide and seek there with him." Connor didn't know why he suddenly thought about this memory but when he saw Daryl smirking he was actually surprised. "No. Way. Did you just think about that?" Daryl nodded.  
"I think you saved me even before you knew. It all makes sense now. That I dreamed of places I have never been to and people I have never seen. But those were the most happiest dreams and feelings I ever had. Those were the things that kept me alive. So you were there. You know which one was my favorite?"  
Connor shook his head and he felt incredible right now. Both closed their eyes again and Daryl thought about a fullmoon night, he could see stars on the sky and he was lying in the grass. He just came back from a movie with his brother who was lying next to him. His brother whispered. "One day we will save this world. We will have a family and so much love that we are going to explode from it." Daryl had touched his brothers hand and answered: "As long as we are together, nothing bad can happen." Daryl opened his eyes and Connor shook his head. This was new and amazing and he started to understand now. He had saved him and Daryl was saving him now so that they could be whole and one again. Connor kissed Daryl and his tongue was begging to get access to his friends mouth and when Daryl opened his mouth too, Connor moaned because he could feel their connection now, he could sense it and his love was growing. The Hunter grabbed into his friends hair, pulling it gently. He was overwhelmed by what had happened and soon he pulled Connor onto him again, ignoring when Connor accidentally pressed his wound. They were kissing and Daryl thought about a bed and candlelight. He thought about a happy place for the both of them and Connor smiled into their kiss. Then he whispered: "One day, when we are done saving the world, we will find a place for our family and finally feel all the love growing. We will be together and everything will be okay. You and me and Murph'. And the group. But one thing is for sure. I want a place for you and me alone, because I want yeh very badly righ' now and I would like to see yeh walkin' around our place, naked and clean and pretty much want to fuck yeh in every room." Wow Connor thought. That started cheesy and got smutty in a matter of seconds. Daryl chuckled. "I want you, too Leprechaun. And I swear I will fuck you wherever you want. As long as YOU run around naked in a barn." Both chuckled.  
"Oh dear. Let's just save the world first."  
"I thought more like "Let's just make out" first."  
"Deal", Connor agreed and kissed Daryl again. All will be okay. They had each other. They always had each other. Connor's rage was gone. He was still hurt but Daryl was replacing all the things that were taken from him, like his pride, with something new. Love. Trust. Completeness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now give me all the bad comments. Give me the "hell what are you doing" or   
> whatever questions you have.


	21. Discover the unknown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi my friends!  
> Finally another update! I am sorry it took me a whole week! Work was exhausting and I had to meet some of my friends so they won't think I am anti-social again ;)  
> Plus I have a hard time writing, even so I have the whole plot planned by now.  
> I hope you are all still reading this!
> 
> This chapter..well..my characters have their own life and they sometimes are stupid little pricks that annoy me with the things they yell into my ear. Murphy is acting like a weird kid and totally out of his mind. Daryl and Connor are getting alone time and are really making progress in their relationship.
> 
> I know some of you are wondering why the hell I am doing this and why the hell I am putting smut in there....Easy... Ask yourself those questions:  
> 1\. If you know that life can end any minute, what would you do?  
> 2\. You know life can end any second and after having a life full of pain, hunting, killing and never felt what love is, what would you do?  
> 3\. If you have the opportunity to be alone with the love of your life, what would you do?
> 
> Answer: ENJOY EVERY FUCKIN' MINUTE EVEN IF IT IS WRONG!
> 
> That's it. My explaination. Connor will explain it a bit more in further chapters. Don't be too hard on them.

  
They drove towards the city early in the morning and no one was talking because it was depressing to see the deserted streets and buildings. Murphy could feel his nervousness getting worse. Something felt completely wrong here. Where were all the walkers? Why are there no people? It nearly looks like they were the last living creatures. He started biting his nails and looked over to Rick. "This looks wrong."  
Rick nodded and looked at him. "Any ideas?"  
Murphy shook his head and closed his eyes for a second. Nothing. His senses didn't come up with anything useful. "Did yeh check for signs around the border? Any hints from the government?"  
"Yeah. Nothing there." Rick looked in the rearview mirror. The other cars were behind them and when they came to a big crossroad Rick stopped and Glenn drove up to stand next to them. "We should split up", Abraham suggested.  
"Yeah. You go right and we go left. We will meet here again in one hour. Glenn you have your watch?"  
"Yes, Rick", the Asian boy answered.   
"Aye, and if yer in trouble hit the horn."  
Everyone nodded and they drove in opposite directions. "Man, I'm getting nervous. Stop biting your nails."  
"Sorry."  
"We should move into one building, what do you think?"  
Murphy looked around. "Yeah. But high levels, not the ground. Let's search a hotel or somethin', so we can have own rooms and beds. I'm dying for a bed." Murphy chuckled and Rick started chuckling too.   
"Hell yeah. A bed and a blanket. Let's do it. But I guess we really need a hotel. And Daryl and Connor will heal faster in a bed."  
"Aye. But me brother is not going to stay put any longer. I know he is probably runnin' around the camp righ' now."  
Rick nodded. "Yeah. He can't stay away from danger, huh? Just like Daryl."  
Murphy watched Rick closely and smirked. "Aye. Match made in hell with these two. But yeh kno' me bro' an' me were always troublemakers. Hell, we always started fightin' if douchebags tried to pull somethin' in our hometown. We even started fightin' for the rights of others before god send us on our mission. And Conn' loves plannin' and being in control. Yeh will have a hard time with him. As soon as he is completely recovered he will give yeh a headache with his stupid plans." Murphy smiled and remembered all the things that should have gone wrong with Connors plans but somehow always went right.. That stupid fuckin' rope! Those times were gone and some days ago he missed them still but now he started to believe that there is something better coming for them.   
"Are you alright with them together? You were so upset the first days. You were worried because Connor would get banned from heaven." Rick looked concerned and Murphy realized that he was concerned about Daryl, his best friend.  
Murphy nodded. "Aye. I love 'em. Both of 'em. They are soulmates. Their connection is deeper than anyone can imagine. An' I am goin' to hell, too. So yeah, I guess I am okay with their love for each other. Would never want to have Conn' lose Dar'. Yer concerned somethin' might happen to Dar'?"  
Rick looked in the opposite direction and sighed. "Yeah. I don't wanna lose him."  
"I will protect him. Don't yeh fear losing him." Murphy's hand was touching Rick's hand that was lying on his leg while he was driving one-handed. Rick looked a bit surprised but didn't pull his hand away. He always had to remind himself that this was not Daryl next to him. The one that was so afraid to be touched when they met. Murphy was always about touching. Patting shoulders, hands, knees. He had observed Murphy and Daryl. Rick wanted to know why they looked so much like twins. But all he could see the way Murphy looked at Daryl and Daryl at Murphy. As if they were trying to copy each other. Daryl was getting softer, while Murphy, and Rick had seen it just one second, was trying to be harder. Their triangle relationship was amusing and worrying him. Because Rick had seen something else and he had put one and one together when Murphy told him he had never met his soulmate. He knew Murphy wasn't telling the truth. But he would never say anything to the man next to him.   
Latter started yawning. Murphy didn't even complain that he didn't get any sleep last night.   
"And I promise you I will protect Connor. I am sick of people dying."  
Murphy squeezed his hand and nodded. "Yeah. We all are."  
Then they drove on in silence and Murphy looked outside the side window, searching for a place they could possibly use as hide-out. They were on their way back to the crossroads when he had a funny idea and started laughing.  
"What?"  
The Irishman just shook his head. That thought was hilarious. "I just had an idea."  
"You gonna tell me or are you keeping all the fun to yourself?" Rick smirked.  
"We should drive to the White House and sleep there."  
Rick eyed Murphy for a while and started laughing too. "Yeah sure. You are crazy."  
"Tha' I am." Both men shook their heads and when Murphy looked around he saw a drug-store. "Stop! Let me check the drugstore for meds. We are nearly out of bandages and salves and stuff. Yeh stay in the car."  
"You are not going alone."  
"I am", Murphy replied and winked at Rick while he was already jumping out of the car. He grabbed his backpack and ran to the store. He looked inside. it was empty. He tried the door and it wasn't locked. He had one gun in hand and looked around the store but couldn't see a walker. Much to his surprise the store looked well stocked and as if there was not one thing missing. This town was a miracle.  
He went inside and grabbed bandages, salves, patches, antibiotics and different other pills. Then he went to the ladies section and grabbed some stuff for them too. He never had a problem with those things. Their mum had always sent them to the store when they were younger. And soon he was standing in front of a rack full of condoms and lubes. Murphy smirked, shrugged and grabbed condoms (Of course he knew which sizes he needed because Daryl would have the same size than him and he knew which were Connor's favorites) and fast read the lube tags. He decided to take two. One neutral, without any flavor and one with whiskey flavor to tease his two fuckbunnies. Murphy smirked. At least he would make sure they were both having their fun and were careful. Of Course they should wait a bit longer after what happened to his twin but he wanted them to be prepared and he wanted to show them that he is okay with it. He was the big brother, so he had to make sure, right? Murphy snorted at himself. Yeah. Support your soulmates having sex without you. Murphy raised an eyebrow at himself. What was wrong with him? He shook his head and then grabbed some soap, cleaning stuff and when his backpack was nearly full he grabbed some candies and left the store. Rick was waiting and when Murphy threw a full backpack on the backseat he let out a surprised sound. "Well looks like you had luck."  
Murphy nodded and closed the door. "It was full. Like there was NOTHING taken. I grabbed some helpful things and I couldn't resist, candies." And then he held a chocolate bar in front of Rick who raised an eyebrow. Murphy opened it and broke it into pieces and started feeding Rick while Rick was driving. When Rick was done, he ate his and was moaning of pleasure because the taste of chocolate made him feel like a little kid again. Rick watched Murphy eat his candy and was happy for a minute. The other man looked like he had just discovered chocolate for the very first time and somewhat was moaning as if he was having an orgasm. Rick shook his head. Murphy was somewhat different. That man could make even him consider to start being into guys. Which he of course was not but Murphy made it easy to like him. He was like a little brother, a kid. Rick chuckled. "You having fun buddy?"  
"Mmmm", Murphy hummed.  
"So, we are back but the others are still not here."  
"Let us wait here but move the car a bit between the buildings." Rick nodded and hit reverse to park the car at the side of the road in front of some other cars. They sat in silence and were waiting for the others to come back. Murphy closed his eyes, he was tired. The last days have been a lot and he would like to have three or four days off, just to get enough sleep and to make sure their group doesn't get too weak because of exhaustion. Each day, Murphy thought, was like an eternity. Yesterday Daryl got shot, Connor was raped some nights ago, Beth was still weakened and only 10 days ago all of them were held hostage in Terminus. They needed proper sleep. All of them. Murphy just had to convince everyone to search for a hotel and relax for some days. He knew it was important to get Eugene to the military camp. Hell, he wanted that stupid virus to end. But he was afraid, since days he was having this nervous feeling in his guts. Something will happen, soon and he knew it had something to do with the fact that all the Walkers are missing from the streets and buildings. He opened his eyes again.  
They saw the other cars approaching and Rick started the car again, when they were next to the others they said: "Nothing. We grabbed some stuff at the grocery store. Food and drinks. It looked like we were the first people to enter that store. It almost looked like heaven and we should go back there tomorrow."  
"Yeah same here. We found a drugstore. We should find a hotel here and stay there. Have beds and stuff. We should work our way slowly to the camp because I am not trusting this freedom one bit", Rick explained.  
Abraham agreed with him: "It is creepy. Something is wrong. We should be careful but I agree with the hotel and we should better get some sleep. I don't know man, but my guts tell me that there is a fight coming."  
Murphy cocked an eyebrow. Seems like he wasn't the only one that thought they should rest. Rick agreed and they drove back and searched for a hotel near the navy yard. Rick thought it might come in handy to stay a bit on the outside of town but not completely out of it. They found a real big place and Murphy chuckled. "Yeah. We goin' to take tha' one. It's big, it has different floors, probably a bar and stuff. Yep. Let's check it to make sure it is save and then go back and get our people."  
Rick, again, agreed and parked the car. The door to the hotel was locked and Abraham broke it and went in. They split up and checked every floor and room but there was no one there. Nothing. Only empty rooms and silence. The kitchen was full of canned food and some rotten stuff that they had to throw away when they would move here. Murphy, of course, found the bar and cheered up. "Oi No one touches the Whiskey. It's me and me brothers." Everyone chuckled and Rick said. "Well you could share."  
"Aye."  
They left the building and headed back to their camp. Murphy was excited because he would sleep in a real bed in some hours. He had already found out where he was going to sleep. there were two rooms on the second floor, that were mirrored. And a bit apart from the other rooms because there were bathrooms in between. So he would make sure he would get one of these and his twin and his lil' bro the other one. He missed sleeping next to Connor but he also knew that now, with Daryl around he wouldn't get the chance to sleep in one bed with his twin. Even so he would totally try to sneak in and cuddle with both of them. Murphy felt lonely and he knew it was because he had to share Connor now. In the past he only had to share him with some girls they had brought home. Sometimes ending up in a threesome, sometimes one would leave the room. And it was never about love, it was about release but the feelings between Daryl and Connor was different and Murphy wouldn't do anything to get between them. It was weird, now that he could finally decide things on his own, without having Connor's full attention, he didn't want to be on his own. He wanted to have what they have. But he, and that was the bitter truth, would never have it. He had known the minute he had seen Connor and Daryl together. It hurt and on the other hand it made him happy that his brother finally found something to fill the hole inside of him. And that he finally could save the person he was trying to save since they were kids.  
Murphy's thoughts drifted to Ireland, the wonderful hill that looked foggy in the morning and was bathing in the golden afternoon sun. The weeping willow and the man leaning against it. He saw himself sitting there, waiting for his brother, his soulmate. He was playing with his rosary and was watching the sun go down.   
"Hey", he heard a voice next to him and opened his eyes. Rick was looking at him.  
"Sorry. Fell asleep."  
"Yeah I heard that. We are back. Come on, lets talk to everyone and then you should get some rest."  
"Aye", Murphy agreed and climbed out the car. His head still lingering on the picture from Ireland. He wanted to be back there, with his soulmate.

* * *

 

**Three hours later**

Murphy and Daryl were lying on the load space on the pickup truck, Connor was sitting in the front and Michonne was driving. Murphy was keeping space between him and Daryl, which made Daryl eye him suspicious. "Are you okay?"  
Murphy nodded and looked at him. "'Course."  
Daryl smirked and ruffled his brothers hair. "Ya' always into cuddling. Why not now?"  
"Yer injured and yeh belong to me brother. Think it might be a bit awkward."  
Not that Murphy cared about that before but something felt wrong now. Different and he really didn't want to hurt Daryl. The hunter crossed his arms behind his head and closed his eyes. He wasn't a big cuddler but something made him sad about the fact that Murphy was avoiding him right now. And the sad eyes of Murphy didn't make it any better. He wondered what had changed since yesterday. "It's not awkward Murph'. But ya wanna tell me what pisses ya off?"  
"Nothin'."  
Murphy bit his lip and turned away from Daryl and closed his eyes. "Fuck, doesn't look like nothing. Talk now."  
"Really Dar'. It is nothin'."  
"You are a terrible liar. I know something is wrong because you are not touching me and you look like crap. Is it because what happened yesterday? Or what Connor told you? Or that soulmate thing? You are jealous again?"  
Murphy turned around, looked at Daryl and moved closer. "I'm not jealous. I am tired and I don't wanna hurt yeh and fuck, yeah I am sorry that happened."  
"Murph'," Daryl whispered and smiled. "Wasn't your fault and you can sleep as soon as we are in town. You were all excited about that place earlier."  
"Aye. We can sleep in a bed. You two share a room and I will sleep next door."  
Murphy was slowly approaching the hunter and looked at him to make sure he was really allowed to and Daryl nodded, and tugged one arm under Murphy's head, his hand pressing against Murphy's back until their legs touched and Murphy rested his head on Daryl's chest, his arm over Daryl's waist.  
Daryl started fondling the other mans back and closed his eyes. Murphy kissed Daryl's shoulder and then closed his eyes. His hand touching Daryl's arm and the hunter moved a bit, grabbed Murphy's hand and played with his fingers. "You know, somehow you are the brother I always wanted. Instead I had Merle."  
Murphy opened his eyes and watched Daryl. "Aye. Now yeh have me. I look a whole lot better than Merle and I am fuckin' gentle with yeh. Like Conn' I will protect yeh now and I would have rescued yeh back then."  
Daryl giggled. "I am glad I have you now. Little fucker." Both smiled at each other and Murphy kissed Daryl's cheek and nestled his head back on his shoulder. Both closed their eyes and soon Murphy was snoring in Daryl's arms, while Daryl was petting his back and head. He knew something was wrong with Murphy. He had seen it yesterday, when he found him crying behind that tree. Murphy was hiding something from them and Daryl thought he is probably missing Connor.  
Murphy was dreaming about Ireland again. About the barn and the hide and seek game they used to play there. He thought about their bedroom with two matching beds. Most nights Connor and him shared a bed. He thought about their little town, their church and that nice little Café he and Connor used to drink coffee at.  
Everything was empty now and Connor wasn't at his side. He could only see himself in their house and he was crying. someone was holding him but it wasn't Connor. While he was screaming for Connor. Murphy rose up, grabbing his rosary and turned around. His brother was sitting in the front of the car, Daryl was still next to him. A Nightmare - because he was afraid to lose his twin. His eyes fell onto the hunters face who was watching him. Murphy snuggled himself back next to Daryl, his heart was beating too fast and he was frightened. He wouldn't want to live without Connor or Daryl.

They had stocked all their things in one room in the hotel. Connor and Daryl had the last room on one floor and Murphy was suited next door. Everyone was lighting up at the sight of a bed and some food, they had some canned food together, drank together and it was early in the evening when everyone went back to their rooms. Murphy had told them he would just grab something and then give them a visit.   
Connor and Daryl were lying on the queen size bed and were smiling to the ceiling. "Fuck this feels like heaven", Daryl stated.  
"I agree. I will never move out."  
Both chuckled and Connor let his eyes wander over Daryl's body. God he would give everything for peace and freedom and a normal life right now. Because even so he was frightened and still hurt he wanted to touch Daryl. Wanted to feel him. But Daryl was hurt too and it had to wait. But for how long would they stay here? A comfortable bed, a bit of food and more privacy than last days.  
Daryl watched Connor thinking. It was nice to see his friend smirking and he nearly looked healed. "What's on your mind?"  
Connor met Daryl's eyes and shook his head. "Nothing. Just enjoying the bed."  
"Hmm. I would like to enjoy it a bit more."  
"Yeah. Just what I was thinking."  
And with that he straddled Daryl and started kissing him. His weight lifted on his arms. They were still kissing when the door opened and when they looked, they saw Murphy entering their room with a bag in his hand. He smirked, walked around the bed, closed the curtains which made the room a bit darker. He started placing things on the nightstand. "Uhm, Murphy?"  
"Soon. Nearly done."  
When Murphy was done placing the condoms and Whiskey lube on one side of the bed, he put the other stuff on Daryl's side. He was chuckling inside because this was so weird. When he was done, he sat next to Connor.  
"I went to a drugstore today. And grabbed some stuff. I think....yeh know...yeh two will soon be tired of touching and kissing. Yeh both want more. Tha' is normal, I guess. I kno' yer both hurt and Conn' yer not ready but I wanted yeh to be prepared and yeah...Just look at the stuff I left..yeah..Uhm... I'll go now and leave yeh two alone, with whatever you were doing." Without waiting for a reply he went outside and chuckled. He waited next to the door, to hear their response.   
Connor And Daryl were watching the closed door. "What the fuck?", Connor said.  
"Did your twin just give us a prep-speech?" Connor opened the curtains again to see what his brother did and started laughing the minute he saw the bottle on his nightstand. Daryl grabbed his and the box next to it and started snorting. "Is he serious?", Daryl asked and looked at the bottle of lube in his hand and the condoms.  
"I think he is but this one is a joke." Connor reached Daryl the bottle with "Whiskey lube". Both started laughing and Connor yelled: "MURPH' Yeh lil' freak will yeh come back yeh fucker. Wha' is wrong with yeh?"  
Murphy was holding a fist in front of his mouth and slowly peeked his head into the room. He nearly started crying because he was holding back a laugh.  
Connor was coming closer and pulling him inside the room. Throwing him on the bed next to Daryl and then jumped onto his brother, sitting on top of him. "Can yeh fucker explain this?"  
Murphy was laughing and couldn't speak but he tried. "I kno' it's weird but I'm yer big bro' and I don't want yeh to be hurt if yeh two start fuckin'. Yeh kno' tha' one time I did the anal thing with tha' girl from the pub? Yeah well I found out it was fuckin' hurtin' both of us without lube. So when I saw it I thought yeh might need it someday. And I kno' yer not ready but just in case...And condoms. Hell, I kno' yer size and his. Wha' wrong with it? I love yeh and I kno' yeh havin' sex. Yeh would do the same or practically did when we were younger."  
Connor shook his head and Daryl did the same. It was somewhat adorable and embarrassing at once. Connor bowed down and gave Murphy a kiss on his lips. "Thank yeh brother but I guess we would have been able to grab tha' stuff on our own."   
"I kno' I just..." Murphy looked to Daryl. "I kno' yeh had so bad experiences. Both of yeh and I just want yeh to have fun. Because sex should be fun. Like back in the days Conn'."  
He looked at Connor and all of a sudden he embraced Connor and kissed him again. He missed their closeness and he missed their threesomes. Before he knew what he was doing he looked at Daryl and back to his brother and felt every muscle in his body go numb. Holy fuckin' christ! He wasn't thinking what he just was thinking. He jogged his brother off of him and ran out the door into his own room and closed the door. He didn't just think THAT. Jesus. NO!  
Connor's eyes were still fixed on the closed door and Daryl just looked at Connor. "Like back in the days", Daryl thought. Did the twins have sex, with each other? Could he ask something like that? Why did Murphy flee.  
"Did he just say, what I think he said?", Daryl tried. Connor started to look at Daryl.  
"Tha' we had threesomes?"  
"Yeah but with "back in the days" did he mean..uhm..you and him?"  
Connor frowned. "NO!! Are yeh mental. I love me brother but not like this. Yeah we had threesomes. Yeh kno' one girl, two guys. But I don't understand why he suddenly went numb and then ran."  
"I think I know." Daryl smirked.  
"Huh?" Confusion all over the Irishman's face.  
"Did he just think about a threesome. With me?" Daryl didn't know if he was about to laugh or cry about that but Connors face made him laugh.  
"Oi. No. Fucker was just being crazy again. Lemme talk to him t'morrow."  
"I think you should better talk to him now. You know he is freaking out next door. Better go before he does something stupid." Daryl was a bit worried about Murphy and his mental state. Connor nodded. "Aye. Yer righ'."  
Connor kissed Daryl briefly and then went outside to talk to his brother. Even so he had no idea what exactly he should say.  
Daryl looked at the bottles and the condoms and was sitting up, his elbows resting on his knees and his head in his palms. Lube. Sex. Love. How did he get into this situation? He was nervous about that. And a threesome? Hell no! That was not going to happen. Daryl looked at the bottles and smirked. Murphy was crazy but it was kind of sweet to have someone look after them. And he could feel a tingling sensation in his stomach and his whole body seemed to be excited about this new thing. If only his wound wouldn't be there and if only Connor would be ready... Daryl decided to do something crazy, he just felt so good right now, that he stripped off his clothes and slipped under the covers. Now he just had to wait for his man to come back to him and maybe get some more touching and kissing. One week ago he wasn't even able to show his torso, now he was naked in a bed, waiting for a guy. Yeah, Life was a rollercoaster ride deluxe.   
Connor entered Murphy's room and found his brother lying on his bed, his back to the door. "Yer alrigh'?", he asked.  
"Aye. I'm fine."  
Connor watched his brothers back. Fine, hell he was fine. He was fucking crying. Connor approached the bed and pulled his twin on his chest. "Yer tellin' me why yer cryin' lil' brother of mine? "  
"I'm just so sick of this world and I'm confused. Its been too much."  
"Yeah. Yeh wanna sleep next to me today?"  
Murphy shook his head, even so he wanted to say yes. "Nah. Think yeh should be alone with Dar'."  
"Murphy! It really is okay to ask me if I can stay. I know yeh are lonely." Murphy looked at Connor in surprise.   
"I'm not."  
"Yeah yeh are. I saw yeh earlier when you cuddled yerself next to Daryl. Yeh kno' he loves yeh, righ'? And I know he would never say no if yeh need us. This is a horrible world Murph' and yer all tha' I have left of me old life. Yer always comin' first. Even with Dar' in our life. I love yeh. I don't want yeh to be sad. Is this the reason yeh ran out of our room? Because yeh really want to be with us?"  
Murphy slowly nodded. It wasn't completely the truth but it wasn't a lie either. "I kno' he loves me. He told me tha' I'm the brother he always hoped for. I kno' tha' but yer in love and yeh need yer privacy and I should learn tha'. Because someday yer living with him and I live in another house or country. It just hurts and I...I want tha' too Conn'. I want all those feelings. I can feel yers sometimes and they are overwhelming. I'm happy for yeh but I am sad tha' I have to share yeh. Tha' we will never have this closeness again. The cuddling, the nights we slept in one bed, hell yeah I miss jerking off together or the threesomes. I just miss yeh." Murphy was crying and buried his face in the crook of Connors neck. Connor was putting kisses on his twins head and tears were running down his cheek. "I'm righ' here. I will never leave yeh. It is true tha' we have to change a bit because Dar' is in our lives now. We always knew the day would come. And yer said yerself once tha' yeh wanted kids and a family. Yeh wiill have tha'. Yeh will fiind someone. And for today yer comin' with me now. I think yeh need some brotherly attention from TWO brothers. He will agree. He was the one tellin' me to see after yeh."  
Murphy shook his head. He didn't want to because he couldn't be near them right now. "No. Yeh should go back to him. I'm all good."  
"If yer not yer comin' over. Okay? I will keep the door unlocked."  
Murphy nodded. "I love yeh. Conn'. I'm sorry about earlier. I thought yeh liked the lube and stuff. I wanted yeh to be safe."  
Connor pressed Murphy even closer. "See little brother, I think it was very kind of yeh, silly but kind. Thank yeh. And thank yeh for not making it hard for him and me. It is all confusing Murph'. I want him. I want him really bad. I told him abou' the dreams. Yeh kno' he started moving underneath me and I was shocked, remembered tha' bastard. And suddenly it was too much and he accepted it. He even asked if he should leave and asked if I needed yeh. He was so kind and caring and then he told me abou' the things tha' kept him alive. Those were our memories Murph'. I haven't told him but he was describing a scene from our life. An' it wasn't my memory, it was yours. Yer havin' a connection with him, too. Don't yeh?" Fuck. Murphy was screwed. He bit his lip.  
"Aye."  
Connor nodded. Of Course. His brother was his soulmate which made him one of Daryl's too. Connor sighed. Well this was completely screwed up and Daryl shouldn't know any of this.  
"Do yeh love him too?"  
"No. Not like yeh do. He is like me brother. It feels like the thing we have."  
"Aye. So yer really not jealous?"  
"No. Else I wouldn't have brought yeh lube. I would have let him die yesterday." Murphy looked at his brother and started kissing his cheek and wiped away the tears. "And now Conn' go and see yer man. I am tired and want to close my eyes."  
Connor nodded. "I love yeh and I meant it. If yeh can't sleep come over. There is plenty of space for the three of us."  
"Yeah."  
Murphy nodded.   
"Sleep well", Connor said and threw the covers over Murphy.  
"Sleep well and don't make-out too long."  
Connor chuckled. "Dar' is probably asleep already."  
"Nah. He is waitin'. Now fuck off. I'm tired."  
Connor left the room and took a deep breath when he was on the hallway. This was crazy. He should have known that there was a negative thing to his relationship. Connor shrugged. He wanted to be number one for once? Well then he should deal with it. Murphy had to understand.

* * *

 

Connor went back into the room and saw Daryl under the covers, sleeping as it seemed. He tiptoed around the bed, stripped off his clothes, leaving on his boxers and slid under the covers too. When he moved closer to Daryl he let out a surprised "Oh", when he felt the naked back, and legs. He slowly let one hand slide along Daryl's side and was smiling when he didn't feel any fabric on his boyfriends thighs.  
Daryl was completely naked, which made Connor forget his brother next door because he was getting hard from all the excitement. Daryl was smirking and felt his friends arousal pressing against his bottom. He slowly turned around, while pulling Connor on top of him. Again ignoring that he was injured. "Hello", he whispered with a rasp voice.  
"Hello darling. I see you missed me", Connor played along.  
The Hunters hands were exploring the other mans body again, rubbing gently over his upper arms. "Why are you wearing that stupid underwear?", he asked and tugged at the waistband of Connors shorts. Connor moved to the side and stripped off his boxers and as fast as he could placed himself on top of Daryl again. Their eyes locked for a while, waiting for the other one to do something. It was Daryl, much to Connors surprise, who said: "I can't believe how incredible beautiful you are." Which made Connor blush and his butterflies turned into tornadoes. He started moving his hands over his mans sides, over his arms to his hands and he grabbed them and moved them over Daryl's head, holding them in place there. He leaned down and kissed the demon tattoo, slightly sucking and biting on it and then moved on. His lips wandering over the hunters skin, leaving kisses, his teeth were biting into the flesh and he heard Daryl moan and he felt him getting hard. Connor kissed the neck of the hunter, suddenly sucking more, biting and leaving marks, until he reached Daryl's lips. Their tongues touched and Connor moaned. He was so hard that it was hardly possible to not just touch himself or thrust into Daryl. He let go of Daryl's hands and the hunter immediately started touching his chest, his neck and his hands slid down his back until they reached his butt. His thumb gently stroking him there and then he moved his hands to Connors hips. Daryl couldn't believe what was going on. He wasn't planning this but he wouldn't complain and most certainly won't stop. He could feel how hard Connor was every time the Irishman leaned forward. It was making him even more aroused and longing. Connor broke their kiss first and Daryl saw the lust in his man's eyes. The red cheeks, the always slightly parted lips and his little moans, when Daryl's fingers moved over his body. The hunter played with Connor's nipples, which made him sit upright, His hands now behind his back, steadying his body on Daryl's legs. Daryl's eyes were exploring the view and he looked to Connor's dick. It was weird thinking it but hell, yes, he liked the view and hell yeah, Connor's dick was long, thick and gave him a lot of ideas what to do with it. Connor watched him while he was looking at him and the both knew that something should happen. They both wanted it.  
It was too early. It was not the right time. It was not good but Connor didn't care. He leaned back forward, looked into Daryl's eyes and asked: "Do you want me?"  
Daryl was a bit startled by the question because Connor should know that he wanted him but when he realized what Connor really was asking he swallowed. Speaking suddenly became difficult. "You know I do. But you can't. You should wait. I can wait. We can just touch. Okay?"  
Connor shook his head. "No. No Daryl. I need you. I want you."  
Daryl's hands moved to Connor's face, holding it and he looked closely at him. "Are you really sure? After yesterday and what happened to you? I don't want to hurt you."  
"Yeh won't hurt me. But I want to see you while we do it."  
Daryl nodded and pulled Connor into a kiss. Suddenly he was nervous, because fuck, this was his first time with a man. "How? Do you...man...Do you want me to bottom or what?" Hell, was that a weird question or what?  
Connor thought about it a moment, looked at Daryl and said: "Yes. yeh have a bullet wound."  
When their eyes met, both were suddenly nervous but somehow they needed this. Wanted this. Now. Connor stood up and locked the door, remembering that he told his brother he could come and cuddle with them. He hoped he wouldn't.  
His gaze went to the lube on the night table and he smirked. Thank you, Murphy.  
Daryl watched Connor walk to the door, enjoying the view of that butt and his eyes lingered at the bruises which were slowly getting lighter. "Which one do we use?" Connor smirked and held the two bottles in his hand.  
"Neutral. I guess the whiskey one is something we could use later."  
"Aye. Do we need condoms?"   
"No."  
Connor sat down next to Daryl giving him a kiss and then opened the bottle and started prepping Daryl's dick. It was wet, slippery and Daryl started moaning already.   
"Fuck is this weird", Daryl stated.  
Connor moved back on top of Daryl and started kissing him. His heart was beating faster like a jet and he was excited, nervous, frightened all at once. Daryl's hands moved to Connor's ass and placed him above his cock. "Are you ready? Are you really sure Baby? You don't have to do this."   
"I want you Dar'. I want to feel you." Connor felt his heart beat faster when Daryl called him Baby. It was weird and girly but it made him feel as if the hunter needed him. Loved him. Really loved him, not just saying it.  
"Okay." Daryl watched Connor's face just so he could see when he needed to stop. He was really afraid of hurting him. He slowly started to thrust against Connor's hole but it was too tight and too dry. "I need to stretch you a bit. Wait." Daryl grabbed the lube, and put some of it on his middle finger. Suddenly happy he had watched so many porn with Merle or had read about it in that shit-hole of biker-bar. He slowly drew circles around Connor's hole and when it was wet enough he thrusted his finger into it. Connor's face froze and Daryl stopped moving, really concerned. "Did I hurt you?"  
Connor shook his head and smirked. "No. Go on."  
While Daryl's finger moved inside of Connor, stretching him and slicking him, he started kissing Connor, so he would relax. He added a second finger and when he thought it was enough, he grabbed his mans hips again and thrusted into him. Connor gasped for air but didn't look hurt. He slowly moved on top of Daryl and his torso rose, so Daryl was gliding deeper into his friends body. Daryl swallowed hard. It was weird and awesome all at once. Connor was tight and it was warm and wet. The Irishman closed his eyes, bit his lip and started moving. Daryl moaned. "Fuck", he spit out and Connor stopped moving. "Yeh okay?"  
"Yes, it is just, tight and different."   
"Yeah but god man you are stretching me like crazy."  
"Stop if it is too much."  
With that Connor smirked, his eyes darkened and he moved his hips up and down. Riding Daryl's dick. It wasn't like he had imagined it and it hurt just a little but he loved Daryl and he loved feeling him inside of him. He knew they should have waited but he didn't want to. He needed this. He shifted his body a bit and suddenly he felt an incredibly feeling. "Fuck", he moaned and moved faster because he was hitting a sensitive spot. He felt Daryl's hands everywhere, felt his hands on his hips moving forward to touch Connor's cock and jerking him off and the hunter soon started to thrust deeper into Connor. Moving his hip up and down. They were both moaning and Connor had to look at his man, at his relaxed face, the dark hair, his eyes were full of lust and his lips were parted. Little moans and groans coming out of it and while looking at this georgeous face Connor let go. He moved his hips down, faster, more rougher and he was hitting that spot. "Fuck Conn' slow down or I will come." Daryl couldn't believe this. The intensity, the trust he was giving this man and how natural this was. It wasn't weird to be inside of a man and it wasn't weird to let go anymore. They both belonged to each other.  
"Come for me", Connor mumbled and felt himself close to his orgasm. Daryl didn't know why but hearing his man moan and saying he should come made him thrust even harder and he felt closer to the edge. After three hard and long thrusts Connor could feel his own orgasm coming and he heard his man say "Fuck", again and loading his seed into him. Connor's sperm landed all over Daryl's chest. They were both gasping and sweaty but when Connor met Daryl's eyes he felt incredible. He leaned forward and kissed his man. His Cernunnos. Daryl's hands were buried in Connors hair and he was so happy right now. "I love you. Fuck, this was awesome", he mumbled into their kiss.  
"I love you too and I want more of this. Yeh look so good when you come. Yer my pretty man." Connor smiled and watched Daryl's face. "Stop it or I am hard in 2 seconds again", the hunter joked.  
"That's the plan Darling."  
Daryl lifted Connor up a bit and slid out of him. Connor wouldn't admit it to the other man but he already missed the closeness. Daryl started stroking his face. "We should clean ourselves a bit up."  
"Aye." Connor stood up and moved into the little bathroom that was attached to the room. He found a little towel and cleaned himself up, then grabbed another one and cleaned Daryl's chest.  
Then he snuggled himself close to Daryl who instantly started kissing him. He felt amazing because it was all new and exciting and he was happy. It was never easy for him to open up to someone but he was glad he did open up to Connor. That Irish guy made him feel alive and he made him feel loved. Daryl found himself drowning in this feeling and couldn't stop touching Connor. Just to show him, how much he loved him and how thankful he was. The twin smirked and whispered: "Are yeh alrigh'?"  
Daryl just made some noises and went on touching Connor.  
"Daryl? Look at me." Connor wasn't quiet sure what was going on with the other man.   
When the hunter met his eyes, Connor nearly fainted. Daryl's eyes were glowing from love and his cheeks were still red, his lips smiling. God, he was so pretty. But of Course Connor knew that look. His brother had the same face when he wanted to say something but didn't know how and then got all touchy. Daryl was turning into a Murphy copy.   
"Yer happy."   
"yeah."  
"Glad to hear tha' because I'm happy too."  
Daryl sighed. "Thank you."  
"For what?"  
"Loving me and this." Daryl kissed Connor and his hands were wandering over the other mans butt.   
"Yeah, well, thank you for this." Connor smiled and his hands were playing with Daryl's pubic hair, making sure he wouldn't touch his manhood.  
They started teasing each other, kissing, biting, sweet talking and after a while they were both aroused again and Daryl found himself on his stomach, while Connor was kissing his scars and was pulling him up. "How do yeh want yer turn? Wanna see me or not?"  
"What do YOU want to do?"  
Daryl couldn't believe he was saying this because he knew the answer. Daryl was sure his friend needed something harder than before. "I want you just like this." He pulled on Daryl's hips, making Daryl kneel in front of him. Butt higher than his torso. He knew that position and he had really bad experiences with it but this was Connor. He wouldn't hurt him. The hunter heard Connor putting lube on his fingers but before he started he kissed his back and whispered: "Yer ready for round two?"  
"Yeah." Connor started prepping Daryl, stretching him with his thumb and when he thought Daryl was ready, he lubed himself up and placed himself behind his man. They didn't speak but when Connor pushed into Daryl, he could hear him gasping for air. He waited until Daryl moved his hip and then slowly started thrusting, trying to find that spot and when Daryl whispered "fuck" He knew he found it. He could hear Daryl moan and asked: "Is this okay?"  
"Harder Conn'." And the Irishman did as he was told, he thrusted harder and deeper, his hands were resting on Daryl's hips, pulling him closer to him. Connor couldn't believe how amazing this feeling was. Daryl was moaning and he could hear Connor's heavy breathing and there was this spot that Connor was hitting with every thrust that made Daryl come closer to his climax. After some hard thrusts he felt a hand around his dick and Connor was thrusting into him and jerking him off and Daryl was about to explode and the words: "Oh God, yes...hmm...baby...yes..." were falling from his lips before he could think about them. Connor reacted with an even harder thrust because hearing Daryl call him baby and hearing him full of pleasure made him even more aroused and he stopped biting his lip to silence himself. "Fuck, Darling, yer so fuckin' hot right now. Please talk."  
Connor was moaning and he knew it wouldn't take him any longer but Daryl said "Stop" all of a sudden and Connor froze. "What? Did I hurt yeh? Yeh okay? Dar'?" Connor instantly pulled out and Daryl turned around, smirking. "I want to see your beautiful face when you come baby." Connor immediately approached him, hovered over him and kissed him. He was straddling his man now and Daryl crossed his legs behind Connor's back. Connor was grabbing after a pillow and placed it under Daryl's butt, then he lifted him up and pushed into him again which made both men moan. "Fuck me Connor." Connor met Daryl's eyes and started thrusting hard and rough because fuck he wanted to come and he wanted to feel and see Daryl. Daryl's eyes were fixed on Connors face and he smiled when the moonlight was touching his mans face because it was incredibly hot and beautiful. Daryl grabbed his own cock to stop it from throbbing. Connor looked down on Daryl's hand and it made him moan his name. "Yer so fuckin' hot Daryl"  
"I'm coming baby." Connor thrusted faster and felt his orgasm role through his whole body and he let out a loud and rasp groan, while Daryl was still jerking off. Connor immediately grabbed his friends hand and helped him getting off. "Come baby, come." And with that Daryl came, hard and loud, his hip jerking up. When Daryl relaxed, Connor pulled out and instantly started cleaning them both. When he was done he placed himself next to Daryl. "I love yeh", he breathed into Daryl's ear.  
"I love you too." Daryl shifted himself and was lying on his side, facing Connor. He opened his arms and Connor nestled himself into his arms. Daryl kissed Connor and tangled their legs together. "We should sleep."  
"Aye. G'night Cernunnos."  
"Good Night Leprechaun."  
They kissed one last time, looked at each other and smiled, before they closed their eyes. Both were happy and both were dreaming about nice things. Connor forgot about Murphy. He forgot that he had promised his brother that he could come whenever he wanted, to cuddle. And Daryl for one moment, forgot that they were still in the middle of an zombie invasion. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isn't Murphy the best? *chuckles* Don't ask where that came from! Him and the lube...I just...*shakes head* Comments please!


	22. Closer to the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dear friends,  
> I am sorry to inform you that from now on I will fuck up every thought you ever had about that story. From this chapter forward you will all hate me and call me names. And I am okay with this because that is just how I am. We will see what is up with the dreams, at least a bit, we will see why Murphy acts like he acts and we will also get a whole new side of Connor.  
> I am busy writing chapter 25 right now. Writing isn't that easy the last weeks but I managed to write some more things and the ending is already written. I guess it will end with Chapter 30. So better prepare ;)  
> As always, you are allowed to say everything you think about the story.

**Three days later**

Murphy had heard them the first night in his room. He had heard them moan and talking and he couldn't sleep. He was about to go over and cuddle, just like Connor had suggested but of course he didn't. He had acted normal the day after and he was trying not to let them see what he feels but he failed. Murphy avoided both of them, saying he had stuff to do, when in real, he didn't want to see them. Just like now. One group was out on a supply run, another one was driving around the town, looking for walkers or other humans.  
Murphy was in the basement, where he had found some bottles of Jack and Jim. He was drinking some Whiskey and tried to drown his feelings in the amber colored liquid. He had heard them and he was jealous. Fuck he was so sick of seeing them together and see Rick with Judith and Rick was falling for Michonne. He was sick of Glenn and Maggie and Abraham and Rosita. He was sick of them all. Sick of being so alone. He knew there were some other singles but none of them would ever understand his feelings. Not even Connor. Nor Daryl. No one would understand this. He was losing his twin. And he had those nightmares every night that Connor was dying. Murphy was worried sick. He was worried, he was lonely and fuck he hated every fucking feeling in his body. He knew Connor and Daryl were upstairs, helping Carol and Beth with Judith and trying to make new plans. Rick had suggested they stayed maximal a week in the same place. There were three days left and Murphy was sick of this place. The comfort bed that was feeling like heaven and yet it was just like it was laughing at all of them. Peace, freedom, rooms that looked expensive as fuck. They were having a holiday in the middle of a war.  
Everything was so fake, that he was sick. Half of the bottle was empty, when Murphy decided to take it to his room and rest under the covers of his bed. Ignoring that he was asked to put some of the food in the truck. He ignored his duties. Hell what would happen if he didn't do it? Got arrested.HAHAHA. No!  
Murphy went upstairs, already a bit too drunk to move straight forward. When he reached the first floor he entered Rick's room, because he knew the sheriff was sleeping right now and put the bottle to the nightstand. Way too hard and it made a loud sound, which made Murphy chuckle. Rick woke up and pointed a gun at him. He looked surprised when he saw Murphy.  
"What are you doing here?", he asked.  
"Hidin'. D'yeh mind if I stay here? Don't wanna see the fuckbunnies anymore."  
Rick put his gun back to his nightstand and looked at the bottle standing there. "Did you drink that?"  
Murphy nodded and smiled. "Aye. 's'nothin'."  
Rick stood up, his face worried and when he was in front of Murphy, latter just started giggling. Murphy was not so sure himself what he was doing here. He wanted to make Daryl angry and jealous. Maybe he should just try to make out with Rick.  
"You want to talk, buddy?" Murphy shook his head.  
"Nothin' to talk abou'. I'm just..."  
Then he grabbed Rick's head with his hands. Maybe he could fall in love with someone else, to stifle the other feelings. And he liked Rick. None of the women was right for him. He wasn't into guys but what Connor could, he could do as much. Murphy looked at Rick and moved forward.

* * *

 

Connor went into his own bedroom, waiting for Daryl. Both of them wanted to take a nap because they promised Rick to take the night shift. Even so it was really quiet they watched the hotel, just in case others were coming and trying to kill them or if suddenly walkers arrived.  
Daryl arrived ten minutes later and asked: "Where the hell is Murphy?"  
"I don't know."  
Daryl raised an eyebrow, crossing his hands in front of his chest. "What is wrong with him? He didn't do what he was asked to do."  
Connor shrugged. "I don't kno'. I'm worried. He is like this since the first night here."  
The Hunter approached the bed and sat on the edge. "I think he is lonely. Don't know. He acted weird when we drove here. Didn't want to touch me. Said I belong to you and it would be awkward. And the day I got shot I found him crying behind a tree. He told me it was nothing but I think it has to do with you and me."  
"Aye. He is afraid of losing me. But I can't do anything against tha' and he needs to deal with it. He said it himself."  
Daryl nodded. "I'll check on him."  
Connor agreed. "Yeah. Maybe he will talk to yeh. I'm not the righ' person for him now." Daryl grabbed Connors hand and kissed it. Which made Connor smile and put a kiss to Daryl's mouth. The younger one left the room and entered the next door without knocking. But the twin wasn't in there. Daryl went downstairs to check the bar and the back but he couldn't find him. Then he went back to the first floor, where he knew Beth and Maggie were babysitting Judith. He went into the room but Murphy wasn't there. "Hey. You've seen Murph'?"  
Beth shook her head. "No. Haven't seen him since yesterday."  
"Me neither", Maggie added.  
"Everything alright?", Beth asked.  
"If only I knew. Gotta search him. If you see him tell him he should go to his room."  
"We will." Daryl stood on the hallway, not knowing where to go next. When he heard voices coming from Rick's room he approached the door. Rick should be asleep. He could hear Murphy and opened the door without knocking. He froze when he saw how Murphy was holding Rick's hand in his hands. Rick looked angry and surprised. When he saw Daryl, he locked eyes with him. "Murph'?"  
Murphy turned around and smirked. "Ah. G'way. Yer interruptin'." He turned back to Rick and pressed his lips to Rick's, who reacted by pushing him away. "Come on. I like yeh. Don't yeh like me?" This was sick as fuck. He wasn't into Rick and he wasn't into guys. His jealousy was fucking him just very hard and maybe he could make Daryl jealous too and he would leave Connor and then everything would be okay again.  
Rick shook his head. "Murphy, you are drunk and if you haven't noticed, I am into women." Murphy snorted. "Sure. Tha's wha' everyone says." Daryl walked closer and grabbed Murphy's arm. "You are coming with me fucker."  
Murphy pulled his arm away and shook his head. "No. I am stayin' here. Lea'me alone."  
"The hell do you think you are doing? Keep your hands off of Rick."  
Murphy had enough and moved towards Rick's bed, pulling him with him. Rick looked a bit startled and stumbled when Murphy let himself fall into the bed. Which made Rick fall onto Murphy. Murphy giggled and threw his arms around Rick and started kissing him, while Rick tried to get away. He punched the twins stomach but Murphy was just laughing. Daryl came closer, freed Rick from Murphy and then looked angry at his look-a-like. "You are coming with me now. You had enough." Daryl was angry with Murphy and he had no idea why Murphy was kissing Rick. Behaving like he wanted to proof a point. Daryl shove his arms under Murphy's body, his bulletwound hurting. Murphy looked at him and stopped giggling, his eyes were resting on his face and he whispered: "I wanted to have fun."  
Rick looked at Daryl and nodded. "You need help with that one?"  
"No. Sorry. I have no idea why he behaves like a jerk."  
"Don't worry. He just had a bit too much Jack." Rick knew what was wrong with Murphy and he really had to talk with him. If he was going on like this he would be a danger to the group.  
"Go back to sleep Rick. I will take care of that fucker."  
He looked back to Murphy, who was just staring at him, the white in his eyes red, the pupils blown. Daryl carried Murphy to his room. Somewhere along the way Murphy had started playing with Daryl's hair. When they reached the room, Daryl put him into his bed and helped Murphy to get rid of his clothes. Just leaving on his boxers. Daryl walked backwards, slowly and just when he turned around and was about to leave he heard Murphy say: "Wait."  
Murphy was so drunk that he didn't give a fuck about what was right or wrong or what was sick.  
But when Daryl wanted to leave he stopped him even so he didn't know what to say.  
"What the fuck is wrong with you?", Daryl wanted to know.  
"Nothin'. I feel good and happy."  
"Yah. Right. Thats why you are drunk in the middle of the day, didn't do what you were asked to do and start hitting on Rick, who is by the way, a guy. Thought you are into ladys."  
"I don't care. Wha' the fuck d'yeh kno'? Go an' fuck me bro'. Lea'me alone." Murphy was angry and he wanted to wake up from this nightmare.  
"I won't leave until you fucker tell me what is wrong with you. Connor is worried about you and I am too." Daryl sat down on the bed, watching Murphy who looked like crap. Murphy looked away, outside the window and turned around. Fuck everything!  
"I'm just fuckin' sick o' everythin'."  
Daryl suited himself behind Murphy and pulled him into a hug. "We all are sick of this world. But avoiding us won't make it better. And there is something else going on. Tell me now."  
Murphy shook his head but he couldn't help himself and started crying. He turned around and throw his arms around Daryl. "Shh Murph' come here." Daryl pulled the sheets up, rolling himself under them and pulled Murphy on top of him.  
"Why yer doin' this?"  
"Because I care for you, you moron."  
Murphy buried his face in Daryl's neck, sobbing and shaking his head. "I can't talk. I don't want him to hate me." The hunter smirked. "Are you crazy now? Your brother loves you like nothing else on this planet. Not even me. He could never hate you. And I can't either."  
Daryl was stroking his big brothers (who was again acting like a little kid) back and felt the scars on it. Scars which were caused by his real big brother. If Merle wouldn't be dead, he seriously would have killed that fucker for hurting the twins.  
"I'm lonely, Dar'. Not just because there is no one in my bed but because there is no one I am connected to. When I see yeh an' Conn' I am so happy but sad too. I can feel yer love and I am so sad. I will never have this. Never."  
"Why would you say that? You were the one that told me, that I would find someone. Remember?"  
"Aye. Then there are those nightmares of Conn' dyin'. They are horrible." Daryl froze and grabbed Murphy's face so he could look at him. "What?"  
Murphy started crying all over again. He was lying again. But the truth was just too much to tell.  
"I' dream he was bit by those monsters. Daryl...." Daryl moved his head forward and started kissing Murphy's tears away. What could he possibly say to this? When he imagined living without Connor now he was freaking out. He would go nuts. Now he was holding the other part of Connor in his arms, completely heartbroken.  
"Oh Murph'. Little Leprechaun. We make sure this won't happen. Okay?"  
Murphy shook his head and moved so he could rest on Daryl's chest again. Hearing his heartbeat, feeling his gentle touches and the lips in his hair. Murphy closed his eyes, relaxing on top of Daryl. The hunter let Murphy sleep on his chest, making sure he was completely asleep before he left. He covered him with a blanket and kissed his forehead. Daryl felt sorry and when he left the room he had to breathe in and out to calm down. Murphy was in so much pain and so heartbroken and for the first time Daryl felt completely helpless. This was something no one could heal. There were no doctors or pills for this. Murphy's soul was broken by fear of losing them. Daryl sighed and went back to Connor who was still sitting on the bed. When he looked up he was crying too. "Murph' is in pain. Isn't he?"  
Daryl nodded and placed himself next to his man. "He is lonely and he has nightmares about you dying. And currently he is drunk."  
"Aye. I'm worried Daryl. He never closed up to me."  
"Because he thinks he is losing you. And you would hate him. Didn't understand why he would say that. Told him you would even choose him over me."  
Connor suddenly looked at Daryl and was already saying "No", but then nodded. "Aye. Because he is my twin. I've spent my whole life with him."  
"Did he ever had dreams like you and I?"  
"No. Why?"  
"Because he is so lonely. Would be nice if he had a soulmate too."  
Connor looked sad. "Yeah. he does. Just didn't meet her." Connor knew what was really wrong with Murphy and it made him sick.  
"I think he is still not telling the whole truth. Baby, I think he is in love with you. See he started changing when we met. He was moody all the time. Jealous, then cuddling with me, then jealous, then bringing us lube and now avoiding us. I think he wants to be happy for you and wants us to be together but he is also worried to lose you and feels lonely. And he is having those nightmares." Connor thought about that and closed his eyes. Trying to remember everything with Murphy. There was one thing that didn't fit into this. Murphy and him had a connection and he never felt something weird in it. Love, yes, but different as with Daryl. But one tiny thing was wrong and it had nothing to do with himself but with Daryl, but the hunter shouldn't know it,.  
Connor sighed and buried his face in his hands. "I don't know. Maybe we should talk to him again when he is sober and maybe spent time with him. If he wants it or not."  
"I agree. We should get some sleep now."  
"Aye. But first I want a real kiss."  
Daryl smiled and pulled Connor on top of him. It was weird knowing that there was one twin suffering so much while the other one was here with him. He didn't want to hurt Murphy by kissing Connor in front of him. They had to be more private now, trying to be careful in front of Murphy.  
Connor leaned forward and kissed Daryl and they forgot their problem for a minute. Daryl turned his back to Connor as soon as Connor was next to him. Which made the other man wonder and when Connor tried to cuddle himself next to Daryl, Daryl shook his head. "Sorry Conn'. I need a bit time, please?"  
Daryl thought about Murphy next room. The Irishman frowned and turned his back to Daryl, closing his eyes. Fucking awesome. His twin was ruining his lovelife. Daryl turned around. This was Murphy's problem, not his. He would never give up his beautiful man, because his twin was sad and lonely. Not ever.  
Daryl approached Connor and mumbled: "Sorry."  
"Aye. I'm confused, too." Daryl started biting Connor's earlobe and kissed his neck. His hand wandered under the shirt, playing with Connors chesthair.  
"Do we really need sleep?"  
"Yeah. If we do this now we will have to keep each other awake all night." Connor smirked. Well they could possibly make out all night while keeping watch.  
"Hmmm. Okay." Daryl stopped touching Connor, closed his eyes and waited for a reaction. Connor snorted. "Oi. Will yeh get yer hands back on my body?"  
"That what you want?" Slowly the hunters hands stroked over Connors side and his leg, his lips biting Connor's neck. Daryl wanted to play and he wanted to forget the conversation.  
The older one grabbed his lovers hand and put it under his shirt, right above his nipple. Daryl tugged his other arm under Connor's body, sliding his other hand under his shirt too and playing with both nipples, while kissing his neck and ear. Connor moved a little and turned his head, so he could kiss Daryl.  
He soon started moaning and he was feeling his arousal growing. Connor let Daryl lead because he needed it now. He needed to lose control or else he would go to the other room and beat the shit out of his brother.  
The hunter whispered: "Baby, you are wearing too much clothes." And started pulling Connor's shirt up and Connor just moved enough to get it over his head and then sank back into his mans arms. Daryl was a bit surprised that Connor wasn't doing anything. The last days it was always him leading and Daryl following. Just because he wanted Connor to have the opportunity to back off when he was too insecure or hurt. Daryl moved one hand downwards and opened the belt, the button of the mans jeans and Connor moved up, get rid of all his clothes and looked at Daryl. He kissed him and moved him to the middle of the bed. Pulling up the hunters shirt. His vest was already on the ground. As soon as the shirt was gone too, Connor turned around and placed himself on top of Daryl. His head resting next to Daryl's head, his back pressed to the hunters chest. He was lying on top of him. "Touch me, Daryl." Daryl did as he was told, a bit startled by this but he liked it. His hands were caressing Connor's skin, his lips were sucking on his friends earlobe and he breathed: "How bad do you want me?"  
"Please, Darling, please."  
"I think I can't hear you." Daryl loved to hear Connor beg. Ever since he had tried that the second night they had fucked he was really into it. He never was a fan of talking and he never knew it could be hot, but fuck, Connor's rasp and begging voice was just too much to handle. And now his man was completely naked on top of him, giving him the lead.  
"Fuck, yeh, touch me already. Please, I need to fuckin' lose my mind." Connor looked at him and bit Daryl's lip until it was bleeding and then sucked at it which made Daryl stop touching him at all and they kissed until Connor was moaning and begging again. "Daryl I want to feel yeh." Daryl smirked and moved his hands down his mans body grabbing his knees ans straddling him. Connors feet were standing to each side of Daryl's body and Daryl let two fingers play with Connors balls while the other one closed around his cock. The hunter started to move his hand up and down and Connor moaned. While he was tossing him off his other hand started playing with one nipple again, then moving up and Daryl smirked when he rested one hand around Connor's neck. He started pressing it a bit and his man moaned even louder. "Fuck, Daryl, don't." Daryl let go of him right away and whispered: "Sorry." He kissed him to apologize and Connor moved a bit to see him better and they looked at each other and soon Connor was moving his hip up and down, thrusting faster in Daryl's hand. The hunter observed every movement in his lovers face and he felt his own dick getting harder and harder. He was hard ever since they started but now he was really, really desperate but he also knew that Connor was now too far gone to last any longer. His eyes were darkened and his mouth was open, gasping and moaning. Daryl grabbed Connor's hand, tangled their fingers together and grabbed his cock harder. "Come for me Baby." Connor let himself have his release. His eyes still fixed on Daryl's eyes he moaned one last time and pressed Daryl's hand so hard that he feared he might break it. Daryl still couldn't believe how astonishing his man looked when he came. He was gently stroking him now, getting him off his orgasm slowly. When Connor closed his eyes and kissed him, he stopped and let himself fall into that kiss.  
Connor was heavy breathing and smiled. "Now prettyface its yer turn. I felt yer dick all the time. Yeh want me to touch yeh."  
"Yes", Daryl breathed and kissed Connor's jaw and let his tongue slide along the stubble and the beard. Connor smirked, stood up an grabbed the towel next to the nightstand. Cleaning himself up, licking his own cum from Daryl's hand and started undressing Daryl's lower body. When he was done, he started to kiss the other mans legs, his torso, nibbled at his nipples, sucked his neck and whispered into his ear: "I love yeh. Yeh trust me righ'?"  
"Yeah."  
Connor was a bit nervous. Hell he never had done this before. Not even with a girl. "Close yer eyes. Open them when I say."  
"Okay." Daryl closed his eyes, wondering what his crazy man was up to.  
The Irishman grabbed the Whiskey lube and put some on his finger and started to play around at Daryl's hole. He was placing himself between his legs. "Bend yer knees Darling."  
When the hunter did as he was told, Connor thrusted his finger into him, finding that sensitive spot and played with it. Then he started sucking on Daryl's balls, which made him moan. Then Connor licked along the cock, kissed the tip of it, one hand grabbing it to hold it and when Daryl started moaning he whispered: "Open yer eyes." Daryl snapped his eyes open and watched Connor working him with his finger and holding his dick. The sight was already amazing but when Connor moved his head and opened his mouth Daryl thought he was going to explode with excitement. Connor took Daryl's whole length inside his mouth, which was a lot to take but he didn't care. He closed his eyes and started sucking and moving his head, sliding his tongue over the tip. Daryl's breathing was out of control and Connor watched him for a second before stopping his blowjob. He replaced the finger inside of him, with his tongue and Daryl just said: "Fuck", and grabbed the sheets with his hands, moving his hips up. Connor could taste the whiskey and loved the way Daryl was reacting to the tongue thing. Connor didn't even know if he was doing it right. He went on and then changed again, because he really wanted Daryl to cum into his mouth. He started sucking his cock again, moving his finger over the little spot inside of him and Daryl was talking to him, because he knew that he liked it. "Conn' yes, please don't stop."  
His moans were getting louder and Connor smirked because everyone would hear him if he was going on like this. "I can't.. FUCK BABY!" He screamed and Connor sucked one last time, when Daryl shot his load into his mouth. He swallowed it all and cleaned Daryl with his tongue. His finger still moving over the spot. "Baby stop, please", Daryl begged but Connor went on caressing him and soon he felt a second orgasm building inside of him which was completely impossible. (So they thought.)  
"No, please, stop. I can't take it."  
"Yeh really sure?"  
Daryl shook his head and Connor went on until he heard Daryl come a second time, this time putting a pillow to his own face, silencing the loud "FUCK", that tumbled from his lips.  
Connor stopped and kissed Daryl's stomach and chest, then took the pillow away and looked at his man. "Jesus Baby, you wanted to kill me or something?"  
"No. I wanted to make yeh moan louder and make every muscle in yer body scream for me."  
"Huh. Yeah." Daryl was in some kind of shock and just kissed Connor.  
"Yer my pretty man and I love yeh very dearly Cernunnos. Thank yeh for havin' me. Thank yeh for makin' me feel this and thank yeh for taking control."  
Daryl chuckled. "I love you, too Leprechaun. And it was a pleasure to lead you baby."  
"I like when yeh call me tha'."  
"Yeah? Well I wouldn't stop even if yeh wouldn't like it. Baby."  
"Even if it's a bit girly."  
"Yeah well, I am the man. You are the lady in our relationship." Both chuckled.  
"Yeh wish."  
They both cuddled a bit, stood up and got dressed. They had work to do. Neither of them thought about Murphy in that moment, until Daryl felt something weird in his guts and he ran out the door to the other room looking at Murphy, who was throwing himself from one side to another and was talking in his sleep. Connor followed Daryl who was already next to Murphy, shaking him but his brother wouldn't wake up. Words in gaelic falling from his lips. "What's he sayin'?"  
"No don't go me brother of mine. Yer can't lea'me here. We will be separated for eternity. Remember the prayer, remember me. And he screams for help. He is having a nightmare or a vision." Connor tried to wake him up and Daryl slapped his face, until Murphy opened his eyes in shock. His whole body covered in sweat and his breathing was out of control. Connor and Daryl automatically grabbed him and hugged him, when he started to grab his rosary and cried. "Murph'?", Connor tried.  
"Conn', yer goin' to die. I kno' it. Yer goin' to lea'me. Yeh will be .. yeh..are one of them. Soon." Daryl and Connor looked at each other and sighed. Murphy was lonely and afraid. His drunken mind had mixed up reality and fear.  
"I'm here. I won't leave yeh."  
"And I won't leave you, too. We protect each other."  
Murphy nodded and placed his head on Daryl's shoulder. "Promise me yeh won't leave me alone. Even when Connor does."  
Daryl's heart stopped for a moment and he felt an incredible fear and emptiness in his heart. He knew these were Murphy's feelings. Did he have a connection to him too? "I can't leave you. How could I? Brothers, remember?"  
"Aye."  
They spent a lot of time at Murphy's side until he was ready to get dressed and eat something. They made sure he would keep watch with them together. They really needed to take care of him and for some reason Daryl was the one who insisted on taking care of him. Because one part was really sorry and the other part felt the same fear.

* * *

 

Murphy was sitting next to his twin and Daryl was currently talking to Rick. Murphy felt horrible. What he had done was really sick and he really wanted to apologize and he wanted to apologize for everything he felt and for making his brother worry. Those dreams were killing him. He let is head fall to Connor's shoulder, who instantly started stroking his head. "'m sorry Conn'."  
"For wha'?"  
"Avoidin' yeh and earlier."  
"Wha' earlier?"  
"Didn't Dar' tell yeh? Thought yer sharin' everythin'."  
Connor shook his head. "No. Wha' happened?"  
Murphy swallowed and thought it might be best to lie. "I hit him."  
"Wha' the fuck for?"  
"He didn't want to lea'me alone."  
"Yer stupid sometimes."  
"Aye."  
Murphy pressed his lips to Connor's cheek and stood up because he saw Daryl coming closer. When Daryl approached he said: "Murph' you come with me. We need to check something. Conn' you will keep watch in the front."  
"Aye", Conn' replied.  
As soon as Murphy and Daryl were far enough away from Connor, Daryl shoved Murphy into a room and said: "Abou' earlier. He doesn't need to know." Murphy kneaded his hands and nodded. "Aye. I'm sorry Dar'."  
He looked to the side, avoiding Daryl's gaze. "Why did you do it?"  
Daryl was really curious what was wrong with Murphy.  
"I was drunk."  
"Yeah but you kissed Rick. You could have gone to your room."  
Murphy started biting his thumb and he was feeling embarrassed. "I...god man I don't kno'."  
"Here is the thing. I don't believe you."  
"I have no idea what is going on with me." That was the truth because Murphy really had no idea why he can't put himself back together and why he was acting like a freaking jerk. He looked around, the room was dark and it was tiny. Just enough space to move around. He looked at Daryl, or the schemes he saw of him.  
"Murph' we want to help you but you need to talk. It is not only the nightmares or that you are not connected to someone."  
That was the thing, Murphy thought, he couldn't speak. Murphy moved forwards towards Daryl, grabbing his face in his hands. "I can't. Okay. I can't ever say it out loud. I can't ever tell him. I can't. It is fuckin' sick and it is a fuckin' joke of nature. I can't ever talk about it. This is MY fuckin' problem. Mine alone. Not yours, not his. Mine. It's not those dreams, even so they fuck me up. It's not the loneliness, not the zombies. It's that fuckin' feeling inside of me. And I can't ever talk about it." Murphy's thumb stroke over Daryl's lips. No, he would never talk about it.  
Daryl pulled Murphy closer into a hug. "Murph' is there anything we can do for you? Anything that would make it better? Do you need to sleep next to Conn'? Or us? I can't stand seeing you like this. Can't stand those feelings you are transmitting." Murphy shook his head in Daryl's arms. He decided to do something. Something stupid. But he needed to do it. He couldn't talk, because talking about it would make it real. More real than that. Murphy slowly lifted his head, he was face to face with Daryl now. He could hear Daryl breathe and he took his head back into his hands and then pressed his lips on Daryl's. The hunter tensed and took his arms away. Murphy grabbed into Daryl's hair and rested his forehead on the hunters face. Daryl just stood there, not sure what Murphy was doing. This kiss was not at all like his usual kisses. Not brotherly. More needing.  
"I'm sorry", Murphy whispered and turned around. Daryl suddenly moved too, holding Murphy back, by resting a hand on his shoulder. "Why?", was all he could ask.  
"Yeh will kno' why." Then Murphy left and went to the back of the hotel, checking if everything is alright.  
Daryl just stood there. What in the name of god was that? Did Murphy just say what he didn't want to say? Did he actually just tell him that he was in love with him, too? Or what on earth was going on now? Daryl snorted. Could this get any better? He shook his head and headed back to Connor. No fuckin' way he would ever tell him what just happened. This was seriously totally fucked up.  
"Where is Murph'?  
"Told him to go and check the back."  
Daryl moved behind the bar, grabbed a bottle of Rum and drank a shot. Connor eyed him suspicious. "Yeh okay Darling?"  
"Yep. Gotta be." Daryl took another shot and shook his head. He really had to kill that feeling inside of him and the urge to beat the living shit out of Murphy.  
Connor was walking towards him and hugged him from behind. Putting kisses to his neck. "Stop.", Daryl commanded. Connor backed off immediately. "Will yeh tell me wha' I did wrong?"  
Daryl turned around. "Nothing. It's nothing to do with you. I just need to fuckin' concentrate and you're a distraction." Connor wasn't really believing what Daryl said but walked over to a couch that was standing near the entrance and lay down. His eyes fixed on the ceiling, his arms crossed and a frown on his face. Daryl watched him for a while and then closed his eyes for a second. Hell was this confusing. Those twins would be the death of him. He walked over to Connor, lifted his feet and sat down next to him, Connors feet on his knees. "I'm sorry Conn'."  
"Yeah. Whatever." Daryl smirked. Connor was cute when he was trying to be angry but wasn't really angry. He looked like a five year old boy that didn't get the icecream of his choice. Daryl moved his hand under Connors shirt, gently moving his thumb over his man's skin. Connor looked at him. "Don't. I don't want to distract yeh." Daryl took Connors hands, pulled his torso up and faster as Connor could act or watch he was sitting on Daryl's lap. Daryl started biting Connor's neck and nibbled on his earlobe. Then he whispered: "I'm sorry but you look cute when you try to be angry. Just want to lick and eat you and all sorts of things." Connor's hand grabbed Daryl's hair. Trying not to get hard again. Gladly Murphy decided to come back right in this moment.  
"Ewww. Go into yer room yer fuckin' gross. Don't wanna see yeh fuckin'."  
"Yer just jealous yeh can't play with us", Connor replied, which made Murphy wince behind Connor's back and Daryl just looked at Murphy. His face said everything and when their eyes met, he saw nothing but guilt in Murphy's eyes.  
"I'm not jealous. Just don't want to watch", he finally said. Daryl had enough of this shit and just said: "Then why don't you fuck off and do something else instead of annoying us. Go to bed or whatever. Play with yourself." Four eyes were fixed on his face. Murphy looked hurt and about to explode. Connor somewhat surprised and angry.  
"Stop. Wha' is goin' on with yeh two?", he asked.  
"Nothin'. Dar' just wants yeh all for himself. I'll leave." Murphy turned around, he knew he was acting childish and weird and it was all a big fucking mistake but he couldn't help himself. "Fuck yer doin'? Yeh stay here. We can behave."  
Daryl looked at Connor. Of course he would try to comfort his fucking twin. Daryl was getting sick of this triangle. "You know what. You two keep watch. I will leave. I am sick of this." He lifted Connor up, rested him on the Couch without looking at him and walked past Murphy, shooting him a deathglare. He was Daryl fuckin' Dixon and he didn't need no stupid chick flick material in his life. Fuck yeah he loved Connor and somehow loved Murphy but this was getting out of hand and before falling deeper into this thing he should back off. He went into his and Connor's room, grabbed his stuff and before he left the room, he looked around. He would miss Connor but he really needed his time alone. He searched for a room that was next to Beth's room and went in. He threw his backpack next to the bed, leaned his crossbow next to the door and then sat down on the bed. What was he going to do? He loved Connor and he loved what they were doing but this whole Murphy story was fucking his head up. How could he possibly kiss Connor without making Murphy angry? How could he love Connor and not think about Murphy? What was Murphy thinking and why the fuck did he kiss him?  
Daryl thought it might not be his problem. Except it was. He didn't love Murphy this way but he did love Connor. Murphy had to accept that. Daryl snorted and went to sleep. Should those two fuckers look after the hotel.

* * *

 

Connor went into their room after he had made sure that Murphy was asleep in his bed and it was already morning. He wondered where Daryl was, because usually he was the first person up. But maybe he was waiting for him. When he entered the room it was empty. Connor closed the door after him and then checked the little bathroom. Empty. He looked around the room and recognized that all of Daryl's belongings were gone. Suddenly Connor felt as empty as the room was. Daryl had moved to another room. Connor was sad and angry all at once. Sad that this was happening and angry because Murphy, again, was fucking up everything. For once Connor had something for his own, something that made him feel alive and good and of course, his twin seemed to enjoy it to fuck it up with his jealousy. "Fuck", Connor hissed and left the room.  
He went back to his brothers room, entered without knocking, not even caring to be quiet and Murphy woke up as soon as Connor had hit his cheek. "Wake up yeh lil' shit."  
"Wha'?"  
"Yer goin' to tell me wha' happened and why the fuck yer so jealous."  
"Conn'? Nothin' happened I was with yeh all night." Murphy stood up, facing his brother, who suddenly punched him again. "So why the fuck is Daryl gone, then? Huh? Wha' did yeh say to him?"  
"Nothin'. Conn', I was just jokin'."  
"Fuck yeh did. I kno' yeh Murph'. Wha' did yeh tell him when yeh two wanted to "check the back"?"  
Murphy froze. "Seriously Conn', it was nothin'." Murphy was getting nervous and when Connor hit him again, his lip started bleeding. "I'm not goin' to stop until yeh tell me." Connor's piled up rage was making it's way out. He didn't even care that he was hitting his twin. Didn't care about the blood. He shoved Murphy against the wall, his hand on his brothers throat. Murphy suddenly was completely scared of his twin. He had never seen this look in his eyes. Connor was punching him again and again. And he started to feel dizzy and he didn't want to punch back but he had to. Murphy hit Connor hard again his temple. "Yeh listen moron, I didn't say anythin'. There is nothin' to say. I love the both of yeh and I am not fuckin' jealous of yeh. Yeh two deserve it. I'm just fuckin' sick of everythin'. Fuckin' sick. I'm jealous of not havin' someone and yeh fuckin' kno' tha'. We talked abou' tha'. Yeh fuckin' kno' the reason. Yer me fuckin' twin and if yeh wouldn't fuck yer brain out half of the time yeh would still FEEL wha' I feel, see wha' I see, dream wha' I dream. But yer fuckin' blockin' me out yeh dumbass. Shit man. I think yer broke my rib." Murphy was holding his stomach and Connor still looked furious and angry but his grip was getting easier. He released Murphy and stepped back. "I'm not blockin' yeh out. I would never do tha'. Yer blockin' ME out. Fuck Murph', I tell yeh leave me and him the fuck alone."  
Connor turned around, leaving his bleeding brother in his room. And for the first time in his life he chose Daryl over Murphy. He never chose someone else over his own twin but he was sick of this.

Daryl had felt it. The pain in his chest. He had felt the desire to punch and holding back. He was so angry! Angry at Murphy and Connor. If those idiots wouldn't have saved them he would be dead but this would be fucking better than this. It was one night without Connor and he felt like he was already losing his mind. He wasn't able to move. The whole night he had been thinking about what happened. Why Murphy was acting so strange. He was thinking about Connor. He missed Connor in the night. They had slept near each other every night since they were in the hotel. Now it was morning and he still didn't want to get up. But he had to.  
When he started walking he could hear the slamming of a door and when he came closer he could see Connor walk away from Murphy's room. when he approached the door he could hear him sobbing behind the closed door. Daryl closed his eyes and tried to hear more and he heard Murphy whimpering. The hunter sighed and entered the room. When he saw Murphy he quickly moved towards him. Murphy was bleeding, leaning against the wall and he was holding his stomach. "What the fuck happened?" Murphy looked at him, his lip was bleeding, his cheek dark red and swollen. "Connor", he whispered.  
"Did he do this?" Murphy nodded and collapsed into Daryl's arms. Crying and grabbing Daryl's hair so hard that it hurt. "Why?"  
"Because yeh slept somewhere else." Daryl rolled his eyes. Fucking awesome.  
He lifted Murphy up and put him to the bed, then grabbed a towel from the bathroom and started cleaning Murphy's face and stomach. After he had removed most of the blood he pressed the towel on Murphy's bleeding lip. Murphy had crossed his arms in front of his chest, trying to protect himself. His eyes were closed. The hunter removed the towel and kissed Murphy's forehead. "I am sorry Murph'." Murphy nodded.  
"I kno'." He opened his eyes and started crying all over again. Daryl was getting sad at the sight of this. "Oh, Murph'." Daryl moved closer and grabbed Murphy's hands, putting them behind his neck, then lifted Murphy a bit up and placed him on his lap, pulling him into an embrace. "I'm sorry. I wish you wouldn't feel this way."  
Murphy nodded on Daryl's shoulder. He slowly kissed Daryl's neck, his tears slowly stopping. "yeh need to talk to him."  
"Does he know about your feelings?"  
"Yes. I think he does."  
"Fuck."  
"Yeah. But I never said it. I can't. I just don't want this Dar'. I am so confused."  
Daryl smiled. "That is why you were so jealous."  
"Maybe", Murphy replied.  
"I should go and see what your brother is doing right now. Murphy, you need to find a way to deal with it. I am in love with Connor and I know it hurts you but I can't do anything for you. You need to deal with it but please don't do something stupid." Murphy nodded and crawled back into his bed, turning his back to Daryl. The hunter looked at him for a while and then left the room.

He found Connor outside, sitting on the sidewalk. Daryl sat next to him, looking into the other direction. Neither of them spoke at first, not even looking at each other. After some minutes Connor asked: "Where were you?"  
"'nother room." Daryl looked at him and saw Connor's sad eyes, red from crying. "Why?"  
"Needed some time alone."  
Connor nodded and rubbed his eyes with his fists. "Yer sick of me?"  
Daryl thought about this. He could say yes, break up with Connor and they wouldn't have the jealousy problem. They would all be sad but go on because this world needed them to go on. It would hurt but it would go away.  
He looked at his man, sad, bags under his eyes, the bruises that were still visible and the question in his eyes. He could see how fragile this moment was. If he would say "yes", Connor would break right here and now. And that was something Daryl really didn't want to see because he loved him so deeply that he couldn't hurt him. Daryl didn't want to lose him. "I'm not sick of you Conn'. Just sick of what is going on with your brother."  
Connor nodded. "Abou' tha' I might have done somethin' stupid."  
"You mean, beating him up like an idiot and leave him bleeding and crying on the floor? Yeah. I've seen him."  
Connor's eyes were gettin' wet again. "Aye. Fucker deserves it."  
"No. He doesn't. It's not him you are pissed at. It's this world, and what happened to you." Daryl looked at Connor, who shot him a surprised look. "Wha'?"  
"You know, you are hiding it and trying to deny it but you are angry and you use our relationship to built new memories. And Murphy is going through a lot more now. He is lonely, he is sad, he is worried sick."  
Connor slowly nodded. "Yeah. And I think there is something going on with him and you."  
"What do you mean?"  
Connor sighed and said: "The way he is watchin' yeh and behavin' lately. And he is my twin. Of course he is in love with yeh. But I am not sure if he is in love with yeh because I am. Maybe I am so happy that he feels it and thinks those are his feelings. If he really is..well...fuck."  
Daryl moved and suited himself behind Connor, pulling him to his chest, holding his hands in his. "I love you, Leprechaun and I am sad Murphy feels like this but he needs to get over it." Daryl just thought that Connor was so wrong. Murphy was not in love with him. He was in love with his own twin.  
"I love yeh, too and I am not givin' yeh up and I don't want him to ruin it. I am angry with him and nature. I am fuckin' angry Dar'. For once I have somethin' good, somethin' amazing just for me. I don't want to lose yeh."  
Daryl started kissing Connor's neck and whispered: "And I don't want to lose you. Ever. How about we go back to our room and sleep a bit?"  
"One condition."  
"What?"  
"I want my brother next to us. I kno' this is weird. But I think he misses me too much and I need to apologize and usually when we beat each other up we cuddle afterwards...So...if yeh don't mind I skip making-out and cuddle with Murphy and yeh."  
Daryl sighed but nodded. "You go and get your brother and fuckin' apologize and I grab my stuff at the other room."  
"Aye." Connor stood up, turned around and kissed Daryl, who opened his mouth to let Connor's tongue play with his. They stood there for a while, kissing and feeling the warmth of the other man. When they broke their kiss, Daryl said: "I really like kissing you. I like everything we do. But you know what I like the most?"  
"No."  
"I like that you make me a better man. That you make me feel things I never felt. And Baby, I know it is weird and stupid but I love your brother, too. He is the brother I always wanted. I am sad he is having it bad right now and if sleeping in one bed with us would make him feel better, then hell, he should do it every night. It means we have to find time for us at day, but I can't stand it when one of you is sad because if one of you is sad, the other is too. I love you Connor and I knew that I couldn't have you without having him in the package. And I wouldn't want it any other way. Without him, you wouldn't be who you are and he is making me better. Because he is actually the Daryl I always wanted to be."  
Connor's eyes were wet again but this time not because he was sad, because he loved that man so much. He loved that Daryl said this and he loved the way Daryl was blushing now. Connor smiled and kissed Daryl one more time. "Thank yeh for sayin' this. I can't imagine a life without yeh now. It's been two weeks but those were the best in my life. Even with all the shit that happened. Murphy will get his shit together. Darling, I swear, I will make it up to yeh. I will find a way to put both of yeh in my life."  
Both smiled at each other and walked back inside the hotel, holding hands. They greeted everyone they crossed way with and then Daryl went to get his things and Connor was walking to Murphy's room. Daryl thought maybe this is going to be crazy but maybe it way crazy good. Connor thought he might actually want to marry this redneck. Well and Murphy thought he was going to die, when Connor apologized and then led him to the other room. Murphy thought he was going nuts, when his brother was cuddling him, hugging him, putting kisses to his face and suddenly two more arms grabbed him and another body was pressed to his body. Lips kissing his neck, whispering: "We love you Murph' and I want you to be happy and if this is one way to ease your pain, I am willing to accept it. Now sleep." Daryl kissed the back of Murphy's head. He meant it. He was really willing to accept it. With all the weirdness in this world, this looked like the most normal thing to him. Those were his brother and his boyfriend. Nothing wrong with that, right?  
Connor looked at him over his twins body and smiled. He had both soulmates on his side. They could make it. He knew they could.  
Murphy had closed his eyes, playing with his rosary, one hand holding Connor's hand. He could feel Daryl's arm that was tugged under his shoulder and the other one that was placed over his chest. His hand resting in the space between him and Connor. Murphy opened his eyes again, looking at the hand and very slowly and very shyly, he placed his hand onto the other mans hand. Daryl smirked and spread his fingers so that Murphy could tangle his ones into Daryl's. Then Murphy tugged their hands under his head. Daryl placed another kiss on Murphy's head and shook his own, looking at Connor who was kissing his twin's forehead. And once more Daryl asked himself, how he had managed to have two people love him like this and how it was possible, that he felt happy, for the very first time in his life. When he closed his eyes, he dreamt of his childhood, but he did have a family. Two brothers and a home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cheesy Connaryl. Stupid Murphy. And who is Murphy REALLY in love with? Daryl thinks Connor, Connor thinks Daryl and Murphy himself? Well...


	23. Found my faith, living in sin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovely-readers.  
> Thank you for all your comments! It takes me a while to update because I am working extra-shifts.  
> (I am posting this 10 minutes before I have to leave for work X-X)
> 
> Hope you enjoy it. *evil grin*

It was the last day in their little safe haven. The hotel in a city that seemed to be empty, deserted. Abraham and Eugene were nearly begging to move to that camp to see what was left of it or if it was deserted, too. They would drive there in the morning and Rick had gathered everyone together in one of the big rooms. They were sitting on chairs around a big table and Murphy and Beth had carried all sorts of alcohol in there, glasses and food. Someone had lit a lot of candles. It looked like a last meal. And maybe it was.

Rick stood up and looked at them. Each member of his group had become family to him. They had fought together, they had grieved together and nobody knows what the future would bring. "I don't know what will happen tomorrow. I don't know what we will find at the camp. We should take this evening to drink, eat and talk. Let us have some fun before we step back out there."

No one cheered. No one said anything. Everyone raised their glasses and drank. Rick looked at everyone of them, just to keep their faces in mind. Nobody knows when it would be the last time they would see them. His gaze lingered a bit longer on Daryl's face who looked so much happier. Murphy instead was looking much more like the old Daryl. Rick had watched Murphy ever since the incident and even so the twin had apologized for kissing him, Rick still was a bit angry about his behaviour. He refused to do anything he was asked to do an he was angry and grumpy all the time. He was sitting between Connor and Daryl and he could see on Daryl's face that he was annoyed. 

"Daryl, I need to talk to you"; he said, before really thinking about it.

The Hunter nodded and followed Rick to the corridor.

"You okay brother?"

"Yeah", Daryl replied.

"Is everything alright between you and Connor?"   
Daryl nodded. "Yeah. We are all good."

"Hm. So why are you sitting next to Murphy then?"

Daryl looked to Rick and then back to his feet. "Fucker is always next to us now. Ever since he kissed you."

"What do you mean "always"?"

"Sleeping between Connor and me." Rick shook his head. "Daryl, what is going on? You can't let him take away Connor."

"That's the thing. He thinks I will take Connor away but I won't. I like them both. But he doesn't understand it." Rick sighed.

"Listen Daryl, it is none of my business but Murphy is getting more and more like you when we first met. And you are becoming a Murphy copy. Did he ever mention his soulmate?"

Daryl looked surprised and slowly shook his head. "No, just that he doesn't feel a connection."

Rick placed his hands on Daryl's shoulder. "Well, I think he has one. I think he already met his soulmate but he can't be with him."

"Him? How do you know it is a guy and when did you talk about that?"

"The one night he was keeping watch with me. Connor came out of the truck and talked to him and when Murphy came back he looked worried and sad. I think he met his soulmate a very long time ago. Did you ever see how he watches Connor and seeks his near?"

Daryl couldn't believe this. Was it that obvious?

"I think the same. I think he is in love with his own brother, his twin."

"Man, you really can't do easy, huh?"

Rick smiled and clapped Daryl's cheek. "I was happy", Daryl whispered.

"And now you are torn apart because you like both of them."

"Yeah."

"Let me talk to Murphy. And how about you and Connor celebrate tonight a bit different. You two worked all the time even so you were both wounded. Just stay a while and then go to your room. Let me deal with Murphy."

Daryl smirked. "You would do that for me?"

Rick came closer and hugged Daryl. "You are my best friend, my brother. There isn't much I wouldn't do for you. Just like you did everything for me."

Daryl pressed Rick a bit closer. "Thank you."

They let go of each other and went back into the room. Connor was talking to Abraham, probably about some smartass plans, like they did yesterday. Daryl smirked, because ever since Connor was back on his feet he was cocky, sarcastic and was spreading some Irish magic. He seemed to find a connection to everyone and yesterday Carl came to Daryl and was talking about Connor and how great he was. Beth was joking that Daryl should keep an eye on his man because he was a charmer and the ladies would try to steal him first opportunity given.

Murphy was sitting alone in his chair, drinking. It hurt Daryl. He knew Murphy was an energy bundle but now he really looked like someone else. Daryl went over to him. "Hey big bro. Why are you sitting here alone. Come on. Everyone has fun."

"Aye. I have fun with Jim", Murphy explained and raised his glass.

"Why don't you talk to some of them. I know you liked to be around people."

"I have nothing to talk about."

Daryl sighed and stood up. "Well, then have fun." 

He walked over to Carol and Beth, he talked to Glenn and Maggie and when he looked back to Murphy, he saw Rick sitting next to him. After a while he saw that Carol was leaving the room. She came back a while later and nodded to Rick. Whatever was going on, had to be a secret. Daryl walked over to Connor, who was grabbing a glass of whiskey. The hunter let his hand slowly move over Connor's and the Irishman smiled a little and took Daryl's hand in his. He came closer and whispered: "I miss you. I am sorry."

Daryl nodded. He knew Connor was sorry that his brother was sleeping next to them every night. Sometimes he woke them up, screaming, sometimes crying and always touching and pressing both of them to his chest and back, as if he was falling apart if he wouldn't.

"I miss you, too." Daryl peeked to Murphy, who was talking to Rick and his back was towards the both of them. So Daryl leaned closer and kissed Connor. Short, sweet and full of longing.

They moved away from each other, both a bit sad. Daryl decided to go over to Carol and talk to her.

"Hey girl."

"Pookie, how nice to see you and your man together."

"Yeah."

"We all thought that you two had a fight."

"No. It is just Murphy. He can't survive five minutes without Connor."

"hmm. Yeah. He told me about his nightmares. Must be hard."

"Yeah. He wakes up every night and cries or screams."

"Hm. So you and Connor care for him instead of having a bit fun?" Carol smirked.

"Stop it." Daryl smirked too.

"Come with me." Carol pointed her head to the door and he followed. She led him through one bathroom. "I think it is time for a haircut. You said you wanted them shorter."

"Yeah?" Daryl wasn't quiet sure what was going on.

"I will cut them", Carol said.

She placed a chair in the middle of the room, grabbed the scissors from her backpocket and started cutting. She always liked Daryl's hair back at the prison. When it was still short but getting longer. When she was done she smiled.

"Wow, there is a human underneath that."

"Haha." Daryl stood up and looked into the mirror. He smiled. "Woah. Maybe you are right."

"And now my friend you will wash yourself."

"Why?"

"Because when you put on this", Carol showed him a clean jeans and a black henley, "you should be clean first."

"First of all we don't have water. Second of all, what is going on?" Daryl looked at his friend. Carol was smiling.

"It is a surprise and regarding the water problem. Follow me."

Daryl followed even so he was a bit suspicious and a bit frightened what that woman had in mind. But this was Carol, she had her own mind and she was an awesome lady, with a great sense of humor and she would never do something he wouldn't want.

She lead him to the basement and she opened a door to a gym. A hotel with a gym? Daryl really wanted to have so much money later that him and Connor could make expensive holidays. "Look", Carol said.

She was pointing to a swimming pool. "Oh", Daryl said and was getting nervous.

"You should get in there and clean yourself up. It is the freshest water we have here. I will turn around, just give you some light with the torch."

"Can't i just put the new clothes on?"

"No."

"Okay Ma'am." Carol turned around and he started stripping his clothes off. When he was done he jumped into the water. 

"FUUUUUUUUCK!", was everything he could say. The water was fucking cold.

Carol was chuckling and shaking. "I should have warned you."

"Ma'am ya' gonna pay for that one day." Daryl hurried to clean himself up. The water still smelled like chlorine but chlorine was better than dirt he guessed. He washed his hair, his private parts and rubbed his feet, legs, arms, stomach and his face. When he thought he was clean, he came out of the water and Carol pointed to the towels she had placed there earlier. Daryl started drying his body, still finding some dirt here and there. Then he started putting on the clothes. They fit perfectly. "Who did choose these?"

"I did. I know your size from back at the prison when I used to fix the holes in everyones clothes. Let me see your wound."

Daryl waited for Carol to look at his wound and she had a new bandage with her and she looked satisfied. "It looks good and it is not infected. You really were lucky."

"Yeah. Guess I was."

"Now hurry."

"Okay. You gonna tell me why I had to go through that?"

"You'll see."

When Daryl was done, he placed himself in front of Carol. "Now what?"

"Follow me again."

She was leading him to his own room and she was smirking. He knew something was wrong, when she stopped before opening the door and then said: "Rick and me thought you two needed some alone time tonight. Rick asked me to do this." Then she opened the door and Daryl found his own room full with candles and chocolate on the nightstands. He smiled. "You did this?"

"Yeah. We were worried when we didn't hear your moans anymore." She chuckled and Daryl blushed. That was awkward and embarrassing. "Uhm yeah. Sorry. We weren't that quiet last time."

"Don't worry. So go in there and wait for your man. Rick and me will keep Murphy away from here. Rick said something about chaining him to the ceiling if he doesn't cooperate. And you know how scary Rick can be."

Daryl chuckled. "Hell yeah. Ripping throats out with his teeth. Thank you." He hugged Carol.

"You earn it Pookie."

"Do I? It doesn't feel like it. I was happy but now I am sad because it won't stay that easy."

"Maybe it will. No one knows. So now I will get your man here." With that she turned around and walked away. Daryl got rid of his boots and placed himself next to the window, looking at the moon that was full and bright. 

  


(thanks to frying panties / MerleDixonsWhiskey)

 

 

Connor was searching for Daryl but couldn't find him and Carol was gone too, so he was still talking to Abraham when Carol came back. She came straight to him. "Daryl is not feeling so well. He asks for you." 

"Wha'? Is he alrigh'? Wha' happened?" Connor was halfway out of the door before Carol said.

"Nothing. Just something with his wound." Connor started running to the second floor and when he reached their room he gathered some breath and tried to calm himself down. He opened the door and his chin dropped. Not because Daryl was in pain, no because of what he saw. "Geez", he whispered, which made Daryl turn around, the moonlight shining around his body. Connor closed the door behind him and let his eyes wander through the room. "Did you do this?", he whispered.

"No. Rick and Carol", Daryl mumbled and moved closer to Connor. Connor started moving too and as soon as Daryl was close enough he gripped his mans waist and pressed their hips together. His mouth claiming Connor's instantly. It had been days an he was longing to touch Connor, feel him, taste him, smell him. Connor's hands gabbed into Daryl's hair which was...wait...Connor broke the kiss and looked at Daryl's hair. "What the fuck happened to your hair?"

"Hairdresser Carol said I needed to look human again. Don't you like it?"

Connor moved Daryl to the light and smiled. "Yeh mental? I fuckin' love it." He started kissing him again and ran his fingers through the new cut hair, tugged at it and moaned. "Fuck. I missed yeh my pretty man."

"I missed you too, Baby." With that Daryl grabbed Connor, lifted him up and moved him to the bed. His whole body pressed against Connor's. Daryl let his hands slide under Connor's shirt, pulling it over his head. He started kissing his lips, neck and earlobe. He could feel Connor's hard cock pressing against his own. Daryl looked at Connor, his blue eyes were sparkling and Connor grabbed his face. "I love yeh so much Daryl."

"I love you, too, Connor." Their lips met again and Connor's hands were sliding down Daryl's back, under his shirt and Daryl moved his torso to pull the shirt over his head. Connor moved up too and kissed Daryl's shoulder, nipples and his hands were kneading and stroking Daryl's sides. They kissed again and Connor slipped one hand into Daryl's jeans and pants and started grabbing his ass, which made Daryl moan a bit. Daryl started grinding his hip against Connor's. "You are so beautiful. You make me crazy. I want you, Baby."

Connor moaned. "Then take me. Do what you want, I'm yours." Connor moved his hands to Daryl's front, opened his jeans an slowly pushing them off his middle. Daryl stood up and got rid of his clothes. Connor watched Daryl taking off his clothes and really enjoyed the view. Daryl stood there, the moonlight smoothing his skin and Connor swallowed. "Daryl?"

"Yeah?"Connor stood up, got rid of his clothes too and then locked eyes with Daryl. "I would like to marry yeh. As soon as we have that cure. I want to wake up to yeh and I want to see yeh every night. I love yeh. I just...God, yeh are so fuckin' hot and I can't live one day without yeh anymore."

Daryl smiled, kissed his man and answered: "And you don't need to, because I will marry you. I would do everything for you."

They crashed their mouth's together and Daryl grabbed Connor right under his butt, lifted him up and Connor crossed his legs behind Daryl's back. Daryl turned around and pressed Connor against a wall, kissing him, touching him and he could feel his dick aching already. He gabbed between Connor's legs and started jerking him off, which made Connor stop the kiss and moaning Daryl's name. The hunter carried Connor back to the bed, grabbed the whiskey lube and put something on two fingers. Connor had spread his legs and was waiting for him to do something. Connor watched Daryl and was excited because his man seemed so different, so confident and so much hotter. He knew Daryl was a bottom but he was excited to find out how he was as a top.

Daryl started stretching him slowly and first pushed one finger into him, while licking his balls and cock, which made Connor moan and his breath was already heavy. Daryl pushed another finger into Connor and then moved them a little. When he was done, he replaced them with his tongue, wich made Connor move his hip up. Daryl smirked, moved between Connor's legs and before doing anything he started kissing Connor again, playing with his nipples. Connor was waiting. He needed Daryl inside of him but somehow Daryl had other plans. Daryl grabbed Connor and stood up again, pushed him against the wall and thrusted into him. Connor moaned about the roughness of Daryl's thrust, he crossed his arms and legs behind the hunters back. The thrusts became more hard, rough and soon Daryl was moaning, biting down on Connor's shoulder, then claiming his mouth, which made Connor grab his hair and jerk his head back. Their eyes met and Daryl whispered: "You okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Because you are crying." Daryl stopped moving and slipped out of Connor, moving him back to the bed.

Connor touched his face. Daryl was right, he was crying. "Did I hurt you?" Daryl held Connor's face in his. "No. No. I really enjoyed it."

The hunter pulled Connor on top of him. "You really sure?"

"Aye." Connor had no idea why he was crying and so he kissed Daryl and said: "Go on. Please. I want to feel you."

Daryl turned them around and straddled Connor and pushed into him again. His thrusts more careful and slower. Even so he was really craving for a bit roughness. "I'm not made of glass, yeh kno'?" Connor smirked and Daryl moved faster and harder, he could hear flesh against flesh and Connor started moaning. Daryl never thought it would be so arousing to see his handsome man underneath him. He leaned forward, changing his rhythm, his arms under Connor's shoulders, his mouth finding his neck and mouth. Connor moved his knees up, so the younger one would thrust deeper into him and he grabbed into his hair and ran his fingers down the hunters back. Both were groaning and Daryl felt his orgasm coming closer, so he slowed down, kissed Connor and whispered: "I love you." He was rewarded with a big smile and two hands on his face and a quiet: "Same here, Darling."

Daryl wanted to come and so he speeded up and he bit down on Connor's shoulder, when his orgasm hit him. He pulled out of Connor and moved downwards, kissing every spot on his mans body he came across with and then, when he reached his cock, he started licking it and kissing the tip until he decided to take it in his mouth. "Fuck"; Connor groaned and moved his hip. Daryl enjoyed to hear his man make those noises and he slipped two fingers into him, rubbing the spot which caused Connor to wince and jerk his hip up. Daryl looked at him and moved his mouth faster over Connor's cock. He loved to hear and see him react to things he does. The Irishman was begging now. "Oh God Daryl, please." Daryl sucked a bit faster and harder and moved his fingers rougher over the spot. "Yes. FUCK", Connor moaned and his cock was getting thicker ins the hunters mouth. With one last moan Connor came and emptied himself in Daryl's mouth. After Daryl had swallowed everything, he started kissing Connor's stomach and suited himself next to him. 

Their mouth met again and when they broke their kiss, Connor smiled and said: "Hell,  I can't get enough of yeh."

That made Daryl smirk and he replied: "Good, because I really think we should take our time tonight."

"Yeah." Daryl opened his arms and Connor snuggled into them, their lips touching and both were looking at each other. "I missed you so much", the hunter breathed.

"I missed yeh too. Everythin' is changin' tomorrow. Can yeh feel tha'?"

"Yeah. I don't trust the freedom right now."

Connor nodded and started playing with his rosary. "I don't want to go. I want to stay here with yeh. It doesn't feel right to leave. Somethin' will happen. And somehow Murphy's dreams frighten me." Connor observed Daryl's eyes. The hunter slowly nodded. "Yeah. Me too. It just doesn't feel right. I would like to stay here too. You and me."

"Aye." Daryl suddenly stared at Connor and stroke his thumb over his friends face. He was crying again. "Leprechaun, you are crying again. Will you tell me what is going on in that head of yours?" Connor shook his head but he couldn't stop crying. "This feels like goodbye", he whispered.

Daryl felt his heart stop beating and he instantly pressed Connor closer. "Why would you say that?"

"I don't know. It just feels like it."

"Since when do you have this feeling?"

Connor sighed and closed his eyes, then moved away from Daryl. "Ever since yeh found me in tha' basement. I knew I was goin' to die there but than yeh came but now there is this feelin' again. As if everythin' is just numb and  a dream." Daryl moved forward, pulling Connor to his body again and kissing his tears away. "This is not a dream Baby, I am here. I love you and you are not dying."

"Murphy's dreams. Yeh kno' how our dreams are. And basically I had them too. But it was a different time. I was much younger."

Connor looked into Daryl's eyes and saw nothing but worry in them. "What do you mean?"

"When I was a kid I always had dreams about monsters, zombies, eating me alive. I was running and fighting but I couldn't make it. I had them a long time. And never knew why. Now I kno'."

Daryl shook his head. "I won't let anything happen to you. And your god protects you, right? He won't take you away from me."

Connor nodded. "Aye. Except when my job is done."

They looked at each other and Daryl felt like crying, too. "I can't...I can't lose you." 

"Promise me, that whatever happens in that camp, we stay together. Promise me, that whatever happens to one of us, we won't leave our family alone. If something happens to me, please don't leave Murphy alone."

"Stop it. NOTHING is going to happen to you. Remember when I told you I would catch a bullet for you and your brother? I will protect you." Daryl pressed Connor closer and nestled his head into his neck. "I love you, Leprechaun and you are not leaving me. I can't allow that."

Connor mumbled: "I wish we've met earlier and I wish this would just be a nightmare and in real we are on a holiday. I love you, so so so much."

Daryl pressed his lips to Connors and held him very close. "I can't live without you. I don't know what I would do without you. Not now, that I finally know what love is."

"There will come a moment, in your future, that will be very quiet and very peaceful. A Moment you realize that there is more love in you and around you than you ever realized. I love you Daryl, but I am not the only person that does." Connor hoped he hadn't said too much but it was true. Daryl was loved by so many people and he didn't even realize it.

"You are my future, Baby. But was this the reason that you didn't want to wait with sex? Because you think you will die?" Connor nodded. "Aye. I want to relish every moment with yeh. Every day can be our last. That is what I thought in that basement. I didn't live enough. I didn't love enough. I didn't have enough time. The physical pain was horrible, yeah, but the pain it caused on the inside was worse. Murph' and me had fun, of course, but then we started killing mobsters, started hiding, hurting, pain. I never knew what real love was until I met you. I knew it when I touched you. Something inside of me knew. And now...oh god Daryl, I love you so fuckin' much and I don't want this to end. Ever. Not in this life and not in any other. I will always find you. But down in that basement I was so angry at god, angry for letting this happen to me. I just....I'm so scared." Daryl was rocking him in his arms and tears were running down his face, too. "Leprechaun", he whispered and kissed Connor's lips.

"I'm here with you and I promise I won't leave you. I know it was all a bit too fast. I should have stopped you but you seemed so sure about having sex. If you want we can stay here. You, Murphy and me. I can talk to Rick. He will understand." Connor shook his head. "No. We have to go. We need to find a cure and they need us. We are three fighters. They need our gunpower and your crossbow. And don't you dare think I didn't enjoy sex. I know it was too soon but you gave me something back that that guy had taken from me. I'm sorry I am ruining our night."

"Shut up. You are not. I am glad you finally talk to me."

Connor grabbed Daryl's hand and tangled their fingers together. He suited himself on his back and looked around. "This was really kind of Rick and Carol."

"Yeah. She made me clean myself up and gave me new clothes."

"I noticed. They looked good on yeh but I prefer yeh naked in the moonlight."

Daryl smirked. "Yeah. I prefer you naked, too, my beautiful man."

"Wow, we are really cheesy and act like lovesick teenagers."

Both chuckled. "Maybe that is a new virus. Instead of turning us into Walkers we are now all sobbing, little chickens."

"I am okay with that", Connor answered.

They both were lying on their backs, heads turned to each other and looking at their bodies in the candle-light. Connor smirked and grabbed the chocolate bar on his nightstand. He broke it in two and gave Daryl the other half. As soon as Daryl was done eating, he stood up and blew out the candles, leaving them both in the moonlight. He placed himself next to the window and looked into the stars and the moon. He started praying inside his head. Praying that Connor was wrong, because he sure as hell didn't want to lose him. Connor walked towards Daryl, placed himself behind him and kissed his neck. "What are yeh staring at?"

"The moon and the stars."

"They are wonderful. Just like you." Daryl turned around and Connor suited his hands on the hunters waist, kissed him passionate. Suddenly Daryl felt his mans hands move down to his tights and to his butt. Connor was teasing him again, touching him everywhere and soon Daryl was aroused. "Conn' you should stop."

"I don't do anythin'."

He pressed his lips against Daryl's neck and started sucking and licking, his fingers found Daryl's nipples and very slowly Connor moved down on his knees, looked up to Daryl and put his mouth on top of his manhood. 

Daryl smirked. This was going to be a long night and he really enjoyed having Connor back. And he knew it would change. He had felt it. Everyday. And when he learned one thing from the past: Never trust freedom. Be scared of the Silence. They had seen it on the farm, in the prison and Daryl always knew that freedom and peace was not  made for forever. So he enjoyed this night and Connor did too. They made love all night long, embracing their closeness and their love. It was early in the morning, when they closed their eyes to find some hours of sleep. 

* * *

 

 

He hadn't noticed that his twin and Daryl were gone and when they had left. Rick had talked to him about their past, had asked him a lot of questions and Murphy started to relax more and more. Carol had sat next to him and they were talking about the next day. He was somehow thankful for the conversations, even so he didn't deserve to be treated like this when he had done nothing but avoiding them and being grumpy and angry the whole week. He was surprised when Carol mentioned, that he was turning into Daryl. And Rick nodded. "Yeah. When we first met Daryl, he wasn't much of a talker and was angry all the time. He really had a hard time after I handcuffed Merle to a rooftop."

Murphy chuckled. "Bastard shouldn't have survived this and Daryl is better without him."

"I agree. But he was his brother and it is always hard to loose someone. Even if that person is a giant ass", Carol explained.

"Aye. If Merle did half of what he had done to me after he saw me, I don't want to know what he would have done to Daryl."

"What do you mean?", Rick asked and watched him. Instead of answering, Murphy stood up and lifted his shirt, showing them his chest and back which were covered in scars from Woodbury."

"Jesus. Did Merle do this?"

"Yes. Connor has some too. So I think he is better with yeh and us now."

Murphy sat back down, raised his glass and sighed. He wished he would have been there for Daryl, just like Connor. Murphy was sad thinking, that Connor and him had it all, the nice home, the peace and a brother who was always there. "If you think that, why are you making it so hard for them?", Rick asked.

Murphy locked eyes with him and shrugged. "I don't know."

Carol smirked. "I think you do. And whatever it is you really should get it out of your system. Let both of them be happy and have their alone time. You are a grown up man. You can't just sleep between them." Murphy gave her a deathglare. "Wha' d'yeh kno? Me an' Conn' always had this closeness and I'm missin' it. I want them to be happy but I don't kno' how. I don't want to lose Conn'." Murphy snorted and grabbed the bottle but Rick hold him back. "I think you had enough, buddy."

"My choice."

"I make the calls. You had enough. If you don't behave and if you keep on avoiding your duties and our people I will make sure that you are out of the group and you can make your way to wherever you want to go. Alone. And I swear, you have to deal with the fact that Connor and Daryl would stay with me." Carol gave Rick a sign to stop talking but Murphy was having none of that. "Yer threatenin' me? Yeh kno' yeh can't keep them here. Conn' an' Dar' would leave with me. If yeh didn't get it the first time: We are fuckin' soulmates. An' yer not. I am really tryin' to get rid of this feelin's but I don't kno' how. Tell me how to shut out this feelin' of losin' them? How to feel when YOUR FUCKIN' SOULMATE LOVES SOMEONE ELSE?" Murphy was screaming the last part, stood up and left the room. Leaving Carol and Rick look at each other and everyone just stopped talking. It was Beth who said: "Did he just say that he is in love with one of them?"

"I think he did", Rick agreed.

"Well, it most certainly is not Connor. He is is twin", Beth disclosed.

"I think it is", Carol whispered.

"Daryl and me think the same", Rick explained. "Let me deal with this. Don't ever mention anything to Connor or Daryl. Let me talk to Murphy." Rick stood up and left the room, searching for Murphy. He went to his room but he couldn't find him there. Rick shook his head. This was fantastic, not that he hadn't enough on his mind, now he had to deal with lovesick guys. He found Murphy in the basement with a bottle of Whiskey. 

"I told you to stop drinking."

"An' I told yeh it is my choice." Murphy smirked but Rick saw the tears in his eyes and felt guilty for a second. He sat next to Murphy and grabbed the hand with the Whiskey bottle and took it from his hand and squeezed the twins hand. "Does Connor know about your feelings for him?"

Murphy was startled by this question and looked at Rick. "Yeh think I am in love with Connor?"

"Yeah."

Murphy slowly shook his head. "No. No I am not. He is my twin. Tha' would be awkward. No. No I think I might be in love with Daryl. But I am not sure. Part of me thinks I am not and really doesn't want it but the other part is completely in love with him. Somehow I still think that Connor is fuckin' up my feelings. Yeh kno' we can transmit feelin's. Tha' why we always kno' when the other one is in trouble. Guess it works with happiness, too..." Murphy swallowed. He never wanted to say it, but this was Rick and he wanted to help and maybe talking would help because Murphy was well aware of the fact that he was hurting his twin and Daryl. The sheriff patted Murphy's knee. "Well, that is complicated. He doesn't love you like this."

"I kno'. He can't because Conn' is his other half and I am glad it is tha' way. I always wanted to be like Daryl but with Connor making all the plans, motherhenning me and treating me like a kid I forgot how to be hard. And I guess we are changing roles now. I feel I am grumpy all the time and he is smiling all the time. It is all so confusing." Murphy rested his head on his own knees and Rick stroke his back. "Anything I can do for you?"

"No. Thank you for listenin', tho."

"Can't you cut the connection between you and Connor?" 

"I can. But if I do I won't see when he is in danger and my nightmares are gettin' worse lately. I just want to be there if something happens."

Murphy watched Rick's face and tried to calm himself down. He knew this was all fucked up and he wanted it to end.

"Jesus, you two really 'cause a lot of trouble."

"Aye", Murphy agreed and chuckled.

"Tonight you should sleep somewhere else. Carol and me prepared a little candlelight thing for Daryl and Connor. So you shouldn't be near them. Probably better stay in a room on the first floor."

Murphy nodded and looked sadly at the ceiling. "I will." 

"You are lonely, aren't you?"

The twin slowly nodded. Rick sighed. "I know how you feel. I have all these people around me and I found a new family but I miss my wife, miss going to work in the morning and I miss the normal life."

"I miss Ireland and our crazy Ma', I miss proper food, our little bar in Boston and I miss people. I miss streets full of cars, and strangers. I miss Cafés and supermarkets. Or goin' to the movies with Conn'."

"Oh man, you know what I miss? Having a barbecue with friends. I hated those in the past but now I think it would be the best thing to have. With our group."

Both smiled at each other. "Yeah. This world shows yeh wha' a great life we had. Only some have found somethin' better in this broken world. Look at Maggie and Glenn or Conn' and Dar'. And yeh and Michonne."

Murphy smirked and Rick looked surprised for a while but then nodded. "Yeah. I like her but I don't know if I am able to love someone after all I have done."

"Rick, love comes in different forms and sizes. I may say I love Dar' but I will never be able to love him as much as Conn' does. And I am not even lovin' him physically. Just his soul. Some things need time an' yeh will have a lot of time with Michonne. If it doesn't work out yeh can still find someone else."

The Sheriff hugged Murphy. "You are a really good guy Murphy and don't try to be someone else. Just be you again. And you know, maybe we go to that camp tomorrow and you see THAT person. And everything will be okay."

"Aye." Murphy knew this wouldn't happen but he agreed with Rick, because something was about to happen. They sat in silence for a while until Rick stood up, pulled Murphy up too and then they walked to the first floor. Murphy searched himself another room and Rick went into his. Murphy spread on the bed and looked at the ceiling. He had said it and it didn't hurt. He felt relieved and somehow with saying it something had changed. Murphy was able to feel what it really was that bothered him and he smirked. All will be good someday. Someday he will fall in love, too. Someday he will feel what his brother feels. Murphy closed his eyes and dreamed of Ireland. The green hill, the weeping willow and all the golden light, that was shining behind him, while he was walking towards the person sitting under the tree. Murphy started running towards that Person and the other person started running too. They met in the middle and hugged and kissed each other. The other person whispered: "Sorry it took me so long." Murphy smiled in his sleep. Yes, he would have this, when he was back in Ireland. He had to go there as soon as he could. Rick was right. There was someone waiting for him in this world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wasn't that sweet and hot? And Murphy? What do you think? Come on guys, I was very very obvious about that, right? ;) But still there is a mystery behind it, isn't there?  
> (And again I have no idea why AO3 rips the text apart like this. BUt I can't edit this now. No time. But it is readable I think."


	24. Where do we go from here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!  
> New chapter and a long one.  
> We will finally arrive in Washington - just to find.....yeah well..  
> We will meet new people and have some more love and smut. (Yeah I just can't live without it...)  
> I am off work next week so I guess by the end of next week or maybe a bit earlier I will be done writing this fic. The ending is already written and I am filling the spaces right now.  
> Unbelievable that I am ending this. I could write forever about them but I have a new fic in mind plus I am writing on a novel with a friend. So I am kind of busy :D

It was midday when they reached the university of Washington, where the lab was. They all looked to the fences that were built around the facility. Rick and Abraham stepped out of the cars and walked to the gate. There were no signs, no humans. Nothing.  
"I really have a bad feeling", Abraham said.  
"Yeah. It is too quiet. But we should look inside. Maybe Eugene will find something."  
Both nodded and opened the gate, walked back to the cars and drove in. After that they closed the gate again and Abraham was leading the way. Eugene telling him where he thought they would find the right section of the facility.  
They stepped all out of the cars and rick ordered Michonne, Glenn and Maggie to keep watch.  
Murphy, Connor and Daryl were searching the basement, while the others were searching the first ground.  
"D'yeh hear tha'?", Murphy asked.  
"I can't hear anything", Daryl replied.  
"Exactly. Nothin'. Shouldn't there be any kind of sounds?"  
"Aye. It's deathly quiet. It is as if someone sucked the whole city clean."  
Daryl thought about that. "You mean they cleaned it, ready for a restart?"  
All three looked at each other.  
"We should go upstairs. If they are rebuilding this city there has to be a camp nearby", Connor disclosed.  
They went upstairs and ran into Maggie and Glenn who were watching the entrance. "Anything?", Glenn wanted to know.  
"Nothing", Murphy answered.  
They waited for the others to join them and Connor was thinking so loud, that Daryl and Murphy kept looking at him. But as much as Connor wanted a new plan, he couldn't think of anything. When they wouldn't find anything here, where would they go or should they stay in this city and wait? He wouldn't mind staying in a hotel room with Daryl for the rest of his life. He wouldn't mind anything as long as he was with the two man that looked like twins. Especially now that Daryl's hair was shorter.  
After a while the others came back, with the same expression on their face. "Eugene", Rick said, "where do we go now?"  
"I don't know. The next great camp was in New York but last I heard they got overrun."  
"Something feels wrong", Carol mentioned.  
"Aye. We agree", Murphy added.  
Rick sighed and looked to his friends. "What do we do?"  
It was Connor who stepped forward and said: "We all want to find that cure and we have Eugene, so it is our responsibility to help this world, but I think we should try to be careful, drive to New York but not in a hurry. We should search safe sleeping places each night. Make sure we don't lose more people. We still don't know why this city looks untouched. Maybe it is a trap or maybe they already found a cure and are now waiting for people to find their camp. We don't know and I think we should really be careful. And for the night we should go back to the hotel or another one. Let us find a map to New York, search for roads apart from the main roads. Fly under the radar." Abraham and Rick nodded, while the others agreed too. Abraham then spoke: "I think Connor is right. We lived a long time without the cure now. We can last some more weeks."  
Rick gave them a sign to step into the cars. Murphy, Connor and Daryl were sitting in the Pick-Up together. Murphy's head was resting on Connor's shoulder and his eyes were closed. Connor's hand wandered to Daryl's thighs and he started rubbing it. "Stop", Daryl whispered.  
Connor just smirked and let his hand move upwards, grabbing between Daryl's legs what made him growl. "Connor", the hunter said harsh.  
"Okay." Connor frowned and took the hand away from Daryl and started stroking Murphy's head instead, who opened his eyes again. "This is all fuckin' shit. Nothin' makes sense."  
"Aye, little brother, I agree. I thought we go here and find tha' cure and than we would all settle down somewhere. I'm tired."  
"We all are", Daryl answered.

* * *

 

Back at the hotel they met in the room they celebrated just hours ago. But this time Abraham, Connor and Rick were looking at maps and everyone else was waiting for their decision and new plans. Daryl looked around and could see the same expression on every face: disappointment. Everyone was hoping for a new home, a cure, peace. But finding nothing but silence and emptiness in the city was the least thing they expected. It nearly was like the shelter before a storm. And they all could feel it. Abraham was right, there was something huge coming and they needed to be prepared.  
Daryl approached Connor and held his hand while watching at the plans. Connor was marking possible hide-outs for them, while Abraham was working on a different plan, in case they were forced to go another route.  
Something Daryl couldn't get out of his mind was the fence around the building. Why would there be a fence when there is nothing in there?  
"Rick, did you see any cameras or something at the university?"  
The former sheriff looked at him. "No. Why?"  
"The fences. Why would someone built a fence around a building that is empty?" Abraham and Connor moved their faces towards Daryl and suddenly Connor said: "To keep something in or out."  
"Yeah, but we didn't find anything."  
"Well, we only checked one of the buildings. The one with the labs", Eugene said.  
"We should have checked the adjoining buildings, too", Rick explained.  
"I don't think we would find anything there. It is just a thought but what if this was some sort of test? Trap? Maybe we should have checked the buildings on the campus", Daryl concluded "Because if I would be in charge, I would hide in the less important buildings."  
Everyone went silent for a moment and then Connor smiled and kissed Daryl. "Smartass."  
Murphy moved from his corner next to Daryl. "I think our lil' bro' is right and the walkers, well if the military is there, then they found a way to keep them away from the city. And I have an idea how."  
"And what would that be?", Abraham asked. "Something like "Anti-Zombie-Spray"?"  
Murphy gave him an annoyed look. "No yer idiot. Blood. Think about it, the only thing that attracts the walkers is noise and smell. So what happens if someone sprays human blood on a road?"  
Everyone looked surprised at that thought. "Jaysis Murph' how did yeh get tha' smart?"  
"I had a pretty good teacher." Murphy winked and punched Connors shoulder playfully.  
"But this means there must be someone here and there must be a road or something that attracts them. Maybe around the city and they lead them to one point and kill them there. And Walkers can come from any direction. So there have to be more than one road. Maybe we should try to find a herd outside of town and follow it", Rick suggested.  
Beth and Carol stepped forward and said: "We can't go all together. Three or four should go outside town but the rest should wait here. It is too dangerous. We need to think about Judith."  
"She is right", Abraham added.  
They decided that Abraham, Glenn and Bob would go outside town, trying to find a herd and follow it until they know where they go. Another group, including Daryl and Murphy was going to another direction, to see if they could find walkers.  
"I think we should all rest now", Rick said and left the room to move to his own one and so everyone followed. Connor, Daryl and Murphy went upstairs and Murphy stopped in front of his room. "Can I talk to yeh for a minute?"  
"Aye." They went into his room and Murphy sat down on his bed.  
"I wanted to apologize for the last days. I am sorry I freaked out so much and that I slept between yeh. Wasn't righ' to do tha'. So yeah, I'm sorry."  
Connor smiled and sat next to Murphy. "Nothin' to be sorry abou'. I kno' yer worried sick and afraid to lose me and him. We love yeh' an' I forgive yeh." He hugged him and kissed his temple. Daryl stood there and answered: "Yeah. We love you and we all freak out sometimes."  
Connor and Murphy looked at each other for a while. Connor knew that Murphy wasn't okay but that he was trying to get into control and fake his smile once more to come off stronger than he was. He knew that Murphy's feelings were still confusing because he could feel the confusion in his own body. He was thankful that his twin tried to give them space. Murphy was still angry and jealous and sad but he knew that he wanted Connor to be happy and the only way possible to have that was to let him go and be with Daryl. Murphy's eyes wandered to Daryl and he felt his heart sink. Without him everything would be different. Without him Murphy wouldn't feel so bad.  
"Yeh should rest now", Murphy said. "We need to be prepared."  
Connor hugged him one last time and stood up. "Sleep well."  
"Yeh, too."

* * *

 

It was still bright outside and the sun wouldn't go down for another hour. Daryl and Connor were lying in their bed, both in thoughts. "How do you feel today?", Daryl asked.  
"Better, but I still have the feelin' somethin' is goin' to happen."  
Daryl moved himself on top of Connor. "I won't let that happen. I am your shield now."  
Connor laughed. "Yer so sappy sometimes."  
"Your fault. I was never sappy before you stumbled into my life. I was more the grumpy and angry type who was afraid to speak." Daryl placed a kiss on Connors lips.  
"And now yer all cuddly and sappy and loving. Awww", the Irishman teased.  
"Shut up", Daryl hissed before pushing Connor's arms over his head, straddling him and kissing him. His lips trailed down the jawline and he gently bit down on Connor's neck. He let go of Connor's arms and placed himself next to his man. He closed his eyes, trying to calm down. They couldn't have sex again. All they ever did was having sex and he thought this wasn't supposed to be a fuck-relationship. "Why did you stop?"; Connor asked.  
"We can't just have sex again."  
"Why not?"  
"Someday you are going to be bored because we only have sex and nothing else." Connor closed up to Daryl and kissed his cheek. "Yeh funny. We can't go on dates. I really would like to go to the movies with yeh, take yeh to a restaurant and go for a walk until we end up in bed."  
"And you tell me I am cheesy."  
"Never said I didn't like it a bit romantic and sappy." Connor straddled Daryl and looked at him.  
"I would take you out on my bike, drive you to a nice place in the woods and we would have picnic."  
"That I would like", Connor mused "if we have sex in a field or forest."  
Daryl shook his head. "Are you a sex-addict?"  
"Maybe. Or maybe I am just addicted to yeh." Connor pressed his lips to the hunter's and Daryl couldn't resist any longer and placed his hands on his mans hips, flipping him over, so he was on top. If they are going to do this, he wanted to be in charge. His rules, his needs. He had been gentle with Connor and let him have his control but somehow he needed to show him, that he, too, was a man.  
He started undressing Connor and then got rid of his own clothes. Connor just looked at him, with these piercing blue eyes and Daryl couldn't help it and smiled. He still wasn't used to the fact that he was in love and not only this "Oh god he is hot I want to fuck him"- kind of thing, no, he was in love with what Connor was. His soul. The protective, caring and charming guy. The one that made everyone laugh in the group, the one checking twice that everyone was save. The one sharing everything he had to offer and that to a point where he gave himself away. Daryl kept looking at Connor and could see right into his soul, his other half. Connor could be dangerous, just like him and he was wild and sometimes reckless and yet he was the most fragile thing Daryl was ever confronted with. Daryl's heart was twice the size now. It was beating for someone else and it always would.  
"Yeh alrigh' Darling?" Connor was up to his feet, facing him. Daryl slightly nodded and placed a kiss on Connor's lips. His arms finding their way around his mans waist. "Just thought about how much I love you and that you are the best thing that ever happened to me." Connor's face lit up and he hugged Daryl, then locked eyes with him. "Yeh kno' my little hunter, I love yeh, too. Yer a good man and yer so amazing to me and me twin. Yer astonishing and everyday we've been together I find more things I love about yeh. I love how yeh always trying to be grumpy towards everyone when everyone already knows that yeh love them and take care of them. How yeh look around to make sure everyone is alright and how yeh protect them. I love how yeh opened up to me and finally started healing. I love yer strength and yer weakness. Oh Daryl, I wish yeh could see yerself with my eyes. Yer not just extremely handsome, no, yer soul is wonderful. I love yeh."  
Daryl felt tears streaming down his face, of joy, happiness and love. He grabbed into Connor's hair and kissed him, lifted him up and carried him back to the bed.  
After prepping Connor he placed him in the middle of the bed and turned him around. Connor obeyed and gave his control to Daryl. Sometimes he needed to be the one that obeyed. Because being in charge all the time was exhausting. Daryl placed himself over Connor and pushed into him. Making moves as if he was doing push-ups. His thrusts were fast and hard and he needed it. He needed the roughness and the violence in it. One of his hands was slowly pressing Connor deeper into the mattress and he grabbed Connors hand, tangling their fingers together and pressing it into the sheets. Daryl could see the muscles on Connor's back working, he could see how his tattoo moved and he fucked him even harder. Connor let him do it. Connor didn't flinch, he knew Daryl needed it and he would let him have it. Some part of him did like the way Daryl was using him. But before he could end that thought, Daryl's pace got slower, the hand around his neck disappeared and were replaced by kisses. Daryl had to slow down or else he wold already come. He flipped them both over, without pulling out of the warm body. Connor was now lying on top of him and the hunter kissed his shoulders, neck and started biting on the Irishman's ear. His hands wandered over his body, pinching his nipples and play with them for a while. Connor was moving on top of him, which drove Daryl insane. "Stop moving or I will come." Connor stopped and let Daryl do whatever he wanted and it seemed that he wanted to play. His hands were teasing him everywhere and Connor's whole body was soon covered in goosebumps. His cock was hard and he wanted him to touch it but he knew he had to wait. Daryl looked at Connor's closed eyes, the way his lips were parted drove Daryl crazy. He moved a thumb over those damn lips and Connor's tongue licked over it, which made Daryl put his whole thumb into Connor's mouth. Connor nearly smirked at how predictable Daryl was but didn't. Instead he started sucking at the thumb in his mouth.  
Daryl moved again, pushing in and out of Connor, who moaned while sucking at his thumb. Daryl let his other hand grab the cock of the man on top of him and moved it up and down. When his man let go of his thumb, Daryl moved his hand around Connor's throat and pulled him a bit up, so that his head was resting next to his own. Connor's eyes were black from arousal, his face red and he was biting his lip. He let go of Connor's cock and rested both his hands on his hips to steady him. He thrusted harder and faster into him, which made them both groan and Connor pressed his lips on Daryl's. "Touch yourself Leprechaun." Connor did as he was told and started jerking himself off, while Daryl hit is prostate with every thrust. Soon they both were gasping for air, noises of pleasure coming out their mouths and Daryl kissed Connor to silence the loud "Fuck" that was lingering on his tongue. One last thrust and he came, hard and only seconds later Connor climaxed. Both looking at each other. "Darling, yer a wild animal."  
Daryl smiled. "Wild and cheesy."  
They kissed for a while and Daryl pulled out of Connor, so he could stand up and clean himself.  
After that they dressed again and went to sleep.

* * *

 

They were woken by a knock on the door and Daryl stood up and asked who was there. "It's me, Murph'", and Daryl opened the door. "What's up?"  
"Hurry, get dressed, I heard footsteps downstairs. I wanted to go out and get fresh air when I heard it. Come on." Murphy seemed nervous and Daryl went back into the room, shaking Connor awake and put on his boots and grabbed his crossbow and backpack. "Conn' come on. Get out of bed and hurry." Murphy shook Connor and slapped him. "The fuck?", he awoke and Murphy was already holding his peacoat and his boots and the weapons. Connor hurried and then asked "Wha' happened?"  
"There is someone in the hotel and it's none of our people", Murphy explained.  
They waited behind their door, weapons in hand and when they heard someone on the hallway they raised their hands. A knock on the door. "Who is there?", Daryl asked.  
"Open up. It's me",Ricks voice came from the other side. Daryl opened the door.  
"What is going on?"  
"You need to come downstairs. We have...", Rick scratched his beard. "Visitors."  
"Aye. An' who?", Murphy asked.  
"Military. Said they had seen us. Want to talk. And I need you with me."  
"Aye. Move", Connor agreed.  
The four men walked downstairs where everyone else of the group was already gathered together. Abraham was talking to a guy in uniform and when Rick approached the man said. "Everyone of your group here now?"  
"Yes."  
The guy stepped in the middle. "My name is Captain Samuel Lambert, those are Officer Weber and Officer Davis." He pointed at the two men left and right from him. Samuel Lambert was a grey-haired, black eyed and tall man. The other both looked average and were both blonde with blue eyes. "We saw you this morning at campus. What were you searching there?"  
Rick stepped forward. "We were searching for a sign where to go next. We heard that there was a camp in Washington for refugees." Rick decided not to tell them why they really went there. He didn't trust them.  
"There was but then the government moved it. Some were left to wait for people and to clean the city. As you might have noticed the city looks untouched."  
"Yeah we did tha' how did yeh do it?", Connor interrupted.  
The soldier looked at him. "We lured them into a trap and the military always had a stash for supplies."  
Murphy snorted. "Bullshit. Wha' is really goin' on?"  
Daryl held both of them back and slowly shook his head. Rick nodded to them and then looked at Captain Lambert. "Listen, we don't want to question your work. Just let us stay here until we decide where to go. We are all tired from fighting and nearly starving."  
The Captain smiled. "Yeah. See, that's the problem. We can't have you here. We need to bring you somewhere...safer."  
"And where would that be?", the former Sheriff asked.  
"Our base outside town. But before I do so I need to know what your fighting skills are."  
Murphy and Connor simultaneously drew their guns from their peacoats and soon the officers found themselves looking at four guns. And a crossbow. Daryl didn't even think about it when he saw them pull their guns out he positioned his crossbow.  
"I see, three fighters. That crossbow will come in handy. What else?"  
"I think yer askin' far too many questions. Yer not takin' us anywhere. We won't fight yer fight and we are no soldiers. This group has damn good fighters and we can survive on our own", Connor hissed without lookin' at Rick. If he had he would have seen a smirk in Rick's eyes. "My friend is right. Just let us go our way. Leave Washington."  
Abraham looked at the Captain. "I'm a soldier and I will guide them somewhere else if this is bothering you. Those are good people, good fighters and if anyone can make this world work again it's Rick Grimes and his family."  
The officers looked at Abraham. "I understand. We are just careful. Lot of freaks out there.", then he faced Rick again. "You should come with us. We have electricity, warm water, beds and food. We need new people to help us. We lost a lot of people who were sent to different states. We wanted to gather all people here and look if there are any medial camps, medical centres like the CDC or military stations left. But most groups never came back."  
Rick nodded. "It's rough out there. Humans killing humans. Saw some soldiers murdered. A Helicopter back at Atlanta. Think some freak that attacked us too killed them. He had a tank, too. We will help you, but I want my kids to be save and the women. No fighting for them. You have docs?"  
"Yes. We will get you all checked and patched up. Children and Women will help inside the camp."  
"Good. We will join you. But if I say we leave, we will leave again. I am not risking this group and I am not losing one of them."  
Lambert smiled and nodded. "Go grab your belongings and we will guide you."  
Murphy and Connor still had their weapons in their hands. "I swear to god, if yeh tryin' to make life a hell for us we will put bullets through yer head", Murphy threatened, not trusting this guy for one bit.  
"No need for that. You seem to have quiet a temper", Lambert said.  
"Aye." Connor gave Murphy a nodd and they hid their weapons.

* * *

 

Ten minutes later they were following them to that secret camp. Daryl was driving while Connor and Murphy sat next to him. They were all tense and brooding over the new situation. Connor grabbed Daryl's hand, which was resting on the gear knob. They interlaced fingers and Murphy started biting his thumb. "Wha' if this is a trap?"  
"Nah. It's not. Think he was honest. An' made sense wha' he said. An' if it is they will pay for it", Connor tried to shush his brother even so he had doubts himself.  
"Conn' is right. Won't let anything happen to anyone in the group."  
"By the way nice move with the crossbow earlier", Murphy stated.  
"Yeah?" Daryl smirked.  
"Yeh really could be one of us. Imagine Conn' doin' family business with him." Murphy was already planning life with a cure. Connor just nodded. "Aye. Think he would do great."  
"You okay?", Daryl asked him because Connor's voice was a bit too distant.  
"Aye. Just a bit worried."  
"abou' wha'?" Murphy asked.  
Connor looked at him and sighed. "We don't kno' them and wha' if they are against...Yeh kno'...Homosexuals", Connor stressed the last word as if it was some sort of curseword.  
"If they do me bro' I will lecture them until they are blue in the face with green stripes and pink polka-dots", Murphy said with a straight face. Daryl started laughing. "I bet you would."  
"Listen, me brother is happy for the very first time in his life and if anyone wants to get between the two of yeh I will beat the living shit out of them. I am the only one who is allowed to be bitchy." Murphy flashed them a smile and the two others just shook their head. "Thank yeh", Connor whispered.  
"Always Conn'. Yeh kno' I care for yeh. I always did."  
Connor let got of Daryl's hand and took his brothers face in his hands, kissing him on both cheeks and his forehead. "I love yeh baby brother."  
"Thank yeh. BABY-brother. Yeh still not over the fact I am older, righ'?"  
Daryl snorted. "You two are pretty childish all the time. If I wouldn't kno' better I would think I am the oldest."  
The twins giggled. "Yeah. papa grumpy."  
Daryl rolled his eyes and concentrated on the way ahead of them. Connor was gabbing his hand again and Murphy was playing with Connor's hair.  
Murphy was still annoyed and sad about the whole situation with Daryl but he needed to try to be better for them and he really didn't want to be the reason that his brother and friend had to hide and have less hours for themselves. And they really had no idea what was coming next and they all needed to be one, one piece of a whole. Murphy rested his head on Connors shoulder and snuggled himself closer to his brother. He was afraid to lose him and that made him still act like the younger one, even so it was pretty clear that he wasn't. Connor again, let go of Daryl's hand and cuddled with Murphy. Daryl watched them with a smile and sighed. He hoped that they really could find a cure, just to know that those two are save. If anybody was supposed to live in a world that needed faith, hope and trust, it was them. Their love and trust into other people are worth everything. Daryl felt something inside of him growing, not his love for these two, that was already on the highest level he was capable of. No, he felt happiness and hope. The last month hope was the one thing that kept him alive and now he needed it just like he needed air to breathe. He hoped for a future, for a home and for his friends to be saved. He had hope that they would find a cure and a new life. The twins were still cuddling and much to Daryl's surprise he wanted to cuddle with them. Just like they had when Murphy slept in their bed. Murphy looked at him, while he was stroking Connor's hair and when their eyes met, Daryl smiled at him and Murphy reached one hand for him, which Daryl took.  
Murphy saw how Daryl wanted to be with them but he was still driving, so he reached him his hand and opened for a very short time his link to him. "We belong together. Three pieces of a whole", he said in his head and Daryl looked at him surprised. He nodded and then stared back on the street. How was it possible he could hear Murphy in his head? But he couldn't think much further because the car in front of them was slowing down. Daryl stopped the car and waited. He couldn't see anything. "Murph' can yeh see anything?"  
Murphy and Connor stopped their hugging and Murphy leaned out of the window. "Nah. Nothin'."  
"Maybe Walkers", Connor suggested.  
"Lemme check", Murphy said and headed outside, running to the other car. Daryl watched him and couldn't help but think that as much as they looked alike, Murphy was moving way different then he ever would. But then there was this one move of his arm. That annoyed gesture when they wanted to underline something they said. Murphy was annoyed right now. He could tell by the look on the twins face. Murphy jogged back to the pick up and Daryl opened the window. "What is it?"  
"Lambert is talkin' to the camp with such a military communication thingy an' they don't wan' us in there. But he is yellin' at them like a maniac. Told me we have to wait a little."  
"Then come back in", Daryl smirked, wondering why Murphy didn't come back into the car.  
"Nah. Have to take a piss." He jogged off again behind one of the buildings and Connor snorted. "He has a bladder like a 100 year old."  
"Can I ask you something before he is back?"  
Connor tangled their fingers together. "Sure."  
"Why do I hear him in my head?"  
Connor frowned. "Murphy?"  
"Yeah." Connor sighed and grabbed the seat a bit harder with his other hand. "Because he is your soulmate, too." There was no way of denying it and there was no lie he could tell. "Why can't I hear you as clear as him?"  
"Because I don't want you to hear me and Murphy and I stopped doing it, too. It gets annoying after a while. When we were younger we did that a lot and it was fun for a while. Until I thought I was going insane. Imagine being in class and suddenly your twin is talking to you about a girl. Or one time he was talking to me about how much he wanted to jerk himself off but Ma' was at home and I was at church helping our priest clean up. That's why we don't do it that often. But if I want I could do it."  
Daryl shook his head and Murphy was already coming back. "Can I do it too?"  
"Try it. Just like yeh sent me those dreams yeh can sent me words. Or him. Yeh have to concentrate on me, try to reach me, feel me inside of yer chest and then talk. It is very exhausting in the beginning but after a while yeh do it blindly. Murphy and me were born with that connection."  
"Wha' are yeh two monkeys talkin' abou'?" Murphy asked when he was back on his seat.  
"The connection", Daryl answered and watched the twin, who bit his lip and nodded.  
In his head Murphy was forming the words: "I can talk to you both at the same time if I want, to. Right Conn'?"  
Connor looked at him. "Right", he said out loud. Daryl concentrated on Connor first and when he thought he found the connection he said "I love you, baby and I would like you to kiss me."  
Connor moved closer, smirked and kissed him. Then he tried to reach Murphy, which was more difficult. "Fucker?"  
Murphy snorted. "Yeh could at least say somethin' nice when yeh talk to me in my head", Murphy voiced. Connor shook his head. "If I wouldn't be used to this I would think we are freaks."  
"We are", Daryl stated.  
"Aye. From one freak to the others, I love us the way we are", Murphy said.  
They looked at the truck which wasn't moving. "Hell, how long do we have to wait?", Daryl mumbled. He let go of the wheel and leaned over to Connor and whispered into his ear: "I hope we get to shower together." Connor answered in his head: "Mr. Dixon, yer gettin' all pervert. I created a monster."  
"Fuck you. You are the pervert", Daryl replied in his head but failed and only recognized it when Murphy started giggling. "Dar' I think that was the wrong line."  
Daryl blushed and when Connor looked at him he was biting his lip and looked embarrassed.  
After that they sat in silence and waited for the cars to move again. Daryl thought it was way too long until they saw the car in front of them turn on their engines. When it finally did, Connor cheered and Murphy just smirked. Daryl himself had enough time to think. New people always meant trouble or a shit ton of showing them that they were good and wouldn't harm them. And military was a bit different then invading a farm or a prison. He was betting that they had to prove them selves to them by doing stupid jobs and killing walkers. After 15 more minutes they finally reached the end of town and stopped for some minutes until they all drove past a gate, which was closed behind them. The area looked like a Hospital. "Oh fuck me. I knew it. National Military Medical center. I knew it", Connor mumbled. He had seen it on the map but he thought it would be too obvious to put the camp in there. The area was big enough to put a camp there, find places to sleep and to find enough medicine. Of Course.  
"Very obvious", Murphy said.  
"Maybe that's why they did it. It is so obvious that everyone would think it can't be there."  
They stopped the cars in front of one building and Lambert told them to leave their stuff inside the trucks. Everyone followed him inside the building and Connor, Murphy and Daryl stayed behind the group. Rick had given Daryl a sign to stay back. In case something was happening. Lambert guided them in a big room, with lights on. "Geez. Electricity", Conn' said way too excited.  
Lambert told them to wait in the room and sit down. Everyone did. Except for Daryl who was standing next to the door, his crossbow in hand. He wanted to be ready if he had to kill someone. He didn't trust anyone. Connor was sitting on the opposite site of the table, watching him and Murphy sat next to Rick, his back to Daryl. But Daryl knew they were all three in "observing-mode". Murphy opened his link and said: "I don't trust this."  
"Me neither", Connor replied and Daryl just nodded at Connor, who looked at Murphy, telling him something in his mind. Daryl kept his eyes on Connor, who was in thoughts and he knew that his man was scared. He could tell it by the way his eyes were looking inward and how he was massaging his hands. He tried to find the line to Connor and send him the words "I love you, Leprechaun. Don't be scared." Connor looked at him and smiled. "Love you, too."  
Murphy had a hard time to not turn around and say something to Daryl, because he knew the words were meant to be for Connor alone. Murphy shut down all links, all lines, blocked it out because it wasn't fair to listen to them. After some minutes Lambert entered the room again, with three new people. One was wearing a white tunic, a women wearing jeans and a tanktop and she had a knife and a gun in her belt. The third man was obviously a soldier with a higher rank than Lambert.  
"Captain Lambert told me about you all and I am not happy that he brought you here. Now that you are here we will give you a place to sleep, food and safety as far as anyone is safe in here. In exchange you will help us out with killing walkers and rebuilding the city. Anyone of you have any medical experiences?" The new guy spoke without saying who he was. Murphy eyed the man. He was short, dumpy and his white hair was cut very short. Murphy thought he looked ridiculous. Rick spoke now. "No. We don't. We learned some stuff while on the run but no one is trained. Are you working on a cure here?"  
"That's none of your concern."  
"Maybe it is.", Abraham replied.  
The man moved his head towards Abraham. "You are a soldier."  
"Yes."  
"Why would you think it concerns you."  
"Because we are all humans and we need a cure. And maybe we have someone who can help with that."  
"That would be a miracle."  
"Yeah, so tell us", Abraham commanded.  
"We are working on a cure. But our resources and scientists are low."  
Eugene looked at Rick and Abraham who both nodded.  
"Maybe I can help then. I am a scientist and I have information about the cure."  
"What?", Lambert yelled.  
"Yeah."  
"You could have told me that when we were in the hotel."  
"Too risky", Rick replied.  
"Shut up! Both!", the higher soldier told them and then spoke to Eugene "You are goin' with Dr. Hale after this conversation." Everyone looked at the doctor. Brown hair that was sticking to every side of his head, brown eyes, skinny and nervous. He was too young to be a real Doc.  
"May I ask who you are?", Rick finally asked.  
"I am the boss here. I am James Frederic Kennedy. And before you ask, yes, My parents thought it was Funny to use the initials J. and F. I am Leutnant. And who are you?"  
"My name is Rick Grimes. I was a sheriff back at my town. Those are my son Carl and my daughter Judith."  
The man looked at the kids. "Great. We have some more kids in your sons age." Everyone told them who they were, only Murphy, Connor and Daryl were left. Daryl slowly moved to Murphy and placed his hand on his shoulder. "I'm a hunter, Murphy is a former police officer an' Connor was working at the movies but he's good with weapons, too."  
He heard a quiet "What are you doing" in his head. "Is that so? You twins?"  
"No. Murphy and Connor are." Daryl would protect them at any cost. In case they had still records or something about those two he would have to make sure that they were safe.  
"Alright. Lambert will show you your new sleeping place and introduce you to other people. It is Wednesday and I think we will leave you out of business for another week. But I want Dr. Hale to check all of you for injuries and take blood samples to see if anyone has major diseases."  
"Thank you", Rick said and when Kennedy left the room Lambert sighed. "Okay guys, that went easy. He is not always that nice. Once he knows all of you he will be a lot easier. The women here is my wife Anna. She will show the women where to sleep. Are there any couples? You can of course stay together. We have rooms for two or three people. No single rooms. So everyone has to share. We prefer the girls in one wing of the building and the guys in another one. But both are guarded. And couples, as I said. Stay together. Rick, you and your kids get a single room. We have to find a little bed for Judith. I can go and get one later. So, couples?"  
He looked around and Daryl kept his eyes locked with Connor. Connor was shaking his head. Barely noticeable. "We are", Glenn and Maggie said and Abraham and Rosita joined them. So did Bob and Sasha. Lambert nodded and told the couples to go with Anna and the girls should follow too. Eugene was going with Hale and everyone else went after Lambert. "Yeh two take a room together, right?", Murphy asked.  
"Aye. Yer okay with that?"  
"Yeah. Even so I have to share my room with Eugene."  
"Maybe you can come over sometimes and cuddle, hm?", Daryl tried to calm Murphy and make him feel better.  
"Aye."  
Lambert led them to their rooms. Murphy took the one next to Connor and Daryl and Rick and the two kids the one next to that. "Okay guys, the trucks have been emptied and your stuff should be waiting for you down that hallway. Grab your stuff and rest for the rest of the night. In the morning I will wake you up so you can be checked by our Doc. G'night."  
He walked away and Daryl looked at their beds. Two small beds that were standing away from each other. First thing he did was to shuffle them together, while Connor was going to grab their stuff. When he came back both placed them on the bed. Too awake to sleep but they tangled themselves together and kissed. Connor soon turned around and let Daryl spoon him. The hunter kissed Connor's head. "Goodnight Baby."  
"'Night Dar'."  
After some minutes Connor moved again. "Are you still awake?"  
"Yeah. Can't sleep."  
"Me neither."  
"You worried?"  
"Aye."  
"No one will harm you. Won't let you out of my sight."  
Just when Connor wanted to answer, they heard a knock on the door.  
"Come in", Connor said. When Murphy entered he smiled. He had known it was him. Murphy was unable to sleep in places he didn't know and with people around he didn't know. At the hotel he had known everyone but here it was different. Murphy stood at the side of the bed. "Can I stay here?", he whispered.  
"O'Course, right?", Connor answered and moved his head to Daryl. "Yeah, come here." Murphy went around the bed because there was more space at Daryl's side and he placed himself behind Daryl, tugged his left arm under the hunters head and his right arm rested on the hunters side, so that his hand was touching Connor. Connor bend his arm and interlaced his fingers with Murphy. The twins were trapping Daryl in their middle. Just when Daryl sighed and tried to relax, he felt Murphy kissing his neck. "Thank yeh for lettin' me stay." Daryl turned his head a bit and Murphy raised his torso. "Kiss him", Daryl heard Connor in his head and looked at his boyfriend's back. "What?" he whispered. "Kiss him. That's what I would do now", he heard the reply in his head. Daryl shook his head and looked at Murphy again, putting his lips gently on his cheek. That was all too fucking weird and at the same time, again, it wasn't. He started chuckling when he was back in his sleeping position.  
"Why do you chuckle?", Murphy asked.  
"Looks like the beginning of some freaking threesome gay porn. You two are making my thoughts all about sex."  
"Well"... Murphy mouthed and let go of Connor's hand and started to put his hand on Daryl's body, sliding underneath his shirt. Daryl froze. "MURPH'"; Connor said harsh. "Stop that shit or I will kill yeh. Daryl is my boyfriend and a fucking threesome is not happenin'. Yer an old big tease."  
Murphy giggled and moved his hand back on Connors chest.  
They fell silent and soon they could hear Murphy snoring and Daryl snuggled closer to Connor. His hand moved under his friends shirt, resting over his heart. He needed to feel the heartbeat and the movement of Connor's chest when he was breathing. Daryl needed something to ground him and to make this weird feeling go away. A weird feeling he couldn't even name. He didn't even know where it came from. But it made him nervous. Connor let go of Murphy's hand and turned around. Grabbing Daryl's hand and giving him a kiss. Something seems to bother Daryl, he could feel it but he had no idea what it was. Probably they were all scared and excited at the same time. Because soon there could be a cure and a new life. Everything was possible and that was freaking him out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daryl and Murphy have a connection like Connor and Daryl do. Who would have guessed that, huh?


	25. I'm a whore above the broken dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not even sure if I should post the chapter after last night.  
> And I am not sure if I am prepared for the comments you will give me after this.  
> I don't like the chapter that much but I don't know how to write it better.
> 
> Well...and for some of you this might come shocking but I am glad when I am done with the FanFic because those three are ruining me ;)

The next morning when Daryl woke up and opened his eyes he could see Connor smiling at him and the hunter smiled back. He tried to move closer to his man but the other twin was pressing him so hard against his body that he couldn't move an inch. Daryl snorted and grabbed Murphy's hand but saw that the older one was grabbing his shirt in his fist and the other one was grabbing the pillow. "Is he dreaming?", Daryl whispered.

"Aye. Nightmare I guess."

"Then why are you smiling?"

"Because it is nice to see you two so close."

Connor couldn't help it but he was somehow in love with the picture of his brother and his man. He loved that they were coming along and that they accepted each other, cared for each other. And most importantly Connor was glad that they could share everything, divide their pain into three pieces and let their love grow. Of Course love was different with Murph' but still... 

Daryl smiled and grabbed Murphy's hand, moving his thumb over the other guys hand. Maybe he could make him relax but Murphy didn't move. "What do you usually do when he does that?"

"I try to calm him with my thoughts. Try it, but be careful it can be that you see what he sees."

Daryl nodded, closed his eyes and tried to connect with Murphy. "Murph?"

No reaction.

"Murphy, calm down man. You are save. Wake up."

No reaction. Daryl tried harder. He wanted that. He wanted to be connected to both of them. He wanted this, he was part of this family and so he had to try. He knew he wasn't a twin brother and no blood but he could do it. 

"Murph'!" And just when he said it, he could see the pictures. Murphy was killing walkers, Daryl and Connor next to him and suddenly Murphy started screaming and turned to Connor and saw that he was attacked. He started running but couldn't reach him in time. He seemed to run on the spot. Daryl snapped his eyes open and looked at Connor. "Wake him the fuck up."

Connor did as he was told and Daryl moved around, as far as he was able to do so in Murphy's grip. He pulled Murphy on top of him, while he was shaking him and Connor was talking to him in his head. Murphy's hands relaxed and he opened his eyes. They were red, he was crying and rested his head at Daryl's chest. The hunter hugged him and stroke his hair. "It's okay Murph'. We are here. Everything is okay."

Daryl himself was scared to death by the pictures he saw. Now he knew how horrible those dreams really were and how realistic they felt. He felt pity for the other man. Murphy moved his head up again and looked at Daryl. He had felt him in his head but couldn't reply. Those dreams were too immense, too real. He rested his head against Daryl's forehead and gently kissed the other man. "I heard yeh."

Exhausted as he was he just stayed like this and Connor was caressing his back. "Baby Bro', did yeh have those dreams again?"

"Aye. I see yeh dying every night. It's always yeh. No one else. Always yeh. While Dar' and me watch."

Connor nodded, stood up and looked outside the little window. "I had them too. I could see yeh runnin' towards me. I had them when we were kids. They stopped someday."

Murphy's eyes snapped open and he looked into Daryl's eyes. Shock all over both faces.

"Yeh wha'? Yeh always told be abou' the killin', never abou' yeh bein' killed." Murphy moved his head to face Connor. Daryl was trying to make sense of this and when he had a thought he said. "Fuck. No."

Both twins looked at him. "Wha'?", Murphy asked and pushed himself up a bit to look better at Daryl, still on top of him. "I know why they stopped and I know what it means.."

"I figured tha' out a while ago", Connor added and rubbed his face in his hands.

Murphy was now moving and stood up, placing himself between Daryl and Connor.

"Tell me."

Connor looked at Daryl and back to Murphy. "I am going to die. I have known all the time. The dreams I had were a warning and they stopped when I was attacked by monsters. Remember when I told you that I saw you staring at me but you looked different? Remember how I told you about the pain and the weird feeling?"

Murphy nodded. "Aye. Aye but...FUCK YOU CONNOR! NO! Don't yeh dare tell me that yeh warned yer own soul!"

"He did." Daryl was certain that this was what happened. He was freaking out and he suddenly hated this whole soulmate and supernatural crap that was going on.  
"Yeh kno' wha' tha' is not goin' to happen! Yeh won't go out and kill those walkers. I will trap yeh her' or if they throw us out I will make sure yeh never ever come near a walker again", Murphy was yelling.

"Calm the fuck down Murph'. I am not going to die. We just have to be careful. Won't leave yeh." Connor kissed Murphy's cheek and hugged him. Daryl stood up and hugged both of them. "We have to be careful. No one is going to die here. Won't lose one of you." 

"Enough cuddling. Lambert sure will make the wake up call soon. Go and be ready Murph'. Gimme some seconds alone with my man", Connor said and Murphy nodded and they let go of each other. Murphy walked towards the door and turned around before leaving the room, just to see how the other ones were hugging. It didn't feel right. Nothing felt right anymore and it never will. He had known that Connor had secrets. Maybe a lot more than he would ever know.

Daryl and Connor kissed as soon as Murphy was out of the room. "G'mornin' Darlin'."

"Mornin' Baby." Daryl's hand were finding their way under Connor's shirt, again searching for his heartbeat. "I can never lose you"; he whispered and felt close to crying because the thought alone was killing him. 

"I will never leave yeh. Not willingly." The Irishman mumbled.

Just when they started kissing again they heard Lambert making the wake up calls and they went outside to meet with the others.

* * *

 

**Two hours later**

 

After everyone of them were checked by Doctor Hale, Lambert had shown them the showers and he wanted everyone of them to make a list which clothes they needed. Daryl, Murphy and Connor immediately decided for similar jeans, black shirts and new jackets. Daryl didn't give his vest away. He liked the angel wings on it. So they wrote everything down and gave it to Lambert, who made sure that they would get the clothes in the afternoon so every one of them could shower in the evening and change into fresh clothes. He had told them where they would find the canteen and that they would introduce them to the others at midday. Eugene still wasn't back but everyone guessed he was working on that cure.

The twins and the hunter were sitting at a table in their room and Connor said: "Maybe this is going to be good here. We have showers and stuff. What do you think? Should we walk around and see if we can find something to read or what they have here?"

"Dunno. Probably better to stay here.", Murphy answered.

Connor was bored, so he threw himself on the bed. He hated waiting and being trapped and he really would like to cuddle or make out with Daryl but his brother won't leave their side. He was well aware of that. What he didn't know was the silent conversation that was going on between his twin and his boyfriend. 

"Yeh did see it, righ'?"

"Yeah. I am sorry Murphy."

"Don't be brother. I am used to nightmares like this."

"We have to save him."

"Aye. We should be careful. Even in here. Y'll never kno'."

"Same. I make sure he is safe at night. And one of us should always be with him."

"Aye. Thank you, Dar'."

Their eyes met and Daryl slowly moved his hand and grabbed Murphy's, pressed it and let go of it. It happened in a matter of seconds. Then he stood up and suited himself next to Connor. Murphy was moving himself next to the other side of Connor. Connor's arms were spread and the look-a-likes were both mirroring their positions. Both rested their head on Connor's shoulder, their knees bent, one hand on Connor's chest. Connor smirked and pressed them closer. "Seems like I'm still the big bro', huh?"

"Yeh will always be me big bro'. Even so yer a minute younger. I don't care. Yer forever the caring one, the plan maker and me fuckin' best friend." Murphy rubbed his face on Connor's chest and kissed it. Daryl moved his head to his mans ear: "I won't fuck my big bro'."

That made the man in the middle chuckle. Daryl cocked an eyebrow at Murphy and the latter giggled. "Oh god, since when are we THAT cheesy Conn'. Tha' apocalypse thing is turnin' us into big ol' teddybears. We were hard as steel once and used to be troublemakers. Not caretakers and cuddling tigers without claws. Wha' happened?"

"We got older Murph'. And I fell in love with tha' beautiful guy here." Connor kissed Daryl's head.

Murphy looked sad for the split of a second which was only seen by Daryl. "Yeah and you two make me weak like butter. Not fuckin' fair."

"Aye. Yeh look like a lil' kid sometimes. Even Judith is more of an adult than you", Murphy teased.

"Fuck you. Who is the one acting like a lil' kid all the time? Crying, giggling, being jealous. That wasn't me."

"BOYS!", Connor yelled in his best big-bro-voice, which made both of them look at him.

"Sorry Conn'."

"Yeah. Sorry Baby."

"D'yeh really call him Baby?", Murphy snickered.

"None of your fucking business."

Murphy shook his head and then fell silent, grabbing Daryl's hand on Connor's stomach. Both looked at each other. "I'm so fuckin' scared", he said in his head.

"Me too."

Connor started stroking both of their heads and relaxed. He was scared but he would help both of them and he had to make sure that both of them knew how much he loved them and that they needed to stay together in case he really died. 

"I love yeh both. Yeh kno' tha' righ'?"

Both nodded. "I want yeh to hear me out. I kno' yeh goin' to swear at me Murph' but just listen. We don't kno' wha' happens in the future. Whether they find tha' cure or not, whether we stay or leave, no matter if it is tomorrow or in 20 years I want yeh both to take care of each other. If somethin' happens to me I have to be sure tha' both of yeh stay with each other. Yeh need each other. We are three now."

"Yer fuckin' righ' I swear at yeh. Yer not goin' to fuckin' die. But I agree. We have to stay together - no matter wha' and I promise yeh I will never leave him alone. As long as he wants me in his life." Murphy looked at Daryl and both locked eyes for a while. Daryl knew there wasn't much more to say. "And I will protect him Conn'. I told yeh I would."

Connor was relieved but somehow it made him sad and anxious and there was another feeling he couldn't name. He had never felt that before. It was eating him up alive. It was burning like acid and he always felt it when Murphy was around. Something was happening and changing and he didn't know what.

All three of them closed their eyes and Murphy was the first that fell asleep, Connor and Daryl followed. He didn't care that Murphy was still holding his hand and interlaced their fingers. This whole situation was so normal to him that he wondered how he had survived without them. He felt complete with them and alive. He needed them both and Connor was right. They were three now and nothing could separate them. 

* * *

 

It was around 12 when someone woke them up and lead them to the cafeteria of the district. Daryl was holding Judith in his arms, who was playing with the rosary that was still hanging around his neck. Murphy was standing next to him and playing with Judith's hand. Connor was talking to Rick. Lambert had told them to wait for the others. 

Daryl watched everyone and saw that they looked much better than yesterday. Some days in this location and they would all be better and clean. He had to admit that he liked to be dirty but now it just looked gross and he was nearly glad that Carol had made him wash some of the dirt off at the hotel. 

His eyes fell on Beth and she was looking at him too, smiling. They had never really spoken after the funeral home and after they had found her. She was staying away from him most of the time. He wasn't sure why, maybe it was because of the twins. Ever since they were in his life the others seemed to leave him out most of the time. Only Rick and Carol bothered enough. "Murph', can I ask you something?"

"Aye."

"Did I do something wrong with the group? I don't know, it changed after you two showed up."  
Murphy chuckled. "Nah, it's because they love to see yeh happy. Beth told me tha' yeh were always so closed up and angry at everythin' and lashin' out every other minute and tha' they love to see yeh like this. So don't yeh worry bro' they love yeh. But maybe instead of makin' out all the time yeh should try to talk a bit more to them."

Daryl nodded. "Maybe."

"Aye."

Ten minutes later Lambert showed up with about 20 people and 2 kids. One was about Carl's age and one was a bit younger. Lambert introduced the group to everyone and told his people to make them feel like home and include  the group into daily life. 

"Two people are out into town, grabbing your clothes and some supplies from our storage. Another group is out to kill walkers. you will meet them later. We all agreed that your group should stay put for the next three days. You all look exhausted and Doctor Hale told me about the shot wounds and other stuff. So I want you to be healed before you start to go out. The woman will help with food, washing, taking care of the kids and maybe teaching. We have plans on which day we do things and who's turn it is. We will work it out. Everyone has to earn their food and bed. But we are all glad that you are here. It is always nice to meet good people these days." Lambert smiled and so did everyone else. 

Rick approached and faced Lambert and he thanked him. "Thank you. We really appreciate all you do. We are glad someone took us in and helps us out. And we will help you as much as everyone here."

"I bet we will come along very well. If you need anything you can always ask. We have a room with books that we gathered, we have some boardgames and a TV. Once a month we all meet here and watch a movie and once a month we meet and have a little dance. We started doing this 3 month ago, because everyone needed something different to do. We have a garden with a slide and a swing-set and we can play a game of darts too. Fight-practice is every morning from 9 to 11. You can start with that next week. On Sundays we usually all do nothing. Just relax, spent time together and meet to eat together and plan the new week. I would like you to join us."

Daryl and Murphy looked at each other and smirked. Connor was standing across the room and his eyes were gleaming. "I think Lambert said the magical word "movies"", Murphy whispered into Daryl's ear.

"Yeah. Sounds a bit too good, huh?"

"Aye. Feels unreal. Let's just wait."

Rick was still talking to Lambert, while the others were leaving and Lambert explained that he would sent someone with their clothes and that they could shower than. Murphy looked at Daryl: "Yeh think I can hold her for a moment?"

"Of Course. Lil' asskicker will love you."

Daryl gave the kid to Murphy and melted when Murphy started singing that lullaby he had heard Connor sing once. The Irishman looked at him for a moment and Daryl felt the urge to hug him but decided to just turn around and move towards Connor, who was in a conversation with Beth and Carol. 

"Hi there Pookie", the older woman said.

"Ma'am", Daryl whispered.

"Stop saying that. I am not older than you."

"Okay. Ma'am." She shook her head.

* * *

 

Murphy went to Rick's room because Judith had fallen asleep while she was in his arms. He rested her in a little bed that Lambert had managed to find. She even had a little teddybear. "Don't yeh worry lil' princess. Soon yer havin' a nice home and meet other kids. Yer Daddy is goin' to take care of yeh and yer brother Carl will tell everyone how strong yeh are. Uncle Daryl will teach yeh how to hunt, Uncle Connor will teach yeh how to read and use yer brain and I will play and cuddle with yeh." Murphy didn't notice that Rick and Beth had followed him. He was gently stroking her head, when Rick moved behind him. "And aunt Beth will go shopping with you", he added. Murphy turned around. "Aye. We will all raise tha' kid."  
Beth approached Murphy and both looked down on the young girl. "Is Daryl alright?", she asked.  
"Aye. Why don't you ask him?"  
"He is avoiding me."  
"Nah. He thinks yer avoidin' him."  
Rick chuckled. "Beth he is in love for the very first time. He has to deal with a lot of new stuff..And you know him, he isn't the most communicating guy on this planet."  
She nodded. "True. But after what happened between us I thought..."  
Murphy looked at her. "Yeh thought he has feeling for yeh."  
"Yeah. He told me he didn't which is okay but I thought he would at least be my friend."  
"He is yer friend. Just go see him. He is in his room with Conn'. But Girl, knock first."  
She smiled and then went out of the room.  
Rick and Murphy stood awkwardly in the middle of the room and Murphy started biting his thumb, not sure if he should leave or stay or where to go. He decided he should leave father and kid alone and he was heading to the door, when Rick asked: "Are you better?"  
Murphy shrugged. "Kind of. Gotta be."  
"You look tired."  
"Aye. Nightmares. Of Conn' dying. Over and over again."  
Rick sighed. "Must be hard. Hope they will go away now that we are here."  
"Thanks."  
Murphy's hand was already on the doorknob when Rick again spoke: "How do you cope with your feelings?"  
"I don't. It burns me and makes me weak but's nothin' I can do abou' it."  
"He will never love you like this."  
"I know." Murphy turned around to face Rick. "And tha' is okay. I wouldn't want him to. But I can't help it. After we find a cure I will leave for Ireland first opportunity. With or without my brother." Even so it breaks my heart, he added in his mind.  
"If there is anything I can do for you, let me know."  
Murphy moved forwards and hugged Rick. "Thank yeh. I will."  
Then he walked out of the room and left to find his own one. He needed to close his eyes for a while. The last night was exhausting and yet he would like to sleep next to his two soulmates again. Because soon everything was falling apart. He could feel it and he couldn't handle that feeling that was taking hold of him. Fear combined with grief and anger. Something was ripping his heart out, bit by bit and he couldn't do anything against it. He had to spent every spare minute with them, with Connor. Murphy felt how his eyes ached and soon tears flooded them. Already missing what was still there. And in his mind he quietly asked: "Conn' are yeh there? I need yeh."  
And as always there was a reply. His brother was always there whenever he needed him. "Aye. Where are yeh?"  
"In me room."  
Just a minute later the door opened and Connor stepped into the room, concern written all over his face. Promptly sitting next to him and pulling Murphy into his lap. "Wha' happened?"  
"I just miss yeh."  
"But I am still here."  
"Yeah but it feels as if yer leavin' me."  
"I love yeh Murph'and I would never do it."  
They were sitting there for several minutes and Murphy calmed down, while Connor was holding him, comforting him. If it would be possible Murphy would crawl into Connors skin and stay there. To be one with him. To combine their souls. He freakin' loved his brother. More than anything in this world. Connor was his best friend, his brother and his soulmate. But Murphy loved someone else too but that was a different story. A different kind of love.

Connor stayed even when Murphy had fallen asleep. His hands running through his brothers hair, trying to comfort him some more. After a while his legs started to get numb  and he moved a bit so he could lie down. Murphy mumbled something in his sleep but followed him and snuggled even closer. Tangling their legs together. Connor was lying on his back, thinking about the future. He was so fucking scared that he might die. In the past their dreams were helpful, leading them to that point now but his dreams as a kid and Murphy's now tell a whole different story. And he would do everything to not go out and die, just because he couldn't do it to one of them. He would feel trapped but trapped was better than being dead. Murphy's head was resting in his armpit and Connor had pushed his hand inside the collar of his shirt, drawing circles on his skin. He moved his head a bit to see his brother. Oh god, he could never get enough of this. His sweet, loving twin. The man that was a part of him since they left their moms womb. They grew up together, sharing pain, love and longings. Connor felt his own tears coming and couldn't help but think about what had happened ever since the outbreak started. They had seen people turn to Walkers, good people being tortured and killed by other people. When they found Woodbury they thought they had made it - just to see that it all was false hope. Merle had beaten Murphy half to death and when Connor freed himself from his ties he had held him back and then got hit too. All because Merle, somehow, was missing his brother and some part of Connor knew that Merle wasn't the best brother in the world but he had tried.

Then they had found this group. This wonderful and amazing group and Daryl. His sign from god, his sign that there was hope and love in the world. That after everything that happened they had to go on. Murphy was frightened but so was he. Connor snuggled himself closer to his brother, kissing him and pressing him hard against his chest. When he was raped and tortured he thought about all the good things that had happened to them but he would never had thought about how much his brother would miss him. How much Daryl would suffer and he knew, he just knew that it would break both of them. Connor had to make sure that before he died, both of them come to very good terms, even allowing his brother to let his love for his boyfriend grow. Connor knew, he knew Murphy was in love with Daryl. It was all so fucking clear and he would allow it. He had to tell him, that if he really died, Murphy should tell Daryl, because if there is one thing everyone needs in this world, it is love. 

Connor kissed Murph's forehead and lips. Murphy woke up from this, looking sleepy and lazily at his brothers, when he saw the tears, he didn't ask what was wrong, he opened their link and when he felt how scared and sad his twin was, he kissed Connor back and tangled their bodies even more together. Murphy wouldn't ever admit it but his favorite Connor was the one allowing his feelings and his weakness to him. It was rare that he saw his brother this way because he was always trying to protect him, to be the strong one and the one joking to cover up is brokenness. It had always been this way but when they had found Daryl, Murphy thought he would never ever see him like this again. But now he knew. Connor was scared, too and afraid and probably still hurt.

He shoved his arms under Connor's body, so that he was able to hold one of his hands against the back of his brothers head. Feeling the smooth, darkblonde hair between his fingers. He had always been jealous about that hair. It was so much smoother than his and while his wasn't even able to stay in shape, Connors was perfect. His lips kissed the tears away and Connor looked at him and slowly shook his head. "'m Sorry Murph'."

"Don't." Murphy opened his mind and spoke in their silent language again. "I love yeh Conn' I kno' yer scared, too." 

"Aye. I don't wanna ever leave yeh. Yeh my other half, yeh always have been."

"An' I always will be. Me an' Dar' will protect yeh. Yeh just can't die. Don't be reckless, don't be like back in the days. Please, I am beggin' yeh."

"I won't. I will stay inside as much as I can." Connor pressed his head against Murphy's shoulder, inhaling his scent, listen to his heartbeat and enjoying their alonetime. He wouldn't admit it but he missed this. It was always just him and his twin. Now they had Daryl in their life, which was amazing but hard, too. In the past it was them who were cuddling all night, not him and Daryl. When he needed someone to talk it was always Murphy. Everything was always shared. Him and Murphy. They were one person. No wonder that Murphy was in love with the hunter, too. 

Connor knew what Murphy needed the most now. He needed release, just like he had needed it and he had found it with Daryl. Murphy needed someone or something to take care off. And probably some alone time to get rid of all this frustration inside of him. Connor looked to the door and back to Murphy. It was crazy but he wanted Murphy to have this release right now. With him. Here and now. Connor would be there, not helping him but trying to help him get off. 

Connor looked at Murphy, who was locking eyes with him. "Wha' are yeh thinkin Conn'?"

"Tha' yeh need some release."

"Aye. So?"

Murphy wasn't quiet sure what Connor was saying. Of Course he needed release. He hadn't had sex in a while and he hadn't wanked in months.

Connor stood up and moved to the door, to turn the key around, making sure no one would walk in because they would make wrong assumptions seeing this.

Murphy's eyes widened, when his brother came back to the bed, looking at him, dead serious and started to pull his shirt up. "Wha' are yeh doin'?"

"Helpin' yeh find release."

"I don't need help for tha'."

Connor pressed his lips on Murphy's. "Shut up. not tha' I never saw it before righ' and I want yeh to feel loved and hold while yer doin it. I want yeh to relax in my arms. I will just be here, takin' care of yeh."

Murphy slowly shook his head. Was Connor now insane?

Connor knew it was crazy and weird but his brother needed it. He started to open his belt and his pants and Murphy looked down on his body. Was this really happening?

The thought of Connor doing this was weird and not at all arousing. Connor pulled down Murphy's jeans and briefs, looking at his brothers manhood, which reminded him of Daryl's. Then he moved back up, placed himself behind Murphy and started whispering into Murphy's ear: "Think of him. Think of kissing him and touching him. Think about him sliding his hands over your chest, touching your nipples." Connor moved his hands over Murphy's chest, gently stroking his brothers nipples. He had closed his eyes and was imagining that this was Daryl. And he knew it was mean to talk to Murphy like this, awkward trying to make your twin jerk off to the thought of your man but it was the only way to show him that he was okay with it, right? Murphy just stared at the wall and couldn't believe this. Was Connor really talking about HIM?

"But Conn'...that is wrong. We can't do tha'."

"Yes you can. I know you love him. I know it because you are part of me and it was obvious that we both would fall for the same guy. I fucking know it and I am okay with it. When I die I want you to be with him. He doesn't know it but deep down he loves you, too."

Maybe it was hearing it or maybe it was the way Connor was touching him but suddenly Murphy let go and allowed himself, for the first time in weeks, to feel. Feel the anger, the pain, the love and frustration. Anger because it was a fuckin' joke that his brother loved the same man than him, pain that it was a man indeed, love for that wonderful hunter and his soul, frustration because one of them had to hold back. There was a lot of need a lot of longing inside of him an when he finally touched his dick, he moaned, loud and uncontrolled. It wouldn't take long and for some weird reason he was glad, that Connor was with him. 

Connor watched Murphy touching himself, falling apart in his arms. He could feel all the different emotions and he smirked, when Murphy started moaning. At least, Connor thought, he didn't sound like Daryl. Daryl's moans were wilder, deeper and rougher. Murphy was thrusting into his own hand and Connor whispered: "Imagine him helping yeh." Murphy was close to his climax and he was so turned on by hearing Connor talk about him, about Daryl, that he moaned his twins name. Connor smirked and started to play with his brothers nipples. "Come for me Murph'. Show me how much yeh love my man." Well, that was sick and awful but somehow it made him proud that someone was getting off on the thought of fucking his man. Daryl was wonderful and Connor wouldn't share him in real but there was something hot about the way his brother was in love with the same man. Weird and hot. Fuck, what a mess.

Murphy was getting faster and louder and his hp was moving up and down, fucking his own hand. "Fuck", he mumbled and then came, shooting his load all over his stomach. He relaxed in Connor's arms, slightly embarrassed about the situation.

Fuck, this was so wrong but it had felt so good. Connor kissed his brothers head. "I love yeh Murphy and I know yeh love Daryl. And it is okay. It really is. Don't be so angry anymore. Just enjoy it. It will go away or yeh will meet someone else. Or when I die yeh will have yer turn. Maybe it was always meant to be you and him. Maybe it has to happen. I don't know. God Murph', I know it is all weird but we can make this. Okay?"

Murphy nodded because he wasn't quiet sure what to say to this. He grabbed after his shirt and wiped off the cum from his stomach, Put his clothes back on and then turned around to face Connor. Still red in the face. "Why?"

"Because yeh needed it and because I promised to be there whenever yeh needed me. And I know yeh feel safer when I am around. Murph', I know we break every rule and we will both go to hell but I want yeh to know that there are no boundaries between us. We are one person. Others will never understand this but we do. We always knew. Our soul was split into three pieces. Yeh and me have a strong bond because we were born the same day, same parents. If Daryl would have grown up with us he would feel this deepness as much as we do. We want to be complete. And that is only possible with him around. My connection to him is stronger because of all those dreams and the feelings I have for him. But I know, once I am gone, he will love you as much as he loves me but he will need time Murph'. He is not like us, he isn't used to have feelings like this. I am proud and glad he opened up to us as much as he did but when I die, be prepared that he will be hollow, empty and grieving more than you will. Murphy, it can happen in 20 years or in 3 days. But I need you to be the strong one. I need you to be me."

Murphy was crying by now and all he could say was: "I am sorry Connor but I will promise to be the strong one, I will promise to be the head and heart or whatever he needs. I can wait. I will wait forever if this is necessary. We will be together someday, in hell or heaven. Somewhere. I love yeh and I don't know what I will do without yeh."

"I am still here and I don't plan on going." Connor kissed Murphy's forehead.

"But now I should check on him. He is probably wondering where I am. Yeh okay?"

"Yeah. I am." Murphy watched Connor leave and then let himself fall back into the pillow. What the fuck was that? He was glad he could take a shower soon because that feeling of confusion that was flooding his body and mind was beyond imaginable. He just had wanked off in front of his brother, thinking about Daryl. Well, who would have thought that in his old years he would do such crazy stuff. Murphy snorted. Fucking apocalypse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhm. HEHEHEHEHEHEHE! *holds her hand in front of her mouth to stop laughing*   
> So...Comments?


	26. If you leave me I'll be afraid of everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I scare some of you away or something? Was the last chapter too much?  
> This is Chapter 26, only 6 Chapters left until the end. And I wrote them already. I am editing them. So we will be done with the whole Fic before christmas!

The week went over pretty fast and they had tried to connect with the other group but except for Lambert and his wife no one was really interested in them being there. They had started to work with the others and Carl and the other kids were talking now and then. But nothing had really changed. Today was the movie night and Connor already woke up excited. Daryl rolled his eyes when they were having breakfast because his boyfriend seemed to have bees in his arse. Always moving and talking. Murphy and Daryl exchanged annoyed looks. "God, was he always like this?"  
"Yeah. Yeh have no idea."  
"Wha'? I am just happy abou' some normal life.", Connor defended himself.  
"Come on, since two days yer not talkin' abou' anythin' else than that movie. I wonder if yeh moan "movies" when yeh two sleep with each other."  
Daryl choked on his pancake. "What the fuck Murph'", he said.  
"Why don't yeh write a note to everyone tha' we are a couple", Connor hissed. They had kept it to their group and didn't want anyone to see or know.  
"Yeh really think they don't kno'? Yeh two are not always as quiet as yeh think and going to take a shower together, well..."  
Daryl and Connor looked at each other. "So yer sayin' they all kno' and they are okay?"  
"Yeah. Spoke to some of them and well, threatened some others. Told yeh I would protect yeh."  
"Thank you Murphy", Daryl voiced.  
"Aye. Everythin' for my love monkeys."  
"I am just so excited and I feel damn good", Connor explained himself.  
Daryl had to admit that he loved that big smile on his fiends face and the excited sound of his voice. Much better than the other feeling they all three shared - Fear.  
Daryl and Murphy were asked to go out and kill walkers tomorrow and it didn't sit right with one of them. Connor was annoyed and scared that he was supposed to stay inside while his two most important people had to risk their life. And the other two were afraid something might happen to Connor while they were outside. Murphy wanted to talk to Rick about it. Rick was freed from all outside activities because he had kids and so Rick could try to have an eye on Connor.  
But today was "Movie"-day and Lambert had told them that there would be a movie they could watch with the kids and then an adult movie. Of Course Connor wanted to watch both movies and Daryl was happy if he could spent some time with Connor as boyfriend without fucking and cuddling. Maybe have some normality. Murphy was happy too, because movies reminded him of the past, of better days.  
After breakfast Murphy went to see Rick, and Connor and Daryl went to the little library someone had built in a room. He had borrowed a book two days ago and was already done with it. Daryl eyed Connor while he was scanning the back of the books. Even Daryl looked at some books, not fiction, no, he had seen the little shelf with some non-fiction books. He looked at the titles and picked one about Ireland.  
Connor of course had found something that looked like a thriller.  
"I really do love books", Connor whispered.  
"I can see that", Daryl mused.  
"What did you find?"  
Daryl showed him the book and Connor smiled. "Aye. Better prepare yerself for moving there very soon. We are a pretty awesome and special folk."  
The hunter snorted and they walked back to their room in silence. Connor threw himself on the bed, kicked his new boots off and flipped himself over on his stomach to read. His shirt was pulled up a bit and Daryl could see a bit of the tattoo. The Irishman was waggling his feet in the air and Daryl smirked. He had found himself a nerd. A really cute and awfully hot nerd. Daryl sat down on the ground, his back against the wall. He watched Connor reading, pretending he was reading too. His eyes lingering on his friends face and the little smile on his lips, that never faded since they arrived here. Daryl's eyes moved to look at the hand with the tattoo, holding one of the pages in between two fingers to flip it as soon as it was read. He watched him breathe and move his feet. Sometimes Connor seemed to be so young and so full of life but Daryl had seen the other side too. A smile was building upon his face. hell, he was so deeply in love with that man, it was ridiculous. He stood up and moved over to the bed, placed himself on top of the other man and pulled his shirt up a bit more. Daryl pressed his lips to Connor's skin. "Wha' d'yeh think yer doin' Mister?"  
"Kissing my hot boyfriend."  
"I want to read."  
"Then read. Don't mind me. I will just kiss you." Daryl kissed more of the other guys skin and moved his hands up and down his sides. Connor pretended to read but with Daryl's touching he was soon concentrating on not to moan. Daryl was shoving the shirt up and over Connor's head. The Irishman took it off completely but then tried to read again. Daryl looked at the back of his man, the scars that were healed. His fingers tracing them and his tongue licking over Connor's spine, up to his neck, where he started biting him. Connor's head dropped to his chest and he bit his lips not to make any sound.  
"Dar' stop it. I can't concentrate."  
"Oh. Okay." Daryl pouted and moved his body next to Connor's. "I will sleep then, while you read."  
He crossed his ams in front of his chest and closed his eyes. Connor watched Daryl's face and smirked. His man was hot for him and his eyes wandered down to his bulge, just to find a half aroused dick. Which of course, made Connor's dick twitch.  
He closed the book and settled it on the floor. "Mister Dixon, would yeh please continue yer kissing?", he asked playfully.  
"Thought you wanted to read."  
"Done with the chapter. Now I would like to feel yer hands on my back."  
Daryl bent his fingers into the waistband of his mans jeans and pulled him on top of him, crashing their mouthes together and touching Connor's back. His hands trailed further down and he shoved his hands into Connor's jeans, grabbing his butt.  
His lips trailed down Connor's jaw and neck until they reached his collarbone. He started sucking. Connor again bit his lip, even so it was hard not to moan. His dick was pressing against the fabric of his pants and he could feel Daryl's pressing against his middle. Connor started to move, to get some friction. His hands buried in Daryl's hair. Latter moved too to get rid of his shirt. Connor helped him and then moved down to open the hunters pants. When Daryl was naked, Connor made sure the door was locked and then went over to the bed, got rid of his clothes too and suited himself next to Daryl. Latter covered them with a blanket and laid himself on his side, opening his arms. Connor moved into Daryl's embrace, Daryl plugged one leg under his mans body and one between his legs. They were tangled together like a knot. And as soon as he was done he looked at Connor, who was staring back at him. Daryl let his hands roam over his friends back and then moving into his hair, while the other one was tugged under his head. His lips found Connor's and he gently brushed his tongue over the other ones lips. When Connor broke the kiss, he looked at Daryl and the way he had tangled them together. Like he wanted to be near him and have something sweet and loving, not rough and hard. He rested his hand on the hunters face, his thumb briefly stroking his lips and then his fingers moved on to play with the hair in Daryl's neck. Daryl closed his eyes and his lips were curled into a tiny smile and Connor sighed. He loved to see his man that open and happy and he still couldn't believe that Daryl was his. He started kissing his chin and the goatee, kissed the mole above the upper lip and let his lips wander over every piece of skin down to his chest. His tongue brushing over Daryl's nipple and his lips sucking on it. Daryl had to bite his lip because he didn't want to moan either.  
They went on for a while, just kissing, touching and teasing a bit. After a while Daryl's hand moved down between their legs and he started playing with Connor's balls, which made the other one moan and close his eyes. Connor felt Daryl's thumb stroking over the head of his dick, wiping the precome all over his length and then gently started stroking him in a very very slow pace. He was going to kill him. Connor moved into Daryl's hand and looked at Daryl, who had a smirk on his face.  
"Patience Baby", he whispered and took his hand away, kissing him once more and playing with his hair.  
"Yer tryin' to kill me?"  
"No. I'm tryin' to appreciate you."  
Daryl let his hands wander to Connor's butt, massaging it, while his lips found the other ones and his tongue battled with Connor's. His fingers drew circles around Connor's hole and Connor moaned into their kiss.  
"Please", he mumbled.  
"Soon."  
Daryl moved to grab the bottle with lube from the nightstand, squeezing a bit on his fingers and then started stretching Connor. His fingers hitting his prostate, which made his man moan and bite down on his shoulder. Daryl was still holding him in his arms. The most valuable thing in his whole life. He was holding his heart in his arms.  
When he was done stretching Connor, he kissed him and then turned him around. His right arm under Connor's body, grabbing around his chest, he bents one of his mans legs and moved himself so, that he could thrust into him. Half lying on top of him, but still gentle enough to move in a slow path. Connor was so surprised by Daryl's moves and sudden tenderness that he moaned the second Daryl pushed into him. He felt like feelings where knocking him out. Daryl started moving in a slow path and he was dying from everything he was feeling. He loved Connor so much and he wasn't able to express it right. There were no words, no way to show him. Connor was tangling their fingers together and breathed: "I love you so fucking much."  
Daryl hovered over his ear and whispered back: "I love you so much it hurts. I want to be inside of you. Crawl into your skin."  
Connor moved his head and Daryl wiped away the tear that was forming on his friends eyes. "Don't cry."  
"I'm just overwhelmed", Connor explained.  
"Yeah. Me, too."  
Daryl's thrusts got a bit faster, but still much slower than usual and both were embracing this closeness. Their moans coming in the same speed and Connor's dick was thrusting into the sheets every time Daryl thrusted into him.  
Daryl was biting down on Connor's neck and kissed his hair. He needed to see Connor, needed to see those blue eyes and the parted lips when he came.  
He slipped out of him and turned him around, pulling him on top of him and pushed into him again. Connor staring into his eyes and his lips finding Daryl's again. Daryl's arms were wrapped around his man and his thrusts got harder and faster, until he felt himself coming, biting down on Connor's shoulder. He slipped out immediately and then rested Connor back in the sheets. Moving down and sucking on his balls, moving his mouth over his friends dick, his tongue licking on it and then taking it in, giving him a blowjob. Connor was close and grabbed into Daryl's hair, which made the hunter look up to him, loving the view he was having. He could never get enough of Connor's climax face. He sucked a bit harder and felt Connor explode in his mouth. He swallowed the bitter liquid and kissed his way back up until he was lying next to his man again. Connor looked at him, his hands taking Daryl's face between them and he whispered. "Daryl Dixon, I love yeh and I am glad yeh love me back. It feels better than anything I ever felt before. I am so glad we share this and I am looking forward to spent the rest of my life with yeh."  
Now it was Daryl who had to hold back some tears. "Oh Connor." He buried his head on his friends shoulder and pressed him close to his chest. "I don't understand why you love me. I am not even worth a bit. I am not worth your love. You are so much better than me. You are cute and hot and intelligent. I am just a stupid redneck."  
Connor chuckled. "No yer not. Yer my hero and yeh always will be. Yer brave, smart, cute and hot. Yer a fuckin' good hunter and everything I ever wanted." Daryl sighed.  
"Now Baby, lets put on some clothes and go to that movie-night. I can't wait to see that happy look on your face and the sparkles in your eyes. It is a beautiful sight and makes me want to kiss you all the time. My cute lil' nerd."  
Connor playfully punched Daryl but then nodded. "Aye. Let's go and have some fun."  
"Conn'? What if I want to kiss you? I am sick of hiding my love for you."  
They looked at each other and Connor smiled. "Then kiss me. Fuck them. Fuck Murph' and his stupid feelings. I want to cherish yeh from head to toe in every fuckin' minute of me life. So kiss me whenever yeh want and wherever yeh want."  
"You changed me and I am so afraid that when you leave or die or whatever I won't survive this. I am so afraid of losing you."  
Connor came closer and shook his head. "I hope we will never be separated. I would never willingly leave yeh."  
"I know."  
"Believe me or not. I wouldn't want to live one day without yeh. It scares me to death. It scares me knowin' tha' yeh go outside tomorrow. If yeh goin' out there I can't protect yeh an' Murph'. And protectin' the both of yeh is my job but I am stayin' here to make sure those dreams won't come true. I am not riskin' this."  
Daryl nodded, kissed Connor and helped him put his Shirt back on. Daryl was so in love with him that he felt himself drowning in this feeling. For once in his life he knew what it was that everyone was always talking about and what made life worth living.  
Love.  
Connor.

* * *

 

They knocked on Murphy's door to take him with them to the movies and when they arrived they saw everyone sitting in a big room. The three of them sat next to Beth, Maggie and Glenn. Connor in the middle between Murphy and Daryl. Just like the last couple of days. They never left his side. Tomorrow would be the first time that they had to leave him. Murphy looked to Daryl and nodded briefly, before speaking to him in his thoughts. "Spoke to Rick. He's gonna have an eye on him t'morrow."  
Daryl answered: "Thanks. I am still worried."  
"Aye. Me, too brother. Me too."  
"He is so excited today."  
"Isn't it beautiful to see him like this?"  
Daryl looked over to his man and then looked at Murphy who was basically mirroring his steps. "It is. It is rare."  
"It always was. There is always this sadness in his eyes."  
"Yeah." Daryl's hand moved to Connor's neck, gently playing with the hair. His man looked at him, smiling affectionate.  
"Yeh make him better", Murphy voiced in his head.  
"He is making me better. You both are." Daryl replied.  
Connor moved his hand upon Daryl's knee and looked down, when Daryl interlaced their fingers. Connor was happy and he loved that they were so open about their love in this moment. They belonged together and Connor was willing to give everything to Daryl. Everything he needed.  
Daryl whispered into his ear: "What are you thinking about?"  
"That you are my everything."  
Daryl smirked and looked around. No one, except Murphy was watching and so he decided to give Connor a kiss on the cheek.  
"Uuuh gross", Murphy joked and then shook his head.  
"Shut up Murph'", Connor hissed.  
"Yer makin' us all sick with yer heart eyes and yer excitement for the movie. Dear brother, yer a grown up man, not a fuckin' teenager."  
"What d'yeh kno'? Yeh never were in love. yeh have no idea how it feels."  
Murphy stared into Connor's eyes and then watched Daryl. "No. Yer righ'. How can I, huh? How can I possibly kno'?"  
"I'm sorry Murph'", Connor replied, but Murphy was already looking at the screen, waiting for Lambert to dim the light. Connor moved closer to Daryl, leaning his head against the hunters shoulder.  
The movie started and Connor smirked. When they said a movie that kids could watch too, he was expecting something like "Mrs Doubtfire" or "Hook", not an actual Disney Movie. "The Fox and the Hound", Connor whispered.  
Daryl nodded. "I can read."  
"No yeh don't understand. That movie is so fuckin' sad."  
"I will wipe away your tears, Baby."  
They watched the whole movie and Connor was sobbing like a kid, so was nearly everyone else. Even Daryl had to swallow hard and was nearly glad when it was over. As soon as someone flipped the lights back on, he took Connor's face in his hands and kissed the tears away and hugged him. Murphy was watching them, wiping his tears away. Disney movies were able to make the hardest men sob like little babies.  
"The fucking goodbye scene", Connor mumbled.  
"Yeah." Daryl swallowed. (*) In some weird way, they were the fox and the hound. Somehow they were friends, that would have never been friends under normal circumstances. And everyone around them, life, made it hard for them. Walkers, people and society. Even without the walkers and the apocalypse they would have to fight for their love, their friendship and their feelings.  
They made a short break while the kids were moved to bed and when they were out of the room someone was bringing beer and booze in and some peanuts and popcorn. Connor's eyes grew big and Daryl chuckled. "I think it's christmas", he said and Murphy nodded. "Is he making that face?"  
"Yeah. Looks funny."  
"Yep. Just yeh wait until he claps his hands."  
"What?" And with that Connor was clapping his hands and said: "Look. Just like the real cinema. Popcorn."  
"Jesus Christ, I am dating a maniac", Daryl joked. Connor was already up to his feet grabbing three beer and popcorn and peanuts. Murphy and Daryl watched him, shaking his head.  
"I wish he would always be that happy", Murphy whispered.  
"Why isn't he?"  
"Because he can't be happy if one of us isn't."  
"You aren't."  
"Aye. That's why he can't be. If yeh didn't notice, he is pretending to be hard but he isn't. He has a fragile soul and is sensitive and he loves us both so much he would gladly give his own happiness away if he had to."  
"I noticed. We have to make you happy then", Daryl suggested.  
"That's the problem. I can't."  
"Why? Because of him?"  
Murphy shook his head. "No. You."  
Before Daryl could say something more, Connor came back, giving them beer and popcorn. Daryl ignored Murphy's comment because it was making him angry. What had he done that Murphy wasn't happy? Taking Connor away?  
The next movie was "Die Hard" and Connor was watching it with growing attention. Totally into the movie and Daryl shook his head as he looked at Connor. His man really was something.  
His hand was playing with Connor's hair and he was watching Connor, while everyone else was watching the movie. Except Murphy. "Yer watchin' him watchin' the movie, righ'?"  
"Yeah."  
"I have done that a lot. I used to tell my mom the movie was great but told her I am not good in telling the plots. In real I didn't pay attention that often. I watched him being in his element, his nature. Being himself. Watched that childish expression and the little curled up smirk. I always tried to make him happy. I even stayed when I wanted to leave. I just couldn't leave him alone. I let him believe he had to save me. Just to see this. Daryl, I love him. He is a part of me. Seeing him with yeh makes me happy but it will never be enough for him. We can't make him completely happy. Not anymore. As much as we try. We just need to care about him, let him give what he wants to give and let him feel how much we love him. I know yeh do that already."  
"Murphy, did you ever tell him, that you are in love with him?"  
"No. Because I am not. He is my twin, my brother and we share one soul. I am in love with him like I am in love with a brother. Not physical and not romantically."  
"But..."  
"Yeah. I know yeh all think it. It's okay. It is a bit more complicated than that."  
"I'm sorry Murph'."  
"Don't be. It's not yer fault. I am glad yer with him. Yer making him shine."  
"Thank you."  
"Do me a favor. If he asks yeh how the movie was, say it was okay. And then see him talk about it. Watch his eyes, listen to every word. Listen to his wild and crazy voice and the way he moves. He won't ask me anymore. Yeh are his everything now. Yer his favorite person in this world and when he wants to share things with yeh he loves, let him. Because yeh will fall in love with him all over again. He is my little brother and I need him to be save in yer heart. Need him to be loved in every possible way. If I could, I would give my life in trade of his. But we both know that someday his and my dreams will come true. Someday he is going to die."  
"Don't say that. We will protect him. I can't lose him and of course I will do you this favor. I will love to hear him talk like a kid to me. Oh Murph'..."  
"It's okay Dar'. Now watch the movie."  
They were watching the rest of the movie in silence but Daryl's thoughts were circling around what Murphy had said. That he wasn't in love with Connor but that they were one soul and that it had to do with him. The only other explanation was that Murphy was in love with him. Which was absolutely not possible. Maybe it was much more complicated and maybe it was something from the past.  
When the movie was over, they walked back in silence, only Connor was talking all the time and both looked at him and his smiling face and the way he talked. Murphy was right, Connor looked amazing like this.  
Back in their room, Connor asked him about the movie and then started talking about all the little details and mentioned that he had seen it before with Murphy and he was telling him all the things from his past and the way Murphy was unable to see the real great things in movies and he kept on talking and talking and Daryl smiled. This was the man he would have met years back, as a teenager when both of them would have been able to read all the signs. And now they would never have enough time. Even if they both survive this, they would only have 20-40 years together but with their temper maybe 20. Both would be around 60 then. Daryl looked into this sparkling blue eyes of his man. He could see the sadness in it, the sadness that never goes away. His soul was old, oh so very old and broken. From all that Murphy had said, this was the most frightening part, that someone with empty eyes like this, could be the most caring, loveliest and funniest person. They were three pieces of a whole but something was telling him that even this wasn't enough. As if Connor's soul holds a secret that only he knows.  
Daryl felt Connor's hand on his face. "Yer not listenin' are yeh?"  
"I did but then you looked so cute. Sorry."  
Connor smiled and gave him a kiss. "Wha' did yeh think abou'?"  
"Nothing", Daryl mumbled and pulled Connor onto the bed.  
"Didn't look like nothin'."  
"I thought about how it would have been if we had met earlier. If we would have been friends then or if we would have ignored each other. And it made me sad to think that I would never have met you if not for this virus. If you would have known me before that you would have killed me and Merle."  
"No. I wouldn't. Yeh have Murph's face and I would have wanted to kno' why. Just like I did now."  
"But yeh would never have fallen in love. And I would have never let you kiss me or touch me."  
"Maybe. Or maybe we would have and we would have more time than now."  
Both started rubbing their hands over each others body and Connor kissed Daryl. Latter sighed and said: "Why did your god do that? Keep us apart for so long?"  
"Yeh kno' he didn't. We were together all the time. Not physical but our souls connected very early. I kno' yeh and Murph' talked earlier. And I guess he told yeh abou' my soul. Didn't he?" Connor's face was serious and Daryl nodded.  
"Yeah. Said you always look sad."  
"Aye. Yeh kno' ever since we were born there was this thing inside of me. Tha' thing tha' told me tha' I will die soon. Tha' this is my last chance to right my own wrongs. My mum always told me tha' my soul seems so much older than Murph's. And I guess....I guess I was born to save both of yeh and kill mobsters. I am a tool and after this life..Well...I think my soul is too old to be born a new."  
Daryl shook his head. "No Conn'. You will live again. How else would Murphy's and my soul survive?"  
"In finding each other."  
Connor sighed. It was much to take and a lot of maybe's and a lot of esoteric crap. A lot of darkness to carry around for a lifetime.  
"Maybe you are wrong. It is all your idea. God has other plans. Must be. He won't take a soul like yours away. I love you, Baby."  
"I love you, too. We should sleep now. Yer havin' a hard day tomorrow."  
"Yeah." Hard because he would be worried about Connor.  
They took off their clothes and lay down and soon Daryl heard Connor's breath even out, while he was staring at the ceiling, playing with his mans hair. He was afraid to go out tomorrow and Daryl Dixon was afraid of nothing. Except not seeing this man ever again. He was afraid to lose him.  
Afraid of being ripped away from him.  
Of being alone.

 

 

_(*): "We met it seems, such a short time ago. You looked at me, needing me so. Yet from your sadness, our happiness grew. Then I found out, I need you, too. I remember how we used to play. I recall those rainy days, the fires glowed, that kept us warm. And now I find, we're both alone. Goodbye may seem forever, farewell is like the end. But in my heart's a memory, and there you'll always be." (It is not a Fox and Hound scene but a scene between the old Lady and the fox. And somehow it still fits.)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just...You all should enjoy this sweetness. It has a reason.


	27. Two brothers and a mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is official. 32 chapters and I am done.  
> I am sad and happy at the same time. I am currently working on something new.
> 
>  
> 
> And to say it once again: SORRY NOT SORRY!
> 
> Thanks to all that still read this. I know it is like a rollercaoster ride :D

"Kill it", Murphy screamed at the blonde man from the other group, who was staring at the Walker as if he had never seen one of those things before. Daryl was across the room shooting arrows at Walkers. They had lead 20 of them in one room and were supposed to shoot them. Murphy was killing two with a knife and the other one was just staring at them. Murphy was getting angry and saw himself kill the other Walkers, too. Lambert had explained that each of them had to take five Walkers down. Murphy was done with his five and then turned around, running to the other guy. The situation strangely familiar. "Daryl!", he yelled.  
Daryl turned around when his last arrow hit a walker and saw Murphy running across the room to one of the other men. He collected his arrows and ran after Murphy. The Walkers were already very close to the other guy and Daryl got mad at this situation. Did that guy never shoot a walker or what?  
He fired his first arrow to take out one of the walkers, just in the same moment Murphy took out the second one. They killed all five and then turned around to see how Lambert was doing. He was doing just fine and was walking over, an angry face. "Are you fuckin' kiddin' me kid? You told me you shot them before. Do your fucking job. What if you got bit or one of the others? We have to trust each other and when I tell you to take out five, you take out five. Is THAT CLEAR?"  
The man was nodding. His face full of pain and fear. Murphy watched him closely. "How old are yeh?"  
"20", the guy replied.  
"What's yer name?"  
"Riley."  
"Listen Riley, yeh were lucky me and Dar' are good fighters. Yeh were lucky I saw yeh in time but that's not goin' to happen out there. These were only 20. As much as I saw there are abou' 200 hundred trapped in the basement. Yeh have to get yer shit together and kill them. If not, Lambert should replace yeh. And I am sure yeh wanna help the people, righ'?", Murphy asked in his sweetest but scariest voice.  
Daryl was nearly impressed by Murphy. All of a sudden he was that grown up, that scary and much more focused than he would have ever imagined. But then again, he was Connor's twin and both of them were killers.   
"Murphy is right. Are you ready for the next round?", Lambert asked.  
Riley nodded and said: "I'm sorry."  
"It's okay son but if I see you staring instead of shooting I might let them bite you."  
Lambert smirked and his dark eyes sparkled wild of this. Murphy snorted. The Captain was a bit of an sadistic asshole.  
They positioned themselves and Murphy looked over to Daryl, who had turned his back on him. The angel wings on his vest moving with every breath he took. Angel wings. Murphy smirked. Indeed. There was something angelic about the way Daryl shot that fucking crossbow and the way his muscles flexed. And it was fucking ironic that he was wearing a religious sign on his back, just like they had Jesus tattooed on their backs. He knew that under those layers were demon tattoos on the hunters back. Well he was an angel with a demonic inside. Looking like a fucking god (HA! Murphy chuckled at this, remembering he looked the same) and behaving like a psychopath sometimes. But he knew that Daryl was everything but evil.  
"READY!", Lambert screamed and opened the door. Daryl immediately started shooting arrows at one that tried to attack Lambert. Then they were moving towards him and Murphy.  
This time Riley did shoot and this time it went faster. After they had killed 100 walkers, they made a break, grabbing some water they had brought with them.   
Murphy and Daryl were sharing a bottle and Lambert asked: "So you aren't twins? Because the two of you look the same, move the same and you and Connor always are close."  
"Me and Conn' are twins. Daryl is not our real brother", Murphy finally said.  
"Weird."  
"We get that a lot. It was shocking when we met."  
"And what's it about all the religious signs? The rosaries the both of you are wearing today, the wings, the tattoos on Connor's and your neck?"  
Daryl chuckled. "We were raised by catholics and they are comin' from Ireland. It's a family tradition."  
"Ireland, huh?"  
"Aye", Murphy confirmed.  
"That's why your accent sounds southern. I was wondering when we first met why you told us you three were brothers. So you are American?"  
"Aye", Daryl imitated Murphy's voice.  
Murphy said in his head. "Daryl, stop fuckin' around with them." Which made Daryl smirk at him.  
"So then, let's go on", Lambert suggested.  
After two more hours they were done killing and went back to the camp. Both, Murphy and Daryl, glad to see Connor again. Daryl entered his room but it was empty and so they searched for their third part at Rick's. They knocked and entered and saw Rick sitting there with Judith in his arms.  
"Guys, you are back. Did Connor find you?"  
Murphy and Daryl looked at him. "No? We just came back.", Daryl replied.  
"He went out to search for the two of you."  
"HE DID WHAT?", Murphy screamed. Shock all over his face and in his voice.  
"I'm sorry but I couldn't hold him back. He was making me nuts. Running around like a tiger trapped in a cage. He was getting nervous with every minute. And he told me he couldn't reach none of you."  
"When the fuck did he leave?"  
"About an hour ago. He asked Anna where he would find you."  
"Fuck. No. Come on Murph'. I think that stupid idiot needs a bit of a kick in his fuckin' ass." Daryl was beyond angry with his man. What the fuck was he thinking?  
Murphy and Daryl started running back to the place they had been before. Yelling for Connor all the time. They never got a reply. Both opened their link, now screaming in their head. "Can't believe he did that", Murphy voiced.  
"I swear to god, if he isn't dead I will kill him."  
"I will help yeh."  
They searched the building and then opened the door to the basement, knowing that they had killed all the walkers. Tomorrow another group was leading them back in there, through the other door which was on the outside of the building.   
"Maybe he is back at the camp", Daryl suggested.  
"He better is. Come on." They jogged back to the camp, still looking around to see if they could spot Connor. They were running past an alley and Daryl stopped mid track. And looked back into the alley. It was full of walkers. "Wait", He yelled.  
Murphy turned around and followed Daryl's gaze. They looked at each other and started running into the alley. "Connor?", Murphy asked. That's when he could see a bit of dark blonde hair. Familiar blonde hair.  
"Fuck no", he said and gave Daryl a punch. He looked at the direction and held his breath. Connor's hair and he was fighting with a walker. But there were about 25 walkers between them. Murphy and Daryl reacted instantly and started killing every Undead that was coming their way. "Conn'?", Daryl shouted.  
"Aye", the Irish answered. "Lil' busy here Darling."  
Daryl snorted. "Is he serious?", he whispered towards Murphy.  
"D'yeh now kno' wha' I meant when I said he needed someone to take care of him?"  
"Yeah."  
When Murphy's eyes moved back to the direction his twin was fighting at, he gasped for air. The way Connor was fighting this walker, the way he looked. That white shirt, the empty eyes and the look on his face. That's what he saw in his dreams. Murphy had the feeling as if time froze and everything around him went dizzy. He only could see the scene in front of him. NO! NO! Daryl was still fighting and Murphy started running towards Connor, just like he did in his dream. But there was no coming through and there were too many of them. He locked eyes with Connor and realisation hit him very hard. If he couldn't reach him in time, Connor would die. This thought made him so angry, that he pulled out his guns and started shooting, instead of killing them with knives. "DARYL! Shoot that fuckin' walker in front of him. CONNOR DUCK!" Daryl shot and the arrow hit his target and stopped by a hairbreadth before Connor's face. Latter pulled the arrow out and sank it into the skull of the one behind the walker that Daryl just shot. Murphy's bullets hitting all targets and he screamed commandos at Daryl. Connor pushed the two walkers away and started running towards his two favorite men on this planet. He knew it had been stupid to go out alone and search for them. They had each other to save them and now they were saving him. Again.  
Daryl shot the last Walker and started collecting his arrows. He didn't even look at Connor. He was angry, like fucking seriously angry. And Murphy was too. Both of them started walking back, not looking at Connor. He followed them, knowing that they were angry with him but he couldn't stand the silence between them. "Come on guys, nothing happened."  
This made Daryl snap. "NOTHING HAPPENED? Are you serious? One minute later and you wouldn't be standing here! One fucking minute!" He walked on and Murphy looked back at Connor, a smirk on his face, when he saw how Connor's face looked. Connor locked eyes with his twin to tell him he was sorry but his brother was blocking him out. When he looked at both of them he flinched. His brother seemed way too close to Daryl. And suddenly he knew what that weird feeling in his guts was all day and the feeling that was hitting him so often lately. He was jealous. Jealous about them being so close. Daryl was his man. HIS LIFE. HIS LOVE. Not Murphy's, even so he was the one telling his twin it was okay. But didn't Daryl notice? Why wouldn't he turn Murphy down?  
No! Connor said to himself. It's on himself. He had wanted to sleep in one bed with both of them, he had wanted them to be close, to take care of each other. He had prepared them for situations without him.  
He was the only one to blame.   
"I'm sorry! I was so worried about the both of you", he tried again.  
"God Connor, we were four people and me and Dar' had each others back. Yeh were supposed to stay with Rick. Was it so difficult? Yeh kno' we would always come back to yeh. I always did."  
When they entered the building, Daryl went straight to their room, grabbing a towel and some clean clothes and stepped back out to go and take a shower. Without looking at Connor. He couldn't. He had to get rid of the feeling he had when he saw Connor attacked by walkers. He had to get rid of the view he remembered from Murphy's dream. This time all went fine but what if Connor was doing such thing again? Someday they would be too late.  
The warm spray of water helped him relax a bit but he was still angry, afraid and on the other hand happy. He was glad they saved him and maybe that's what this was about. Saving him. Maybe the dreams would stop now and it was all over.   
He heard someone walking in and looked over the little wall at his shower stall. It was Connor. Of course.  
"Can I come in?", he asked.  
"No", Daryl said, thinking that keeping him away would teach him a lesson. Even so it was hard not to say yes and kiss him.  
"Oh. Okay. Then I'll take my own." Connor walked in next to Daryl's and started to shower. Daryl was rejecting him and turning him down. Connor wasn't sure if he was angry with him or if it was because of Murphy. He looked over to Daryl, who had closed his eyes, his flat hands against the wall, so the water was running down his back. "Are you mad at me?", Connor whispered and feeling a big knot in his throat.  
"I'm angry Connor. You could have been killed." Daryl was looking at him now and Connor could see how hurt Daryl was. He nodded and felt his eyes getting wet. "I was so afraid yeh won't come back to me."  
"I will always come back to you. Murphy had my back and Lambert, too."  
"Aye. But I can't just sit around while yeh two risk yer life."  
"Well, you have to. I am not risking your life."  
Daryl saw the sadness in Connor's eyes and the way he was biting his lip. He couldn't stand it any longer. "Come here", he said and opened his arms. Connor stopped his own shower and moved into Daryl's cabin and let himself fall against his hunters chest. "I'm so sorry", he mumbled.  
"I know. Never do that again."  
"Okay."   
The water was running down their bodies and Daryl was kissing Connor's hair. He was with him. Connor was save now and he could relax. After several minutes they left the shower and went to their room. Connor was laying down on the bed. "Gimme a second. I'll go and check on Murphy", Daryl said and left the room to see after Murphy. Murphy was sitting on the edge of the bed, his head resting on his hands. He was praying. Daryl moved closer and sat next to him. Within a second Murphy threw his arms around him, silently sobbing on his shoulder. "Did yeh see?"  
"Yeah. It was like in your dream."  
"We saved him."  
"Yeah."  
Murphy moved himself and pulled Daryl with him, so that Daryl was on top of him. The hunter didn't turn him down, when Murphy started cuddling, because he knew that Connor would do the same now. Murphy just saw one of his nightmares coming to life. Saw his brother fighting and thought he would die. Murphy was still shocked. Murphy pressed him so close to his chest, that Daryl thought he was leaving this room with broken ribs.   
"Calm down Murphy, he is okay and he is next door. Come on. Let's go and cuddle with him, hm? Come on. We all need it."  
"Aye. Aye, I am comin'. Just. Let us stay for a second. I wanna thank yeh. Thank yeh for helpin' me save him."  
"You don't need to."  
"But I want to."  
Murphy's hands suddenly were buried in Daryl's hair and Daryl was confused. What was he doing? And before he could react Murphy was kissing him. Pressing their heads together and whispering "Thank yeh", between breaths.  
Daryl freed himself from Murphy and walked back to his own room. Jesus, those twins and their extreme-cuddling will be the death of him. 

Connor was waiting for Daryl to come back and he tried his best not to be jealous or angry but on the other hand he knew that Daryl would be able to calm Murphy down.   
When Daryl entered the room he smirked at him and the hunter suited himself on his right side. Immediately claiming his mouth. Connor kissed him back. Seconds later Murphy walked in, interrupting their kiss and he immediately walked to the left side of the bed, cuddling himself next to Connor. Kissing the place between his shoulder blades and nibbling on his neck, like a mother cat. "Don't yeh fuckin' dare do tha' agai'. I nearly had an heartattack. I'm too old for tha' shit. I'm gettin grey hairs because of yeh stupid ass."  
Connor winked at Daryl and turned around, kissing his twins forehead. "I'm sorry. Won't do it agai'."  
The three of them cuddled a bit and Daryl pushed his hand under Connor's shirt, to rest his hand over his heart. Feeling the heartbeat. He rose his head a bit to see Murphy. He was holding his brothers hand and playing with his twins hair. Connor had closed his eyes and was enjoying the attention. He felt a second hand brushing through his hair and kisses on his neck. He chuckled. If he wouldn't know better he would think that they were like cats. Licking each others wounds after a battle. It was then, in this silence and the attention of his soulmates that he fully saw what had happened just some time ago. He could have been killed. Ripped away from them and yet he feared more that one of them died than his own death. He knew both of them could survive without him but he wouldn't be able to live on without his twin or the love of his life. He was weaker than the both of them. Still he would always pretend do be the hardest guy on this planet if he had to.   
"We love yeh", Murphy whispered into his ear, leaving kisses on his cheek.   
"Love yeh, too."  
"I think I will go and grab us some food. Yeh two want somethin'?"  
"Aye. Don't want to see anyone else today."  
"Aye. Dar'?"  
Daryl turned a bit to look at Murphy who was already at the door. "Yeah just bring something and ask Lambert or Rick who is on duty tomorrow."  
"Aye." Murph headed out of the door and made sure he didn't take too much time away from them.   
He went to Lambert to ask for the shift and he told him that Daryl and Murphy were on the supply run group. Along with Connor. Lambert told him to be ready at 8 in the morning and that Riley was going with them and would have a list with the things they needed from their storages.  
Murphy sighed. At least it was something easy. And they could have an eye on Connor.  
After he grabbed some food and a bottle of Coke for the three of them, he went back to the room, just to find them in the same position then earlier. Just tangled a bit more together. As soon as he sat the plates on the table they got up and joined him. Connor was the first who finished eating and told them he needed to go to the toilet.  
Daryl looked at Murphy. "What do you think?"  
"He seems a bit off."  
"Yeah. Distant."  
"It's because he is sorry."  
"Probably."  
"We have to go on a supply run tomorrow. With Conn' and Riley."  
"What? That jerk from today who can't really shoot?"  
"Yeah."  
"So it is the three of us if there are walkers."  
"Aye. But we can manage. Keep him save."  
"Yeah we can."  
Daryl stole a noodle from Murphy's plate and shoved it into his mouth with a smirk. "Oi. Tha's my food", Murphy complained with the same smirk and fished a piece of meat from Daryl's plate.  
They were still stealing each others food when Connor entered the room, immediately frowning and looking pissed. "Murphy, eat up and leave us alone." Both of them looked surprised.  
"But Conn'..."  
"No. Enough. I am okay, I am alive and I need yeh to go to yer own room."  
"Leprechaun, let him stay."  
"No. He needs to go. I need to talk to yeh. Alone."  
Daryl and Murphy looked at each other and Murphy stood up, not finishing his food. He walked past Daryl and rushed through the door.  
"What was that all about?", the hunter asked.  
"Don't yeh get nothin'? Yer spending more time with him lately."  
"Are you jealous?" Daryl asked with a grin on his face.  
"Maybe." Connor pouts which made Daryl laugh.  
"You are an idiot. Murph' is just like a brother to me. While you..."  
Daryl paused and waited until Connor looked into his eyes, grabbing his hand and continues: "my life."  
The other mans lips turned into a smile and he nodded. "I kno'. It's just..I kno' him. He can be very...touchy."  
"Like you. Come on. How about we read a bit and cuddle under the blanket."  
"Sounds great."  
That's what they did. Both of them reading in their books, their legs tangled together and stealing kisses now and then. They sat in utter silence until Daryl heard Murphy in his head. "Is he angry with me?"  
"No. He is jealous."  
"Of what?"  
"You and me."  
"Stupid. I am scared the dreams come back."  
"They won't. If they do come over."  
"Good night Daryl."  
"G'night lil' leprechaun."  
"I like when yeh call me that."  
"I know."  
"Dar'?"  
"Yes?"  
"I love you."  
"I love you too, brother."  
Daryl smirked and closed his book, kissing Connor's neck and distracting him from his book. Murphy next door looked at the wall that was separating him from Daryl and Connor. They had saved him but why was he so afraid to close his eyes?


	28. Going Home

They were waiting for Riley to join them with their shopping list. Daryl stood next to the loadspace of their pick-up truck and Murphy was sitting on top of it, while Connor had placed himself in front of Daryl. Their knees touching briefly. Murphy was chewing on the tip of his thumb and looked at the three of them. The twins were wearing blue jeans and blue peacoats, while Daryl was wearing black jeans and a black peacoat. Their boots were matching and they were all wearing the same black shirt. Daryl was wearing the rosary around his neck which didn't sit well with Murphy. It belonged to Connor. He knew Connor never took it back after Daryl got shot in the woods but still. Connor needed it more. He shyly looked at Daryl and then asked in his head: "Dar'? Can yeh give him the rosary back? I feel better when he is wearin' it."  
"Of Course."  
Daryl took the rosary off and played with the little balls on it. Than looked at Connor who was watching him. Daryl pushed it over Connor's head. "We feel saver when you wear it."  
Connor nodded and smiled even so it felt like Daryl was giving him everything back like they were breaking up or something. "But now yer not safe."  
"Nah. Never needed those to be safe. Won't need it now. I have you two lucky charms", Daryl replied. Murphy snorted. "Yer never goin' to stop givin' us nicknames, don't yeh?"  
"Not ever, lil' Leprechaun."  
"Fuckhead."  
"Asshole."  
"Stop it yeh two apes."  
"Who is the ape?", Murphy asked his brother.  
"The two of yeh. Can't yeh behave? Always with the fightin'."  
"Yesterday we behaved just fine. We had a good time and since when do yeh have somethin' against little tiffs between brothers?"  
"Yer not brothers Murph'. We are. Don't yeh dare forget tha'."  
"Woah. Woah. Both of you slow down. What is going on? Since when do you both fight over me?" Daryl felt a bit hurt about Connor saying that he isn't their brother. Even so it was him coming up with that in the first place.  
"We don't fight", the dark haired twin answered.  
"I am just clearin' things", Connor added.  
"So to make this one clear: I am sick of what is going on between the two of you lately. I am no ones property and just because we are a couple Connor, doesn't mean you can tell me who I like, who I claim as my brother and who I touch. Murph' is your twin and you asked me to watch after him, which I do, gladly because I love that stupid fucker. He is like a brother to me. So is Rick. And you can't just decide to take that away from me. Or him. I don't know why you are doing it. I am yours. Through and through. What could you possibly want more?" Daryl raised his voice at the last words and locked eyes with his boyfriend.  
Connor shook his head. "Nothin' it's just..." He moved his head to observe his brothers face, which was frozen.  
"What?"  
"Nothin'. Yer righ'." Connor knew it wouldn't be fair to tell Murphy's secret. Daryl was right. Connor had everything. He had Daryl. Not Murphy. Daryl was his and he would make sure it stayed that way. The only time Murphy would be able to be together with Daryl was if he dies. And that is not going to happen.  
"Nothing, huh? Then stop the bitching and wipe away that frown from your face. I miss the cute little smile you had two days ago. At the movies."  
"Yeah." Connor tried to smile and gave Daryl a peck on his lips. Just when Riley came closer and coughed. "Uhm, aren't you brothers?"  
"Wow. Didn't yeh listen yesterday? Daryl is not our brother. We don't have the same blood."  
"Yeah. So you are a couple?"  
"Aye. Problem with tha'?"  
"No. Not at all. Just wasn't expecting it. Here is the list. Lambert told me to give it to one of you in case I die."  
Murphy chuckled. "Well, he has a point there."  
Connor took the list and looked over it.  
"Okay, we need to find a grocery store, a pharmacy and.. What the fuck? Is this a joke?"  
He looked to Riley.  
"Sadly not."  
"What is it?", Daryl wanted to know.  
"Girls clothes and underwear."  
All four looked at each other and Murphy snickered. "Seemed like they found the right four guys to do that."  
"What is that supposed to mean, lil' brother?"  
"Three gays and a kid."  
All looked at him. "Three?", Daryl asked surprised.  
"Aye."  
"I am not gay.", Riley told them.  
"No, yer the kid fucker", the twin explained.  
"Can we go now?", Connor asked.  
"Yeah. Let's go. It is getting weird", the hunter admitted. So they all stepped into the car. Daryl was driving them to the grocery store he saw when they drove to the camp some days ago. He was thinking about Murphy's words. Of Course him and Connor were somehow gay but Murphy? Murphy had talked about kids and a wife with him. What did change his mind? Or who? He threw a short gaze at Murphy next to him. Connor was talking to Riley about yesterday so he was a bit distracted. Which was good. Or else he would have seen the way Murphy looked at his man now and then. Murphy shrieked when he heard Daryl in his head. "Gay? Murphy you never told me."  
"I did. Yeh just were to dump to listen."  
"But....who?"  
"It's a secret. I won't talk about it. So please concentrate on drivin'."  
Murphy thought it was better not to say anything more. He had already done and said enough. Someday Daryl would figure it out or know it. Just not yet. And Murphy, deep down, still hoped that his feelings were wrong, that they are projections. And that the person from his dreams wasn't Daryl.  
Daryl stopped the car in front of the store and told them to go in and grab the stuff while he was keeping watch. Murphy went in first, then Connor and then Riley. The hunter was glad to have a second on his own. He tried to figure out what Murphy had done and told him in the past. Especially the last days. And the only real explanation was, that Murphy was in love with him. Or maybe Rick? He had said it wasn't Connor but maybe that was a lie. Daryl was getting a headache from all the secrets and riddles.  
He looked around and saw a little store next to the grocery store. It had been a jewellery store and he smirked. Somehow he felt a bit sappy doing what he was about to do but it seemed that his new self was a little bit romantic. He went inside and the store wasn't in the same condition than the others in town. it looked like no one cares about it anymore. It was robbed and smashed. Daryl made his way to the counter to look after the rings in there and searched for two silver rings. he tried one on and it fit and then searched a slightly different one for Connor. He was chuckling all by himself. He found one that looked like his but with a very slight golden ring in the middle. He pushed them into the inside pocket of his peacoat and then grabbed after a leather bracelet with two charms on it for Murphy. Holy Hell, what am I doing? Daryl laughed at himself. Probably the same feeling Murphy had when he chose the whiskey lube for him and Connor. It was all a bit too ridiculous.  
When he was back outside the others were still in the store and he opened the door.  
"Everything alright in there?"  
"Aye. We're comin'", Murphy answered.  
They came out and loaded all the stuff on the loadspace of the car and they drove a bit further into town to search a pharmacy. When they found one it was Riley they let keep watch. "Shout if yer seein' somethin' and shoot. Don't yeh dare pull the same shit as yesterday", Murphy warned the guy.  
"Yes, Sir."  
Murphy laughed. "Yeh hear tha' Conn' he called me Sir."  
"Aye. Come on brother, we all kno' yer not a Sir. Yer a freak."  
"I am in good company then."  
They entered the pharmacy and while Connor and Murphy grabbed stuff from the list, Daryl found himself in front of the lube. He scanned all the labels and chose strawberry. He turned his head to look where the other two were at and then back to the shelf. But then decided that one bottle was enough. They still had enough. Now he just needed something romantic to propose. What, propose? No Connor already did that. But he wanted to do something romantic. He tried to reach Murphy. "Murph, did Connor ever tell you what he thinks is romantic to him?"  
"Yeah. 'Course. We watched movies and he always liked the ones where the couple watched the moon and the stars at the hood of a car or lieying in the grass. Connor always loved the nightsky."  
"Okay. Easy. So now does he like chocolate?"  
"Yeah. His favorite is white crispy. Yeh need help settin' up a romantic date?"  
"Yeah. We only talked about goin' to the movies or have a picnic when I take him out on my bike."  
"But yeh don't have yer bike anymore. And picnic is a bit hard these days."  
"Yeah. So any ideas.?"  
"Aye. I will get the things for yeh. Most of the stuff they have here."  
"Thanks."  
Daryl grabbed the chocolate from the counter and grabbed some different stuff too for the group. Connor and Daryl were waiting for Murphy at the door. "Wha' is takin' him tha' long?"  
"Don't know."  
The hunter smirked and let his fingers brush over Connor's hand.  
When Murphy came back they drove on to a store for clothes.  
"Now the fun part", Riley said.  
"Yer not comin' in. Let the adults handle that", Connor voiced.  
"Did you ever see boobs? You are gay. How do you even know what you have to look for?"  
"Well...I wasn't always gay and I have more experience than yeh. We all have."  
Murphy went in chuckling. "That poor boy is a mess when we are done with him."  
"Indeed", Daryl agreed.  
Daryl and Connor went to the underwear section, while Murphy went to the male section to grab something for Daryl.  
"Murph' what the hell are yeh doin'. There are no male things on the paper", Connor asked.  
"Aye. Just lookin' for a new pair of boxerbriefs for me."  
"Hurry up."  
Daryl looked at all the Bra's. How were they going to know which to take? But Connor, as always had a plan. "Okay, so we need different sizes and we will take a white and a black one in every size. So they can change. We don't take colored ones or whatsoever. It is not a fuckin' fashion parade."  
Connor was already grabbing the stuff and Daryl grabbed the matching pants. They were putting it into bags and then searched for shirts and jeans. After some minutes Murphy joined them, winking at Daryl.  
"What did you do?", latter asked in his head.  
"Found something nice for you to wear."  
"Am I not hot enough?", he joked.  
"Sure yer very handsome. But this is a special occasion. Can't let yeh wear jeans and a shirt and plaid boxers."  
"Why do you care?"  
"I just do."  
Murphy smirked because he knew what Connor liked. Connor had made him compliments sometimes when he had new clothes or Connor chose clothes for him when they were teenagers and started meeting girls.  
On their way back they talked about the camp and asked Riley some questions. The only one who was quiet all the time was Murphy. He was staring at the street. The day was nearly over, another day Connor survived. He didn't tell them that he had the same dream last night. When they were near the camp he felt a hand on his knee. "You okay?", the hunter asked.  
"Aye. Just tired."  
"Didn't you sleep?"  
"I just had bad dreams. That's all."  
Daryl gave him a brief look. "Again?"  
Murphy nodded. "Aye.", he whispered so Connor wouldn't hear him.  
Daryl started comforting Murphy in his head. Telling him he will be okay and that they take care of Connor.  
"You do me another favor? When I go out with him tonight will you stay awake? Just in case something is up so I can call you for help?"  
"Aye. Wouldn't be able to sleep anyways. Knowin' the both of yeh are outside."  
When they arrived Daryl hurried inside and made sure the others were following. They brought everything to Lambert who ordered people to carry the stuff to the right places and bring the clothes to the right people.  
As soon as they were back at their room Daryl put the lube in the little nightstand and then told Connor that he had to go and see Murphy.  
He hurried over to the twins room and Murphy was already waiting. He had managed to pack all stuff for the picnic into his backpack and gave Daryl the underwear he had chosen. Black briefs.  
"And I think yeh should wear this." He held up a simple black shirt and a black tie with darkgrey ornaments.  
"Why? My clothes don't matter."  
"I kno' but Conn' loves ties and rope. So yeh at least have one thing which he can use to tie yer hands up."  
Murphy smirked. "I am a bit nervous."  
"Don't. I will go to Conn' now while yeh change yer clothes."  
Ten minutes later he came back in, just when Daryl was trying to fix the tie. The older one started to smile. "Come 'ere. Let me help yeh." Murphy walked over to Daryl and started fixing his tie. Well aware that he was very close, so close he could feel how nervous Daryl was. This was just a date. Not a fuckin' wedding..OH MY GOD!  
"Are yeh proposin'?", he asked shocked.  
"No. Conn' did tha' already. Kind of. He said he wants to marry me after we find a cure. Just givin' him a ring", Daryl mumbled a bit embarrassed which made the other man smirk. "Can I see them?"  
Daryl reached into his jeans, where he had put them before Murphy came back in. Murphy was holding them in his hand. They were simple and yet it made him sad that he would never have that. He looked into those blue eyes in front of him. Eyes that lately looked more like his own. He felt his eyes getting wet.  
"Murph'?"  
"They are nice. But promise yeh won't run off into the sunset and marry secretly."  
"Don't be stupid. No way I am going to marry Connor without his twin. Somehow it is like I am in a relationship with the both of you."  
Murphy gave him the rings back and then sat down on his bed. His shoulders hanging down and looking like crap. Daryl sat down next to him. "When I ask you something, will you answer honestly?"  
"Aye."  
"Are you in love with me?". Fuck! Murphy considered telling the truth but it wasn't right. No. It really wasn't.  
"No."  
"Really?"  
"Yeah. I am not in love with yeh. Why?"  
"Just trying to figure out how to make you happy. But in the meantime...Close your eyes."  
Daryl pulls out the simple leather bracelet with two charms on it. A gun and a wing. He grabs Murphy's arm and put the bracelet around his wrist. It didn't look gay. Gladly. Somehow it looked good on the other guy.  
Murphy opened his eyes and looked at the present. His eyes immediately filled with tears again. For Daryl this was just a present for a brother. For Murphy it meant so much more and he couldn't say it, express it. A wing and a gun. He looked at Daryl and tried to smile but failed miserable. Daryl took his hand in his. "Murphy, I know this is weird but you are my best friend and my brother. You are a lot to me and I am so glad I have you. You know, it would be weird knowing you are in love with me but even if you were I would be proud. Because being loved by you and your brother is making up for all the years of feeling unloved. Both of you are great and you know I am not good with words and emotions. I care about you, just like I care about your twin. I know you are upset and you are still having those dreams, which makes all of us sad. We will never know how much time is left. That's why I want my turn with your brother. Connor is my other half. My Mr. Right." Daryl chuckled and then went on. "I love him and I have never loved anyone like this. Murphy, I am asking you, will you allow me to somewhat propose to your brother? Make him my unofficial fiancé?"  
"Are yeh askin' me for his hand?", Murphy answered. He was unable to say more.  
"Yes."  
"Of Course. Yeh fuckin' moron. Yeh two belong together. I want yeh to be happy. Both of yeh. I love yeh Daryl, as if I have known yeh all my life. And maybe I did. Maybe we all did. If someone makes my twin happy it makes me happy too and I won't ever stop loving yeh for doing so. Connor needs yeh and yeh need him. Go now, propose again. Tell him how much yeh love him. Yes Daryl Dixon, I want yeh to be my brother in law."  
Both of them hugged and Daryl gave Murphy a kiss on his forehead, cheek and lips. "Thank you."  
"Now hurry. Go. Before I change my mind." What he wanted. Murphy wanted to scream and rip his heart out and throw it out the window but he didn't. Because he WAS happy and he was glad to have a man like Daryl love his twin. Connor deserved the best and Daryl was the best.

* * *

 

When Daryl entered his room Connor was sitting on the bed, reading. He was wearing a very tight white V-neck shirt and blue Jeans. His hair was slicked back and both looked at each other for a moment before Connor stood up and looked at Daryl's outfit. "Darling yer lookin' handsome. Why did my brother tell me to change clothes and why are yeh lookin' like tha'?"  
"You are nosy! You look good too and it is a surprise."  
"I hate surprises."  
"No you don't. Come on. Grab your Jacket."  
Connor walks to the bed and grabs his jacket and when he is back at Daryl's side, latter grabbed his hand and walked him down the hallway. Connor was excited and a bit nervous. Daryl dragged him outside to the pickup and told him to sit inside. He started driving and only stopped when he found a parkdeck. He didn't want to go too far and into the woods even if he wanted to. But they could see the stars from here and the moon. And it was high enough so walkers wouldn't come up there too easy. His crossbow was on the loadspace of the truck. He parked the car and told the other one to wait. He started unfolding the red-plaid blanket that Murphy had pushed into the bag and then placed the bottle of whiskey, the chocolate and peanuts onto it. Murphy had even found little candles and had put his own lighter into the bag. Daryl shook his head. Murphy was good at this. It was no proper food but they wouldn't eat much anyway.  
Daryl walked over to his friend and opened the door, tangling their hands together and waited for Connor to move out of the car. He walked him over and Connor smiled at him. "Is this a moonlight picnic?"  
"Kind of. Minus proper food."  
"Don't need no food. I have yeh." Connor turned around to kiss his cute boyfriend.  
Daryl lifted him up and sat him on the truck. "Stop or I will rip this clothes off of you and that is not what I came here for."  
"What did we came here for?" Connor asked playfully.  
"Stargazing."  
Daryl smirked and climbed on the car, sitting down cross-legged. He opened the bottle and drank a big gulp of it. Connor joined him. Sitting next to him and drinking from the bottle. Daryl opened the chocolate. White crisp. He broke it into pieces and held a piece in front of Connor's mouth. The Irish took it from him, his lips brushing over Daryl's fingers.  
Fuck it. He couldn't hold himself back. He was never patient.  
"Connor, I want to ask you something."  
"Okay. Wha' is it?"  
Daryl rubbed his hands nervously and blushed a bit. "You know I love you and I want to spent the rest my life with you. Connor MacManus, would you please marry me, as soon as we can?"  
Connor's face lighted up and Daryl had never seen such a beautiful thing than seeing his man glow like this. "Yes. Yes Daryl, I want to be your man. But yeh knew tha' already."  
"Yeah. Just wanted to make it unofficially official."  
Daryl kissed Connor to distract him while he was fishing the rings out of his pocket. He put on his one and than played with Connor's fingers to push his ring onto his finger and when he was done he stopped kissing the other man. Connor looked down on their hands, then back to Daryl, then to his hand. Connor shook his head. "Darling, yer crazy. And I am crazy in love with yeh. Under normal circumstances I wouldn't even think this but now I have to say it: That is fuckin' romantic and I love them. They are simple and yet so wonderful. Why is mine with gold?"  
"Because your like the ring Baby. Hard like steel on the outside but your heart is pure gold."  
"Yours should be completely golden than."  
"Nah. I love you Connor. You are my everything. My Life, my heart, my soulmate."  
"I love you. too."  
"DARYL? CONNOR?", they heard a voice in their heads. A very alarming voice.  
"YES?", they both answered promptly.  
"I am sorry to interrupt but yeh need to come back as soon as possible. The other group was attacked by walkers. two got bit and one escaped but they failed to lead them into the basement. Hurry. We need everyone. It's a huge herd."  
"We are comin'". Connor answered.  
Daryl was already packing their stuff together and jumped into the car. "Why did we hear him this far away?"  
"Because Murphy screamed. His volume was normal in our heads but he was screaming. And again walkers ruin our romantic night."  
"Well, we will have a lot more of these."

* * *

 

 _ **An hour later**_  
The whole camp was outside fighting. Even Carol and Beth had grabbed their weapons and followed them out. Maggie kept watch after Judith and Carl was with her. Rick, Carol and Beth were fighting back to back with the twins and Daryl. Connor's white shirt soon covered in blood.  
Connor was running to the right to kill a zombie that was sneaking up to Beth and then turned round to stab one that was trying to bite him from behind. He saw Daryl shooting arrows, then stab them until he could pull his arrows out of the dead skulls. Murphy was stabbing them with his two knives. Connor looked around and saw another herd coming closer. He started running towards them and started killing them. But he didn't realize that this were actually two herds. One coming from the left and one from the right. He didn't see that there were walkers behind his back.  
His knife was stuck in the eyehole of a walker and he tried to get it out, when he felt something behind his back. Connor turned his head to look over his shoulder. Then he saw. They were surrounding him. And from the top of his lungs and in his mind he screamed for Murphy.  
Murphy turned around the second he heard him scream and he shook his head. "FUCK NO! DARYL!!"  
Murphy started running but there were walkers in his way and he stabbed them and Daryl was soon helping him. His crossbow hanging on his back. They were too close to shoot them with arrows. Both of them looked to Connor who was still fighting walkers. Ripping off their heads with his hands. "Why the fuck doesn't he use his knife?", Daryl shouted.  
Connor was still trying to get that stupid knife out of the skull to have something more than his bare hands to fight them off but he already knew. He had known the second he saw the scene. It is time. Time to say goodbye to this life and every other. Goodbye to his friends.  
"Murphy, Daryl, listen to me. They are too many. Go and get the others and save yourself. Go! I won't survive this and we all know it. I am sorry. I am sorry you two have to go through this. I love both of you." He turned around to look at them, to get a glimpse of his heart and his soul. Of the two pieces that would forever have to live without him. He felt a tear running down his cheek, when he saw them still fighting and when he heard: "Don't yeh dare. Don't yeh fuckin' dare", from his twin and a "No. You idiot. I fuckin' need you. Hold on! We can do this. Leprechaun. I love you"; from his fiancé, he started smiling. The Walkers were still trying to bite him and he was still fighting them off because part of him didn't want to go without a fight and the other part knew it was too late. It was so fucking unfair that he had to die, of course he had always known it would happen but he had hoped that he would have had more time with Daryl and more time to explore love and let it blossom a bit more. But maybe that is what his punishment was.  
Connor locked eyes with Murphy, who was still coming closer and there were only about 10 walkers left. He saw Rick and Beth running behind Daryl. But they were too far away and wouldn't reach them in time. Daryl was now putting arrows in the skulls of the walkers next to Connor. They looked at each other and he saw the tears in Daryl's eyes and the despair. "I love yeh Cernunnos. It was a pleasure meeting yeh and an honor to love and be loved by yeh. Keep him safe. I am sorry."  
"No, Leprechaun, Baby, no. Don't you dare. Fight them. Come on. Murph' and me are close."  
Connor shook his head and pushed a Walker away so he fell down, which made the other walkers a bit slower. Then he looked at Murphy, who was fighting off three walkers. Taking them out in a rush and his face covered in blood. His eyes full of anger and hate. When Connor saw him coming closer he started crying. He would never see his brother again. "Goodbye lil' brother", he whispered and was paid with a loud "fuck yeh" and a silent "goodbye brother" and a look of resignation in his twins eyes. That was the moment Connor felt the bite. He tried to fight the walkers off, but they were just too many and they were pulling at him, pulling him back until he was lying on the ground. He heard all the screams, heard the fighting noise and he heard them in his head. He felt something changing in his body and felt the pain the walkers were causing. As soon as they felt him dying, they stopped. Connor was still concious and he looked to the sky. The wonderful nightsky and the moonlight that was falling down on him. He was going home now, to be a light on the dark-blue sky.  
The last thing he heard, before falling into an endless blackness was a whisper inside his head.  
"We will see each other at the end of an eternity. Yeh will never be forgotten my dear brother. I am sorry I wasn't able to save yeh. Goodbye. I will save him. I promise I will be strong fer him and fer yeh. I will make yeh proud."  
He knew his twin would do anything he had to do now. Connor had taught him everything he ever learned and had made sure his brother was able to be strong enough for this, because one thing he knew, Daryl wouldn't recover from this. Not ever. Connor closed his eyes and whispered "lil' Robin Hood", one last time before his breathing stopped and he felt his heartbeat slowing down. It was time to go now.  
Time to leave this life, this world and time to be destroyed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO SO SO sorry. It's getting worse.  
> Writing this was horrible. I cried like a baby.


	29. Two pieces and a hole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!  
> I just can't stop with the drama and the sad. So here we go.

"NO!", Daryl screamed and let himself fall down to his knees. Murphy was standing next to him, his face looking to the spot where his brother had been standing seconds ago. They were too late. It had happened. They failed.  
Murphy placed his hand on Daryl's shoulder, fighting his own tears to comfort the man on the ground.  
"Come on Dar'. Come on. We need to kill them. We need to get his body."  
Daryl shook his head. "No...Connor", he whined.  
"I know", Murphy replied scary calm. In that moment he saw Rick an some other running past them. Rick only looking at him, his eyes wet and shocked. Murphy watched them kill the last walkers. Watched them until the last walker was gone and then started to move, slowly pulling Daryl up. His black shirt and tie dirty, bloody and damaged. Daryl's face was a grimace, a broken face. The face of someone who had lost everything. Murphy dragged him along and then fell down on his knees in front of his brother. His face, his beautiful face was untouched and he was smiling, looking like he was just asleep. Murphy's eyes wandered down his body. There was blood everywhere and his shirt was shred into pieces and so was his stomach. Daryl next to him grabbed Connor's hand, the one with the ring.  
"He said yes. He wanted to be my husband. Murphy...", he whispered with a shaking voice.  
"I kno'. 'm sorry."  
Murphy placed one arm around Daryl's waist and placed a kiss on his dead brothers forehead. He was searching for the rosary and couldn't find it. "Where is his rosary?", he asked without addressing anyone. It was Beth who suddenly gave it to him. It was covered in blood and broken. Murphy shook his head. Connor needed one when he was going to see their lord. He fumbled around in his pocket and hang another rosary around his twins neck. Daryl was sobbing in his arms and Murphy knew now what Connor needed him to do. He needed him to save Daryl from drowning in his own tears. From choking himself with grief.  
Daryl was still holding Connor's hand and was playing with the ring, when Murphy turned to him and hugged him. His head resting on Daryl's shoulder. "Yeh need to say goodbye now. He will turn soon. Yeh kno' we need to kill him properly."  
"No. He is not dead. He is just sleeping. See. He smiles."  
"Oh lil' brother", the dark haired twin said. "He is dead Daryl. Connor is gone. He's with Merle now." Murphy knew this wasn't true but he needed Daryl to understand what happened. The Hunter was in shock.  
"No. Merle is in hell and Connor is here."  
Murphy looked around and saw them all standing around them. He looked up to Rick and Carol. Maybe they would get through to him. Both of them knelt down next to their friend and tried to convince him to say goodbye. When they finally did, Murphy moved so Daryl could say goodbye alone. He saw him pressing his forehead against his twins and gently pressing a kiss to the dead lips. Murphy started crying and hid his face on Rick's shoulder. The former sheriff hugged him and said: "I can shoot if you want. You don't need to do it."  
"No. I have to. He would want me to and he needs a prayer."  
"I am so sorry Murphy", Rick said and Murphy answered with pressing him closer to his chest. Then he let go of him and looked back to Daryl, slowly wiping the tears from his face, to help his soulmate cope with the loss. He sat behind Daryl and threw his arms around him, kissing his neck and pressing him close. "It's time now", he breathed.  
"Murph' I can't..he is gone."  
"Aye. I want to pray for him."  
"Yes. He would like that."  
Murphy grabbed his rosary and his weapon from his peacoat. "Daryl, yeh need to move away now."  
Daryl did as he was told and moved behind Murphy, his arms around his waist and burying his face between his friends shoulder blades.  
Connor, his man, his life was gone. Everything he had left was his ring and his brother. When Connor died he died with him. Daryl heard Murphy pray.

  
_"Deep peace of the running waves to you_   
_Deep peace of the flowing air to you._   
_Deep peace of the smiling stars to you._   
_Deep peace of the quiet earth to you._   
_Deep peace of the watching shepherds to you._   
_Deep peace of the Son of Peace to you."_

And then he felt a hand grabbing one of his. Pressing his fingers so hard that Daryl thought they would break but he didn't flinch. Murphy said: "I'm sorry brother", before pulling the trigger and stop their soulmate from turning into a living dead. Daryl heard a metallic sound on the ground and a second hand was grabbing his. Murphy's knees were giving in and Daryl let himself fall down to the ground too. His arms still around Murphy. He was too afraid to let go. Too afraid he might lose him too.  
After a while Murphy seemed to relax in his arms and his grip loosened. "Come on brother, we need to carry him away from here and in the morning we will bury him."  
Daryl nodded and whispered: "I will carry him."  
"Yeh don't need to. Someone else can do it."  
"No, I need to do it. You ended him. I need to carry him, just like I did weeks back."  
They crawled forward and Daryl shoved his arms under his dead loves body and lifted him up. And this time he was carrying the world in his hands, his life and heart. He was carrying the one soul he had promised to love until his death. Just hours ago they were happy and now nothing was left than a ring and his memories.  
Murphy was walking by his site and Daryl knew he was thinking about his twin. Grieving as much as he was. They were two souls now, with the same big hole. The same piece missing. Daryl was biting down on his lip while Murphy was constantly rubbing his hand. He knew everyone else was walking behind them and when they reached the camp they were greeted by Lambert.  
"I'm sorry for your loss guys. I prepared a room for our dead until you can bury him tomorrow."  
He led them into a tiny room where he had lit some candles. There were four other bodies. Riley, the Captain and two soldiers. Daryl suited Connor next to Riley and wiped away the blood from his mans lips and kissed him again. "Goodbye Leprechaun."

* * *

 

**The next morning**

Everyone was standing around the grave that Murphy had dug with Rick together. Daryl was too weak, too broken to even stand alone. When Murphy had promised Connor to be the strong one he had never thought how hard it would be. Now fully understanding what a hard work Connor had to do all those years. They were all staring at the ground, some were crying and some were just looking empty. Daryl looked like a ghost and it broke Murphy's heart. His eyes were distant and he hadn't slept or spoken since he had brought the lifeless body of Connor into the little room. When Murphy had tried to lay down next to him he had shook his head and pushed him off the bed. Murphy had left and laid down in the next room, his mind open just in case Daryl needed him. And Murphy was honest, he needed Daryl now because he had lost Connor, his twin, his best friend and soulmate. It was always him and Connor. Now he was wiped away from this planet like someone had blown out a candle.  
Rick was steadying Daryl and Carol was holding his hand. Murphy was kneeling in front of the grave now, praying.

_"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace._   
_Where there is hatred, let me sow love;_   
_where there is injury, pardon;_   
_where there is doubt, faith;_   
_where there is despair, hope;_   
_where there is darkness, light;_   
_and where there is sadness, joy._   
_O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;_   
_to be understood as to understand;_   
_to be loved as to love._   
_For it is in giving that we receive;_   
_it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;_   
_and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life._   
_Amen"_

Murphy stood up and turned around to the others. "Does someone want to say something?" He looked over to Daryl but the hunter just stared at the cross that Murphy had made from some twigs.  
Murphy nodded and then spoke: "I have known Connor all my life and he was the best man I ever knew. He made it his task to slay the wicked, fight evil and even so he could be a badass he was also the most gentle soul. Never ashamed to give love, where love was needed and never afraid to touch, where touches were needed. My brother was strong and if there is one thing that I will always remember than it is the wonderful shining soul. To me he was pure gold and the best brother in the whole wide world. May he rest in peace and may his soul find freedom."  
His eyes were wet and he moved closer to Daryl, giving Rick a sign that he would take over now. Both Carol and Rick looked at Murphy and Daryl. The hunter was slowly facing Murphy and Murphy saw nothing but grief and pain in his eyes. Murphy closed the distance between them and pressed Daryl closer. "We are the only ones left. Yeh an' me."  
Daryl didn't move at first but when he realized that it was Murphy holding him, he slowly moved his arms around Murphy's waist and then rested his head on his shoulder. "I can't feel him anymore", Daryl mumbled.  
"Me neither."  
Murphy saw the others leave and he closed his eyes, gently running his fingers through Daryl's hair. Daryl took the fabric of Murphy's shirt in his fists and allowed himself to hold on to the other man. "It's okay Dar'. The others are all gone. We are alone. Cry. I'm here for yeh." Murphy swallowed to stay strong and gently let his thumb run over Daryl's cheek.  
"We failed. We failed to protect him", the hunter hissed. It felt like someone just had stabbed Murphy.  
"No. Don't say that. We knew the day would come. We always knew."  
Daryl let go of Murphy and stepped back. "Fuck you. I wish you two had never shown up. I wish I had never fallen in love with him." He turned around and walked away. Murphy yelled: "Yeh don't mean tha'. Yer just hurt. Daryl!"  
Murphy ran after him and took Daryl's hand to stop him. "Don't yeh dare touch me."  
"Dar'. Please. We promised him."  
"Fuck him. It wasn't right to ask us to stay close when he died. I can't be around you."  
Murphy let go of Daryl and waited until the hunter was out of sight. Then he let himself fall down to the ground, crying. He had lost Connor and Daryl.  
How was he supposed to live on? To be strong for the both of them.  
"Fuck Connor, yeh fuckin' idiot. Why did yeh leave me alone?"  
Murphy wiped away his tears with the sleeve of his peacoat. He couldn't feel Connor anymore. Connor was gone. Maybe forever. What if they wouldn't find each other after death? Would they be separated for eternity?  
Part of him was missing. Part of him was dead. How can someone live with just one third of his soul?


	30. Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry. I know none of you thought that I really kill him but I did. I had to. And suddenly everything makes so much more sense. Doesn't it?

Alone

**Some weeks later**

It was the middle of the night and Murphy was lying on his bed, not able to sleep. His thoughts wandering to the men next door, who was also alone but didn't want to see anyone and they haven't spoken since the funeral.  
Murphy always tried to reach him in his mind, to tell him he is there and that he would care for him. He crossed his arms behind his back and closed his eyes. Life was fuckin' hard without Connor. Everyone was tiptoeing around both of them and everyone missed Connor, but they missed Daryl more. Especially Rick.  
Murphy had tried to reach Daryl to tell him that he had promised but Daryl didn't even look at him, when he entered the room. But giving up wasn't something Murphy was good at. He stood up and went to the other room. Daryl was lying on his side, his face turned to the window. Murphy kneeled in front of him and Daryl looked at him, his eyes filled with tears. Murphy wiped them away and grabbed the hunters hand.  
"I'm sorry", Daryl mumbled.  
"I kno'." The hunter moved a bit making room for Murphy to lie beside him and Murphy instantly pulled Daryl closer and threw his arms around him. "I'm here for yeh."  
Daryl nodded and pressed Murphy to his body. "I can't handle this. I miss him", Daryl spoke.  
"I know. I miss him, too. We have each other. We have the group."  
Daryl fell silent because it wasn't the same. He felt empty and dead inside. There was nothing left to live for. He was thankful for having Murphy and the group but all he wanted was to be with Connor. The thought of killing himself had been on his mind a several times but then there was this feeling that it would be wrong and pointless because Connor wasn't there anymore. At least they had found the cure, even if it was days too late. Murphy had told him and they were treating everyone with it. The doctor had given him the injection and Murphy had stayed in the room to make sure he wouldn't get sick of it, like Beth and Maggie did.  
Murphy was kissing his forehead and playing with his hair and Daryl closed his eyes, pretending it was Connor doing this. But even pretending would never feel the same.  
It was just Murphy.  
That fuckin' twin brother.  
Part of him wished it would have been Murphy that died.  
But the other part was getting angry at himself for the thought alone. He had lost count of the days and he had lost his appetite, his will to fight. The ring on his finger wasn't staying in place anymore because he had lost weight. One day Carol had brought him a necklace and had put the ring on it and had put it around his neck. It was long enough to rest on his heart.  
Murphy was holding him and the gentle touch of his hands made Daryl feel how tired he was and how bad he wanted to sleep. Murphy's breathing was steady and calming and soon Daryl found himself snoring and falling into a deep sleep.  
Murphy stayed at Daryl's side, giving him what he needed the most: Someone to hold on to. Someone that would give him the feeling of being loved.

 

* * *

 

**6 month later**

It was the first ship that sailed to Europe and Murphy needed to go back home. He had tried to convince Daryl to join him and start new. But Daryl was only a shadow, a shell, a ghost. He was not dead but he wasn't alive either. Ever since Connor died Daryl was only lying on the bed, waiting for death. Murphy had grieved, for weeks he had been next to Daryl, hugging him, crying, while Daryl just looked empty. His eyes staring out of the window, as if he was waiting. Sometimes he turned around when someone entered the room, just to look who it was. Murphy always thought he was waiting for Connor. One night Murphy had allowed himself to open the little link he knew was there to reach Daryl. They were soulmates after all and he had tried to connect with him but Daryl seemed to block everything out. It had felt as if Murphy was rejected. Connor had never done that to him. Murphy missed his twin and he was still not over the fact that he wasn't by his side anymore. Sometimes he believed he could still feel him. But as much as him and the others tried to move on and motivate Daryl to stand up again, it hadn't worked. Sometimes he was gone hunting, sometimes they found him on the street, looking in every direction. It was horrible. Every day someone else was keeping watch at his bed. They had all tried to talk to him, help him change clothes and help him eat. Murphy was the only one he would look at sometimes. As if he was searching for something in his eyes. Searching for Connor. And it broke Murphy's heart more and more.  
Some nights Murphy had heard him cry and it made him sad and angry. He not only lost his twin but his best friend, his new brother, Daryl, at the same time. Now he really was the oldest and he was alone. That's why he decided to leave.  
They were standing at the docks in silence. Daryl was looking at the sea and the big ship that would bring Murphy back to Ireland. Murphy looked at them. "Well, think this is goodbye then."  
His heart ached because he was leaving Daryl and his new family behind. Each of them had grown on him over the past year.  
"Murphy, come back whenever you want. Me, Carl, Michonne and Judith will go back to Atlanta. I want to help rebuilding my hometown", Rick said and opened his arms to embrace the irishman. Murphy thanked him and kissed both of his cheeks.  
Everyone wished him goodbye and when Murphy turned his face to Daryl, he was still staring at the ship. The older one stepped forward and placed himself in front of Daryl and put his arms around him. Very slowly Daryl hugged him back and nestled his face in the crook of Murphy's neck. Latter kissed the hunters hair and started stroking his back. Murphy felt his own heart breaking because he would miss Daryl. More than he should.  
He whispered: "I will miss yeh Daryl. Please come with me or come with the next ship. I love yeh."  
Daryl responded by pressing Murphy closer to his body. Daryl would miss him, too but he couldn't speak. Speaking hurt too much. "I left yeh a letter lil' bro. It's on yer nightstand. Read it."  
Daryl nodded and very quietly voiced: "Don't go."  
Murphy felt tears falling from his eyes and he nearly agreed but he knew he had to go to find his own life, his own heart, his soulmate. He had already found him once and now his other half had to find him. Connor left such a big hole inside of his soul that he was aching to replace that emptiness with something new.  
"I have to go. Yeh can always come to me. See where we lived. See where yeh should have been with us. I know I can't replace him. No one can. But I would try."  
Daryl shook his head, not because he didn't want to go with Murphy but because he was afraid. Afraid of the memories of Connor. Afraid of seeing this landscape he used to see in his dreams as a kid. Everything that kept him alive was now everything that made him feel dead inside. He was losing Murphy, too. Daryl let go of him, kissed his forehead and then shook his head. "I can't. Goodbye little Leprechaun." One single tear left Daryl's eyes, which made Murphy step back and his inside felt like little needles were pinching him everywhere. Slowly making his heart, soul and body bleed. The pain was killing him but he had to go. He turned around and walked towards the ship.  
"Murphy", Rick called after him.  
"Yeah?"  
Rick approached, hugged him again and said: "I will watch after him and when the time seems right I will tell him. The secret you shared with me all those month back."  
Murphy's eyes wandered to Daryl and back to Rick. "Maybe this day will never come. But if it does, make sure he knows where to find me. Thank yeh Rick. Thank yeh for everything, brother." They pressed each other closer and then Murphy let go, looked at all of them and said: "May you know nothing but happiness from this day forward."  
"Good Luck", Carol yelled.  
Murphy locked eyes with Daryl for one last time before turning around and stepping onto the ship. A man asked him for his name and where he wanted to go. He wrote it down on paper and then Murphy was allowed to step on board. It was hard to put one foot before the other but he knew he had to. Because if he would look at them again he might change his mind. Murphy went straight to the cabin that the man had told him was his. He threw the bag with some stuff they had gathered for him under his cot and sat down. He pressed his palms into his eyes and tried to calm himself. Daryl's bracelet still around his wrist. He had never taken it off. Murphy was going back to Ireland and he was excited and sad at the same time. Would he really find what he was searching for? What would Connor say, if he would still be with him? Murphy shook his head, no, if Connor would still be with him, they wouldn't leave for Ireland right now. They would help their people built new homes and then leave together, with Daryl. Now they were separated for eternity. Connor was with god now, while Daryl and him were still here. Breathing, walking but not living. How can you live when half of your soul is missing? Connor was with him all his life, Daryl just a bit over a year and yet losing Daryl, just hurt as much as when they lost Connor.  
Murphy wanted to wake up from this nightmare. He was alone. All alone now. And he probably would be forever.

  
Daryl was still standing and staring at the sea when the ship was only one little spot in the distance. Murphy was gone. He could feel the wind brushing over his face, the cold was creeping up his legs and inside his body. He was staring because he hoped the ship would turn around and would bring Murphy back. He would never admit it but without Murphy he didn't know how to survive.  
Daryl didn't even feel how his knees gave in and as he was sinking down to the ground, he grabbed to his chest grabbing the ring that was hanging around his neck. He wished it was a rosary. They had lost it in their fight, when they lost Connor, too. Daryl was sure that it was his fault that he died. As always everything was his fault. Now he made Murphy leave because he was so sad.  
Daryl felt two arms under his body and he knew someone was carrying him to the car. He didn't care anymore. He had never given up, not when his father raped him and abused him. Not when he got shot, injured, beaten. Never, but losing Connor had left him with nothing but emptiness, with longing, with sadness. Those fucking monsters had taken his man away, his heart.  
The only thing he could blame himself for was Murphy leaving. Daryl had taken him for granted the last month and now he was proven wrong. Nothing in this life was for granted and nobody would stay at his side forever.  
Why would they?  
He was just a stupid redneck.  
 _Nobody. Nothing._


	31. Remember to live

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could say: I told you. Or: SURPRISE!  
> But I just say: It was all there.  
> I will post my two last chapters now. (OMG!!!!)

**3 month later**

Rick was getting sick of the ghost wandering around his old house. When he had decided to go back to his hometown and search for his old house, he had taken Daryl with him. And everyone had followed. No one of them had a place to go anymore. Carol didn't want to go back to where she lived with Ed and Sofia, the Greene's didn't have anything left to go to either. So they all followed. Only Abraham, Eugene and Rosita stayed in Washington to help the military. Rick had started to clean the town, burning corpses and repairing houses. Everyone was helping, only Daryl would stay at his room. Rick knew how it felt to lose someone but Daryl was acting as if he had lost more than just Connor. And hell, rick knew that after Murphy left Daryl would cry every night, staring at the letter that Murphy had given him. He never read it and Rick wished he would. Rick new what was in there, Murphy had told him. Murphy had recovered faster than Daryl, maybe because he had seen something that no one else did. Murphy knew Connor was dying way before it happened and he knew so much more. One day Murphy had told him, that he would see Connor never again. His soul was destroyed and that is what makes it so hard for Daryl. Murphy lost his soulmate, but Daryl lost his other half, his twin soul. After this life he would never feel so complete as if he was with Connor and Rick had felt his own heart break. Yes, he had loved Lori and he loved Michonne but he never felt that connected to anyone like the twins and Daryl had.  
The Irishman said: "There will come a day, when he asks yeh what to do. Tell him. Tell him to live and to find peace." Rick had promised and he was waiting for Daryl to finally speak to him.  
Rick was heading for Daryl's room and knocked. As usual there was no answer. He entered and Daryl was sitting on a chair, a blanket around his body and staring at the moon. "He always looked so beautiful in the moonlight", the hunter spoke and Rick was surprised. He sat down on Daryl's bed and let him talk. "He wanted to marry me Rick. He promised me that we would be together forever. Now he is gone." Daryl was crying and Rick didn't know what to do. He didn't want to stop Daryl from talking. "I miss him, so much. I can't sleep at night because he is not there. I can't speak because I will never hear is answers again. Will never hear his laugh again. And you know what is the worst? I can't find him. I can't find his soul. Rick, he is gone forever. His soul died." Daryl turned around and looked at him, then stood up and sat next to him. "What do I do?", he whispered.  
Rick sighed, opened his arms and Daryl let himself fall into his arms. "I am so sorry Daryl. I wish I could help you, but one very smart guy told me this: You have to live and find peace. It is hard but Connor wouldn't want you to suffer so much. Connor loved life, he loved you and he would want you to find happiness again."  
"How can I be happy when he is not there?"  
"Daryl, happiness can be found in different shapes, in different people. We all love you and we all miss you. Where is my brother, huh? The one grumpy guy that used to hunt and throw squirrels at me when he was mad? The one guy that was supposed to be the last man standing? You were always such a strong person and I miss you Daryl. So do the others. You are part of this family and we all love you. I know it is not the same, it never will be. But you have to try. Maybe someday you will find love, in a very unexpected way."  
Daryl shook his head. "No."  
"Did you read Murphy's letter?" Daryl shook his head again and whispered: "I can't. I lost him, too."  
"No Daryl, you didn't. You should read it. Really. Murphy loved you Daryl. A lot more than you would ever think of. Do you miss Murphy?"  
Daryl let go of Rick and looked outside the window again. "Yeah. Yeah I do. Since he left I feel even more sad and empty." Rick smirked. "And why is that?"  
"Because he grew on me. He is my brother, like you."  
"No Daryl, he is not. Listen, I know you can't believe this, but Murphy was more than just a brother. He was Connor's brother. His soulmate. Your soulmate. You need him and he needs you."  
Daryl pressed his palms on his eyes and thought about that. Murphy needed him? Why would he, he was gone. And yet, wasn't it Connor's wish that Daryl looked after Murphy?  
"It isn't right", he breathed.  
"What?" Rick smirked and he knew the answer already.  
"That I miss Murphy so much."  
"Believe me, it is." Rick touched Daryl's shoulder. "How about you read that letter now, I will take a shower and you come downstairs when you read it. And then I will give you something that Murphy gave me many month ago."  
"Okay." Daryl nodded and grabbed the letter from underneath his pillow.  
"Don't be afraid. I know what is written in there and it is okay." Rick left the room, glad Daryl finally had said something.  
Daryl turned the envelope in his hands and slowly ripped it open. He was afraid what Murphy might write. Maybe he was blaming him for his twins death, maybe it was just another goodbye. He grabbed into the envelope and pulled the letter out but there was something else in it. A rosary. It looked like the one Connor and Murphy were wearing all the time. Daryl looked at it, turned it around and let the little globes glide through his fingers. There were two letters carved into it. "C. M." - Connor MacManus.  
Daryl shook his head. This couldn't be. Murphy had put it around Connor's neck when they went back to get his body. He didn't understand.  
Daryl opened the letter, the rosary still in his hand and started reading.

_"My dear Daryl,_

_when you read this, I will be gone for a while. I don't know how long it will take you to finally open it and read those lines but I promise you, that no time will change what I am about to say._   
_All those month back, when you stumbled into our lives, I was angry and sad and happy. There were a lot of feelings I couldn't explain but now I can. I love you Daryl. Probably not as much as Connor loved you, but at the same time I think I do. I love you with every piece of my heart and soul. I've known this for a while now and seeing you with Connor made me happy and sad at the same time. I wanted my twin to be happy, to save you, to finally find what he was searching for all his life._   
_At the same time I wanted what he had, I wanted you. Seeing you break, when Connor died was unbearable. Because at that moment I knew I had lost both of you. Leaving you was no easy decision but I had to, because I couldn't see you suffer anymore and I thought when I was gone, you would heal faster._   
_Probably we will never see each other again and it would be okay but know this: You will forever be a part of me and I will carry you in my heart as long as I live._   
_I miss you, I always will. And I miss Connor, I miss that piece of my soul. Ever since he died I felt lost and lonely and I know you feel the same. Sometimes I wish we could fill each others holes but I know you don't feel the same about me. That is okay, Daryl, really._   
_But there is something you should know. I don't know if Connor ever told you, but the dream you had as a kid, where you were sitting in the afternoon sun, waiting for your brother. That was never Connor's dream. It was mine, my memory. Because I always thought that Connor looked like an angel when the sun was behind him, looking like he was melting with the golden color. Connor was in many ways an angel, because he always saved people. He saved me and he saved you. That was his purpose._   
_All those years back, when Connor had those dreams about zombies and you, I tried to connect with him but it never worked. But I could see what he saw but from another perspective. I wasn't the one that was saving someone, I was the one that needed to be saved. While Connor was dreaming of saving you, I was the one feeling what you felt. When you ran from home, I ran too. When you were hiding, I was hiding, too. All those years back I thought it was Connor who was sending me those dreams and pictures but as soon as I saw you, I knew that it was never me in those dreams. That this actually happened to you. I don't know why god would do this to us, why we look the same and why we were three pieces of one soul. I don't know why this happened and yet I am glad it did. I am glad we met and that I found you, found the one piece that was missing in my life and in Connor's. You can't imagine how thankful I am that you made Connor happy, made him whole and made him smile and glow. It always made me sad to see him searching for something and losing his soul more and more._   
_Everything I ever wanted in my life is to see that golden sun, shining THROUGH him. Not just around him. I wanted him to glow and thanks to you I have seen it._   
_Daryl, I love you. I love you for what you are and who you were. I love you for what you have done and what you will do. I love you and I always will._

_There isn't much more to say._   
_Just promise me, that you will remember._   
_Remember him and me._   
_Remember to live._

_Goodbye my heart,_   
_in love,_   
_Murphy_

_P.S.:I guess you found the rosary in the envelope and you ask yourself why it is in there. I wanted you to have it and I knew that Connor would want it too. Connor doesn't need it anymore and you know it. You know that he will never need it again. When we found him I gave him another one, because what Connor never knew was, that I secretly had the one from our dad stashed in my peacoat. Take this rosary, wear it and remember him. Remember me. We are soulmates and I feel better knowing it protects you."_

Daryl folded the paper and put it back into the envelope. One last time he let his fingers glide over the little globes on the rosary and then he put it around his neck. It felt good having it back on his chest. He put on his jeans, his black Henley and went downstairs to see Rick. Daryl had known, he had known the moment he read the line "I Love you", that he had to see Murphy. He didn't care how wrong those feelings were but he had to see him. Talk to him.  
Something had changed when he dreamed last night. That was the reason he allowed himself to talk to Rick. To change. It had to be. He had seen the same landscape, the same tree, the same house. But instead of watching the sun, he was watching the moon. No, Daryl thought, MURPHY had watched the moon and was crying. Because Murphy was alone, just like Daryl.  
He had seen him playing with his rosary, had seen him look into the distance, waiting. For his brother. His soulmate.  
Daryl knew what to do now.  
Rick looked at the rosary and nodded. He gave Daryl another envelope.  
"Open it."  
Daryl did as he was told and in it was an address, a map and the note "In case you want to see me."  
Daryl looked at the map and smirked. Murphy had drawn their house, the tree and Daryl looked at Rick.  
"I need to see him."  
"Yes, you do."  
"You wouldn't be mad?"  
"Daryl, you need to be with him as much as he needs to be with you. I know you think it is wrong, weird and hell, I thought the same when he told me month back. But on the other hand we all knew when we saw you three. Every time you were angry, he was happy and every time you were weak, he was strong. He is your mirror Daryl. And you miss him."  
Daryl nodded and looked at the map. "Yeah. I miss him."  
"You are still confused and that is okay. Murphy doesn't expect you to feel the same."  
"I know. Can we check when the next ship leaves?"  
"I already did. I did it a while back. It is leaving in 8 weeks."  
Daryl smiled. 8 weeks. He could do that. "Thank you."  
"Anytime, brother."  
Somehow Daryl felt energy rushing through his bones, because he was seeing Murphy again. The last three month were horrible and he had missed the fucker so much. He wanted to hug him and sleep next to him, just like Murphy did after Connor died. Yes, he was going to see Murphy. And maybe they both could heal together and remember Connor, together. He went back to his room and watched the sky. Daryl sighed and looked at the moon. "I miss you, Connor. I will go and see your brother soon. We will take care of each other. Just like you wanted us to."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hm...What will happen in Ireland?


	32. Epilog

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dear readers,  
> this is the very last chapter of my Connaryl-Story and I can tell you, I am so sad that I had to end it but every story needs an end, so another one can start.  
> I am still in love with this couple and wish there were more stories about them.  
> Thank you for all your comments and for reading this until the end.
> 
> My writing was sometimes a bit confusing because of my bad english and sometimes it was my intention to confuse you all. 
> 
> So what else to say? THANK YOU AND MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL!  
> I hope you all have wonderful days with your family and friends!
> 
> XXX  
> drowningintonothing

"What is your name and where do you want to go?", the man in uniform asked.  
"I want to go to Ireland and my name is Daryl D-", Daryl shook his head. "MacManus."  
"What do you want in Ireland? You sound southern."  
"I'm not. I am goin' after me twin brother Murphy. Yeh can check yer books. He left 5 month ago." Daryl was leaving his past behind, so why not change the name and use the fact that Murphy and him looked like twins?  
"Alright. Alright. Here is the key to your cabin." Daryl nodded and took the key from the other man and then turned around again, waved goodbye to his family. Beth and Carol were crying and Rick looked sad, too. Everyone was waving and Daryl turned around. For the first time he would leave this country and maybe he would leave it for good.

He was leaning against that tree he had dreamed about for so many years, it nearly felt unreal to see the landscape, the grass and the lonely house on that hill. He knew now what the twins were talking about, when they said "it looks untouched, holy, like paradise". He felt much more connected to nature, the universe as in any other place they had been for the last years. Ireland was colder but on the other hand much warmer. Daryl sat down in the grass and watched the sky, the landscape and played with his rosary. Connor's rosary. And his wedding ring.  
He couldn't wait for Murphy to come home and see him, hug him. All the way to Ireland he had thought about the letter and he had read it a several times. Murphy was in love with him. Daryl was nervous, he wasn't sure what he was expecting and what Murphy would want him to do. His feelings for Connor were still there and he wouldn't want to hurt Murphy by rejecting him. Or lying to him.

After one hour the sun was getting down and Daryl smiled, for the first time in month, because that was the sight Murphy described in his letter and that Daryl had seen in his dreams. He saw someone coming closer and the golden autumn sun was melting with the person. Daryl watched him getting closer and when he was sure who it was he started running.

Murphy started running as soon as he had seen the person who was running towards him. He thought he was dreaming, hallucinating but inches before Daryl he stopped running, stared at him and with one move Daryl hugged him and he nestled is head in the crook of his soulmates neck. "Yer 'ere."  
"Sorry it took me so long."  
Murphy pressed Daryl closer. "I missed yeh."  
"I missed you, too." Daryl moved his hands to Murphy's face and the Irish looked at him. Daryl knew then, he knew he wanted and needed this. Murphy was more than a brother and more than a friend. He would never be Connor but he was close enough. Daryl's thumb stroked over Murphy's lips and then replaced them with his mouth. Gently pressing a kiss to the other mans face. Murphy grabbed into Daryl's hair and opened his mouth. He couldn't believe this, he had never thought that Daryl would love him back.  
Daryl broke the kiss, took Murphy's hand and both went into the house. They had a lot to talk about.  
And Daryl, for the first time in his life had a home, a safe place and he was with Murphy.

* * *

 

**2 month later**

They were sitting in the grass, watching the sunset. Daryl's head was resting on Murphy's chest, while the Irishman was sitting behind him, kissing his temple.  
His hands sliding over the tattoo on Daryl's chest, which was the same he had. They had found an old guy who had tattooed Murphy and Connor in the past. And he had inked the name of their soulmate on both mens chest, right over their heart.  
Daryl moved his head up and kissed Murphy, who was playing with his chesthair. Daryl moved around and pulled Murphy on his lap. They took their time with everything, because Daryl wanted to be sure he wasn't making a mistake. He loved Murphy but it was weird kissing someone that wasn't Connor. Let alone do more than that.  
Murphy was wearing his peacoat and his rosary and Daryl thought it looked hot, even so he knew he would look the same way if he would wear his.  
The Irishman broke the kiss and locked eyes with Daryl. "Do yeh still think this is a mistake?"  
"No. I think Connor would want us to be happy."  
"Aye."  
"You havin' doubts?" Murphy's eyes wander over Daryl's face.  
"I love yeh, Daryl. For a while now and Connor knew. He knew I would never have tried to tear you two apart but I think he would want us to be together."  
Daryl pressed his lips onto Murphy's. "I think so, too. I love you."  
Nothing could ever replace Connor and none of them would ever forget him. Murphy knew that Daryl would never love him like he loved Connor. Part of him was sad about it and the other one was happy with whatever the future might bring, as long as Daryl was near him. He would have accepted a brotherly relationship. Anything.  
Daryl closed his eyes and pressed Murphy closer. Even so he missed Connor, he was glad that he had Murphy. And he would never admit it but he had known that the other man was in love with him, ever since the day in that hotel, when Murphy had kissed him. But he didn't want it. It was wrong and yet it feels so damn right. They are one and they always have been. They are two parts of a soul. The third part is missing, the third part was destroyed. In another life there would be no Connor, no third part. Only them. Only Murphy and Daryl. Two damaged souls, only able to live with the other one around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And for the last time: COMMENTS? Please?
> 
> And before someone asks: Yes I am thinking about writing something about Darphy BUT I have some other fics in the making. So just you wait until I come up with something.  
> My new fic will be something completely new. I never saw that couple. So yeah. Just wait.
> 
> :) Thanks again!


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